Work Text:
Kanon Tachibana makes it two weeks into her old job and three weeks into her new life before she can't stand it anymore.
Well. Maybe that's a bit too strong. She's perfectly calm and collected at her job, as ever. So calm her coworkers have been commenting on it the last two weeks - whatever they remember her being instead of "dead", it wasn't quite this chill. (It's hard to work up frustration over the little things in life when they don't remotely compare to the little things in death.)
But she leaves work at the end of the day and finds herself in a daze, until she realizes she missed her stop on the train. And that the next stop is Shibuya Station.
She finds herself getting off without really thinking about it. Maybe she'll get another train and go back home for real, a distant part of her thinks, but she already knows that's not what'll happen. She hasn't been back in Shibuya in three weeks - not since she finally came back to life. It should feel unwelcoming. It should fill her with dread, or make her sick to her stomach, or -
She reaches street level and sees the statue of Hachiko and the bustle of the Scramble Crossing, and can't help but feel relieved. And then she feels weird about her relief in a way she can't quite place. Not guilt, not anger, but… weird. She waits at the light and crosses like all the pedestrians do, still in that semi-dazed state. Wanders up Spain Hill, and wonders if this is where she's supposed to be going - if there's something about the spot where she was erased that matters to her unconscious. But no, her feet keep walking up the hill and past PARCO. She's never been as comfortable in these shoes as her favorite heels, and her skirt's pretty restrictive for a long walk to wherever-she's-going, but she doesn't feel like buying a whole new outfit today, either. Probably for the best, for her wallet's sake. She can't just fight a couple Noise if she needs to replace something anymore.
It's not that life was simpler during the Game. By comparison, dealing with spreadsheets at work's been so easy it's almost funny. All the stress she used to feel about things is just… gone, because it'll never compare to the terror of seeing a Plague Noise for the first time and realizing she couldn't do anything about it.
She wonders what it's like for Maito and Ryota and Satoru. Is it the same, being on the other side of the Game now? Or is it just… the same terror, in a slightly different way?
Maybe she can ask them about it. But she doesn't see any telltale flashes of black and white, not even the slightest trace of red hoodies or black lattice wings. No skulls floating in the air, either, or tattoo-limbed animals. She should be relieved, shouldn't she?
When she finally stops, it's outside that café that Eri suggested they stay at. The one her friends were at before they were stuck inside a giant Noise whale. She's not sure what drew her this way - it's not like she wants coffee this late, and the place hasn't even been open as long as she was trapped here in Shibuya - but as she looks in the window, Beat and some of his and Eri's friends are bustling around cleaning the main room. Beat spots her and goes to the door.
"Hey, Beauty Queen," he says. "Somethin' wrong?"
"I… Honestly, I'm not sure," she says.
Beat looks back into the room, then says, "come on in, yo. Eri'll be back soon anyway."
Kanon does. She's not sure Eri knows how to help, but she figures talking to a friend won't hurt.
The café's looking better than it did two weeks ago, even if it's still empty. The shorter blonde who has to be related to Beat and the ash-haired guy who used to be Composer are on the floor with tape measures and a notebook out, while Beat goes to clean the counter with a rag that was resting on it.
Ash-hair - Joshua, his name is Joshua - stands up as he spots her. "Hello again, Ms. Tachibana," he says. "To what do we owe the pleasure? Eri didn't say she was expecting you."
"I… I don't know. I wasn't thinking of Eri, I just… ended up here."
Joshua and the blonde exchange a glance, and then both of them look over at Beat, and all three of them nod. "Let me guess. You weren't planning on coming into Shibuya today, either?" Joshua asks.
"And then you were just sort of… wandering, without really knowing what you were doing?" the blonde asks.
Kanon looks at Joshua. "Are you reading my mind again?"
He giggles. Who at his age giggles like that? "No need to. Neku used to wander like that over to the mural at Udagawa. You should talk to him."
"Joshua," the blonde says. He just shrugs. "But… while you're here, maybe you should talk to Neku. Beat?"
"On it, yo," he says, walking to the back.
Kanon looks at them both. "Thanks. Ah -"
"Raimu Bito, but just call me Rhyme. I'm Beat's younger sibling," the blonde says with a smile. "It was a lot to take in that night."
"It really was," she says. "So why's everyone think I should talk to Neku?"
"He's planning on reopening the café so ex-Players have somewhere to go and someone to talk to," Rhyme says, "and he knows how hard it is to come back to life after a long time. Him and Shoka, I mean, but since Shoka's not here right now…"
"Makes sense," Kanon says. And a space for ex-Players… doesn't sound half-bad, she thinks.
Beat walks back in, alone. "He's cool with it. Figured you'd wanna talk alone, too," he says, gesturing for her to follow him.
Kanon does. The back area is… charming, if a bit old-fashioned. Okay, a lot old-fashioned, it looks like somewhere her granny would live. But it's in decent condition, and as she reaches the room where the illustrious Neku Sakuraba is, he's cleaning up the place.
"Hello," she says.
"Hey," he says, and he looks… well, like a kid with a haunted look in his eyes. She knows Eri's not that much younger than her, and that Neku's Eri's age, but Neku still looks just a bit gangly in a way Eri doesn't, like he hasn't fully grown into his adult proportions. It doesn't match his eyes. (Kanon wonders what her own eyes look like, to an outsider.) "Beat said you needed to talk to someone?"
"Everyone seems to think that," she says. Neku sits down at the little table and invites her to sit across from him. "I wasn't really thinking of coming here. To Shibuya, even. It just… happened."
"Yeah?" he smiles. "How's it feel, being back here?"
Kanon considers for a moment before settling on, "familiar. I haven't been here in almost a month, and I still somehow knew every step."
"Yeah," Neku says. "That was the first time I went back to the mural."
"What's so special about it?" Kanon asks
Neku laughs. "Oh, you know. It was my favorite spot in the city before I got shot there twice."
