Work Text:
Stag! STAG! STAG!
Author’s Note:
I loved STAG Part 1, and I have actually donated, but not a ‘tier’ level donation (can’t quite afford that, especially with the exchange rate), but they did say that we’ll get to see Part 2 if we donate at any level. So I am hoping I will get to see Part 2.
But if I don’t, I am okay with that.
Partly; it’s supporting a great thing – and they’re dedicated to NOT using ai, which is Fantastic. But also Part 1 ended in a spot that made me intrigued, interested, and definitely wanting more ... but not crawling up the walls desperate for more. It left me in a spot that has allowed my imagination take over.
This chapter is a version that might happen (though undoubtedly theirs will be far better). Warnings for language – nothing worse than what is said by the Roll From The Hip Team.
This is an idea of a mostly Happy Ending.
*/*/*
They had fought.
Fought against Monsters, against little men in red hats, against the terrifying Fairies, and they had fought against each other. Fighting against the external forces had been physically draining, almost to the point of dying. Fighting against themselves had been emotionally exhausting.
And now they were standing as a group in front of the White Stag that was actually Rupert, trying to protect him from the hunt. The Stag was injured, bleeding and lying on the ground in obvious pain.
The Five Stood in front of the Stag, facing the fake Helen, the Fae being in her wedding dress with her unnaturally perfect appearance. She smiled, a look that was oh so sweet, and oh so terrifyingly cruel. And when she spoke, it was in a melodic sing-song tone that enchanted them.
“You have lasted longer than the Five usually do. But it is time you were honest, none of you really want the Stag to survive do you.”
She spoke to each in turn, and as she did, as they listened to her melodic voice, they each turned into something of a statue. The fight left their eyes, the magic they had been adapting to started to dim, their weapons were lowered, and it for a moment it appeared that the darkness and internal doubts began to defeat them.
“Second Best Man ... Key word being ‘Second’ you hated that he was more important to you than you were to him, why would you want that reminder back?”
Eggy shook his head “No, that’s not ... it wasn’t like that we were ... we are-”
“Always the Second Choice, never the First. Always have been. Always will be.”
Kyle dimmed, his fight drained as all his previous hidden insecurities came forth, and the stillness came over his body.
Seeing this Rudy stepped forward “Hey now what are you d-” His words were stopped as The Fae turned to face him.
“It would suit you just fine wouldn’t it Big Brother”
Rudy shook his head trying to clear the fog that was enveloping his brain “You’re not Helen. She doesn’t call me that. Stop trying to control us. You can’t ...”
“He’s not Good Enough for the Bride. You know he’ll just break her Heart. Why allow him the opportunity to do so to your poor beloved sister.”
Rudy stood there trying to fight against her words, to remember the real Helen ... but in this moment of exhaustion, his willpower just wasn’t quite strong enough.
And the ‘Bride’ turned a predatory gaze onto Felix who had been trying to sneak forward. He froze as Helen’s face was right in front of him. She reached out a hand and appeared to caress his face, though if Felix were able to think past the fog her touch gave, he might have noticed there was a mocking twist to her tone.
“And you definitely don’t want Rupert to be the Groom.
After all, you’re so much richer, taller, better looking. And you’re a Doctor.
Aren’t you so much more deserving than deer Rupert, you don’t even like him.”
Lucy stepped forward trying to Rage, though a touch too exhausted to do so. But there was still fury in her voice.
“Well I like Rupert! And I’ll defend him!”
The Fae moved into Lucy’s space, her hand reaching out to hold the woman’s chin. And unlike the mocking seductiveness that had successfully frozen Felix, there was a look of genuine interest in her eyes.
"Ah yes, the female of the Groom’s party. A most unusual aspect of how the modern world changes. And you love Rupert, how sweet.
But if you save him and he gives you what you think you want, then his love for you will not last, for how quickly he would move on, to any other pretty face who comes along. But if he is a man actually worth your love, then if you save him, he will go on to marry the real Helen, and you deserve better than the pain that that would bring you.
