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The stand fan whirred and rattled, wobbling at maximum power as it swiveled. Uenoyama lay on the floor, limbs stretched out in a starfish pose. He wanted as much of the feeble breeze to reach him as possible; every nook and cranny of his body dripped with sweat. Mafuyu was upside down on his bed, head dangling over the edge to catch air as the fan turned.
"Ugghh, it's too damn hot." Uenoyama lifted the edge of his shirt so a wave of air swooped up his chest. "Can't go anywhere without sweating buckets."
Mafuyu grunted, pulling at his own shirt repeatedly for more airflow. He stared as Uenoyama let his shirt fall, landing askew over his exposed midriff. Mafuyu paused his fanning as an idea slammed into his head. He sat up with too much force and grimaced as his spine complained.
"Uenoyama-kun, why don't we go to the beach? For your birthday?"
Ue craned his neck against the floor, pushing his head into a ridiculous angle to look back at Mafuyu. "We can go whenever. Doesn't have to be for my birthday."
"It's more fun that way, though." Mafuyu tucked his legs up under himself. "Besides, I haven't been to the beach while it was hot out." A biting wind and fluttering scarf flashed in his memory.
Uenoyama scowled and twisted to lean up on an elbow. "Huh? Why the hell did you…" He let the sentence die in his throat as a cold shadow crossed over Mafuyu's face. It was only a second, but it was enough.
A small shake of his head, a strong blink, and the memory passed. Mafuyu smiled at the sight of Uenoyama, sprawled out on his floor, hair windblown and shirt askew. His next heartbeat was a hammer against his ribs — Uenoyama was comfortable, alone in his room together.
"I wanna build a sand castle, like they do in the movies."
Ue huffed a laugh, one side of his mouth pulling up in a crooked smile that showed his teeth. "Sure. Let's do the whole beach-day song and dance, then. Sand castles and all." He settled back to the floor and caught the fan's wind in his shirt again. Another few seconds passed before all the pieces clicked into place: He was going to get one of Mafuyu's firsts.
The heat of the day hid his blush as he stared hard at the ceiling. His next thought arrived like an amp at full volume; he hoped to whatever god was nearby that Mafuyu couldn't hear it.
This was going to be a really good birthday gift.
Seagulls screeched overhead, a high counterpoint to the rhythmic bass of ocean waves. Mafuyu bounced on his toes as they waited for the walk sign to turn green, the cooler bag slung over his shoulder bobbing against his gray swim trunks.
Uenoyama hoisted the umbrella to his other shoulder as the light turned and Mafuyu took off in front of the crowd. They'd arrived early, in an effort to beat the rush, but they were sweating through their shirts by the time they found a suitable spot. Uenoyama cursed as he wrangled the umbrella out of its cover, Mafuyu giggling under his breath as he dug a hole for the post and laid out the towels.
When they finally had shade, Ue flopped down on the nearest towel, grumbling. "Stupid cheap fuckin' umbrella." He inhaled, then sighed, quick and sharp. A soda can cracked next to him, and then ice-cold metal against his arm made him yelp.
Mafuyu giggled again. "Thanks for your hard work," he said, tilting his head with a too-innocent smile. His hair fluttered in the sea breeze, stark against a cloudless, oversaturated sky and blinding sand. Ue accepted the drink and gulped half of it down in one go. Mafuyu sipped his to avoid a brain freeze.
Beyond the swath of colorful umbrellas, the sea sparkled in the sunlight; a dull roar announced every wave as it crashed over the shore. Mt. Fuji stood proud in the distance, cloaked in summer haze. Mafuyu took a deep breath through his nose; the air was salty, like Yuigahama in winter, but the texture was different. Thick humidity coated his lungs rather than piercing cold.
"There, finally." Uenoyama panted as he sealed the small inner tube he'd brought. He heaved himself up and said, "Let's get in the water. Too damn hot even in the shade."
Mafuyu grunted an excited agreement. He shucked his paisely button-up and tugged his tshirt over his head, dropping both on top of the cooler. Uenoyama swallowed hard; he'd thought this would be easier, after… that. Sensations flashed through his mind as he stared, unblinking.
He was skinny; his ribs and hips poked out just enough to be visible. There was a mole below his collarbone Ue hadn't seen before, and a light trail of strawberry blonde hair down from his bellybutton to…
"Uenoyama-kun," Mafuyu giggled and covered his face with the back of his hand. "Aren't you gonna…?"
