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Everything went the same as always. Dazai would go missing, Chuuya would find him somewhere on the streets doing something stupid.
Nothing ever actually happened.
However, this time proved itself to be different.
Dazai didn’t expect things to turn out like this. His plan was nice and simple: sneak out of the agency dorms at midnight, find a building, and jump off it.
But of course, someone had to ruin his amazing plan.
Now he was on the cold, hard, bathroom floor in his apartment, having his boyfriend treat the wounds on his body. The blood on his arms was trailing a path towards his fingertips, his body was begging for just a moment to rest, but his mind screamed at him to run.
He didn’t move– he couldn’t. He sat there and watched, watching as Chuuya carefully unwrapped the bandages across his body, revealing the scars underneath. The bandages were tossed aside with a small thump as Chuuya lifted both of them from the floor and positioned them both onto the tub.
Dazai moved as if he weighed no more than a feather, as if he was a doll. It was always weird to Chuuya to see Dazai not throwing insults left and right, just letting himself be completely vulnerable.
Carefully, he lifted Dazai arms up, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up. Chuuya did the same but with Dazai’s pants, taking all his clothes off except for his boxers. He reached behind Dazai and turned the valve for the shower on, making sure the water was nice and warm. Slowly, he turned Dazai to face the shower and reached for his arm. He scooped water from the running faucet and gently poured it onto Dazai’s wounds. Dazai let out a silent hiss and attempted to pull away, but Chuuya’s grip on his arm didn’t let him.
“Let go of me..” Was all Dazai managed to say, and even then he didn’t sound anywhere near as close to threatening compared to what he would’ve wanted. In fact, it could come across as a desperate attempt to flee before one even thought it was meant to be a threat. Honestly, it was pathetic. He had tried to kill himself many times before, but never had someone found him right after an attempt. He couldn’t help but at least try to give the illusion that he wasn’t breaking apart. He couldn’t afford that to happen, not with everything already going on in his life, but despite his attempts, he could never manage to hide from Chuuya.
Slowly, Chuuya poured water onto the wounds using one hand and rubbed slow, steady circles across Dazai’s back in an attempt to soothe him as the sting intensified. “Relax,” he murmured, “If we don’t clean this up it’ll get worse.” Dazai didn’t reply, too out of it to process the words. Once most of the dirt was rinsed out from Dazai’s wounds Chuuya tucked his arms under his shoulders and slowly lifted him up from the edge of the tub.
He couldn't tell whether or not the fact that Dazai is talking again was a good sign or not. On one hand he can actually process what he’s saying, but on the other he doesn’t know if this is just another one of his ways to divert the attention from himself.
“Cmon… you have to take a shower.”
Dazai finally looked up from where he was staring, but still avoided eye contact with Chuuya. “Do I have to?..”
Rolling his eyes, Chuuya replied, “Unless you want to smell like a dead fish then yes you do idiot.” Slowly, Chuuya began to undress to get into the shower too. He knew Dazai wouldn’t be able to take care of himself in his current state. Don’t get him wrong, Dazai wasn’t weak, but he was still fragile, just not in a way that could ever be described in words– only in a way that both of them could understand.
Pouting, Dazai let Chuuya drag his limp body underneath the running water. “You’re so mean…” Dazai whined. A violent shiver travelled down Dazai’s spine as the warm water hit his skin, and a small sting travel down his arms as the water seemed to hit exactly where his cuts were. Chuuya seemed to have noticed as his gaze sharpened just a little, easy enough to go unnoticed to anyone else. But of course, they really couldn’t ever hide anything from each other. At least, not for a long time.
Moving behind Dazai, Chuuya reached for his hair and began to gently detangle any knots that had formed. Tilting Dazai’s head underneath the running water, he grabbed the shampoo bottle, squeezed it into his hand and rubbed his palms together. His hands were on Dazai's head again as he began kneading small, deliberate circles into his scalp. The water rinsed the dirt from Dazai’s hair as Chuuya lifted it up, scrubbing the shampoo into his hair thoroughly.
The tension from his body was leaving as Chuuya rubbed at his scalp. It felt nice– to be taken care of like this. He never was one to let himself be so vulnerable, it was refreshing to be able to feel so safe in the hands of someone else. He let out a content sigh as Chuuya dug his fingers into his neck. The air was still tense, full of uneasy thoughts and unasked questions, but it felt safer.