But there is another option, you could join us. We would even let you be the Bride.
Just imagine it, you could have everything you want. And Rupert would be Yours Forever."
Lucy failed to move as the visions the Fairy offered danced in front of her eyes, she maintained enough of her inner strength to resist saying yes ... but just.
Finlay struggled free of the mud that had been holding him in place and snapped out a desperate “Leave them alone!”
He gulped in fear when the Fey turned a snapped a cruel smile in his direction, she laughed. Beautiful, and cruelly mocking.
“Finlay, Finlay, Finlay ... You weren’t even wanted on this trip. Or in life.
The only reason Rupert was even nice to you was because of who your Mummy is. But Mummy’s not here to give you your way.
Do you really believe that you have enough power to save this Stag.”
She gave another laugh, and Finlay, admittedly faltered. And for a moment, the world was dark, the Five were down and dim, the White Stag dying, even the stars seemed to have disappeared.
But then Finlay clenched his fists and took another step forwards. And when he spoke, it was with a Knight’s valour, that grew stronger and stronger with every sentence, until his voice reverberated and resonated with power.
“You are wrong. Rupes isn’t nice to me Because of who my Mummy is. He’s nice to me regardless of whom my Mummy is! We met at work, he was nice to me, and Then he found out who my Mummy is, but that change him, he remained as nice.
I swore an Oath to protect this Stag. And I will keep my Vow.
Stag. Stag! STAG. STAG! STAG!”
With every word of the chant, Finlay began to stand taller, his power began to glow, and so too did the Stag beside the group. And unnoticed by anyone a star beside the Fae began to shine, and increased in size with every person that joined the chant. Slowly the other four shook off the spell that had been fogging their minds.
Rudy was the first to disperse the magic, he stepped next to Finlay and glowered at the False Helen.
“You know what, you’re right. I don’t trust anyone with my sister’s heart. But you know what – I do trust my sister. Helen says Rupert is the man she’s happy with, and is the one she wants to spend forever with. That’s good enough for me. “
Rudy joined in the chant, and then a third voice joined in. The chant paused, though the growing power did not, as everyone turned in surprise to Lucy who had linked arms with Rudy to join in the chant. She caught their looks and explained herself.
“Look ... what she offered me sounds amazing, but it wouldn’t be real. Just a fantasy. And I know fantasy – I know I’ve been deluding myself for far too long. Rupert and I reconnected as friends before he even met Helen; we’ve had plenty of opportunities to date again ... if he wanted to. But he doesn’t want to date me. And I maybe I can learn to love him in a non-romantic way. Because friendship Love is just as important and powerful as romantic love.”
She then turned to glare at the Fae “And guess what you ... you Slag! I do love Rupert enough to want him to be happy. Even if it’s not with me! STAG!”
STAG! STAG! STAG!
Felix blinked away his own visions, he sighed “Well shit.” He stood next to Finlay, and declared to the others. “You don’t think that Lucy is the only one who can accept unrequited feelings gracefully do you.
At least Rupert used to have feelings for you Lucy. Helen has always made it clear she likes me as if I were a second brother. Maybe I don’t understand why Helen chose Rupert, but I care about her enough to respect her choice. And honestly, I can even respect Rupert enough to fight for him.”
Felix glanced at Eggy who was still swaying in a dazed way “Oi, Mate, you with us?” Eggy shook his head clear “Of course I bloody am!”
Eggy linked his arm with Felix, who surprised but didn’t pull away. And the five together chanted sure and strong, adding their powers, their strengths, their care. With every word the Stag, and the Star seemed to shine more brightly, and the Fae in front of them seemed to slow in her actions.
STAG! STAG! STAG!
As the chant built, Eggy glowered at the Fae and spoke “You know, the thing about Football; is that you support your team, whether they’re winning or losing. Best Man, Second Best Man, not Best Man at all; it doesn’t matter you still support them. When I told Rupert I’m Gay, he supported me, and kept it a secret even from Toby – until I was ready to come out. Maybe I’m not First, but I’m still Enough.”
