Chapter Text
Jude limped his way (with the help of his crutches) to the front door of his parents’ house, his childhood home. The night’s deep already when he arrived straight from the airport. A private driver hired by his team had fetch and dropped him off there.
His family has no knowledge of his accident two weeks ago that left him with a torn ACL and a braced leg. As a matter of fact, no one knows except for his teammates, their coach, his agents and some of their team’s staff who was there when it happened in the field.
He sighed as he maneuvers his crutches to the flight of stairs in front of the house he grew up in. He stood there in front of their old wooden door contemplating if he should disturb his family’s sleep or just wait for the sun to rise and for his family to wake up.
By this time, the news about his accident had probably hit the headlines. He’s not too sure and he doesn’t want to check his phone, it’s tucked at the bottom of his luggage anyway.
He looked down on the state of his right leg, “Fucking stupid knee.”
He was about to ring their bell when a light turns on somewhere inside their house followed by a heavy footstep and some incoherent words muttered inside.
“Mum, Dad!” it was his brother, Jobe. He heard him called for their parents and a muffled banging of their door was heard from where he was standing just few steps from their main door.
The news had probably gone out and his brother had probably seen it.
“Jobe, hun, it’s lat-” he heard his mother before getting cut off by his brother.
“Look at the news, here.” Jobe said hurriedly.
“Shit! is this real?” it was his father’s worrying voice this time.
“Yes! His team’s already put out an official statement.”
He rubbed his face in frustration. He never meant for them to find out this way. They are his family after all, if anything they should’ve been there the day it happened. But the whole thing was out of his control.
The board wanted to suppress the information as much as they could and he was only able to get a hold of his phone after his knee surgery when one of his teammates secretly pass it to him.
Then he was immediately put on a meeting with the board and decisions had to be made and the only time he was able to make his voice heard was when he told them he wanted to have his recovery in his home country and to be with his family who was kept in the dark about his situation.
He let out a heavy sigh before knocking on the door and quietly called for his mum.
The door plunked opened and there stood before him was his family with their worried look scanning him.
“Are you going to let me in or ..?” Jude said trying to lighten up the mood.
“Jesus Christ, Jude, what happened”
--
Jude was awakened by the light streaming through the small gap of his curtain windows. His eyes landed on the almost unfamiliar walls of his childhood bedroom. He looked around the old room, he realized he doesn’t really remember how he had left it eight years ago. Though some of his old stuffs are still there, looking maintained. He’s pretty sure his parents did some changes in it since there were some memorabilia from his old team and current team.
He sat up on his bed and stretched his upper body. He slept great, almost like it’s the best sleep he has ever gotten after eight years. His body then was just in constant move and so even if they get breaks in between seasons, it was never spent in catching up to the sleep he had missed for the never-ending practices and meetings he has to attend.
Jude felt his stomach rumble, quite a protest from it. He decided it’s time to face his family who still has a lot of question for him but was kind enough last night to at least let him rest first before they parade their questions and concerns.
He lifted up his right leg and moved it to the side of the bed where his crutches carefully stood against his bedside table. He reached for it and made use of his left leg and crutches to help himself stand.
He walked himself outside of his childhood bedroom. Nostalgia instantly hit him even so he knew there were changes made to their home (or what was once his home). There were walls that still has the same paint from eight years ago. His brother’s door that’s just right next to his, still has its random vandals from when they were kids. The same old picture frames still hang on the wall of their living room.
“Jude,” he heard his mum called when she saw him walking towards the kitchen that now has a small marbled island at the center.
“Morning, mum.” He greeted.
“It’s three in the afternoon but good morning, son. I hope you had a good sleep.” His mum said softly.
“Oh. I— I did have a good sleep. ‘s been a while.” He said truthfully.
“We figured.” His mum answered and gave him a concerned smile.
“Where’s dad? Jobe?” He said as he helped himself sit on the stool of their kitchen island.
“Both at work. Tea and a full English breakfast?”
His stomach rumbled once again answering his mum before he could put it in words.
“Hm. Yes please.”
“Then, we’ll talk later?” His mum asked.
He could only politely nod at his mum.
Their kitchen was probably the most renovated part of their house, almost everything in the room felt unfamiliar. The floor was no longer the old wooden one, the kitchen island that if he remembers correctly was only built two years ago and the then-green colored walls and cabinets are now painted with a plain white and black paint.
He wonders what else has changed, not only inside their house but in their whole town.
The town he grew up in was a small one but throughout his childhood and formative years he had always thought it’s the biggest. It never felt small to him besides it always felt like the whole town had sculptured him to who he is today, one of the biggest football stars in country.
