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You are going to leave me again, I know it because this morning you gently shook me awake, called me your baby and fed me breakfast. You kissed my forehead and you’re going to leave me. We played soccer in the front yard, you gave me a drink from your water bottle, told me I did a good job, and you’re going to leave me. We ran back into our house, you ushered me into the shower, I came out to find you laid out my clothes for me, I got dressed. You took me out into the town, got us popsicles, told me you loved me. I know you’re going to leave me. We strolled back into our home, you fed me dinner. I took a bath, you scrubbed my back and washed my hair. You said it’s time for bed, tucked me in and read me a story with a happy ending. You laid in bed with me like usual, you slipped your leg in between mine. I fell asleep and dreamt hazy dreams. When I woke up it was snowing outside and when I turned to my side it was empty, oh, you did leave-
Rin jolted up in bed, her head pounding and her skin sweating. She'd had another night terror, they always felt so close to reality she wasn't sure what was real anymore. She knew for absolute certain that she had loved her, at least at one point, yet the rest of their childish days had gone blurry from the mundanity.
As routine for these dreams, or well, nightmares, Rin had woken up with an intrusive heat between her scarred legs. She hated it, she hated feeling like this over a useless nightmare, she wanted to cry, throw up, and slice her flesh until she saw the yellow fatty substance that lay underneath her skin. But she didn't cry, she didn't throw up, nor did she muster the energy to find her hidden blade and hurt herself, doing so would be admitting defeat to Sae once more, she never wanted to lose to her sister ever again.
The green haired girl looked around her shared dorm, she hadn't woken anyone up, good, she thought, she didn't want anybody bothering her with stupid questions or concern. Rin felt a tug in her heart, one she didn't understand or care to understand, at least not right now. Her heart pulled her up out of bed, quietly, and through the door, it walked her down the hall to one particular door: Nanase's dorm.
Rin didn't knock before entering, why would she? Nanase was her property, she could do anything to her or ask anything to be done. All she came here to do was kick her around to let off… whatever feeling this was. Walking inside, she noticed the other three beds were empty, all but Nanase's. Weird.
She saw her there, sleeping, unaware of the world outside her mind. Was she dreaming? Rin briefly thought, such a useless thought it was, why should she care about Nanase's inner fantasies? Why would she care about Nanase? That bumpkin was just a tool, she could be anyone, right..? It was that moment that Nanase finally woke up, a bit disoriented Rin noted. "Uh, hey Rin? What brings ya here?" Nanase said blinking her sleep away and gently rubbing her eyes.
"The other three beds are empty." Rin ignored her question and instead diverted attention to the country girl's empty dorm.
"Oh yeah, the other girls are having some sleepover." Nanase left out the fact that the only reason she didn't join the sleepover was because Rin hadn't been invited and thus wouldn't be there. Rin didn't question it either.
There was a mild tension in the air, Nanase wondered why Rin came here in the middle of the night. Rin stopped herself from wondering why Nanase hadn't joined their lukewarm teammates in that sleepover. Both questions remained unanswered.
Taking initiative, Rin boldly swung her legs on either side of Nanase's over her blanket, again, not asking permission, why would you ask an object permission anyways? She stared intensely into Nanase's eyes, searching for something, maybe submission, maybe pride, maybe disgust, it didn't matter. Nanase stared back at her with an expression she wears every other normal day, like this action is nothing to her, just typical Rin. Somehow that enraged the green haired girl, how could Nanase be so casual?
Sensing Rin was truly upset, Nanase began to speak, "Are ya good, Rin-san?"
"Good? Yeah I'm doing fucking good." Rin scoffed, no shit she wasn't doing good, like she'd come to that hick willingly.
Nanase didn't quite know how to respond, everytime she had tried to help Rin, she was so reluctant Nanase was scared the girl might slip away forever. Well, all that to say, Nanase really did not want to push Rin into spilling her guts. However, Nanase had one trick up her sleeve when she knew words would not work on Rin, she'd only come to learn this recently. It wouldn't get Rin to open up, again, she didn't want that, but it would ease her. Slowly, very slowly as if not to scare Rin, she moved her hands up and wrapped her arms around Rin's nape, pulling the girl down towards her.
Still with the green haired girl's body over the blanket, Rin was deeply embraced, the strong, muscular arms of the country girl grounding her. Briefly Rin did return to that childish state she often did when reminded of Sae, but she didn't want to think about that woman, that's the only reason why she came into Nanase's bed, to escape the helplessness of blood ties. What else was that idiotic girl useful for anyways?
