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“Barry, no—gosh, Barry, don’t eat the seashells like that, it’s disgusting.”
She sighed loudly, wrinkling her eyes at him in disbelief. If there was a “The office” kind of camera right now, she would have sent them the most absurd look ever. Putting her sunglasses back on her face, she tries to relax on the sand, wind blowing softly on her bare tights, breathing the fresh marine air. From time to time, she would glance at the lifeguard, who was doing rounds, helping kids around and guiding families around the beach. He wore blue swimming shorts and a large white T-shirt. He had sunglasses on top of his head and never put those on his nose. Also, a whistle around his neck that he never used, never raised his voice. Kids were screaming around, playing, running to the water and getting surprised by the coldness. Barry would just do bombs. In the shallow water. This kid was crazy. But the others loved him. She turned her face to her right, acting nonchalantly. The lifeguard was checking something on his phone. He had a light beard covering his face. He looked very, very familiar. Suddenly, panicked screams attracted her attention. Barry was coming back to her with a fucking jellyfish in his hand, his fingers were holding the head and avoiding the tentacles. She stormed to her feet, grabbing him by the elbow despite his big smile.
“Drop it!”
“No, it’s my new friend.”
“Drop it or I’m gonna make you eat it for dinner—” Her phone rang. It was Natasha. Great. “Hi, Nat. No, I’m—I said drop it, you’re scaring everyone around!” She shook him again until he let the jellyfish on the ground. “Your kid is fucking insane, Nat, I’m starting to think you’re punishing me—”
A memory stormed in her mind.
He expressed a soft smile on his face as he lowered the jellyfish onto the water.
“You like to chase them, huh?”
“Not really,” he had said. “But they don’t mean harm, and they always end up forgotten on sand beaches.”
She searched for him again. The lifeguard. He was there, facing her. “Goodness…It’s Bob. Nat. It’s—It’s him. Nat, I’ll call you back.”
It was him. That’s why he was so familiar. She just remembered. Bob… He changed so much!
“Bob, is that the guy you were talking to with mom?”
She forgot she had Barry’s arm on a chokehold. “How do you know his name?” she wondered, still not releasing him.
“You were checking his Instagram photos,” he announced innocently.
“Bro, how do you even remember that? It was three years ago! You were like…a baby who could barely walk.”
“I was seven!”
“Okay, instead of bothering people, why don’t you go drown yourself or something?” she whispers, still gazing at Bob, who somewhat noticed her.
*
Okay, she didn’t really expect him to actually go drown himself.
“Barry!” she shouted at the sea, acting all worried as she half-gazed at Barry blurry form in the water and Bob’s approaching silhouette.
Some ladies gathered around her in support.
And then, something else happened. Bob took off his shirt. Gosh. She didn’t know what happened those past years, but his shiny abs were drowning her. He plunged onto the water with ease and brought Barry back in less than a minute. He started coughing out the water. “Oh my god, is he okay?” one the ladies wondered, bringing him a towel and the second some chocolate.
Bob dropped to the ground, putting the kid on the sand in a sitting position. Barry was instantly cradled by the sweet ladies. Yelena’s eyes met Bob’s. He recognized her. “Yelena?”
Shit. She didn’t rehearse her part. Huh. Well. Huh. Bob. Blue-ocean eyes. Beautiful. Oh, so beautiful.
She felt a sting on her foot. Barry just threw a rock at her with an insistent look. “Oh wow, Bob! Is that really you?” She could do better than that. “It’s been a while!” Okay, maybe not.
“Y—Yeah, that’s me, it’s been…so long.” He looked down at the child, who was enjoying the ladies’ chocolate and the warm towel on his shoulders, worry crippling on his face. “Is this—your kid?”
It took her some time to understand the question. “What?! No, absolutely not—He is my nephew.”
“Oh, great.” Was that relief on his face? She needed to talk with him. Barry suddenly stood up, all better as if he never ever drowned (and maybe he never did, actually) and went to run around. Yelena thanked the women who helped them before they left, leaving her with the lifeguard. Bob. Her long-time best friend. They were so close at some point. “You sent him in the water, right?” he asked with a grin, crossing his arms.
“Yeah, I totally did,” she confessed, completely smitten with this new version of him and that, she would not confess it. She just…missed him. His voice. His doe eyes. His sweetness. His care. His everything. She wanted to hug him. But she couldn’t.