Felix glanced at Eggy “You’re gay?”
“Yeah. Why do you think I’ve been flirting with you this whole time?”
Felix looked intrigued and Finlay interrupted them “Flirt later, Stag Now.” The five of them increased their chanting, not quite knowing why the chanting was empowering them, but knowing that it was.
STAG! STAG! STAG!
And something wonderous began to happen.
The Stag, glowed a brilliant moonlight white, and he let out a bellow, then there was brilliant flash, and where the Stag had been, now lay the human form of Rupert. He was bruised, and battered, and bleeding. Missing half an ear, and covered in cuts and other such lacerations. But Alive, and Human.
Lucy was the first to noticed and cried out “Rupert”, but none of them could move. The Fae still had a few tricks to play.
She glared at them, still in a perfect image of Helen’s face, wearing a pristine Wedding Dress, but somehow there was an ugliness to her beautiful face.
“Oh so the Five actually stand together and somehow keep the Stag alive long enough for him to be turned back into the form of a man. But you you have not yet won.” She turned her beautiful face to Rupert who blinked blearily in her direction, and he ached in pain.
“Helen?”
Rudy struggled, his feet stuck in the mud, but his voice still worked “Nah Mate, That’s not the real Helen.”
Rupert lolled his head to the side and repeated the word with more certainty, a smile, and some awe in his voice “Helen.”
The Beautiful Bride smiled reached out a hand to Rupert and sang
“Come to me my Groom”
And for a moment, the five feared that Rupert would give himself over. But they very quickly came to understand that he hadn’t been looking at the Fae Lady. No one had noticed the star getting bigger as they chanted. But bigger it become, until it wasn’t a star, but a window big enough for a human woman to climb through. To climb through and shout out quite loudly.
“Get your own Groom bitch. This one’s mine!”
As she did, she punched the apparent Bride in the head ... whilst holding onto an iron horse shoe. Decorated with white lace and frills, but still very much an Iron Horse Shoe. The Fae Lady let out an unearthly screech, and then there was a flash, and a bang ... and she was gone.
Rudy straightened up in amazement “Helen?”
The woman turn and scowled at the five. Her party dress was pretty, but rumpled, her make-up slightly smudged, her hair falling out of its do. Far more imperfect, and more human than the Fae Lady had been. And when she spoke there was the Australian Twang that came across.
“Rudy you Shithead, I told you to keep Rupert safe,”
Rudy laughed with relief “Now that’s the real Helen.”
On the ground Rupert smiled and tried to lift himself up “Helen.”
Helen went immediately to his side, gently stopping him from rising. As she look at him her face softened to a look of pure love.
“Hello Handsome.”
“Hey Love ... I’m quite glad we didn’t choose the venison meal for our wedding.”
“Heh, you know what – so am I.”
“Hey ... aren’t you supposed to be on your Hens-Do?”
Helen gave a soft chuckle “Would you still love me if I were a chicken?”
Rupert smiled sappily back and declared with sincerity “You would be the smartest, kindest, prettiest chicken in the world. I’d love you if you were a chicken, I’d love you if you were a worm. I think I’d even be able to love you if your were pigeon. But please don’t turn into a pigeon.”
It was a pretty big claim to make, especially given his intense fear of pigeons. Helen smiled softly “I promise to do everything in my power not to turn into a pigeon on you.”
Rupert made to move his arm to touch Helen’s face, and winced as spike of pain shot through his body “UGH, ow. Everything hurts.”
Helen gave Felix a hard stare and begged with a soft command “Heal Him. Please.”
Felix stuttered “Oh, uh right” and he knelt beside the other man, and started using; both his Doctoring skills, and his newly given magical healing abilities. Helen allowed herself to collapse slightly against Rudy who felt her shaking.
Eggy scratched his “How did you manage to get here Helen?”
“And can we go back through this thing?” asked Finlay trying to touch the star window that Helen had come through. Helen shook her head at Finlay’s question.
