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Statements such as “I hate myself” and “I can’t do this anymore” flooded your brain as you trudged home from the bar. You had just gone to Angel’s Share, hoping to drink any problems away, but the bartender knew what you were up to again and had to politely stop you after one too many refills. You were still barely sober, able to walk and move on your own, but one side of your brain wished you weren’t. The rain stormed down on Mondstadt, families were inside cooking dinner, some kids were playing in shallow puddles, fellow knights were under shelter still patrolling, yet it still felt like you were alone within the town walls. You had taken up a knight’s position a few years ago, hoping it would distract you from the dark thoughts that triggered breakdowns every time in your mind. But if anything, it gave you a worse time, pressure, overworking, no sleep, you even slowed your eating. The clothes you were currently wearing soaked up every raindrop that fell upon your depressed form as your feet dragged you across the plaza. Some kids had even stopped playing around to watch you trudge through, curiosity blooming through their innocent eyes. Oh… to be young and free once again…
When you had arrived at your humble abode, you immediately rushed up to your bedroom. The front door was unlocked but your bedroom door was not. You had made sure to double, triple, quadruple check that it was fully locked and no one would walk in on you and the little contraption you were attaching to your bedroom ceiling. Tears streamed down your face as you silently set up a certain configuration with some rope you had bought earlier. You made sure it was the right length, the right tightness, and when you felt ready, you grabbed a nearby stool and took a deep breath.
Whilst your preparation was going on, a certain Grandmaster of Favonius had walked up to your doorstep. Varka had seen you dragging yourself across Mondstadt in the rain and upon understanding your form and body language, he had immediately worried and started to make his own way to your house. He couldn’t afford losing another knight. Not just because Mondstadt needed protection, but because you had captured his heart in more ways than one. He had admired the way you had carried yourself within your knightly armour, the way you pushed through all the problems in front of you. But clearly, those problems had gotten a little too close to you. He was aware of the thoughts that always lingered within your brain, the change in body language from hunched to presentable whenever he walked into the room. It was anything but secretive at this point that even his blind spot could see through the ‘happiness’ in your eyes.
Knock knock knock…
The door went as Varka’s knuckles crossed the wood, his expression worried and not his usual bravado. “Hey, [Name]? I saw you earlier, and you didn’t look too good. Can I come in?”
The man waited a solid minute or two. Hearing no response, panic spiked his heart. He knocked again and tried the doorknob, wrapping his hand around it and twisting. Finding it unlocked gave him a bit more hope to save you from whatever situation you could be going through now.
“I-… I’m coming in!” He called out and opened the door to reveal the living room of your quaint little home. The place was in complete disarray. He knew you were struggling but not this bad to this extent. Varka’s eyes widened as well as his jaw, which opened as he stepped into the house. The floors were covered in garbage, dirty clothes, piles of junk, he could barely make out what colour the wooden floors even were. He closed the front door behind him and started to make his way up to your room.
“Yes, I’m aware it’s not ethical for a knight to enter one's home without permission but in urgency it’s needed to!” Varka exclaimed into the quiet home, avoiding the goodies on the floor as he slowly picked up the pace to try and find your personal bedroom. He made his way up stairs and examined each passing room down the hall until he found what he assumed was yours, considering that the rest of the doors were opened and unlocked while this one wasn’t. His knuckles knocked on the wood with panic and worry, loud and clear.
You inside, still setting up your hanging rope, froze. Maybe if you didn’t make a single sound, he’d walk away and leave. But that was the exact opposite. Your body stilled as your hands held onto a wooden stool, eyes boring into the door with panic and struggle.
“I sure hope you know that if you don’t open this door, I will break it down…!” He grunted as he twisted the doorknob multiple times, attempting to open the locked door. “Please, [Name]…”
His voice and actions became more and more desperate each passing second. Figuring out that you weren’t letting up and responding, he sighed and did what he said we would. He pushed his body against the door and opened it forcefully. Since your house was small and simple, the door was easy to open with powerful force, and considering Varka’s head had almost touched the ceiling as he walked down the hall, it was definitely easy. When the door came down, his eyes had immediately laid on your form, setting up a noose for yourself.
Colour drained his face as he took in more of the setting. If he had been even a few minutes late, he would’ve lost you. Tears flooded down his face as he panted and breathlessly spoke, “You… You wouldn’t…”
Guilt had almost crossed your eyes before hardening once again. This is what you wanted, to be free from the hell called life. The only way to free yourself was to take your own life, and even that was hell.
“I… would…” You muttered under your breath, setting the stool down under the rope and placed one of your feet on it. But before you could go any further, Varka fell to his knees and moved closer to your broken form.