“Hm, my shift ends at 7, if you want to…” he said, pointing at the town behind them.
“Oh yeah totally, no problem. We’ll wait.”
“You sure? I don’t want to take up your time…”
“No, we’re totally, totally fine, I could wait, pff, hours, so, yeah, do your job, save people or something, I’ll just—try to keep an eye on the little demon over there.”
“Good,” he concluded with a smile. She could melt under the sun in front of him.
*
They helped Bob release Barry’s jellyfish into the sea, before he explained to him why they didn’t belong in an aquarium at home.
Walking side by side with him on the shore pathway, sun on the horizon, she felt like she was back all those years ago, when they were young and hopeful.
“Do you like sea food?” Bob asked Barry. These two grew fond of each other so quickly, it made Yelena sick.
“I love it!” he screamed.
“No, no, Barry, we’re not bothering very-kind-and-sweet-Bob more than…”
“It’s okay, Yelena, there is no bother at all.” Oh, she missed the way he said her name with softness. “I know a good restaurant around here, they do grilled fish and it’s like the best I’ve ever had.”
“Please, auntie, let’s do it!” he begged her, jumping around.
“Okay, okay,” she gave up, but couldn’t hold her smile, and as they were walking toward the restaurant, the summer holidays vibes beaming the atmosphere with comfort and peace, their hands brushed.
*
The restaurant was crowded, but the smell of salty grilled fish woke her hunger. They were sitting at a small table outside. The night already fell, and stars were starting to make their way out there.
“Hi, I’ll be your waitress tonight, what can I do for you?”
Bob answered quickly. “Hello. For the starters, I’ll take a soup and main dish the lobsters with side of calamari please, and a diet coke.”
“Great, and for Ms?”
“Hi, I’ll have shrimps with garlic butter and potatoes on the side, that would be great. Maybe some codfish if I’m still hungry.”
“Perfect! And for your kid?” she asked, smiling at him and Barry grinned at her, not bothering to correct.
“Huh, we’re not his par—”
“The kid’s menu!” he answered with confidence. “Finger fish, peas and fries.”
“All done, I’ll be right back with your food soon.”
Bob was trying so hard not to laugh.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” she scolded him. He shrugged his shoulders with amusement.
*
Dinner was great. She was so stuffed. And they had ice cream. Barry ended up falling asleep on their way back to her apartment. Bob had the courtesy to carry him until they arrived, putting him in his bed and turning off the light.
“I have beer in my fridge, if you want to stay.”
“You always have beer in your fridge in case people come?” he asked with a laugh.
“Only you.”
They sit on the balcony. People weren’t asleep, but partying on the different bars around them. This city didn’t rest in summer. Something was always happening. She almost downed her beer from stress and nostalgia.
“It’s been what, seven years? More?”
“More like eleven years. I never really knew Barry.”
She didn’t know him either at the time. “Nat is in Japan with Bucky for business or something. They left me to take care of him.”
“You’re doing a great job,” Bob complimented her, drinking another sip.
She shook her head. “You would do a great dad, too.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, the lifeguard with amazing abs and good restaurant rec? Total great dad potential.” She joked, laughing out loud and he followed her lead, playfully punching her on the shoulder.
“Lucky you, my services are free.”
That made her stop for a moment to look at him. Just looking at him and contemplating his beautiful face. “What other services do you propose?”
He glanced at the streets down there, where a group of people were laughing at something, cups of beer in their hands. “I can cook. I can…hold you at night when you’re cold.” He met her eyes, beer half-way to his mouth. “I can drive you wherever you want.” A gulp. She listened to everything he listed, which were mostly things he actively did for her, years ago, and she could remember every single moment spent with him.
“You always had good customer service,” she confirmed, putting her empty bottle down, getting lost in the memory.
“And you were always so present by my sides, I had completely forgot what it was like to be alone.” He didn’t say it with bitterness, or frustration. It was just an observation.
*
She stood up to clean the balcony, picking up the empty bottles. People were singing down there, a lullaby of drunk but happy friends.
“It’s getting late,” muttered Bob as a way to tell her he was leaving.
She was feeling cold. Because her tights were still bare. “Sleep with me tonight.” He nodded after a small hesitation. Her heart fluttered. He helped clean. “I have a spare toothbrush.” It was like the old times. Moving around silently to not wake up another Barnes. Brushing teeth together. Making faces in the mirror. She changed into light pajamas. Bob took off his white short-sleeved shirt and only kept his T-shirt. Ready near the bed. Like the old times. That made her halt for a moment. He grew in height, somehow. He felt more confident, more mature. He already was but, it was something strange. But also, as if he also kept his innocence. What made him her Bob.