The blanket began to annoy her, Rin felt her heart guide her once again, to go deeper, to itch for the feeling of Nanase's true warmth, true natural warmth. She climbed higher onto Nanase's chest so that her thighs were on either side of the girl, and threw the blanket behind her to the floor. She didn't understand why that bumpkin's face heated up so much with the motion, she wasn't doing anything, how irritating. Then, Rin scooted down to be flush against Nanase, now she was satisfied.
In her property's arms she could escape this prison for a moment, she could leave, while Nanase stayedhere on earth.
A sick feeling bubbled in Rin's heart, Nanase was a girl to own, a girl to use, a girl to leave. Nanase, Nanase, Nanase… Her perfect idiot, all hers, property to own, if she began to grow defective Rin could up and leave without looking back.
Rin loathed being alive, she hated everything and everyone, love had been stolen from her heart on that snowy night. But now, oh now she could do that to someone else, and not just anyone, a someone that she truly owned and wrapped around her grotesque finger.
The young girl's heart stirred with the unknown emotion, how sick that satisfaction was, but it was hers, her destructiveness was all hers, the only thing Rin knew for certain she was born with, not imposed onto her. Staring up at her country girl, she wondered if Nanase could see it in her eyes. For Rin, when she looked in Nanase's eyes all she saw was endless devotion and her own sickness in the glossy reflection.
It was soon that the itching and heaviness in Rin's heart resurfaced once more, like she'd never be satisfied. Again, it felt like there were too many layers separating herself from the girl below. She wanted to feel it, she wanted to hold that bumpkin's heart in her hands and squeeze, squeeze just hard enough to hurt, but soft enough that she wouldn't break yet.
Impulsively, like Rin usually was, she stuck her hand under Nanase's shirt to feel the smooth skin of her freckled back. Nanase gasped under her, but that didn't deter Rin, creeping her hand up and up and up, she soon reached the band of Nanase's bra, mindlessly Rin slipped her hand just underneath it, resting it there. There under the tight band, the green haired girl's hand was completely flat against skin, bound by the bra, she was closer to Nanase than she ever was before. Rin could feel the heat radiating off of Nanase, she stuck her nose in the juncture of the girl's neck, breathing her entire life in and exhaling it out.
Nanase was truly tainted now, she's never return to the simple country girl she was before Rin, for now she property, an object, a girl completely made for her owner. Here on Nanase's bed, with all their teammates away, they molded into each other, shaping each other, loving each other. It was grotesque, possessive, painful, but it was all theirs, the only thing they really could control in this daunting prison. And how fleeting earth was, how fleeting life was, but in this moment it all slowed down to a full stop, just for them, just for right now.
"Rin… Rin, I- I-" Nanase started but was soon cut off by Rin capturing her lips with the ever soft palm of her hand. It was amazing how soft Rin's hand was, she was a rough, violent girl, but a girl nonetheless.
They looked each other in the eyes; Rin thought that she'd never forgot Nanase's eyes, the shape, the color, how they crinkled when she'd smile. Rin forgot the eyes of her parents, despite living with them everyday, she didn't own her parents, but she did own this hick. Anybody else could leave her, but not the body that she owned, the body she helped grow, the body she sculpted into giving her perfect passes, Nanase's body, you cannot leave your owner.
Keeping her hand over Nanase's mouth, Rin lifted her head and kissed her own fingers. Nanase turned as red as a ripened strawberry at that implication. Rin would kiss her over the protective blanket of her hands, but not yet allow Nanase to kiss her lips, Nanase wasn't yet allowed that vulnerability, she would give Rin anything, but Rin wouldn't give anything in return.
"Bumpkin… you can't leave me, okay? You can't, I own you. You gave yourself to me and I'm not giving you back." Rin's voice was monotonous, maybe slightly annoyed, but Nanase could sense the small fear behind those words, she could see the past abandonment in Rin's eyes. The shorter girl nodded, she couldn't speak with her mouth covered like this, but she made a promise with the glint in her eyes.
At that, Rin released Nanase's lips, and again she ducked her head into the girl's neck, resting there.
Nanase took a deep breath and felt Rin fall into sleep on top of her, now she was alone with her own thoughts. She really did wonder why Rin had come to her so late in the night, she wondered if the reason was important enough that she should prod at it come morning, maybe it wasn't, maybe it was too intimate for a girl like her to know. Nanase knew she was fucked, she knew her teammates would tease her for folding so quickly, but this was all she wanted, wasn't it? She really did like being lead, she wasn't very smart, or clever, or especially skilled, so she was glad Rin even wanted to touch her, let alone own her and see her undressed. Maybe Rin was violent, weird, totally possessive, yet Nanase wouldn't ever leave, even if she was thrown away or if Rin broke her like she knew she broke many toys before, Nanase would stay by her side, until the day she died. At that, she felt sleep overtake her too, and she went to dreamland with her owner, following her even in her mind.