Work Text:
Lumis brushed her fingertips against a photo in Stead's clandestine scrapbook.
She knew he took photos of people when they weren't looking. Stead was her best friend, which meant that she knew the man was a wheeler and a dealer. Blackmail was his lifeblood. She wasn't safe. No one was.
The pictures he kept in his scrapbook were all much higher quality than the massive album he no doubt had on his phone. None of them were blurry or too dark. The subjects in them were all very clear.
The one she was looking at now had been taken during sunset. Snow glowed where the soft golden light touched it--a direct contrast to darkness in the shadows of the pine trees. The light reflected on Lumis' blond hair and turned it into spun gold. Chloe's flowed like rich chocolate.
Chloe was laughing in the photo, with one gloved hand elegantly held up to her lips. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. The pink fur of her coat added to her warm, glowing presence.
Stead's camera hadn't caught the sparkle of tears on her cheeks. Lumis could still hear the breathy admission that Chloe had never laughed so hard in her life.
Chloe told Lumis her deadpan way of speaking was funny. She wasn't the first to do so. She was, however, the first person who could make Lumis' stomach clench, especially when she made a comment about Lumis' appearance or the way she acted. Lumis didn't feel the crushing guilt around her that she did around other people she wanted to impress.
Lumis wanted Chloe's beautiful smile to be hers alone. She couldn't have it, and it had nothing to do with what Lumis did or did not deserve.
That was the wildest part of their relationship. Chloe transcended the scale of how Lumis interacted with the world. Lumis didn't deserve good things. Chloe was certainly a good thing, but she was also just enough of a bad thing. The karmic scale was not the complicated part of Lumis chasing Chloe romantically.
Placing her heart in Chloe's hands was asking for it to be shattered. Only romantically, though. Chloe was devoted to her platonic friends.
Lumis really should be happy with what she had. She should be happy to be able to stand among the pines with Chloe. She should be happy that Chloe trusted her with her tears. She should be happy that Chloe considered Lumis a stalwart bodyguard in dangerous areas.
She traced the curve of her own smile in the picture. She wondered if Chloe could see the longing in it.
A shadow in her peripheral vision warned her to widen her stance and brace herself seconds before a weight landed on her back.
"Perusing my illicit materials, Lulu?" Stead asked. His back was pressed against hers, his hands in his pockets.
"Revisiting an old memory," Lumis corrected. She kept staring at the photo. "I didn't know you followed us out on that picnic."
"Vi insisted that we make a bet about if you were gonna confess or not that day, so we both followed you."
"I assume you won."
"I'm not a gambling man, Lulu. I don't make bets on situations that I don't know much about." Stead shrugged. "You had me sweating for a while there, though. It was a beautiful day. Looked and sounded like you two had a lot of fun together."
Lumis closed the scrapbook.
"Vi thinks that your crush on Chloe is gonna destroy you if you don't talk about it," Stead told her. "I told her that it's not her business, but you know how that sounds coming from me."
Lumis huffed, unable to help a small smile. That did sound awfully hypocritical from Stead's mouth. "Letting a crush wither and die in my chest won't kill me. I've survived much worse."
Stead tilted his head back so that it rested on her neck. "...What if this pine is actually evergreen?"
Lumis held the scrapbook behind her back for him to take. "I've lived with chest pains for nearly six months now," she replied. "I can live with them for however long they decide to stay."
"Brave woman." Stead took the scrapbook.
Lumis heard a coin clink behind her and caught the leaf when it fell in front of her face. "Doing what's necessary for my own well-being isn't brave. It's self-preservation at best."
"I dunno, hon. You're pretty bad at self-preservation."
"Get off my back."
Stead laughed and stood straight. "Chloe comes back to town next week, right?"
"She does." Lumis turned around and smiled. "Her work went well enough that I'd be willing to attend another party for her."
His devilish smile eased the ache in her chest. "Noted. I'll talk to the girls. I'm sure that they'll be more than happy to let us have the house to welcome her back."
"Of course they will. Chloe's basically one of their own, and you've got the proprietress wrapped around your finger."
"Oh, I would never agree with that," Stead chuckled. "It's bad business for a man to admit that he's got significant influence at a whorehouse, you know."
Lumis couldn't help but chuckle with him. She didn't know how she had survived so long without roots of friendship and steady work. She knew that she would be weeping uncontrollably over her ill-advised crush on Chloe if she didn't have others supporting her through it.
Nothing lived forever. This would pass eventually. Until then, she would count her blessings and carry her pining with their help.