“One-way portal. It’ll be gone in a few moments. As to how? Last night Rupert and I were on a WhatsApp Video Call; when suddenly I see my Fiance get transformed into a Stag, and there’s these little men in Red Hats trying to hunt him. And none of you lot answered your phones.”
“I didn’t think we had cell service” said Finlay.
“Yeah obviously if you were dealing with Fey Folk. Anyway luckily one of my friends who was with me; Alice, she has been doing witchcraft since her teens. She once managed to do the magic required to get her little brother to save their Dad from Hell. Well anyway she was easily able to make a portal to get me to Rupert’s side.
But I was blocked from coming through because You Lot were all playing a game with the Fairies. You had to keep yourselves, and The Stag alive until the Dawn came, so I wasn’t able to do anything until you won the game by standing untied together to protect the Stag, to protect Rupert.”
Felix looked up from his healing work awkwardly “Oh ... umm you didn’t happen to see anything that was revealed did you?”
“You mean the ridiculous Love Quadrangle, Pentagon, Octagon, Whatever-agon that has been happening? Yeah, I saw the confessions.”
Most of the Five shifted awkwardly, then Helen spoke in a kinder voice “But I also saw you come together to protect each other, and to protect Rupert. You won the game. I think that’s the part we should focus on.”
She paused and let that sink in to everyone and then tried to lighten the subject. “Speaking of winning games. Rupert had told me that Rudy won the game of Risk you all played. He only did so because I taught him everything about the game.”
Rudy rolled his eyes in a scoff, and Felix looked surprised “You play Risk Helen?”
Helen “Yeah. Part of weekly group that does so, along with Rupert and Toby.” Felix went back to his work, mind reeling from the new information. Helen however felt her brother tense of Toby’s name, and glanced around the group.
“Where is Toby anyway?”
Eggy answered, grief filling his voice, they all hadn’t really had a chance to process that fact over the night “Toby’s Dead. The Red Hats got him, right at the start.” Helen’s shocked face matched the pain Eggy felt. And she could only give a hollow, but sincere statement “Oh. I’m sorry. He was a really good bloke.” Eggy nodded “Always knew how to lighten up a room, Toby did.” There was another pause as sorrow made its rounds through the group.
Rupert squeezed the hand Helen was holding and said softly “It’s always light when you’re around Helen.” Helen managed to give a small smile in response “I think that’s just the blood-loss talking you sap. Or the Sun rising.”
The Five looked up in surprise and Lucy, who had been intentionally silent since Helen appeared gasped “So it is, the Sun is rising.”
Dawn had arrived, and the light filtered down onto them. It made the world around seem a little bit warmer, a little bit less mysterious, and a little bit more peaceful. They all took a long moment to breathe and remember they were alive.
The moment was disrupted by Finlay letting out a cry “NOOO! JAG!”
They group turned to stare at Finlay, and saw him kneeling almost heart-brokenly at what had been a feline Jaguar made of starlight, but was now back to being a car. The rest of the Five all glanced at each other and at themselves, and found that the Powers, the extra selves had faded with the night. They were all now back to being their usual ordinary selves.
Finlay sighed and placed a hand gently on the bonnet of his car “You are the best Steed, whatever form you take, my Jag.”
Felix took a moment to try change into a bear, and couldn’t, which was disappointing, but probably better in the long run. He looked up at Helen and admitted that “I can’t heal him any more magically than what I’ve done. Everything else will have to be done the usual way. But he will recover, He’ll be okay.”
Rudy stretched out his back. “Someone should head back to the Inn, get all our stuff. ‘Cause I don’t know about you lot, I’m not too keen on staying here much longer.”
Finlay stood “I’ll go” he patted his Jag. Felix stood as well “I’ll go with you. I can help with all the official stuff that’ll need to happen for... Toby.”
Lucy spoke “I’ll go too. Help pack everything.” She went towards the car, then stopped and looked at Helen with a smile that awkward, but determined “I ... love what you’ve done with your hair Helen.”