Chuuya pulled away, letting the water wash off the shampoo from Dazai’s hair. He grabbed the body wash from the shelf and squeezed it onto his palm. He quickly lathered the soap and began to create soft, gentle strokes across Dazai’s body. Slowly spreading the fluid across the skin in small, rhythmic movements. Chuuya avoided the cuts around the others body, making sure to only apply the soap onto areas without open wounds. Throughout the process, Chuuya noticed that Dazai seemed to be less tense.
That was a good sign. Better than what he had to work with earlier.
“You okay?” Chuuya asked, trying to make sure the other was comfortable was difficult. Especially since Dazai wasn’t exactly known for showing vulnerability.
Dazai simply nodded his head in response, not bothering with words.
Eventually, Chuuya was done washing Dazai, though the other was too stubborn to get out, so he had enough time to wash himself too. Just not as thoroughly, that was fine, he had bigger things to focus on. Such as the fact that Dazai was quiet instead of whining or insulting him. Once he turned the water off he stepped out of the shower and grabbed two towels, one for himself and the other for Dazai.
“Here, you’re gonna get cold if you just stand there.”
Dazai hesitantly grabbed the towel from Chuuya, wrapping it around himself while the other practically dragged him out of the shower.
“Hey wait–” Dazai tried to protest, but Chuuya quickly clamped his hand over his mouth.
Chuuya glared at him, “Shut up. You’re gonna change, lay down on the couch, and I’m going to make food.”
Dazai’s protests were muffled by the other's hand. Realizing that trying to get Chuuya’s hand off of him was useless, he began to sulk like a kicked puppy as he followed Chuuya into the living room.
Chuuya quickly went over to their bedroom, telling Dazai to wait there while he got something. He came back with soft, warm clothes and handed them over to Dazai while he went towards the bathroom to change. A minute later–which felt more like centuries– Chuuya came out with fresh clothes on.
Striding towards the couch, he tossed a roll of fresh bandages towards Dazai. “Here, I’ll go make food.”
Chuuya decided to make something nice and easy, something that wouldn’t take too long to make.
He set the scrambled eggs onto two plates, one for himself and one for Dazai. Once he went into the living room he found Dazai on the couch, fidgeting with the bandages on his arms. “You okay?” Dazai wasn’t the most predictable, but he could get a somewhat decent grasp on what was going on in his head during times like this. Dazai looked up and gave a slow nod, moving himself into a much more comfortable position.
Chuuya handed over the plate to Dazai and sat down on the couch next to him, wrapping his arm around the other's waist and pulling him close. They ate their food with a movie in the background, though the movie more so served as background noise then actual entertainment. Once they finished their plates Dazai was already dozing off, turning towards Chuuya and using him as his own personal heater, curling his body into him.
Chuuya let out a soft chuckle, “C’mon… lets go sleep in the bedroom.” He slid his hand into his boyfriend's hair, softly scratching at his head.
“Mmmm… but it's comfortable…” A small pout was already forming onto Dazai’s face as he clung even tighter onto Chuuya.
Chuuya simply pushed Dazai off, gently of course, and walked over to their room, gesturing for him to follow.
“Chibi hates me.” Dazai complained loudly, earning him a scoff from Chuuya.
As soon as the bed was in sight Dazai immediately got on it, shifting the blankets and pillows around to make it more comfortable before fidgeting with the blanket. He left space for Chuuya to sit down next to him, hoping the other would take the hint and lay down.
Chuuya did indeed take the hint, moving to lay down next to Dazai, close enough to give Dazai the option to get closer if wanted.
Once the two made themselves comfortable an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Hesitantly, Dazai shifted closer towards Chuuya before wrapping his arms around Chuuya’s waist and burying his face in Chuuya’s chest. "...Love you..." Dazai whispered into his chest.
Chuuya gave him a simple kiss on the forehead in response before mumbling a quiet "Love you too." Into his hair.
They held each other until they fell asleep in each other's warm embrace. They didn’t ask questions– they didn’t have to. Chuuya knew what Dazai needed and Dazai knew Chuuya would give it to him.