Kanon manages to hold back her surprise. "Right. You died more than once."
"Two actual deaths, and one that… I guess I must have been erased, because I was dead when Josh shot me in the heart." For a moment, Kanon can see the edges of raised skin under Neku's bangs, the slight change of color from a scar that's long healed. She doesn't need to see it all to know it's the exact size and shape of a bullet. Then it's gone, with no trace it ever existed. "You'd be amazed what you can get used to. Or, well… maybe you wouldn't."
"Yeah. I think I wouldn't," Kanon says. "How do you live with it?"
"I mean, for most of that time, I wasn't," he says. "And ever since I've gotten back… I've just played the hand I've been dealt, I guess. If the UG's never going to be done with me, well, I don't totally want to be done with it, either."
"I meant…" she isn't sure what she meant. And the things she's reasonably sure she meant, she's certainly not going to say to a near-stranger while the person she's talking about is nearby.
He smiles. "If you're asking, 'how the hell do I still want to be friends with people who shot me,' it's… a pretty long story."
"I've got time," Kanon says. "I'm not leaving without at least saying hi to Eri."
"Fair enough." Neku leans back on his heels. "The second day of my Game, I tried to erase Shiki."
Kanon can feel her eyes go wide. "You - what, was she not your Partner then?"
"No. She was. But a Reaper convinced me she was working with them, and that I could get out of the Game if I did it. She didn't mention it'd erase me, but who cares about making sure Players know the rules?" That haunted look in his eyes somehow gets deeper, and Kanon's pretty sure she sees the outline of that scar again. "I'd forgotten everything by that point. Didn't even realize I was dead. And I was…" he gives a rueful laugh. "I was awful back then. I needed the Game as badly as anyone ever has. So I tried. I almost did, but… someone… stopped me first."
"'Someone', huh?" she asks.
"There's some things I've gotta keep secret. Pretty sure it's in the rules."
"The rules no one bothers to tell anyone."
"Yeah, that's the fun of it, isn't it?" he asks. "Welcome back to life, good luck living it. Sometimes I think the only reason we all made it through is that we had each other to help ourselves back up afterwards, 'cause we somehow came out of it all friends. Most people aren't that lucky. I did apologize to Shiki, if you're wondering. Like, a real apology that she didn't have to accept because she was stuck with me all week no matter what."
"And I'm guessing she forgave you," Kanon says, "seeing as you're still friends."
Neku laughs, loud enough Kanon's sure the others can hear it. "Sorry, sorry. She did, yeah, because Shiki's Shiki. It's complicated, you don't need to hear about it." Now Kanon's curious. "So you're feeling weird that you don't feel weird being back in Shibuya?"
"I guess… yeah. Coming back to life feels weirder than the place I was trapped for a year," she says. "And… I don't know what that says about me."
"Whatever it says about you, it probably says just as much about me that I never really thought about being trapped in Shibuya," Neku says with a smile. "At least, not after the Game."
"You didn't?"
"Shibuya's home to me," Neku says. "Always has been. Maybe that's it. Or…" He trails off.
Kanon's not going to let that one drop. "Or?"
"Or… My first week, I didn't remember what I was missing. The rest of that time… Like I said, I needed the Game," he says. He wasn't missing much, then, Kanon thinks. He doesn't say anything to disprove that.
Kanon's not going to be the one asking a kid who can't shake the shadows in his eyes even with a real smile about his family life. "Coco said you and she were in Shinjuku together," she says.
"Yeah. That felt like being trapped," he says. "I… The Reapers from there are trying to restore it, but I don't think I'm going to be back there any time soon."
So Kanon coming back to Shibuya this soon is still… unusual, she thinks. "You had something to miss, then," she says. But she did, too. Her life before wasn't bad by any means. Nondescript, most weekdays, but wasn't that most work weeks for most people? And sure, she hasn't been in Shibuya for a few weeks, but she's met friends for drinks. There's no reason her life should feel so… stifling.
Neku nods. "Yeah. And it meant… even when I wasn't with Shiki and Beat and Rhyme and Eri, being in Shibuya at least meant maybe Josh was there, and maybe he was listening, so I never felt totally alone."
That… Kanon blinks. "You know, I've never asked. What exactly can Composers do?"
"They run the Game, and control the city through the UG. Their Souls are bonded to their home," Neku says. "When Josh is in charge… I can hear him, in the city's song. Playing it and directing it at the same time."
"And since they control the UG… they can hear you from anywhere?" Kanon asks. She's… not sure she likes that idea. Then again, she's not sure she loves the idea that her thoughts can be picked up on by a bunch of dead people and Reapers if she's in the right places, either.
"Yeah. You get used to it," he says. "Besides, most Reapers have better things to do than listen in on you. Most Composers just won't care. Josh and me, and the others, are pretty special circumstances."
"He was listening to me on the walk back to WildKat that night," she says.
"He does do that," Neku says, not even trying to hide his smile. "You're Eri's friend, and an ex-Proxy, but I think he also listens in more when he's actually around someone. Or if he does do it from a distance, he doesn't let on the same way."
"I'm not sure that helps," Kanon says.
"I mean, I'd rather have him listening in than any other Composer," Neku says, "but I guess I am kind of biased."
"Just a little," she says. "You're… not what I expected, when Kariya would talk about a legendary Player who saved the city."
"Probably for the best," Neku says. "I didn't actually save it the way he thinks I did." Kanon waits for him to continue. He doesn't.
"So what do the rest of us who don't have a close personal relationship with the Composer do?" she asks.
"Dunno. I barely know what I'm doing," he says. "But… the Game changes you. For better or worse or both. If your life feels weird… maybe it doesn't quite fit right with how you've changed?"
He's probably right. "I'm not sure I like how I've changed," she says.
Neku gives another one of those haunted smiles. "Tell me about it."