Helen smiled back, equally as awkward, but equally as determined. “Thank-You. I love your earrings, they’re very pretty.”
The three went off in the car, and Eggy drifted slightly away from the remaining group. They were in a clearing at the edge the forest, on a slight rise that overlooked the quaint little village. It looked so peaceful and ordinary, it seemed difficult to believe that it had been the spot of such a night of terror. Eggy was exhausted, he was feeling such a mix of emotions, there was grief, pain, and anger, those pesky insecurities, relief at being alive ... but mostly he was just exhausted.
“I guess we won’t get to eat Venison after all.”
Eggy jumped slightly at the voice that spoke to him. He looked down and saw the child he had spoken to all that time ago when they had first arrived (was it really just yesterday? It felt like so much longer). “You’re a real Pixie Fairy aren’t you? Not just dressed up as one.”
The child smiled. “The Five have never survived before,. One or Two have gotten away, but never all Five. And never have they managed to save the Stag. It’s a first.”
“Great. Do we win anything?”
“You get to all leave, and live your lives.”
“Yeah? No ones going to come after us or anything?” That had been a worry playing on Eggy’s mind, and he had been half expecting the Fae Bride to return and continue to attack them. But he believed the child when they spoke.
“No. You won the game. So you get to leave. Unless you want to come back and play another game with us. We like games.”
Eggy gave an awkward chuckled “Thanks for offer, but I don’t think you’ll see any of us here again.”
The child disappeared, leaving behind a giggle that sent a shiver up Eggy’s back.
*/*/*
A while later they were driving out of the village.
Helen, as the least exhausted was driving the van, with Rupert sleeping in the seat beside her. Finlay was driving his Jag just behind but was staying connected by phone call. Which was understandable, none of them felt comfortable with being alone at the moment, though Finlay spent it mostly talking to himself, or rather his car. The other four sat in the back, letting the normality sweep over them.
After about an hour, Eggy spoke up.
“Well ... it wasn’t the worst Stag I’ve ever been on.”
Lucy, Rudy, and Felix turned to stare at him. Felix spoke what they were all thinking “We almost died, numerous times. Rupert got turned into a Stag, and was hunted for sport. Toby did actually die.”
Eggy nodded “Yeah, I’m going to have nightmares about everything for weeks, if not months. It was absolutely horrifying. But you know what, it was still more fun than the Stag I went on a few years ago. We went to Germany, and Jim*, the Groom invited his Nan along.” Eggy shuddered at the memory “That was the worst.”
Lucy looked confused “He brought his grandmother along? Maybe that would be embarrassing, but I don’t see how it could be bad?”
“Most blokes’ nans, sure no problem. Nana Ethel – That woman is evil.”
Rudy looked thoughtful “Wait, crazy old lady, does cocaine, has a cult following and goes around singing ‘nanananananananana Ethel!’ That Ethel?”
“Bloody Hell Mate! You’ve met her?”
“Nah Mate, but even in Australia we’ve heard the stories.”
Lucy and Felix glanced at each other and shrugged, not quite believing the conversation. But it did allow the conversation to ease into other topics, and let them stabilise their minds, to know that they would be okay.
*/*/*
Rupert and Helen did, and did not have their wedding on the day initially planned, the Saturday the week after the Stag had taken place; which had been planned that way so both Bride and Groom could be on time without worry. They did go to the courthouse and sign the paperwork to become legally married. The Five from the Stag night, and Helen’s Bridesmaids were there as witnesses, but the celebratory wedding ceremony wasn’t held that day.
The next Sunday instead had everyone going to the Funeral for Toby. It was a very sad affair, lots of tears were shed, but lots of good memories were also shared.
People who hadn’t been involved didn’t believe the truth, and eventually the 5 had stopped trying to tell it to people. They let them believe the official story that had been circulated. That when driving to the village, an actual Stag had suddenly appeared on the road, Toby who had been driving, had swerved to avoid it. Unfortunately it had been on a hairpin corner, and the van had skidded out of control and crashed, front first. That was apparently why Rupert was so injured, and how Toby had died instantly.