"R-right! Yeah. Shirt, right." He cleared his throat, handed Mafuyu the inner tube, and peeled his shirt off, sticky from sweat and humidity. He tossed it unceremoniously to his towel.
Mafuyu let his hand fall as Ue turned on his heel and headed for the water. The tight grin he'd been hiding spread across his face as he followed, admiring his boyfriend's toned back. His heart fluttered in his throat. He stepped into the inner tube and then trotted after Uenoyama.
He yelped as his toes dipped into the sea. "Ah! It's cold!!"
Uenoyama laughed, already knee-deep, and splashed at him. "Of course it is, dummy!"
Mafuyu pouted, playing it up for the fun of it all, and then ran, as best he could as the water inched up his legs, to splash him right back. Uenoyama clicked his tongue as it barely grazed him, an impish smirk growing wider by the second. He scooped water with both hands and dumped it over Mafuyu's head, smushing as if it were cake on his face.
It launched an all-out war, water flying in every direction as they circled each other. Hands slapped at the waves and haphazard kicks trudged through the rising tide. Minutes passed like this, the ocean swallowing taunts and laughter that would have otherwise been too loud, too raucous.
Then a stray blob of wet sand flicked from Uenoyama's toes as he kicked, landing with a squelch against Mafuyu's chest. The war stalled — Mafuyu checked Ue's face for whether that was on purpose; Ue's eyes grew wide and he held his breath. The sand dribbled down Mafuyu's chest and plopped onto the inner tube around his waist, secured with one hand.
Mafuyu fell into a fit of laughter. Uenoyama breathed a sigh of relief and waded over to him, chest shaking with giggles himself. He brushed the sand off Mafuyu's chest and then tugged him by the hand deeper in to wash off the rest.
They floated for a while, catching their breath and enjoying the steady beat of the waves. Uenoyama hung off the side of the inner tube, keeping them in sight of their umbrella, as Mafuyu pulled up his feet and relaxed, drifting. Uenoyama let his fingers brush against Mafuyu's skin — rough with salt, but sun-warmed and sea-cooled. He closed his eyes, a soft smile blooming on his face.
The sun was high by the time they returned to their spot on dry land, feet caked in sand and hair tacky with salt residue. Ue cracked open two canned coffees; he fought the urge to chug it all in one go. Instead, he took a sip and then pulled Mafuyu back out.
When he was met with a confused noise, Ue said, "We need seashells if we're gonna build a sand castle." He glanced back; Mafuyu beamed at him.
They wandered up and down the shoreline, collecting shells that were still mostly intact and sipping their coffee. It was already lukewarm. They dodged the occasional screaming kid, stepped over beached seaweed, and eventually worked their way back to their little spot of shade. They dropped their spent coffee cans and adjusted the position of their towels to follow the sun.
Mafuyu trotted back out to the shoreline, with the ideal castle-building sand, and dumped out his pockets. Uenoyama plopped down next to him and dug out a moat. He hadn't played in the sand since he was probably 10; it was still so satisfying to squeeze through his fingers. Mafuyu set about sorting the seashells by size and degree of wholeness.
Mafuyu watched from the corner of his eye as Uenoyama scowled at their growing pile of sand. He was diligent — squaring off edges, smoothing others, poking the occasional hole to serve as a window. Mafuyu smiled to himself; Uenoyama's serious nature paired with something so childlike was cute. He paused. What had Uenoyama been like when he was little? Did he scowl and scoff with the same grumpy face as ever, or did he cry and whine like everyone else?
"What are you staring for?"
"Huh?" Mafuyu blinked. Uenoyama's face was flushed, despite his back being to the sun, and he was muttering. He flicked his eyes back to Mafuyu.
"You're staring. Did you want a shell from over here?" He cleared his throat, picked one up, and held it out over the half-constructed castle. "This one might work there."
Mafuyu huffed a quiet laugh through his nose as his smile grew wider. "Thank you." He stuck the shell along the side of the closest tower and continued building what was shaping up to be the world's most mediocre sand castle. He loved it.
They were nearly done when a familiar, shrill voice cut through the low bass of ocean waves. "Oiii! Mafuyu! Uenoyama!"
Uenoyama's scowl deepened as his hand froze above a spire. Two shadows loomed over the castle like the invaders they were.
"Hiiragi, Shizu-chan. What… what are you doing here?" Mafuyu squinted against the sun.
"Having a beach day, duh. What, are we interrupting a date?"
"It's Uenoyama-kun's birthday, actually."