He felt her stare. “Sorry, was I supposed to sleep on the couch?”
Shit. “No, not at all!” She got closer, guilty. “Shit, no, you’re alright, I—I need you.”
“It’s okay,” he said and she believed him. They laid in bed. His arms engulfed her with ease; they slipped under the covers. He ran hot. Like he always had. At least, that didn’t change, and he would always make the cold disappear. His legs naturally slid against hers, his mouth breathing in her hair, his hands on her stomach, and hers on top of his, keeping him close, enjoying the warmth and the slow movements of his chest and the comfort of the intimacy. She felt home. It had been years.
“Stay,” he begged her.
“Okay,” was all she told him, choosing to forget about how she only was in town for the summer and Barry’s summer camp and that job was already waiting for at New York, for when she would come back in September. But right now, she didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to live in the moment. She wanted to feel like Bob belonged to her and like he would wake up by her side every day for the rest of their lives.
*
She overslept. It had been years since she didn’t oversleep, always waking up at 5 am for a cold shower and a fit run (except when she was hangover, those mornings were really exceptions.)
That’s what it took to sleep with Bob. A full night of rest and a hopeful feeling blooming in her chest.
She got up, yawning and stretching, to find that everyone in the flat was awake except for her.
“Hello, sleepyhead,” Barry greeted her while downing three syrup pancakes and whipped cream. She took a look at the table. Eggs, bacons, Wheaties, milk, tea, pancakes and even fruits!
“Where did you get all that?” She was in awe, sitting on her chair, sheepishly gazing at Bob who was cleaning the dishes.
“I did the groceries with little Batman here,” he answered with a big smile.
“Bob let me take all the sweets I wanted,” her nephew said with his tongue out. Yelena tongued him out back, but inside, she was happy that they got along this well.
“Drop the dishes, come eat with us.”
They shared the meal, enjoying the coolness of the morning, the greatness of a full tasty breakfast, the antics of their kid (not theirs), the domesticity. Again, like the old times. They dropped Barry at his summer camp for the week. He usually wasn’t allowed to sleep there because he would always cause riots among the other campers, so they would have to retrieve him before nighttime if the director called. She didn’t have anything better to do so she accompanied Bob to his workplace. The beach! Sitting under the sun, she looked at him preparing for his shift, changing his clothes, and exchanging with his colleagues. They were pretty girls. Were they more than colleagues? She tried not to think of it. She didn’t have any right. She was the one who left.
He came back an hour later, sitting next to her, bringing two fresh sodas for them. “Thanks, coach.”
“No problem,” he decapsulated his bottle and started drinking, too thirsty, before exhaling. “So, how was Toronto?”
Boring. Hypocrite. Not what she expected. “It’s fine. Love the city, so big, so…snowy. And you, what did you do after…hm, after I left?”
His attention was always directed at the people swimming and running around, even when he was on break. “Nothing much, kept going on from job to job like we did before, had some pretty cool moments saving people.” He blinked at her, drinking a little more. It reminded her of their night before. Then, it reminded her of the year that passed. They had finished high school (with lot of difficulty and harassment from Melina) and gotten a degree but didn’t go to college. They accumulated part-time jobs to pay their bills and joined a society of life-saving volunteers. The best time of her life. She was broke, but at least she did something meaningful and…she had Bob.
“And Malaysia?” she brought the subject to the table, too curious. Wind waved her dress.
“How did you know?” Okay, she may have stalked his socials for weeks just because she had a random dream about him on a Tuesday night in June and was missing him really badly.
“News go fast.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, right. Well, it was a humanitarian mission. At least, it started as such and then I just…drifted in the country.”
“What did you do?”
“Huh, nothing much.” He wasn’t telling her everything. It was obvious. But she wasn’t either. “I’m free this afternoon, if you want to join for a walk. There is a natural park twenty minutes away.” He seemed really happy to visit that zoo with her. She would go with him to the moon if she could.
*
They were feeding ducks. Green peas, apple slices, healthy food.
“How are your parents doing?” he asked her, ducks running all around his feet and cackling.
“Alexei opened a school!”
“Oh wow, that’s—that’s great.”