It was the story that people believed. And only a small number of people knew the truth, and those people would always remember Toby in their own way.
It was a year after signing the Marriage paperwork that Rupert and Helen had a proper Celebration for their wedding. Helen got to wear her chosen wedding dress - Fortunately a very different style than the Fae’s; and even more fortunately still fit her even with their recent exciting news. There was a seat left free in memory of Toby, and Eggy gave quite a heart-warming Speech, that touched on all the friendships. There was cake, and dancing, and despite the sadness of missing friends, it was a joyful evening.
Rupert and Helen danced together, eyes only for each other.
Rudy and Lucy also danced together, a little shyly, but just as genuine. They weren’t yet official, they were taking it slow, for a few reasons; living on the other side of the planet for one, but also out of respect for each other. Lucy was learning to love Rupert as friend, she didn’t want Rudy to feel like a rebound, and Rudy respected that enough to wait for her. But they were almost certainly heading towards being in a romantic relationship with each other.
Eggy and Felix did not dance. But they sat at the table, holding hands, drinking beers and just enjoying each other’s company. Unlike Rudy and Lucy, Felix and Eggy had been dating for almost the full year; they had had to deal with various different issues facing them, but they had faced all the issues together, and come out stronger. They didn’t care that outsiders thought them an odd couple; the rich doctor and the football loving lad. But if people ever looked closer they would see that the pair were actually a couple that worked quite well together.
Finlay did dance. Not with a partner, he was happily single, and not well, but he didn’t care because he was having fun. Over the year he had started to actually become slightly more independent and move away from relying on his Mother to do everything for him. This included getting himself a black kitten called Starlight, and he had actually started to do some hobbies outside of the work space, which meant he was actually making real friends. And to his surprise this made his Mummy prouder of him than when she had just given him everything.
All of them were bound by bonds of deep friendship, having gone through what they did, tended to do that. And though there were still nightmares, and terrors, and the pain of loss that raised its head, they had survived, they were living, and they were actively choosing to be happy.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was real.
*/*/*
Across the county, a couple of tourists looked around the quaint village they were visiting. The lady turned to her boyfriend “What a cute place, wouldn’t this just be a lovely place for wedding.” The boyfriend nodded, and somewhere in the distance, a faint melody began to play, a haunting rendition of:
Here
Comes
The
Bride ...
*/*/*
Author’s Note
This went longer than I had initially intended, but I’m happy with this work.
I projected slightly onto Eggy here, which is weird as we are nothing alike, but I do relate to the ‘never being anyone’s first choice’ aspect that I see in his character. And I guess I projected my insecurities and my confidence of the matter onto Eggy. It sucks to never be chosen first, but you what – it doesn’t diminish our worth.
Did you catch the added Shoot From the Hip references? They were fun.
Headcanons:
Eggy is openly Gay, Rupert was the first person he told. I had initially thought he had feelings for Lucy, but then Midge’s joke about there being something between Egg and Felix had me instantly shipping them. And I decided that Eggy was just being a good friend to Rupert with making sure that Lucy wouldn't be alone with him. And now I ship Felix and Eggy.
Felix is either Bi or Pan, or a repressed Gay, not necessarily because of internalised homophobia so much as expectations. Maybe more attempting to live up to the societal expectations placed on him by his family’s money and by himself. Maybe he was expected to have a beautiful wife, so convinced himself he had feelings for Helen.
I like the thought of Rudy and Lucy as a couple, but I do think they’ll take it very slow.
And Rudy and Helen are absolutely siblings right. Or some form of family.
I like the idea of Finley being more than what he was first introduced as. Being the Knight of the Stag, having a JAG as his stead. I made him AroAce in this story (As an AroAce myself we always need representation).
And I love happy couples who are truly in love with each other, so Rupert and Helen are happily in love and true to each other.
*/*/*
Thank-You for reading this work. Hope you enjoyed it as much I enjoyed writing it.
Date Published: 1st August 2026.