—
Kanon is saved from coming up with a response for that - or maybe Neku's saved from Kanon demanding an answer - by Eri showing up with her girlfriend, and the two of them insist Kanon stay for dinner. It's not like she had any plans. Neku goes to help Beat with cooking, and Shiki goes to help the others with their measurements, and Eri sits down at the table.
"Talking to Neku, huh?" Eri asks.
"Your friends thought it was a good idea," she says.
"Needed someone to listen?" she says. "Neku's good at that."
"… Yeah. I could use that," Kanon says. "Still do, honestly. I was too busy trying to figure out if he could give me advice to ask for it. He seems…"
Eri smiles, and even though there aren't any shadows in her smile, it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Neku's been through a lot," she says.
"I figured that out," she says.
"But if anyone knows what the Game puts you through, it's him. He went through the wringer even before Josh got him stuck in Shinjuku for years," Eri says. "So what did you need to ask about?"
"He thought if my life is feeling weird, maybe it's because I changed, and it doesn't fit anymore," Kanon says. "Only… I'm not sure what to do if it did."
"Well, what's feeling weird?" Eri asks.
"Having a life, I think," Kanon says. "Real choices. Going back to a job where my life isn't on the line. And I'm glad for it all, but…"
"But it's weird," Eri says. "Yeah… That's not a change I'd want to adjust to."
"I'm glad you didn't have to," she says, and Kanon means it. She likes Eri. She wouldn't like to see that cheer dampened. "How have things been with you, anyway?"
"Pretty good. Being back at work is nice, and I'm glad to finally be going to school again," Eri says. Then she frowns. "But I am having a tough time figuring out how to tell my parents I'm moving out."
"Think they won't approve?" Kanon asks.
"That's one way to put it," Eri says. "It might just be easier to start moving my clothes and stuff before I tell them. Or design a new wardrobe."
"That might be going a bit far," Kanon says. "The new wardrobe, I mean. I know parents can be…" She trails off. Her own parents are well-meaning, if a bit clueless. But she has enough friends to know of parents who aren't. "But you'll move even if they don't want you to?"
"I can afford my own tuition, as long as I don't also need to pay rent, and Josh has that taken care of," she says. "And they didn't have anything to do with the lease on our office. Shiki will have to be a little diplomatic with her dad, but he shouldn't be trouble like my parents are."
It's weird, remembering that Eri's more successful her first term of college than Kanon is now. "You like designing, though?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah," Eri says, lighting up. "It's been Shiki's and my dream as long as we've known each other, of course, but… now I know it can really help people, too. Not just let them show themselves to the world, but actually save them. So we're gonna make Gatto Nero the best brand it can be, even if it takes me a bit to get my designs up to snuff."
Kanon smiles. "It's a good dream," she says.
"Thanks," Eri says. "So you're an office worker, right? What kind of work do you do?"
"Accounting," she says. "Nothing special, really."
Eri winces. "I'm not really a math person," she says. "Shiki makes patterns for me, even when I'm the one sewing, and we hired a friend to take care of the finance stuff because otherwise it was just eating time."
Kanon laughs. "I'm sure. Running a brand with only two people must've been hard."
"Oh, it was. Until we got professional manufacturing, it took most of our time just making the clothes and keeping the professional stuff kind of afloat," she says.
"So how'd you pull it off?"
"Got really good at working while we're talking, and had our friends visit the office a lot," Eri says. "I would've gone totally stir-crazy if Beat and Rhyme and Josh hadn't been dropping by all the time."
Not what Kanon was expecting, but… it would do a number on their social lives, wouldn't it. "Did you have any spare time at all?"
"Sundays, usually. But my parents usually wanted me around so I couldn't always hang out with the others." She blinks. "Only… That might have been a good thing, if they were waiting for Neku."
"I guess that must have been weird. Having friends who all knew death wasn't the end, I mean," Kanon says.
"Honestly… I barely noticed anything was going on." Eri smiles, but it's a bit… hollow. "I can miss a lot, it turns out."
Kanon's torn between asking about that and recognizing it's probably none of her business, and in the end, the latter wins out. "It's been… weird for me, I guess. People talking about things I did in the last year when I know I didn't."
"Yeah. Neku says he doesn't talk to his family as much as he should because of all that," Eri says. "The others say you get used to it. Eventually, anyway."
Kanon smiles, even if she knows it's forced. "I hope so. I don't know how long I can keep this up for."
"Well, if it ever gets to be too much… You could always come work for us," Eri says. Now her smile looks real. "I'm sure Mai could use an assistant in the accounting stuff, or we could come up with something else for you to do. You're really good with makeup, you know?"
Kanon blinks. "I… I guess so? But, it's not like I'm a professional or anything."
"You're good enough to be! And it's not like we have a makeup artist on staff right now, anyway."
"I… think that's a mark against it. I'd rather have someone to learn from if I were going to do it professionally." Wait, why is she even thinking of that? Why would it matter?
Eri blinks again, and her smile gets wider. "I think I know what Neku was talking about when he said your old life doesn't fit anymore," she says. "Do you really want to work in accounting?"
"I mean… I don't mind it," Kanon says.
"Yeah, but… what did you want to do when you were a kid? You had a dream of some sort, didn't you?"
Kanon considers. "I figured out I wasn't cut out to be a supermodel when I realized I didn't actually like traveling," she says. "Accounting pays the bills so I can still keep up with fashion, you know?"
"But there's still plenty you could do with it. Start a blog, maybe? Or you could do more alterations, like you did to your jeans. Those were super-cool," Eri says. Coming from an actual fashion designer, Kanon can't help but get embarrassed. "Or go into makeup. You could probably do some of those without quitting your day job yet, too."
"I'm not sure a blog will really take off these days," Kanon says.