Hiiragi snickered. "You're building sand castles at, what, 18?"
Uenoyama sent a scathing glare over his shoulder. "Like you don't cry at the drop of a hat." Shizusumi was already setting up their umbrella directly next to theirs; Hiiragi laid out their towels uncomfortably close. Ue clicked his tongue. Mafuyu shrugged and returned his attention to their castle.
"Hey," Shizu said as he finished up. "There's an empty volleyball spot over there. Wanna play?"
Mafuyu topped their — admittedly unimpressive — decorated mound of sand with the most intact curly shell they'd found and then dusted off his hands. He opened his mouth to speak only for Hiiragi to beat him to it.
"Losers buy the ice cream!" he yelled as he ran to claim the court.
Mafuyu stood and offered a hand to Uenoyama. "What's he talking about?" he asked Shizu.
"He saw a popsicle stand on the way over."
Ue took the offer and pulled himself up with a sigh. At least they'd gotten a few hours alone.
They ambled over to the sand court, where Hiiragi had somehow procured a volleyball. Shizu joined him on one side while Uenoyama followed Mafuyu to the other, grumbling.
"Shizu used to play handball, so have fun losing," Hiiragi said. He flicked them off with a shit-eating grin on his face.
"I'm not keeping score, Hiiragi. You're annoying when you win or lose," Mafuyu said. Behind him, Uenoyama snorted a laugh. "Besides, Uenoyama-kun was on the basketball team in middle school. Hurry up and serve."
"Yeah, you gonna hit the ball or what?" Uenoyama's taunt scrunched Hiiragi's face as if it had smacked him. He frowned, backed up beyond the corner of the court, and served with loud, grunting effort.
It soared over the net, too high and lofty. Ue backstepped to receive, wincing at the sting on his forearms. They hadn't played this during PE in a while. Mafuyu barely got to the ball for the second hit, and then Ue scrambled to send it back over the net. Hiiragi and Shizusumi were more coordinated — specifically because of the latter's height and more recent sports experience — but they all got into a groove eventually.
Hiiragi never failed to gloat when they landed a spike; he never really stopped running his mouth. Mafuyu wondered how he managed to have enough air to trash talk that much in the middle of a game. Uenoyama, on the other hand, was dead quiet; he was huffing and puffing, but kept up with Mafuyu's quick movements, covering whatever part of the court he wasn't in.
Toward the end, they had established a steady pattern: Uenoyama received, Mafuyu set, and then back to Uenoyama to spike. Shizu and Hiiragi were similar. Their final rally lasted a full minute before they all wound up doubled over and panting. The ball fell unceremoniously to the sand.
"Food," Shizusumi muttered. Uenoyama nodded, hands on his knees as he gulped air. Mafuyu and Hiiragi looked much the same.
As they trudged their way back, the only sound they made was the scrunch of sand and huffing breaths. Mafuyu didn't stop when they reached their towels, though.
"Sand. Gonna rinse off," he said, breath coming easier now. Everyone else mumbled vague agreeances and followed him to the water.
By the time they were settled in for lunch, they'd recovered enough for Hiiragi to run his mouth again. "So we totally won, right, Shizu?" Shizu just shrugged at him, already on his second chicken katsu sandwich.
Uenoyama complained around a mouthful of egg salad and bread. "Ugghh shut up, dude."
"Annoying," Mafuyu said, polishing off the first half of his fruit sandwich. Hiiragi pouted but let it go and dug into his yakisoba.
"Why the hell do you all have sandwiches?" His words were garbled, but Ue caught his drift.
"Cheap. And egg salad is cheap with protein."
"You go to the gym or something?" Hiiragi frowned. "When the hell do you have time?"
Ue sighed and swallowed his bite. "I don't. I work part-time for a moving company."
They continued on like this while they finished eating, exchanging meaningless banter and talking about the upcoming semester — recording Given's debut, their schedule, and all the details in between. The ease of being around each other — despite the bickering — settled something in Mafuyu's soul. He'd missed this.
Mafuyu had only just finished his sandwich when he asked, "You said there was a popsicle stand?" Hiiragi's eyes lit up as he leapt to his feet.
"I did say losers buy the ice cream!"
"I'm not buying you anything," Mafuyu said, though he got up and followed Hiiragi's lead. He looked over his shoulder to see if Uenoyama and Shizu were coming with. Ue was dusting off his pants, mouth set in a sigh. Shizu was already halfway caught up. Him and his long legs.