“Yeah. A sport school but still. He’s so glad. And Melina…” That woman. Always running after ambition and glory and success. The renowned scientist who wanted her daughters to be equally great. The mother who failed to understand her youngest’s real desires. “She won a prize Nobel for her work on the neural pathways.”
“A Nobel prize? That’s amazing!”
They walked through the primate’s area, watching a couple of chimpanzees holding hands. Unconsciously, her fingers met Bob’s, and they ended up trailing for the rest of their journey in that park.
They ate burgers. Not as healthy as the duck’s food.
“How long have you been working here?” she asked, putting her fries in mustard.
“I came back from Malaysia two years ago. It just…wasn’t really for me. Maybe I should have stayed, I don’t know. I was acting really impulsively at the time.”
“Sorry to hear that,” she whispers, slowly chewing on her fry. It tasted great. Crunchy and salty. “The more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldn’t have left NY,” she confessed. They ordered more sodas and more fries.
“Why?” he wondered, putting more sauces on her plate.
She crossed her hands on the table, looking at her half-empty plate. The décor tried to emulate the peace of nature landscape, fake palm trees and wooden walls. “I missed…I missed everything we had. Toronto was…it was a great opportunity, and I wish I could tell you I accomplished great things. But it was nothing like what we did in NY.”
“Yelena.”
She looked up at him. He seemed far, far away. “Don’t leave again.” Sounds muffled around them. She crossed the space between them to take his hand. Bubbles were popping on her soda.
*
“What? Barry can sleep with you tonight?” The attendant was telling her he behaved the whole day, which really surprised everyone at the camp, and he even offered to help with the chores the next morning. “Well, hm, I don’t know what to say,” she laughed, Bob shared a suspicious look with her. “Thank you, Ms., Have a great night.” She hung up. “I don’t know what he’s up to, but good luck for them.”
They were heading toward Bob’s apartment that night, since she didn’t have anyone to babysit. She felt so light, as the night fell again on them.
His home is cozy, not much furnished. Instinctively, she spied on eventual traces of another human being. “You live alone?”
“Huh yes,” he said, throwing the keys on a bowl. “Why?”
She kept visiting, checking the paintings and the living room. “I don’t know, a pretty guy like you wouldn’t stay single.”
“You think I’m pretty?”
She stopped in her tracks. Touché. Not answering that. He only smiled, opening the fridge. “Do you want to order, or do we cook some mac and cheese?”
“Whatever you want, pretty boy.” That made him blush. “Mac and cheese, like the good old days.” When they were too broke to afford more than these boxes of pasta offered by the society they were working with. He put the water to boil and put some music on his phone. His taste didn’t really change. Moving onto the living room, Yelena started pulling out some dance moves, shy at first, glancing at him, he joined her, turning up the volume, until they were both shaking and jumping, laughing, bumping onto each other, she let herself fall on him, he caught her with his arms.
Shit, they forgot the boiling water. Mac into the pan. Bob stood against the counter. “You cut your hair.”
“You just noticed?” she mocked him.
“No,” he said with a grin, licking his lips. “It’s just—I like it. You’re beautiful.” No hesitation. No doubt. No joke. Just that. She didn’t know what to tell him, looking away at the boiling pasta. He came closer, trailing a finger onto her hair, slowly, hm, that felt too good, she had goosebumps. “Wanna watch a movie? I have a…roll the drums…a sofa bed! This couch is amazing.” She couldn’t help but feel great. He kept suggesting activity after activity, as if he desired to catch up with the lost time. Now wasn’t the time to tell him she had three TVs in her NY apartment.
“Okay but no rewatching old movies.”
“Hm, what about zombie movies? 28 years later?”
“What’s that?”
“Never heard of it? It’s a sequel to 28 days later.”
She wasn’t akin of zombie movies, but she was very akin of Bob and whatever Bob wanted and whatever made Bob happy, so she said yes. They versed their pasta in two bowls and sat at the table.
“How is Nat up to? Still doing secret agents’ stuff?”
She took a forkful of pasta. Somehow, it tasted like youth, dreams, love and Bob’s smile. “She’s not at the CIA anymore, she joined the UN.”
“Oh waw, that’s quite a change of trajectory,” he observed calmly.
“Indeed.”
“And how about you? You didn’t seem that happy when you talked about your job.”