His mind wandered on the old places he used to go to, his old school, the only arcade in their town owned by a sweet old man, his favorite donut shop he used to spend all his money on, the old park and the field where young Jude had spent all his time practicing football with his father and friends.
“Jude, you’re spacing out. Your tea will turn cold if you don’t start sipping on it now.” His mum called him out as she continued to work on Jude’s breakfast. The aroma of a full English breakfast starting to linger around the room.
“Thanks, mum.”
He looked around once more after a sip of his tea, looking for some more changes in their house. That’s when he saw it, an untouched part of their kitchen, the door frame that leads to their small backyard. He doesn’t have the greatest eyesight but it’s near enough for him to recognize the writings on it. It was his and his brother’s height markings over the years.
At some point two markings became three, a familiar name written on it. Over the years then there were three.
Eventually, eight years ago, it became two again.
If he’s being honest, he had forgotten about this but what surprised him was that it still gets updated every year leading up to just six months ago. There were still two markings.
“He’s almost always here.” His mum said, when she caught him staring at the markings on the wall.
He nodded when he wasn’t able to find the right words to say.
“Here, eat up.” His mum said as he passed him his plate.
“I’ll be in the living room, alright? Call me if you need anything.” She offered.
“Thanks, mum.” He said quietly and started eating up his plate.
--
“—and that’s how it happened.” His mum sat him down in the living room, determined to know the details of his accident.
“So, there’s really no foul play whatsoever?” His mum asked softly.
“Nothing mum. You know I get along with them so well. You met them.” He said. It was all an accident. It happened so fast as well.
He was just chasing after the ball and suddenly changed position whilst his foot was still firmly pressed to the ground. Next thing he knows he was twisting in pain on the ground. Then everything went like a blur even when he was in the hospital, even when he went under surgery and even when the last meeting he had with their medical team and their team’s board.
Truthfully, he felt like the only time he registered everything in his brain was when he got down from the car last night and caught the sight of the front of their house.
“I apologized again for not letting you know.” He said and his mum was quick to dismissed him.
“Hun, I believed you when you said you had no control on it. Though, we would have appreciated it if they had told us about it beforehand especially that it is this serious.” His mum looked at his braced leg with so much concern. She gently tapped on it.
“I wish we were there. You must have been so scared.” She said worriedly.
“I was. I was so ready to crashed out in front of the board when I thought they’ll not allow me to go back home.” He said like a kid telling his mum that a kid tried to steal his lollipop. His mum let out a soft chuckle.
“Hm. I’m not happy you’re back here with a braced leg but it’s really nice to finally have you back here at home.” His mum said truthfully.
“I am too.”
--
He looked out from the window of the passenger seat of his mum’s car. It’s still the same car she used to drive him and his brother around. The very same car that dropped and fetched him in training during his time in his school’s football team. He’s glad it’s still around, that there were some things that has not become unfamiliar to him, just like the markings on the old door frame of their kitchen.
“A lot has changed around here, it might take you time to get used to it again.” His mum stated. He hummed and didn’t say anything.
Jude’s mum had invited him to fetch his dad and brother from their workplace so they can have dinner together. His dad still works as the football coach for his old high school while his brother, Jobe, now works on a car garage that he owns with his friends.
“Alright, we’re here. Do you want to wait here while I call on your dad?” He contemplated, he isn’t sure if he wanted people to look at him right now or maybe get asked for a photo with him looking all stupid with his braced legs and crutches.
He sighed, as he looked over the field where he can see his dad talking to his team.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want. We’ll be quick.” His mum said as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
“Can you help me with my crutches?” he asked, his mum looked at him in surprise but smiled warmly and nodded as she reached for his son’s crutches at the backseat.
She went out and around the passenger seat and opened it for her injured son and helped him with his legs and crutches. When he settled with his crutches they started making their way to the field. His mum called out to his dad loudly that made him mentally scratched his head.
Suddenly everyone’s eyes are on them as his dad waved at them as he jogs towards them.
“Jude, son.” His dad greeted him and enveloped him in his arms.
“Dad, you act like we didn’t just see each other last month.” He said as he tried to support his dad’s weight with his left leg and two crutches.
His dad let out a soft chuckle before he freed him from his embrace, “I don’t see you enough and the first time you come back here, you’re like this.” His dad sighed and give him a tap on his shoulder.
A feeling of guilt suddenly rushed through him. In the eight years he had been away chasing his football dream never once did he ever come back to visit. It was always his parents and brother who visited him. In Germany, where his first team was based and for the last two years now, in Madrid where his current team is based.
Him going back sporting a serious injury had probably felt like his visit was less intentional. He can’t defend himself without sounding too guilty and defensive because the truth is, he really had no plans on coming back.