The popsicle stand was packed, and the wait on hot asphalt baked them half to death. When Mafuyu finally approached the vendor — a guy around their age, maybe a bit older — he pulled out his wallet and ordered quickly, before anyone else could butt in.
"Two, please!" he said, holding out a 500-yen coin. Next to him, Uenoyama snapped his head to look at him.
"I thought you weren't—"
"I'm not," Mafuyu said, and held one out to him. "Happy birthday, Uenoyama-kun." He tilted his head and flashed a wide, toothy smile. The ocean breeze ruffled his hair.
Uenoyama blinked a few times, dazzled by Mafuyu's sparkle. The popsicle was already dripping as he accepted it, fingers brushing Mafuyu's in the process. Behind them, Hiiragi aggressively cleared his throat. Mafuyu turned a deadpan stare on him, but stepped aside anyway.
They stood in the sun while Hiiragi and Shizu bought theirs. Uenoyama nibbled some of the soft ice at the bottom of the popsicle when sudden movement drew his eye. Mafuyu caught a drip running down the side with his tongue, licking back up to the top before sucking it into his mouth. Ue froze, eyes wide and heart pounding. That… was…
A long slurping sound interrupted that thought. "Ahhh, that hits the spot," Hiiragi said as he walked up, Shizusumi in tow. Uenoyama flinched as his eyes met Hiiragi's — was that look haughtier than usual? Or was that just his face?
Mafuyu continued to eat his popsicle as they made their way back; Uenoyama continued to watch with rapt attention. He tripped over a curb as they crossed the boardwalk when Mafuyu slurped half of it into his mouth. Hiiragi was yammering on about something — I swear to god if he's still on about the volleyball game… — but it went in one ear and out the other as quickly as that thought flitted through his mind. Mafuyu licked the popsicle again — dramatically, from the bottom up. Uenoyama wasn't even pretending not to stare anymore, and paid the price by hipchecking a metal fence pole. He grunted as pain bloomed on his hipbone.
"Are you okay, Uenoyama-kun?" Mafuyu turned back, concerned. Hiiragi snickered.
"Yeah, yep, fine… fine," he grumbled, keeping his head low to hide the flush in his face. When he looked up again, Mafuyu held the tip of the popsicle between his lips, cheeks hollowed and eyes round with innocence. Uenoyama's heart threatened to beat out of his ribcage. He swallowed hard and forced himself to watch his feet instead.
But as pavement gave way to sand, his eyes drifted back to Mafuyu's face. His lips were damp, his tongue darting out now and then. Both were dyed blue already. What would it feel like, if that were…
Cold liquid dripped onto Ue's hand, startling him out of his thoughts. He had hardly touched the popsicle Mafuyu had bought for him; he licked his hand clean and chomped a good quarter off. His nerves screamed as the freeze shot up into his head.
A high, malicious snicker grazed his ear. "Too distracted to even take off your shoes?" Ue coughed and choked as Hiiragi waggled sandals in his face. They were already back at the umbrellas, and he had, in fact, slogged through the sand in his flip-flops. He clicked his tongue, kicked them off, and slumped down on the towel next to Mafuyu.
"You two are such a couple of virgins," Hiiragi said with a snort.
Mafuyu blinked and fired back in his most neutral tone, "I'm not though."
No one spoke for a moment. Uenoyama stilled; one strong breeze might have tipped him over and left him buried in the sand, a statue for future generations to discover. Wha—? Mafuyu is… isn't…? He's not a…? A glob of melting ice landed on his leg; he didn't notice. He'd known Mafuyu had done… more than him, but he'd never really let himself consider just how much more. Jealousy squirmed in his stomach — less the white-hot pit now and more a stubborn weed he had to stamp out occasionally.
Hiiragi was yelling about something. It filtered in slowly, a radio tuning to the right station.
"What? WHEN? Was it him?" Hiiragi screeched the last word and pointed an accusing finger at statue-Ue. Mafuyu glanced sideways to find Uenoyama staring wide-eyed at the ocean as what was left of his popsicle melted over his hand. He turned back to Hiiragi with a sigh but left the question hanging — just like his jaw was right now.
Shizusumi tugged Hiiragi back by the shirt and covered his mouth as he tried to continue his tirade. A thick blanket of awkward discomfort settled over the already-humid air. A few painful moments of silence passed before the rustle of a zipper and ice broke the spell; Shizu was digging through the cooler.