"Then try Mewtube, maybe? You've got the skills, the knowledge, and the presence. I bet you could do it. And hey, I'd promote you on Pinsta."
Shiki pokes her head in. "Dinner's ready!" she says.
"Thanks!" Eri says. She springs up, and then offers Kanon a hand. "Just… think about it, maybe?"
"I guess… it's worth considering," Kanon says.
—
Dinner is surprisingly good - which the others all attribute to Beat doing most of the cooking. Kanon wouldn't have expected him to have a knack for it during the Game. Neku lights up a bit more with his friends, even if he still has those moments that seem… off, and his eyes still look haunted.
"So, you talked to any of your crew since you got home?" Beat asks.
"Not really," Kanon says. "The Rosethorn group chat, sure, but I don't really have a way to reach the old 'Beauties."
"I can help out with the ones who've become Reapers," Joshua says. "I'd have to run it by Sho at the moment, but I can't imagine him being bothered by you making contact."
"Oh?" Kanon asks.
"Josh and Minamimoto - he's who was Composer during our Game - came to an agreement to share the job," Eri says. "We're very proud of Josh." He grumbles, but he can't entirely hide his smile.
"Minamimoto's in charge for the next few months. But like Josh said, he probably won't have an issue with an ex-Player wanting to talk to her old teammates," Neku says.
"And if he does, he should probably get used to it," Shiki adds.
"I can't make any promises about the 'Beauties who left town, though," Joshua says, "or Motoi. I can check in and see what they remember, I suppose, but…"
"But there's every chance they don't, or don't want to," Kanon says. "I get it." It'd be easier if she was more set on forgetting. "I might take you up on Maito and the others. Manami says she and Ryota were hoping to stay in touch, too."
"Oh, yeah. Eri mentioned one of you could use my help there," Rhyme says. "Ryota, huh? I'll check in with him and get an account set up like Shoka had."
"I think I'm missing something again," Kanon says.
"Kitty Girl was Rindo's secret text pal for years, yo," Beat says. "Kaie hooked her up with a special account that let her talk to the RG."
"And now I've hooked her up with a special account that lets her contact the Shinjuku UG," Rhyme says. "Well, me and Kaie. It was a group effort, since Shinjuku itself is still pretty messed up. I've got one too, of course."
"That makes sense, if you're talking to him," Kanon says. "I'm guessing you're some kind of tech whiz, then?"
"Oh, something like that," they say with a giggle. "I kind of hacked into the RNS from the RG, so Kaie left me in charge of it when he left, and neither of the Composers minds, so."
"Impressive," Kanon says.
"Thanks!" they say.
"It's better if the budding mastermind has something keeping them busy," Joshua adds.
"You know, I can see that," she says. They all laugh, but Beat looks nervous. Guess he's the protective brother type… which makes sense, given how quickly he took the Wicked Twisters under his wing. "So if I wanted to talk with Maito or the others, I should check with you about that?"
"I could help, yeah," Rhyme says. "We should trade numbers before you leave."
"Sounds good," Kanon says. "This really is delicious, you guys."
"Thanks, yo," Beat says.
"He's teaching me a bit, so I can reopen the café," Neku says.
"I ain't doing much," Beat says. "I don't cook fancy."
"Yeah, but I was eating Noise and premade stuff for three years."
He says it cheerfully, but the room goes quiet for a moment. "Besides, you should give yourself more credit," Rhyme says, elbowing Beat. "You're not fancy, but you're good at it."
"Love has always been the world's best secret ingredient," Joshua says. He smiles over at Neku, who chuckles. "They're also getting business-management coaching from Beat's boss. Guess he doesn't see a café on the other side of town as competition."
"Oh?… Oh, right, you work at Spicy Curry Don, don't you," Kanon says.
"Yep! Mr. Doi likes us," Eri says. "We've been customers since he ran a ramen shop."
"We've been customers since he ran a failing ramen shop," Joshua adds. "Actually, we helped revitalize it."
"We didn't do that much," Neku says. "I mean, we Imprinted him around, yeah, but I don't think we did anything with the Prince."
"We erased his Noise, I think," Joshua says. "And I appreciated Mr. Doi's experimental ramen."
"You have weird taste," Neku says, but even Kanon can hear the affection there. "He was going way overboard trying to draw in customers. Eventually, we got him to make some good, classic ramen. And then the Prince smelled it and it got him out of his funk, so we never actually got to try it out, but… we kept going there, so it all worked out."
"Your Game sounds like it was… Interesting," Kanon says. "Strange mission."
"Not so strange. That was the style the Shibuya GMs under Megumi preferred, compared to the officers we got from Shinjuku," Joshua says. "And it wasn't actually a mission at all. Sho was a bit… preoccupied, to give us actual missions."
"He was trying to kill Josh and getting his big plan ready," Neku translates. "There were entire days we just spent killing time. Helping Mr. Doi, investigating some Reapers' missing microphone, wandering all over Shibuya so Josh could make sure I did what he wanted…" Joshua giggles.
Kanon has questions about this relationship, but she's not going to ask. Instead, she asks, "how about you, Shiki? Any interesting missions you got stuck with?"
That leads to a discussion about a local metal band made up of Reapers, and that old novelty game Reaper Creeper, and oddly enough, most of the others can laugh about their Game. Even when Rhyme says they spent most of the time as a flying squirrel, they say it casually enough Kanon almost doesn't register it.
And yet somehow, it's the easiest Kanon's felt since she's come back to life.
—
Eri and Shiki manage to talk Kanon into playing muse for Gatto Nero's next capsule collection - not that Kanon needs the new clothes, but it sounds like it'll be interesting. She might not have it in her to be a supermodel, but in-house model might be fun.
She gets home before the parties really start, and falls asleep feeling almost refreshed.
And then she wakes up from a dream about Shiba erasing some group of new Players she barely even remembers, and when she checks the clock it's 4 AM. Great. When she falls back asleep, she dreams about Plague Noise and their mercury-dipped claws and stingers.
