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He doesn't understand at all.
Keonho couldn't seem to warm up to Juhoon these days. Every time he approaches, he already sees the eyes that says 'fuck off' without even uttering a word. Whenever he tries to ask about his problem with him, he's always seen with the other guys. He has nothing to be jealous of, because how petty would he be if he were to be jealous of his own members, right? Instead, it's envy that he feels. He wants to be taken care of like a prized possession. He wants to be remembered by the small things. He wants to be treated as if he's the most precious person that has ever entered in this lifetime. Yes, it's too much to ask. But could you blame him?
All he wants is to be seen.
All he wants is for Juhoon to love him the same.
Not even as a lover anymore, but as a friend. Or anything at this point.
Compared to him, the others have everything he had ever dreamed of.
"Hey, that's dangerous."
"You like this, right?"
"Is this okay?"
But with him, it's different.
So different.
"Don't do that."
"Stop."
"You're not allowed to do that."
"Behave yourself."
"Don't buy that."
And the list goes on.
He doesn't know why he prevents him so much. He doesn't know why he tells him off like it's his duty.
He just wants to find out why Juhoon hates him.
Maybe it's the way he acts. Does he smile too much? Does he get too cheerful when the air is dry? Is his nonsense just unbearable to hear now?
He wants to find out once and for all. He can't just lie in his bed with the thought hanging on his head.
"Hyeon."
Seonghyeon, who is folding his clothes, looks back. "Hm?"
"Why does Juhoon hyung hate me so much?"
This takes Seonghyeon by surprise. "Huh? What do you mean?"
Keonho squints, as if Seonghyeon had asked a rhetorical question.
"It's obvious that he hates me, Hyeon." Keonho sighs and starts pacing around the room.
Seonghyeon furrows his eyebrows, then stop folding clothes to cross his arms in pure curiosity. "Really?"
"Yeah!"
Keonho breathes before he continues.
"He always prevents me from buying stuff. He always tells me off when I do the smallest things, and his eyes literally stab hearts!" Keonho rants while pacing around the room, ruffling his hair and circling his arms around his chest.
"That is kind of weird."
Keonho's eyes seem to glow at that moment. "Right?!"
Seonghyeon shrugs immediately after. "I don't know. Just try talking it out with him."
Seonghyeon continues to fold his clothes, while Keonho folds himself back to bed with nothing left to do.
He mutters under his breath. "Stupid Eom Seonghyeon."
He is left alone with Juhoon today.
Just them, a whole dorm they can occupy, and possibly a big fight as a way to occupy the dorm in the meantime.
Juhoon is distant and cold as always. Nothing new there.
Which is exactly the problem.
He doesn't like how he's so used to this. He hates how he's doing nothing about this because it's 'normal'. There is nothing normal about this situation. There is nothing to be scoffing or shrugging about.
He knows that Juhoon would've went with the other guys if he was available. He knows Juhoon prefers to be outside rather than be enclosed with awkward wind. He can see the way Juhoon avoids him, as if he doesn't want to see him at all. It's as if he isn't there in the first place.
He just wants Juhoon, but it can be hard to ask for when Juhoon himself hates him.
Believe him, he has tried many ways today alone. Juhoon simply doesn't want to talk, and he wants to respect that. But this has gone far longer than Keonho wished.
He can't just stand there and let this happen forever, can he?
"Hyung."
His voice is shaky, fear crawling up to his throat.
Juhoon looks back immediately, so fast that it shocks Keonho.
Juhoon, however, just hums.
"Hm?"
"Why.."
Juhoon tilts his head when Keonho's voice trails off, confusion drawing on his face.
A gulp.
"Why do you.."
Another gulp.
"...hate me, so much?"
Juhoon visibly freezes, his eyes slightly widening in shock after hearing the question.
Keonho's hands shake in fear. He rubs them in an attempt to cool them down, but it grabs no successors.
"With James hyung, you genuinely admire him because he's the best hyung to ever ask for."
Keonho avoids Juhoon's sharp gaze.
"With Martin hyung, you feel thankful that you have someone that understands you the way he does."
His breath hitches as he sighs.
"With Seonghyeon, you care for him like a brother you've always wanted."
His hands fail to calm down.
"But with me, there's nothing." His voice trembles.
Juhoon remains the same as a minute ago, indifferent.
"You always stop me from things."
"You always tell me off when I did nothing wrong." His voice is weaker, less confident as he finally looks up to see Juhoon's face.
A blink.
"What's wrong with me?" His voice fully shakes, sobs interrupting him.
"What.." He wipes away the tears that continuously roll down his cheeks.
His hands remain anxious as he continues his sentence.
"What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
Juhoon immediately walks closer, gaze sharp as it reciprocates his.
Keonho couldn't walk away if he wanted to. Nothing has been processed in his brain yet, and he doesn't know what to do and where this will lead to.
Juhoon walks closer,
and closer,
and closer.
Until he suddenly grabs Keonho's hands and attempts to calm them down.
what?
Keonho looks down at his hands as the shake slowly reduces until it's steady again.
When Keonho looks up, he's shocked to see Juhoon's face.
It's soft and gentle. It's the opposite of what Juhoon usually look like when it's him.
"Are you okay now?"
It's the softest voice he's ever heard.
"Huh?"
"Keonho," Juhoon takes a deep breath.
"I don't hate you." He shakes his head, his voice soft.
"God, I.." He sighs. "I never did."
"I was like that because I was preparing myself, Keonho."
That makes Keonho furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
"Prepare for what?"
"For when I finally get to love you."
Keonho's world stuns.
Juhoon keeps going.
"I'm just too protective of you, and I don't want you buying stuff because I'd want to buy something better for you."
"You don't know how much I love you."
"You're not.."
Keonho stops because Juhoon comes closer,
until their faces are just an inch away from connecting.
"Why would I do all this if I hate you?"
Keonho stutters. "H-hyung-"
"I've always dreamed of seeing you like this."
Juhoon caresses Keonho's face, eyes filled with admiration that can't hold itself back any longer.
Keonho looks for any sign. Anything that would make him say the older is just fooling him.
But Juhoon sounds and looks genuine, so he can't say anything.
"You're so precious."
Keonho's breath hitches.
"So mine."
Juhoon leans in, and Keonho reciprocates quickly. It's warm, filled with comfort and longing.
Juhoon pulls back first, Keonho's face cupped in his hands.
"How could I ever hate anything about you when you're the prettiest face I've held?"
"No I'm not."
Juhoon huffs out a laugh, smiling widely. "Yes, you are."
Keonho is pouting this time, looking away with a flustered face.
Juhoon laughs at the sight, filled with adoration.
"God, you're so cute."
Juhoon leaves a peck on Keonho's forehead as he brings him closer.
His right hand slips down to the waist, firm and steady.
"You're unbelievable. You made it seem like you hate me." Keonho sulks, his pout visible.
"Sorry, baby." Juhoon caresses his cheek.
Juhoon then puts his forehead on the other, his hands remaining where they are.
"I'll show you everything I've wanted to show you. No more running away."
"Promise?"
Juhoon laughs at Keonho's cuteness.
"Promise."
Juhoon connects his lips to Keonho once again, finally claiming what's his.
He'll have to say his thanks to the guys later after banishing them.