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Caesar walked home alone tonight.
The silence was deafening, the streets still and wet from rain an hour earlier. A scent of whisky and cologne hung in the air as he passed by the bar he and Joseph used to go to every Saturday.
He missed him. He missed having someone who tried to understand him deeper than the women Caesar would get with when he was bored. Joseph was the closest thing he had to a friend after Caesar graduated high school.
Caesar looked in the bar, peering through the large window out of his peripherals. The memories of sitting with Joseph, having him explain what's happening in the football match being played on the television above their heads. Caesar always hated football, but it didn’t matter. If Joseph liked it, why did it matter? If Joseph wanted to move in together in an apartment downtown, Caesar would say yes. If he wanted to hang all his stupid football jerseys and flags around the entire house, Caesar would say yes. Football would be Caesar’s favorite thing, as long as Joseph enjoyed it.
An empty beer can crunches under Caesar’s shoe. The chatter coming from the bar slowly fades out in the background as he continues walking down the desolate street lit only by the few flickering streetlamps that are scattered down the road.
There is so much left to say. Something deep down inside Caesar wanted to turn around and start sprinting, sprinting back to Joseph's apartment to say he’s sorry. He’s sorry for all the times he insulted Joseph. Sorry for all the times he got mad at him. All the times he snapped at him. That he’s sorry for never showing Joseph that he loves him, loves him in the greatest way a man can love another man without being his partner.
But there's no Joseph to run back to. He’s in some other continent now, living with the only girl he knows. He’s forgotten the blonde boy he met when he was 18. I guess that’s not far from the ordinary, is it?
Caesar has forgotten too. He’s forgotten how many freckles were on Joseph’s face. Did he even have any? He’s forgotten the shape of the birthmark on Joseph’s back. He’s forgotten what his drunken laugh sounded like, only remembering the echo of it bouncing off the bar walls. He’s even forgotten Joseph's surname.
Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe they were just never meant to remember each other. They were just small passages of the story that is their lives. Soon, Caesar won't remember any part of Joseph at all. Nothing can be remembered forever. Soon their flesh will return to the Earth and the world will forget them too.
He’s happy, though. There’s no other choice but to move on and just be content with the fate that's been decided for you.
Would Joseph even remember Caesar if he saw him years from now.
Would Caesar recognize Joseph?
I guess they were just meant to live in each other's distant memory, slowly fading as the world continues to spin.
I guess that's just the way things go.