The night after that, it's her first attempt against the Ruinbringers, and staring down Tsugumi.
That's when she takes one of the numbers she exchanged with Eri's friends. It's a long shot, at this time of night, but…
Kanon Tachibana: You said once that anything I've done, you did worse for worse reasons.
Is that actually true?
She browses Pinstagram for a bit before deciding she's not getting a response tonight, and tries to go back to sleep.
When she wakes up on Sunday morning, there's a new message.
Joshua Kiryu: I tried to destroy my own city, and stood by while it was driven to the brink a second time. You tell me.
Kanon can't really come up with a response to that. But she needs to let him know she's up - or at least, she'd rather not know if Eri's best friend can sense when she's awake in another city entirely - so she tries.
Kanon Tachibana: Why did you? The second time, I mean. Eri told me about the first.
She gets a call in response, and supposes it'll be easier than having this conversation over text. She picks up. "Because I didn't know if I could keep them safe if I actually fought," Joshua says, his voice flat. "So I asked myself what was more important - the Reapers and Players I was supposed to be watching over, or three people who didn't belong to my UG anymore, if they ever had."
And he picked Eri, Kanon thinks, and Neku, and Shiki. "So you're saying what I went through was your fault?"
"Mostly, yes," he says. "A few other people wouldn't accept the idea that Shibuya was salvageable, they're at least as much at fault. And if I had fought, it could just as easily have gone worse for everyone than how things went. But at least then, you might not have spent an entire year in limbo."
"That almost sounds like an apology," Kanon says.
"Almost. I'd still do it again, if I had to," Joshua says. "My point being… I don't expect us to be friends, Ms. Tachibana. So if you need someone to blame, I'll take it exactly as personally as I should."
He says it so pleasantly it almost sounds reasonable. "I don't think Eri would like that," Kanon says finally. "Besides. You're not the one who gave us the idea for the alliance. That was me, and Fuya, and Motoi."
"So it was," Joshua says, still pleasant.
Kanon considers her next words before saying, "I'm not going to pretend I'm not responsible for my own actions just because you feel guilty."
"Who says I feel guilty?" Joshua says, but his voice is just a bit more tense.
"Lucky guess," Kanon says. "So how does a Composer live with what they've done?"
Joshua gives a huff of a laugh. "They don't, as a rule. I'm the first one who's even halfway alive."
"Alright. But they still function."
"They do. The job… doesn't really attract people like you, Ms. Tachibana. People with the capacity to regret the harm they cause others."
"You can regret something without thinking you'd do anything differently," Kanon says. Joshua doesn't respond. "Or would you shoot Neku a third time?"
Joshua still doesn't respond. When he finally speaks up again, he says, "being dead changes your perspective. We're meant to see who can earn another chance, with the understanding that most people won't. It doesn't matter how you win it - it's an accomplishment that you did. So it's not something we feel guilty for, that most of our Players don't."
"And the people who do probably don't stay Composer for long, do they?" Kanon asks.
"They don't," Joshua says. "I don't think you're Composer material, Ms. Tachibana. Reaper, maybe, to survive as long as you did, but… even Reapers have to make peace with their survival depending on others' deaths. But then, that's life too, isn't it?"
"I suppose it is," Kanon says. "You're not a very comforting person, you know that?"
He laughs. "If you wanted to talk to me for comfort, that's your mistake."
There's not much else to say, Kanon thinks. But… "I appreciate you talking to me, anyway," she says. "It's not every girl who has a Composer answering her texts."
"You helped Eri. And she wants to make clothes for you now, so we're basically stuck together." He says it lightly, but Kanon doubts he's anything but serious.
"All the more reason for us to get along, isn't it?" she asks sweetly.
"I suppose so."
—
She stops avoiding Shibuya after that, at least. It's easier to talk to Maito and Ryota and Satoru, who are… well, a lot less trying than Joshua. They don't talk work much, but it's easier to think about it, when she thinks about Joshua's phrasing. Everything eats to live. The Players are already dead.
"If I'd known how hard it would be to leave town, though, I might've tried again like you," Satoru says one day. "Tokyo's fine and all, it's not that hard to take a day trip, but I've been wanting to see home and it's such a pain to get approval."
"You think there might be some issues, going home?" Maito asks. "I mean…"
"I asked the GM about it. She says there are ways to make sure you're not recognized," he says, "but you need approval for those, too. It's not like I want to check in on anyone or anything."
"I'm sure she hears that a lot," Kanon says. "Strikes me as something a lot of Reapers would say 'just to see home again.'"
"You think?" he asks.
"Um, yeah, dude," Ryota says. "But it's a definite pain getting approval for anything. There was a lot of paperwork for me and Manami to stay in touch, and she knows."
"Manami hasn't mentioned," Kanon says.
"Well, yeah. I'm not telling her," he says. "She doesn't need to know we got some kind of special dispensation that makes the GM twitchy."
Kanon bets she knows why, and smiles. "Saving the city does that, I guess," she says. "I know she was asking about you leaving the job when we were Playing, though."
"GM said she'd rather demote me than reward me for screwing up," he says. "And the Conductor doesn't care enough to go over her head."
"Besides. You won twice, Kanon," Maito says. "The three of us? We just survived. We'd never let him hear the end of it if he got to come back to life because someone else won, you know?"
Kanon smiles. "Yeah, fair enough," she says. "And it hasn't made things too weird with Manami?"
"We're working on it," he says. "I'm just glad the restaurant I promised to take her to every year is here in Shibuya, so I don't have to get approval to go."
They laugh.
"But… you're all okay with it?" Kanon asks.
"Reapers are pretty sink or swim," Satoru says. "If we weren't gonna hack it, we would've flunked out already. And besides… don't tell us everything's been easy with you coming back to life."