“No… No, you won’t..! You have friends, family, coworkers who would miss you!” Varka pleaded, tears spilling down his toned face. His hands gripped the carpeted floor as he breathlessly added, “I would miss you…”
That was the icing atop the cake. Seeing your boss, your grandmaster, so broken and vulnerable in front of your suicidal figure really made you hesitate. You hated your life, yourself, your surroundings… You even had the scars, cuts and gashes to prove it! But here we are. Your tears added to the pain as they started to pour out of your own eyes, your slender hands loosening up.
“I-if you’re going to ignore me and still end it all, can’t a guy speak before you-… end it..?” The grandmaster panted desperately, trying to gain a small amount of face by taking a deep breath in and sitting up. Judging by your silence, he took it as you’ll let him continue on. “Ever since you joined the Knights of Favonius, I’ve had my eye on you for a long time… You’re so independent and beautiful and… Goddammit, I suck at speeches… Wh-what I’m saying is that you don’t need to do this…!”
The blond man hiccuped, and for once, it wasn’t because he was drunk, but because his fear and sadness was so intense. As soon as the tears started to slow, they immediately started back up, pouring down his face like a waterfall. “I… I love you so much, I can’t bear to lose any more knights, let alone you…”
And that’s what made you crack. Just like Varka, tears spilled out of your eyes and your bawling turned into a full on breakdown. You sobbed loudly and passionately, falling to the ground as well. Seeing this, Varka moved close and engulfed you in his strong arms, protecting you from any more pain that could creep up on your small form.
“It’s okay… I-I’m here…” Varka whispered into your hair, his large hand stroking your back comfortably. It’s probably been so long since you last had a proper breakdown such as this, let alone a comforting hug like the one your Grandmaster is giving you. He sat in silence, letting you sob any tears as he comforted you in his embrace. You eventually gave in and hugged him tightly, your cries muffled by his chest and your tears soaking into the fabric of his uniform. Varka shakily sighed and smiled through his own tears, so relieved that he managed to save your life.
When you started to calm down, you felt all that exhaustion catch up to you. The man pulled back a bit and cupped your cheek with his warm hand, tilting your small head to look up at him. His thumb gently wiped your tears, being careful as to not poke you in the eye due to how large his hand was.
“I’m going to help you get back into shape, sweetheart… I’ll support you all the way through this journey, but it’s going to take a lot of effort from both of us in order to help you.” He affirmed, a warm smile on his thin lips. “We’re going to get through this together. I promise.”
Your glassy eyes blinked any oncoming tears away and nodded shakily, “I-I’m really sorry…”
Those words hit Varka like a goddamn truck. Your vulnerable voice apologizing for something that isn’t even your fault broke his heart. He sighed and hesitated, thinking if what he was going to do next was a good idea.
“Don’t apologize… Let’s just move forwards and leave moments like these behind…” His brain gave him the green light to do what he wanted and he leaned in, gently pressing a kiss to your soft hair, speaking into your scalp.
The kiss sent warm tingles throughout your body. It felt so… relieving… Your scared eyes started to relax and soften as you whimpered quietly and hugged Varka once again. He let out a small grunt as he felt your arms wrap around his large frame. He smiled and hugged you back, his head still buried in your beautiful hair. The two of you just sat in silence on the floor, comfortable in each other's embrace. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Varka’s dorky brain and he pulled away, grinning down at you with newfound confidence.
“I got an idea! To start with getting you back to your prime, let’s give you a bath, eh? With bubbles and rubber duckies.” The Grandmaster grinned down at you, gently ruffling your hair with his big hand. “Everyone needs a good bath when they aren’t feeling good! Even me!”
And with that, Varka’s mission began. He scooped you up in his arms and stood up, making his way down the hall to find your bathroom. You let out a yelp as you were lifted so effortlessly and unconsciously wrapped your arms around his neck for security. The man pushed open the bathroom door with hip and placed you down on the marble counter, flicking on the warm lights. He rolled up his sleeves, sauntered to your bathtub and turned on the faucet to hot, watching the water fill up the tub. When he saw that it was properly filling up, he grabbed some liquid body wash and squirted it in the hot water, giving the bathtub some nice-smelling bubbles for whimsy.
“Why don’tcha watch the water so it doesn’t overflow for me and I’ll go get you some comfy clothes for after, hm?” Varka smiled at you, ruffling your hair once again as a sign of protection and comfort. You nodded slowly and got comfortable atop the counter, your eyes watching the water fill slowly. He chuckled at your attention and left the bathroom, walking back into your bedroom.
