Work Text:
Chive:’laughs as he was taking a sip from a bottle’wow, this is so good! I’m so glad our last performance did so well so we had some extra pocket money! It’s always good when you have good quality stuff.
Bob: ya, we got the good stuff.
Lordi: We really needed this.
Chive: ya, victory to us!
Then they continue drinking as glam walks in, holding a laundry basket, he puts it down and looks at them.
Glam: what are you all doing?
Lordi: oh, don’t worry, we’re drinking some beer, talking about some random shit, celebrating our successful performance.
Glam: drinking beer?
Chive: it’s alcohol, glam.
Glam: I know what alcohol is.
Bob: You do?
Glam: yes, i do, i’ve just never drank before, i never found a reason to drink or do any of that stuff, besides, someone has to be the sober one around when the three of you do this kind of stuff.
Bob: You've never drank before?
Glam: no.
Bob and lordi stare at glam in shock.
Lordi: dude, we totally have to bring you some alcohol so you can experience it! I would totally suggest a bar but chive would kill me.
Chive: I might.
Lordi: Exactly.
Glam: I'm not a child.
Bob: no offense glam, but you’re the least experienced out of all of us when it comes to the world, this is the safest option.
Glam: are you worried I'll be a violent drunk?
Chive:.............
Glam: chive?
Chive: no, we just don't know how you're going to react to it, anything can go wrong and we rather do it in an environment that we can control it, and not do it on the streets where you can get hit by a car, i don't want to clean you off the car or get sued by someone for letting your dumbass go out there.
Glam: I'm not that irresponsible.
Chive: I'm not saying you are.
Glam: it sounds like you are though.
Lordi: We're just worried about what you're going to do once you have alcohol in your system, or if we need to take you to the hospital in case something goes wrong, we live close to one for a reason, after all.
Glam: I suppose that is a fair point.
Bob: We just want to make sure we know what happened so we can tell you what happens when you get drunk, we know you'll want to know.
Glam: that is true.
Chive: and we just want to make sure you have a good time.
Glam: I really appreciate that, I just never tried it before because I've been so busy lately, and I was also a minor.
Chive: Did you think I care about that?
Glam: there's a reason why you got arrested for underage drinking that one time, you were lucky I was able to come up with a good lie that you didn't know it was alcohol, but it was very difficult to make up a made a person that gave it to you so we wouldn't get in trouble for lying, It was very hard to do that.
Lordi: You have to teach us how to do that.
Glam: no thanks.
Lordi: party pooper.
The next day…………
Chive:’puts on a case of beer’ok, after doing a lot of research after getting over my hangover, i have deduced this is the best one.
Bob:’picks a bottle up’
Chive: i can say with pure confidence that this brand is going to be the best one to start with, especially for a beginner-
Bob: This is cheap beer.
Chive: he doesn’t need to know that!
Lordi: i mean, it fits pretty well for glam, not calling him cheap, though he is frugal, But it's probably best to start him off on something that isn't too strong, we don't know how we going to react to this and I rather not give him alcohol poisoning, he's one of the only people here that can actually cook.
Glam: I did find a new cookie recipe a while ago.
Bob:’grabs chive by his shoulders’chive, If you let this man die, I will haunt you for the rest of your life if I have to.
Chive: relax, he’ll be fine, don’t worry, i picked a cheap one for a reason, now, let’s just open this up and glam will have fun!
Glam: what about the rest of you?
Lordi: We agreed not to drink so we can see how you are going to react to it, even though we really want to.
Bob: We're doing this for glam’s sake.
Glam: I can take care of myself, and I'm sure I'm not going to have that bad of a reaction anyway.
Chive: better safe than sorry.
Then he picks up one of the bottles and opens it, then he hands it to glam, who looks at the bottle, nervous.
Glam: ok, here i go………..’takes a sip’
They all look at him and wait to see how he reacts, but they frown when he just stays still, chive chuckles nervously.
Chive: glam, are you ok?
Glam:.................’smiles’
Lordi: i think he-
Glam:’falls flat on his face’
Lordi: likes it………….
Chive: glam, are you ok?
He frowns and starts to shake glam, trying to wake him up, but he doesn’t wake up, he quickly checks glam’s pulse and sighs in relief.
Chive: he’s still alive.
Lordi: What the hell happened?!
Chive: I'm not sure, but I guess he has a low alcohol tolerance, and this is the cheap stuff! Come on glam, don’t pass out on me!
Bob: he’s already passed out, dipshit!
Lordi: he’ll wake up, right?!
3 days later………….
Bob: How the hell is he still asleep?!
Chive: I don't know, I don't know what's going on or why he's not waking up, he's been like this for 3 days, do you think we should take him to the hospital? Did we accidentally give him something harmful? What if the cheap beer we got wasn't good?! What if we did this to him?! What if we-
Lordi: chive, pull yourself together!
Chive: how can I pull myself together?!
Lordi: you can start by taking deep breaths!
Bob: Maybe we should take him to the hospital, he hasn't really been doing anything for a while and we've been checking his breathing so he's still alive, we just don't know what's wrong with him at the moment.
Chive: well-
Then they stop hearing a groan, they see glam slowly opening his eyes and sitting up, he groans and holds his head.
Glam: ugh………where am i?
Chive: glam!
Glam: chive, what-
Then he yelps when chive hugs him and starts to cry, glam is surprised, but hugs him, chive holds onto him.
Glam: chive, what happened?
Chive: well, you drank some alcohol for the first time but it went wrong, you passed out for 3 days! And that was only from one sip!
Glam: I guess my tolerance is really low.
Lordi: glam, you’re banned from drinking alcohol.
Glam: it’s fine, I didn't like it that much anyway, and if it's going to make all of you worry about me or even put me in danger, then I would rather stay the sober friend and designated driver when we go out.
Chive:’hugs him’thank you, glam!
Glam: you’re welcome………..wait, why didn't any of you take me to the hospital when I passed out?!
Bob: you were alive so-
Glam: all of you are so irresponsible for not taking me to the hospital! This could have been very dangerous and you were lucky that I only passed down because I have such a low tolerance! All of you are in big trouble for this! And now I need to teach you all a lesson about taking your friends to the hospital!
Lordi: We're not going to get out of this one, are we?
Bob: note.
Chive: I think we deserve it.
Bob and lordi: ya, we do.
Glam: oh, you do! And as punishment for not taking me to the hospital when you should have, all of you are banned from drinking alcohol until I decide that all of you have learned your lesson, which will take a while.
Bob, lordi, and chive: WHAT?!
Glam: And I don't want to hear any excuses because all of you should know better than to ignore something like that!
Bob: please have mercy on us!
Lordi: What are we supposed to do when we party?!
Glam: do other stuff that doesn't involve drinking, or doing drugs, i'm looking at you, chive, especially at you.
Chive: you're so mean to me.
Glam: I'm doing this because I care about all of you, and I don't want something like this to happen again.
Bob, lordi, and chive: yes glam…………