Kanon can't, so she doesn't.
"We talked to some of the guys from the other teams. They figured, even if they could go back… life had moved on, you know? And they'd been stuck here in Shibuya," Maito says. "I mean, with the way we all had to survive… we basically got training, didn't we? It's not that different, being a Reaper."
Joshua thought she might be Reaper material, Kanon thinks.
"Beats going back to a day job, anyway," Maito says. "I don't know how you do it, queen."
She doesn't want to give the honest answer - she doesn't, either.
—
The nightmares don't get better, although they do get a little less frequent after a few months. Kanon goes to Gatto Nero's office to see Eri's designing, which is pretty neat, actually. She and her friends go out to Shibuya on the weekends and after work again, and she meets up with Maito and the others when they don't want to meet by her building… and sometimes she goes to WildKat, to help out with Eri's friends' café rehab.
As a group, the six of them… blend. Joshua acts more like a teenager with his friends than whatever else he is, and Neku's slips of hauntedness are just a bit less frequent. Rhyme is cheerful and helpful even when they probably shouldn't be quite so much, and Shiki helps them keep the project on track. Beat and Eri aren't as good at the logistics, but they're happy to help once they know what to do, and they're both naturally warm people… Even if Beat is a bit too quick to jump into something so Rhyme or Neku don't have to, and Shiki waves off things that Kanon would ask about. The counter gets stools again, and the mural on the wall gets painted over, replaced with the black outline of a skull motif (not hers, but familiar enough to be its twin) on white space, partially covered over by a rainbow of animal paw prints. At least some of them are cat paws.
"Have you ever thought about renaming the place?" Kanon asks one day, looking at the mural. "It doesn't seem very cattish, right now."
"We've thought about it," Neku says. "It's been WildKat for as long as Josh can remember, but… maybe it's time for a change, since it's under new management."
"But we don't have a new name," Beat says sheepishly.
"Plus, we're not sure we'd ever stop calling it WildKat, anyway. At least around the old owner," Shiki adds.
"Who I'm guessing is connected to the Game?" she asks. "I mean, there's no way they aren't, if Joshua's the one who inherited the place."
"You're too smart for your own good, you know that?" Neku says lightly. "He's kind of… well, I think legally now he's Josh's uncle."
"'Legally', huh?"
"Rhyme did a lot of work to make it happen," Neku says.
"I see," Kanon says. The three of them nod. "How well is that one going to hold up?"
"We're basically hoping the fact that neither of them has family to challenge it means it never gets looked at," Shiki says. "It's too complicated to get into, but he gave us the building when he thought he'd be called out of Shibuya, and now that he's staying, he'd rather downsize."
"And that's the simple version?"
"You don't wanna know the long one," Beat says. Kanon sorts it into that category of UG stuff that she isn't a part of. (Separate from the UG stuff that she is, or the UG stuff that she's not supposed to know but does anyway.) "But we like Mr. H. He's cool, yo."
"Plus him sticking around means he can teach Neku to use the ancient coffee maker," Shiki adds, and they all laugh before Shiki says, "we're replacing that thing."
WildKat's not the sort of place Kanon'd usually hang out in, even if it were open. The vibe's cool, in a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop way, but that's not Kanon's vibe. But it's the rare place where she doesn't have to put up a front. Not one where she's strong enough to lead a team, not one where she's still the person she was before the Game. She can just… be. If that's what Neku's trying to bring to the place, she's all for it.
A few times the Wicked Twisters show up, too. Shoka teaches Neku how to make latte art when they finally replace the half-a-century-old coffee machines, and Nagi and Rhyme try to test out the limits of the store room without success. Shiki ropes Fret into modeling for Gatto Nero, which could actually be a good fit for him, Kanon thinks. Eri still wants her to consider a new calling. Kanon's pretty sure she's just being supportive, but she does ask if Eri's sure it's not because she needs a makeup artist. The more she thinks about it… It's interesting. But Kanon's not about to drop her life to study again. Running a video channel sounds a bit more doable, but it's still a lot of work and a lot of performing Kanon's not sure she's up for. Then again, with Manami starting to record her own videos… Maybe she'll think about it.
—
"So why does the Game exist, anyway?" Kanon asks Joshua one day, while the others are out getting furniture.
"That's our secret," Joshua says, smirking. "But… I can say it's good for creativity. You've probably noticed that with the Rosethorns already."
"I have," Kanon says. (Yuika comes to Gatto Nero for sewing lessons - sometimes they're there at the same time - and is really getting into cosplay, while Ayu's back to her jewelry studies. Aily is still happy as a shopkeeper, but she's taking a more active role curating the stock and recommending things to customers, and Manami, of course, is making videos now.) "So that's part of it?"
"Part of it, yes," Joshua says. "Of course, what you do with your life is your business. We don't need a success story to justify our existence, and it wouldn't help our case anyway right now. Not every ex-Player is an immediate success like Shiki… and Shiki might have had a little help to get there."
"Just 'might,' huh," Kanon says. "Does she know?"
"I offered it outright, and she accepted. They both know, now." For once, Joshua's smile looks a little more sincere than his usual one. "Shiki didn't want the UG doing all the work. They had to get themselves there. I just gave them the opportunity to start."
Impressive, Kanon thinks to herself. "And then Rhyme talks to computers, and Neku's an artist…"
"Neku's… still deciding what he really wants to do," Joshua says. "So's Beat, but I didn't have to put him back to life with his parents in Fukuoka, so I didn't have to push him towards a professional career in something he might rather keep personal. They'll figure it out eventually."
"You don't think Neku would be an artist?" she asks.
"Beat's a skateboarder whether or not he does it professionally," Joshua says. "Neku could have been the same without Shinjuku. Or he could have decided to go into music. Or maybe in a few years he picks up photography. He doesn't have anything set in stone, just yet." Joshua's eyes almost glitter at that. It's rare for Kanon to see Joshua that… affectionate.