She took two other mouthfuls, thinking about what to say. The night was calm outside, for once. Bob was looking at her like she was the most precious thing that had ever happened to him. She missed him, so, so much. “The job isn’t awful. I feel like it was manufactured by my mom, you know. Remember when she made me take that online curriculum? You—You stayed by my side the whole time, cooking for me, taking care so I don’t burn myself out. Then, OXE group noticed me and offered me the job. The first months were amazing. National security. Big projects. Protecting the people from the top.” She breathed; her eyes lost in the melancholia. He reached for her hand. She squeezed back. “The more time passed, the more I asked myself…who am I really helping? What—why was I doing that? I didn’t have any human contact, it’s just…something wasn’t right. Going from mission to mission, country to country, desk to desk.” She didn’t mention the January scandal. Val told her there would be an investigation. That she never saw anything like that since she started her company. She didn’t know if she wanted to trust her. But she didn’t really have the choice.
“You did your best,” Bob told her after a moment. “Even if you couldn’t see the effects of your actions, you did your best.”
She smiled with teary eyes.
*
“You’re stepping on my belly.”
They were tangled on his sofa bed, extended to be just a bed, her legs were on his, but she needed to reach for her phone that was on the other side, so she pushed onto Bob’s belly for support.
“Are you ticklish?”
“I’m not!”
“Oh…you are,” she realized. She jumped on him, trying to find his tickly points.
“My god, Yelena, stop, I’m not ticklish!”
It took them an hour to start the movie. At some point, Bob brought them some snacks from the kitchen. They were half-sleeping, still tangled with one another. The movie was tense and stressing, but she was too comfortable on that creaky sofa-bed and her warm build-up friend.
*
He was leaning his head toward hers. The reflection on his eyes was hypnotizing. They never kissed. They never did anything at all. People called them twins. The Boblena duo. She didn’t want to make things awkward. She didn’t want to lose him. She never cared about labels. But right now, she wanted to bridge the space between them. She wanted to reach out for this feeling she never allowed in her heart. Her hand on Bob’s cheek, she moved her lips until she met his. The kiss was slow and light and soft. Breathing into each other’s air. She felt breathless though.
“Leave your job, come live with me.”
She searched in his eyes. He was so sad, yet so hopeful, clutching to her for his dear life.
“I can’t,” she said, and her heart shattered.
*
It wasn’t exactly awkward, but they weren’t exactly comfortable. They ate silently their breakfast, then she told him she had to come back to her apartment. She needed some alone time to think. Showering, brushing her hair, calling Nat. Bucky answered.
“Hi Buck, how is Tokyo going?”
“It’s fine, very hot. What’s up?”
“Great. Just kissed my childhood best friend. Can you pass me Nat?”
“What?!”
But he didn’t have time to question more because her sister snatched the phone from her husband. “Tell me everything, Sista.”
She did. Without leaving out a single detail. Her reflection in the mirror seemed so exhausted, but also, something in her eyes felt brighter.
“Barry set you up. That’s my son.”
“Nat, this is serious,” she complained, dropping to the floor, looking at the roof. “What do you I do now? I’m so…confused. I am the one who left and who stopped talking to him because our lives were so different, and I felt so guilty for everything—”
“First of all, you didn’t stop talking to him, your messages just didn’t hit as much. Both of your messages. It could happen to anyone.”
“But we weren’t anyone,” she muttered, rolling on her side.
“You should talk to him, Lena. That’s the only way. Don’t be shy. You’re in your thirties. Act like it.”
“Wow, so romantic,” commented Bucky in the background.
“I’m trying to be the bigger sister here!”
“I feel like I could do a better job…”
“Oh, excuse me! I’d like to see you try.”
“Heyyy, stop fighting,” she whined. “And… Thank you.”
*
She found Bob’s number on the city’s official website. He was one of their best lifeguards. She sent him a simple message.
“Hey, it’s Yelena. Wanna meet?”
*
Mosquitoes. Dry leaves. Sunny weather. Warm air.
“What do you even want me to do if I leave my job?” she asked out of blue.
“You could live with me. Like the old days. There are plenty of jobs here.”
“I thought you didn’t settle in this town.”
“I could, if you want. Or we can live. I don’t care. As long as I am with you.”
The beach was empty. Bob promised her a secret spot where they wouldn’t be bothered by normal citizens or his other colleagues. Just them two.
“I’ll have to think of it, Bob.”
He didn’t say anything. They kissed. Summer felt like a rebirth.