The hanging rope in the middle of the room broke Varka’s heart. He couldn’t believe that your struggling got so bad that you had almost taken your own life, but he was also glad that he was the one to save you from death itself. A small grumble escaped his throat as he moved to take down the rope and place the stool back in its corner, using his strength and ripping up the rope so it wouldn’t be usable once again. When he was done, he trashed the thick rope and let out a deep breath, going back to his task. He opened up your drawers to find your clothes, his eyes scanning through to find whatever looked and felt comfiest. After a few moments of figuring out an outfit, he picked out some clothes and proper underwear for you and walked back to the bathroom.
“Alrighty, sweetheart… I got you some fresh clothes for when you’re done. Let’s get you in the tub and while you're washing up, I’ll make a snack for you.” The Grandmaster smiled and placed your clothes on the counter, as well as grabbing a towel to go with it. “You just relax in the water and when you’re done, meet me in the kitchen, ‘kay?”
You nodded slowly, moving to the tub to turn off the water as Varka moved out of the bathroom to give you privacy. You made sure the door was closed before slipping off your clothes and stepping into the relaxing, bubble-filled water. Your mouth let out a content sigh as you slowly felt the tension in your body ease and relax.
Varka, who was still standing outside the bathroom after he left, heard your sigh from inside, which caused him to smile in relief that you were finally relaxing. He started to move over to the kitchen to fix you up a small meal before he put you to bed, since it was already really late out. He stepped into the kitchen and opened up the fridge, but his eyes were met with the bare minimum. Less than half a jug of milk, some slowly-molding fruit, and what looked like leftovers from some sort of takeout.
“Oh Barbatos…” Varka muttered under his breath as he took in the sight. No wonder you were so miserable on patrol, you had barely any food at home to eat. “Looks like they’re having leftovers…”
His arm reached into the fridge, pulling out the container of leftovers and closing the fridge door with his hip. He moved over to the microwave and put them in, setting a timer and turning it on, the hum of the electronic filling the silent room. Varka leaned against the counter as he waited for the food to fully warm up, and as he waited, he couldn’t resist taking a look at your establishment. Sure, it was definitely not in the greatest shape, but he still found some memorabilia across the walls and tabletops. Like how he found some photos of you and your family hanging on the kitchen walls. Seems like you had siblings.
“How adorable…” Varka thought, his gaze softening as he gazed up at the captured memories. Although this trance didn’t last long, for the beeping of the microwave snapped him out of it. The Grandmaster jumped a bit out of surprise before calming down and opening up the microwave door, pulling out the packaged food. He started to hum a quiet tune as he grabbed a plate for the food, scooping what’s left of the leftovers onto the plate and then began to wait for you to come out of the bathroom… Which wasn’t very long.
You slid open the washroom door and stepped out, now with fluffy pyjamas and damp hair. Varka could visibly see the exhaustion in your eyes as you walked into the kitchen and stood beside him, it made him feel so bad.
“Hey, love… Eat this up and then we’ll get you to bed.” He mumbled softly, moving to hesitantly rest his hand on the small of your back as he gestured to the food with his head.
“Mhm…” You hummed in response, picking up a fork and slowly starting to consume the leftovers. Varka let you eat in silence, his eyes gently going over your tired form.
Clearly all that fatigue caught up to you because you slowly started to drift off standing up. Seeing this, the Grandmaster’s eyes widened and quickly held onto your waist so you wouldn’t fall and let you lean against his side. Doing this, however, made his cheeks rosy. Never in his life he would have thought to be doing this intimate gesture to the knight he loved dearly, but here we are.
“Dammit, sweetcheeks… You’re falling asleep as we speak…” Varka muttered under his breath. Seeing that you most likely wouldn’t finish the rest of the food before falling asleep, he decided to gently pick you up in his arms and bring you to bed. The man let out a quiet grunt as he trudged through the halls with you in his arms, your eyes barely even open.
The Grandmaster stepped into your bedroom and moved to your bed, slowly lowering you into the comforts of the warm sheets and tucking you in. He noticed that as soon as you were in bed, you practically conked out and fell asleep immediately. Varka chuckled quietly as he stood beside your bed, slowly moving to sit down on the edge of it beside your waist. He reached a hand over and gently tucked a lock of your ravishing hair behind your ear.
“Sleep well, [[Name]]. I’ll be right by your side, supporting you to the best of my abilities, until the day I rot. Dream dreams as beautiful as you.” Varka finally mumbled into your ear, kissing your temple before finally letting you sleep.
The man moved to sit on the floor beside the bed, preparing to doze off beside you. But before he did, he swore he saw a charming little smile on your cute lips as you slept, which made his heart melt. He smiled back at you before leaning his head back and closing his eyes to match yours.