"Damn. Empty." He closed it back up and stood. "Let's go, Hiiragi. We can grab dinner on the way home." Hiiragi grumbled under his breath, but took Shizu's hand and gathered their stuff.
Uenoyama's stone shell cracked open. "Shit, is it that late?" He reached for his phone, but Mafuyu answered him instead.
"No, we're fine." He stretched his arms over his head and then swung them down to jump to standing. "I wanna get my feet in the water again. Come with me?" He extended a hand.
Ue stared at it for a beat, then grabbed on and let Mafuyu help him up. "Sure."
"See you," Mafuyu said, and waved over his shoulder as he tugged Uenoyama along behind him.
Relief seeped into Uenoyama's shoulders once they were alone again — or as alone as they could be on a crowded beach at the height of summer. Mafuyu's grip on his hand loosened, as if about to pull away; Ue grasped it tighter, watching seafoam kiss their ankles.
Mafuyu's chest clenched as he looked over. "Does…" he started. Blue eyes snapped up to his face — the sky itself waiting for him. He took a deep breath and tried again. "Does it… bother you?"
Uenoyama didn't reply immediately. A little breath squeaked out of his throat, but he cleared it and swallowed as he glanced away. Mafuyu fidgeted with one of Ue's fingertips, hands still intertwined.
Ue inhaled and held it for a split second. "I don't know." He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. "Honestly."
"Mm." Mafuyu knew that feeling all too well.
They meandered through the shallows, hand-in-hand. The quiet sat comfortably between them, cradled by breaking waves, splashing feet, and the dull chatter of happy families. Uenoyama's thoughts swirled, circling Mafuyu's question on a gentle current. Did it bother him? Sure, it was a shock. Of course it was. But out from under Hiiragi's prying eyes, it was easier to examine himself.
Mafuyu's history with another boy always stung — he thought maybe it always would, at least a little — but since finishing "To the Sea," he believed he understood them both that much more. And, truthfully, himself. So… no. It didn't bother him.
But something in him still wrankled. He poked it, plucked at its threads. He had almost unraveled it when Mafuyu piped up again.
"What did Hiiragi say to you? When we got back from the popsicle stand?"
Ue choked on a cut-off noise in his throat. Why was he asking that? Did he know? Shit, was it obvious? Had his dirty thoughts been written all over his face?
"Uh… n-nothing important."
Mafuyu snorted a laugh. "That bad?"
"Just being stupid and annoying, like always." With a quiet pop, the last knot came undone in his head. What does Mafuyu expect of me? Unease seeped through his chest as he named the issue. He pulled at his bangs and muttered under his breath, "Communication."
"Hm?" Mafuyu's voice was light and airy.
Ue cleared his throat again. "It, um… that doesn't bother me." Mafuyu's sigh of relief made the next part harder to get past his teeth. "But…" he wrestled with his words. "I don't… shit, sorry. I don't know how to say it, but… what does it, uh, mean?"
"Mean?"
"I guess, uh, d-do you want…?" Ue's heart thundered in his chest at the thought alone. Please don't make me say the rest.
Mafuyu sucked in a breath as the implications fell into place. The smallest dust of pink colored his cheekbones. He squeezed Ue's hand and echoed his own words back to him, "Whatever you want."
Uenoyama almost laughed. His heart was in a frenzy and he'd spent the last 20 minutes daydreaming about Mafuyu's mouth. He wasn't sure he could be trusted with whatever he wanted. But he supposed it did answer his question.
"…okay." He met Mafuyu's squeeze with equal force, but kept his eyes on the sand. He couldn't tell if his cheeks were warm from the sun or this conversation.
They wandered back to their umbrella, sharing a relieved sigh to find Shizu and Hiiragi long gone. It only took a few minutes to pack up their own stuff — whipping the sand off their shirts and shoving sandy towels into bags. Uenoyama did a full 360-degree turn, confirming they hadn't left any trash behind. The area was clear, but a melon pan wrapper rolled around nearby like a tumbleweed. Ue snagged it and tucked into their trash bag.
They had just started the walk to the street when Mafuyu shouted, "Wait!" He trotted back, cooler bouncing wildly on his hip, and plucked the pretty curled shell from the top of their sand castle. He held it up as explanation when he caught up with Uenoyama again. "A memento," he said with a grin that rivaled the summer sun.
The day hadn't gone exactly how he'd imagined, but he couldn't complain when Mafuyu smiled at him like that. A warm, sappy thought floated up from his heart that softened his eyes and dusted his cheeks: I'd like to spend all my birthdays with that smile.