Jude gave him a tight smile, “Sorry,” and looked down on the ground.
“We missed you around here, yeah? Come on, I’ll introduce you to the team.” His dad said as he guided him towards the bench where the high school football team were currently resting and watching them. His mum following them on the side.
It made him feel more guilty. Both his parents had all the reason to be upset at him but with their ever long patience and love for him they always let him off so easily. A lot of times, it was his younger brother who calls him out on his shit.
He exhaled as they slowly approach the bench. He isn’t familiar with any of the kids but his dad always carries stories about them every time they meet or even on short phone calls so he knows the kids knew him as well.
“Shit. Jude Bellingham is actually here.”
“Holy fuck,”
“He is actually Mr. Bellingham’s son. I was starting to think he was talking shit.”
He heard from some of the kids when they reached the bench. His parents chuckled beside him, must have heard their reaction as well.
“Kings, this is my son, The Jude Bellingham.” His dad introduced him to his team.
“Hey guys, I would’ve helped my dad train you but you see..” He greeted them then looked down at his braced leg. The team followed his train of sight.
“So, you’ve really torn your ACL. That must’ve felt shit.” One of them said, earning him a tap on his head.
“Shut up, Williams.”
“Trust me mate, that’s understatement.” Jude answered lightly, letting them know he didn’t mind the comment.
His dad was about to say something when one of the kids shouted, “Hey! It’s Mr. Haaland!” and pointed in a direction.
Jude froze, unable to think of anything. He felt like his whole system had malfunctioned. He is not ready for this. He is not ready to face the man he hasn’t seen in eight years. Well, to be fair he expected this, of course, he had, knowing that his parents still treat him like he’s their own son. He just didn’t expect it to be this soon. Jude doesn’t know what to feel about the fact he’s still so close to his parents. They didn’t really keep it a secret from him, always carrying some stories about him when they visit Jude, the height markings on their kitchen wall, and the quick admission of his mum earlier that he was almost always at their house.
He saw from his peripheral how his parents had also turned their head to the direction where the kid pointed at. His mum even waving at him
“Hey, Jude.” A deep voice greeted him. He was in a deep thought that he didn’t notice the man was already in a close distance. He looked up and met the eyes of the man he hadn’t seen in eight years. There was something in the man’s eyes he can’t figure out and he hated it.
He hates the fact that until now he can’t seem to ever read the other man.
The man in front of him is still as blond as ever now with a much longer hair that’s tied in a tight man bun. Still as tall as he can remember but his shoulder had become broader. His more well-defined body is evident from the suit he’s wearing. As much as, Jude doesn’t want to admit, the man in front of him is still as handsome as he can remember, if not even more.
“Hey, Erl.” -ing.
He mentally slapped himself for the stupid slip up. He can’t believe after all those years he still carried that nickname with him. It’s like an explosion waiting to be triggered by the slightly shaking of the ground.
The man grinned at him before greeting his parents, even kissing his mum on the cheeks. Then, greeted the kids as well.
He watched Erling’s interaction with everyone and suddenly felt like he’s the odd one out. That while he took the time to greet his parents and the kids, with him, it was too quick for his liking. He wanted to scream at him, to tell him he was the one he did not see in eight years yet all he got was a hey, Jude. He did not even ask him how was he, didn’t even point out his knee when it’s the most obvious thing about him right now.
Suddenly, Jude's mind went back to eight years ago before he left their small town. How cruel Erling was to him. How he twisted the knife at his heart and let him leave while it was bleeding. How all these years he never tried to be in contact with him and explained why he turned his back on him eight years ago.
Most of all, how can Erling act all normal while here he is analyzing their short interaction and breaking all over again because he wanted more.
After all the things that happened and did not happen, he still wanted more from him.
Pathetic, Jude. He thought to himself.
“Jude.. hey.. you good, son? You’re spacing out,” his father said as he tapped his shoulder.
He blinked his eyes before turning his head towards his father. He was about to say something when Erling suddenly popped in front of them and said, “Are you guys gonna go out for dinner?”
“Yes, hun. Do you want to join?” He turned his head towards his mum then at Erling only to find him looking straight at him. Looking like he’s asking him permission if he can join though he’s not sure maybe he’s reading him wrong again. As a matter of fact, Jude isn’t sure if Erling was actually looking at him or on something that’s behind him.
“Mum, Dad, are we not going yet my legs’ are starting to give up on me.” He said, which is actually true he had been standing for far too long and also because his mum’s starting get crazy idea like inviting someone who doesn’t want to share a table with right now.
“I’ll just dismissed the team you go back to the car with mum and Erling,” his dad paused and turned to the other man. “Erling, please help them, you are joining us for dinner anyway.”