"So I'm alive because you hope someday I'll do something creative enough to justify it?" Kanon asks.
"You're alive because Eri wants you to be alive," he says. "But if it helps... I have every confidence you'll find your outlet just like the others."
Kanon's not sure it does. But she's not sure it doesn't, either.
She looks into being a makeup artist, even if that's "looking for videos on Mewtube" as often as it's serious research. She looks into running a business, too. One of her friends from school helps run a thrift store in Setagaya, and while she doesn't get why Kanon's started taking an interest, she's supportive. Eri loans some books herself.
"I'm guessing you're not thinking of coming to work for us," Shiki says as Kanon brings one heavy book in for another.
"Not for Gatto Nero," Kanon says. "At least, not this. I'm starting to think… I might want to do some freelancing, if you still need someone to take care of makeup."
"We'd love that," Shiki says. "It'd be so much easier if we had someone who knows our vibe instead of having to get new people every photoshoot. And Eri's going to be psyched!"
Kanon smiles. "Yeah, I'll bet," she says. "Actually… I was thinking about WildKat." It's been thoroughly rehabilitated at this point - the folding table and chairs replaced with newer, sturdier ones, and booths, a till at the counter - but it hasn't reopened yet because Neku's not ready to run the place. Beat and Mr. Doi are apparently working out an arrangement to give the café a new cook without leaving Spicy Curry Don right away, since Neku's cooking is fine but not worth paying for… but as far as she knows, there's no one running the business side.
Kanon doesn't actually know much about running a café. And she's certain that, whatever creative spark the Game sensed in her, it wasn't this. But it doesn't have to be her job forever - she just has to get things started for the boys. And she could use somewhere for ex-Players just as much as anyone.
Shiki smiles. "You know, Eri and me were kind of hoping that when you asked to borrow these," she says. "But I should probably warn you… the old records make the place look a bit like a mob front."
"Define 'a bit like a mob front'," Kanon says.
"Well, it was being funded about half by the Game, and about half by the old owner's other job," Shiki says. "It used to basically be Imprinted so only Players and people with sixth sense really noticed it. We've had to get the old owner to undo those, since Neku wants it to actually, you know. Not look like a mob front."
"I think that's a pretty good argument for renaming the place," Kanon says. And yet, it's not giving her second thoughts.
"Yeah. Don't ask what it'll take to pass inspections," Shiki says. "I mean, it's all legal, it's just been work. And we're pretty sure everyone who's signed off on it so far thinks it's a rich kid vanity project right now, which…"
"Better than a mob front," Kanon says.
"And maybe not totally inaccurate," Shiki says. "Josh doesn't want the Game owning the place, so he's the one paying for everything."
This is probably out of Kanon's depth.
"Sounds like we should call the boys, then?" Kanon says.
—
It takes about a day for Kanon and Joshua to negotiate a salary that Kanon will actually take, and about a week for Kanon to get everything in order to quit her job. The rest of the office is surprised she's leaving her job to help open a café in Shibuya - one coworker actually asks if she's sure she's not getting scammed - but people have left their jobs here for worse and weirder reasons. She's sure they'll forget about it in a few weeks.
Her friends are a bit more confused, especially because there's no good explanation for how she knows some rich kid and his friends. She ends up having to make up a hiring ad with Rhyme. They won't give up in a few weeks, but… they might at least stop asking, if Beat's cooking is good enough. Neku explains that part of his aim is to have a space for Reapers to talk, too - Maito's skeptical, but he and the others come over for lunch one day and Neku talks them around. He really isn't a bad listener, when Kanon gets down to it. It works for Kanon, either way.
She takes over one of the rooms in the back as a pseudo-office - she's never seen the upstairs, but given the store room, she assumes there's exactly enough space for their little group and doesn't feel bad about taking her own space - and before long, they have a business plan that doesn't look like it involves organized crime and a growing list of cleared inspections.
"There's still the name problem, though," Kanon says, going over the list of things left to do before they reopen with all six of them. It's a short list, by this point. "I know Joshua thinks it'll be fine because most people didn't know WildKat existed, but…"
"Yeah, no. We've been thinkin' about it, too," Beat says. "Problem is, there's nothing that fits Neku, yo."
"Actually…" Neku says, and all of them turn to look at him. "I was thinking, maybe the name shouldn't match me this time? You guys are doing at least as much work as me."
"And Mr. H ran it solo," Joshua says, considering. "Not a bad idea. But that's still not a name."
"I was getting there," Neku says. "… How do you feel about The Nest?"
"It sounds nice," Shiki says. "Inviting."
"And it's somewhere animals go to stay safe," Rhyme says. "That'd fit with the whole purpose."
"Why a nest, though?" Joshua asks. "It could just as easily be a harbor for the metaphor."
"Yeah, but this is for Reapers too," Eri says. "Reapers have wings."
"It can't have been that simple," Joshua says, but Neku blushes. "Really, Neku?"
"I mean, I want to make sure they're welcome, too. The UG won't get any better as long as everyone thinks they have to compete to survive."
"They do need to compete to survive," Joshua says mildly.
"Okay, sure, but… Do you remember what your Reapers were like under Shades?" Neku asks. "Because Ironface would've let him get erased so that she could be Conductor no matter who won between you and Sho."
"That sounds like Konishi, alright," Joshua says. He's still smiling.
"And my second day in the Game, Uzuki almost erased me and Shiki by breaking the rules, remember that? I'm sure Mr. H does," Neku says. "There needs to be a little less ruthlessness. Reminding the Reapers that Players are people, not just prey… I think it'll help."
"I don't think that'll help the Players much, though," Joshua says.
"It'll help them if they know the Reapers are people. Or did you think I can really keep everyone who knows about the UG in Shibuya afloat by myself?" Neku asks. He's smiling, but Kanon notices the scar even if she doesn't pay it too much attention anymore.