Damn.
Okay, fuck it, whatever.
Welcome home, Jude Bellingham.
--
The drive to the small diner his parents decided to have dinner on was quiet except for the occasional conversation his father and Erling share. It gave him time to think about how fast everything is happening. It’s giving him a rush he only feels when he’s on the pitch, battling for scores, for the trophy, except this time his battling with himself for absolutely nothing and for something that happened eight years ago.
One moment he was in another country never thought of going back home. Then he stupidly gave himself injury. Now, he’s back home sitting on a backseat of his mum’s car few inches away from Erling.
It felt like that day eight years ago over again, when he invited Erling to go out and confessed his stupid feelings just to get rejected then forced to seat together at the backseat of his mum’s car because she insisted to fetch them after, not knowing what just went on.
He sighed as he looked out the window. It’s only been almost a day being back and he’s already tired. Maybe, he’ll just go back to Madrid after some time and take his recovery there. He closed his eyes as he tried to clear his mind.
“Jude, we’re here.” Soft taps on his cheeks awaken him and when he opened his eyes it landed on Erling.
He jolted and wipe his face, “They went inside and made me wake you up.” Erling said when he noticed him looking in front where his parents should have been.
“Hm. Go on then I’ll follow.”
“I will help you.”
“I can do it by myself, mate, but thanks.” He said the opened the door on his side without waiting for his answer but before he could reach for his crutches Erling had already grabbed it and went out of the car. He watched as he went around on his side.
He sighed and moved his right leg carefully then his left one out of the car. He was doing alright by himself while Erling watched him, like he’s waiting for Jude to ask his help.
Jude mentally scoffed, as if.
He successfully got out of the car. Erling gave him his crutches. He settled with it and walked pass the man who is just silently watching him.
Annoying.
Erling quietly followed behind him. Staying behind, in case, he needed someone to help him but Erling never doubted Jude. Never looked down on him, never thought he couldn’t do the things he wanted to do. But just in case, he stayed there behind him, waiting for Jude to asked him for something, anything.
The small diner wasn’t really packed, though all of the people had instantly recognized him. Either his parents had already told them not to approached him or they just simply don’t care about his presence he’ll never know. To be fair, he appreciates that no one’s been trying to invade his space, it’s the last thing he needs right now.
They settled on a family table. He sat down on the chair in front of his parent and Erling settled on the next chair beside him (not that he’s paying attention to him). They are still waiting for his brother but his parents had already ordered the food.
He looked around, he doesn’t remember this place so it must be a new business in their old town. The vibe is a bit cozy. It has a warm lighting, a comforting smell of a homecooked meal, wooden walls that hanged picture frames. One of it was a picture of his family with Erling, of course, he’s with them.
There’s something in his chest he can’t explain while looking at it. He doesn’t know if it’s a bitter feeling that Erling gets to be with his own family almost all the time or..
He sighed. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.
“Well, well, well, look who we have here.” Jobe’s loud voice ringed through the small diner.
Jude turned to him, “Be quiet, you donut.” He said firmly, though the smile on his face gave him out.
Jobe threw himself towards his brother. Jude caught him in his arms but with his injured knee he stumbled back suddenly there was a hand behind him steadying his body.
“Jobe, be careful.” He heard Erling say behind him followed by his parents’ reminder of his injured knee.
“Oh shit. Yeah, sorry Judey, I got excited.” His brother said before he settled on the seat to his left.
The food was great. Their table never once had been quiet from his own story and his family’s. Making up for the time they’ve spent being apart. For the first time in eight years, he couldn’t feel the rush in their voices and the hesitation of what’s more important to share. It was just filled with random stories and anecdotes from the last eight years he was gone.
Even Erling has his own story to share and he sat there listening to him. Though, there were stories that made him feel bitter because he wasn’t there. Like when Erling got his degree in Education and started teaching in their old primary school. Then, he remembered that not once did Erling ever watched him play, so it’s just fair.
I guess.
He got quiet after that and let his family talk in the background while he plays with the food on his plate. He was smiling while listening to his brother’s ridiculous story about one of his customers when he felt the intense stare of the man on his right side.
He looked at him, “What?”
“Nothing, J. I’m just happy you’re here.”
J.
What do I do with you, Erl? Eight years.. eight years and you still have this effect on me. Eight years and it’s still fucking you. It didn’t even take me a day to realized it.
“Hm. Sure you are.”
“I am.”
“Okay.”
“I really am.” Erling insisted.
“I said, okay.”
“But you don’t believe me.”
“I do.” He doesn’t want to hurt himself more than he’s already hurting so he’ll just choose to believe him.