Joshua taps one hand to his arm. "I suppose not," he says, which suggests to Kanon he was expecting that. "You want them to be able to talk to each other."
"Yeah. Coco doesn't have trouble doing her job even though she knows Players are people."
"Coco is not a good example," Joshua says.
"I'm cool with callin' it The Nest, yo," Beat says.
"So am I," Rhyme says. "Not that I have much say, but… I'll be moving in upstairs sooner or later."
"I think it's cute," Eri says.
"Yeah. I say go for it," Shiki says.
"It works for me," Kanon says. "But I'm not still not sold on the mural."
"We'll work on it," Neku says. Everyone looks over at Joshua.
"Well, I know when I'm outnumbered," he says. "I could get used to calling it that, I suppose."
"The upstairs gets to be our nest, too," Eri says. Joshua smiles, and Kanon's pretty sure that won him over.
—
"Hey, hold still," Kanon says as she tries to apply Fret's eyeliner.
"I'm trying! I don't have things near my eyes that much, you know?" he says.
She laughs. "Alright, fair enough. At least we're going light with you compared to Sango." The other model is waiting for her turn, sitting perfectly still with a posture that makes Kanon jealous, while Sota sprays her hair into place. (Another sign-on from The Nest, who's taken Kanon out for drinks along with his partner twice now and might actually get it better than Neku.)
"Ooh, yeah! I've seen their sketches, San-san! You're going to look great!" Fret says. She smiles, but doesn't say anything. Probably for the best, while Sota's working on her. "I'm kind of jealous."
"With what the girls have planned for you, Fret? Don't be," Kanon says. "And keep your eye closed." He does this time. "They went all-out for this photo shoot."
"Makes sense. This'll be a big feature for them," Sota says. "Honestly, I'm surprised they wanted me for it and not the magazine's people."
"You know what Eri's like," Kanon says. Fret manages to hold in a laugh, which is good, because Kanon would rather not redo this again. "She wants to give us as many opportunities as she can, too, even if we're still new to it ourselves."
"The girls are good like that," Fret agrees. "So what'll you do if you get your big break?"
"Probably nothing much. Neku still needs a hand with the finances, since math… isn't his strong point." Sango isn't from the Game, as far as they know, which means she can't say 'he spent almost all of high school in a hole in the world.' "So I'll be staying with The Nest for most of the time, and freelancing on the side. It's not like my big break's coming this time." She finishes one eye, and Fret closes the other accordingly.
"Yeah, I'm not quitting my day job," Sota says. "What would I even do, open my own place? That'd just take time away from the fun parts of work."
"Good point," Fret says. "Guess it's easier for modeling."
"If you get scouted, it is," Kanon says. "Think you'll keep at this?"
"Maybe. At least until I learn enough bass to keep up with Rindude," he says.
Rindo, who's still pretty new with a guitar, Kanon remembers. "Forming a band?"
"Maybe. Just for fun, but the Boss wants to hang out more, you know? And she and Shokie have killer voices, so, once everyone can actually play our instruments, who knows?"
"I'll have to listen in, then. When you're ready," she says.
"Oooh! Maybe we can play at the café sometime!"
"I don't think they've got the space," Sota says, smiling.
"Or the soundproofing," Kanon adds.
"Heh. Yeah, I guess you're right," Fret says as Kanon finishes up. "But it'll be a while before we play anywhere, anyway."
"Something to look forward to, then," Kanon says. She switches with Sota to handle Sango's makeup. It's nice to be able to talk about watching the Wicked Twisters play and have Fret keep his cool, she thinks. He's growing. "So, how is Rindo? He doesn't come by as often as Nagi or Shoka."
"Doing good! He's taking the guitar thing pretty seriously, actually," Fret says. "And he's been talking with Rhyme about maybe learning to code? I think he wants to make a game."
"I wouldn't have expected that one."
"Yeah, none of us did! But with how much he plays, I bet he'd be great at it."
"Sorry if we're boring you, Sango," Kanon adds.
"It's fine. Ms. Misaki said you all knew each other," she says. "And I don't mind a more casual atmosphere."
"You can relax, too," Sota says. "If you want."
Sango holds her expression steady while Kanon applies foundation, but while she dabs a bit more onto the sponge, Sango says, "maybe next time."
Next time doesn't sound bad to Kanon. "So what kind of game is Rindo thinking about, exactly?"
Kanon knows better than to take credit for the Wicked Twisters' growth - they managed that all on their own, and she just tried to hitch a ride on the way out with them. But they're blooming, and everything Fret tells her just confirms it.
"Alright, we're done," Kanon says.
Sango opens her eyes. "Oh, wow," she says, lighting up. "I've never worn makeup in this style before."
"Let me guess, you usually go for the softer stuff?" Kanon says. "You'd look great in that, yeah, but Gatto Nero's going for a bit bolder look for this shoot, and it suits you just as well." Sango just keeps turning her head, looking at her face from different angles. When she turns back to Kanon, her eyes practically glitter as she thanks them for the work.
Maybe the Wicked Twisters aren't the only ones blooming.
—
Six months after her long Game finally ended, Kanon still wakes up with nightmares three times a week. She freelances as a makeup artist for one of the hottest brands in Tokyo, and pays her bills helping a rich kid and part-time death god manage a café that isn't, technically, part of the afterlife. She hangs out with Reapers almost as often as her fully-human friends. She lives on the edge of a world she still can't actually see anymore, and doesn't want to go back to.
She'll leave the nest eventually, as weird as it is to think she's being looked after by kids younger than her. But they need her as much as she needs them, for now.
And when she sees people walk into the café, see the mural, and pull the tiny black pins from their pockets as Neku smiles? She's content where she is. (So maybe Neku knew what he was doing with that thing.)
There are worse places to be than a waystation.