Work Text:
Why didn't you work…. Why? WHY?
You're useless.
You can't do anything right, you never could.
That one moment, that was a fluke, you have no talent.
Why bother trying? You're only going to ruin things.
You can never be anything more than a failure.
You're a JINX.
“Nooooooo!” the small girl with flowing wild blue hair streaming wildly down her back raced desperately over the rooftops, screaming into the cold, clear, rain-soaked night. Every frantic leap carried her further through the storm as tears mixed with the rain running down her cheeks, but no matter how fast she ran, the voices inside her head refused to be left behind.
“I'm not.. I'm NOT… I just—”
Fail at everything you do, a waste of space that causes everyone and everything around you to suffer.
“Shut UP shut up shut up shut up!” Darting further through the night she came to a gap between the rooftops, hesitating for only the briefest moment. The gap wasn't far... she had even made it once before, but that was with… that was then.
YOU'RE A JINX.
She landed, falling heavily onto the hard wooden deck of a docked ship, the rain-soaked planks causing her feet to slip out from beneath her. She crashed painfully onto her shoulder, crying out in pain before skidding awkwardly across the slick timber.
“That way!! Find the intruder.” A call from somewhere above rang out into the night, followed by the unmistakable echo of marching boots moving together in disciplined unison.
He is going to throw you away.
He doesn't need you, you can't do anything right.
Clambering painfully back onto her feet while clutching her aching shoulder, she forced herself onward, glancing upward to see the men searching high above her, all dressed in gleaming armour beneath heavy cloaks. Not Enforcers... military.
Look what you've done, if they catch you do you understand how angry he will be.
Knowing she had to move, she sped up and, spotting a narrow crack in the ship's hull caused by the raging storm, squeezed herself through the opening into the cargo hold beyond, slipping down between the neatly stacked crates until she was completely hidden from sight.
She curled herself into a tiny ball, resting her head against her knees, and there she started to weep quietly, making herself as small as she possibly could.
He thought you were something special, just imagine when he finds out you're nothing but a fraud.
He doesn't want a failure like you as a daughter. He doesn't love you.
No one ever loves you.
“No you're wrong… You're WRONG!” she cried out loudly, kicking the crate in front of her that she had huddled behind, causing a small chest that had been precariously balanced on top to tumble onto the floor. The weak mechanical lock burst apart as it struck the deck and the contents inside scattered across the wooden boards.
At first she ignored it. Yes, this was the foreign boat, but she had already overheard from some of Silco's men that it would be loaded first thing in the morning, that some sort of negotiations had broken down and, regardless of the talks, these stuck-ups were taking their belongings and leaving for good.
It was the reason for the heist, take their stuff and the blame would always be seen as Piltie greed. They always take everything after all, friends, family… sister.
But yeah, that had just been ruined because of her. Her one job… her first real job… was to cause a series of explosions, no need for subtlety, just one distraction and one for an exit.
But there was no explosion that night. She had let down the only family she had left, and when she let people down in the past...
It would be better off if you were de—
She reached forward toward the broken chest and went to throw it again. She didn't care if the noise was going to give her away, currently she was safe inside the little cubby between the crates, but she could still hear the guards outside, still searching, still patrolling through the storm.
It looked like they were being led by a young man carrying a huge sword, far larger than he was. Maybe that was the trick to all this. If you're never heard, just have a weapon larger than yourself, as large as you wished you were. Maybe one day.
The second time it hit the crate before her though, a little compartment slid out, some form of hidden section revealing itself. Reaching forward she discarded what had been hidden almost absent-mindedly, the mechanics were what interested her first. It didn't even seem mechanical, almost impossible at first glance.
She could clearly tell that, with the hinge and the way it had been formed, the only natural way to open the secret was with light. It would heat a tiny strip of metal that would expand, forcing the wooden panel upwards so it could be clicked free.
No idea how to get light through that tiny gap though. Seemed a bit weird to her.
That's when she turned her attention toward the folded note. As if someone had gone to this much trouble to hide something, it had to be worth something.
That's what she always said, before she abandoned you, before you were a...
YOURE A JINX.
She shook her head again, trying desperately to force the voices back into silence, but they remained, taunting her relentlessly and isolating her from reality. Once again tears began rolling down onto her knees as she pulled them closer against her chest. Reaching down, she grabbed the small parchment that had fallen from the chest's hidden drawer, intending to use it to wipe away her tears instead.
As she brought it closer though, she noticed the fine handwriting covering the page, delicate yet at the same time hurried, as if it had been written by someone incredibly skilled who had simply been running out of time. There was a faint scent clinging to the paper too, like flowers, the sort she had never smelt before.
Turning it over curiously in her hands, she slowly began reading.
Hey, I know weird way to start but. You have to start somewhere, that's the important part, starting. Don't put it off don't overthink things, you always over think things. So don't, worrying about what may happen or what people may think, that's never gotten you anywhere. It simply locks you in a cage, and you should never be held back ok, no more holding back.
You lost something, something that seemed a part of you, was you, is you. Right now, it may feel like it's gone forever, that you've failed and no matter how hard you struggle you can never fix it, fix yourself.
Like an artist that hurts their hand, unable to draw or paint, that hole eats at you, causes you to doubt yourself. To feel worthless.
But that is not true, you are not worthless. A shadow thrives beside the light.
It hurts now, but it won't forever, it feels hopeless now but it will ease, you need to cast away the doubt, those voices that tell you things are impossible, that you're useless and a failure. Don't think, thinking gets you nowhere, just do it.
You are stronger than you could ever know, more capable than anyone could ever realise and shine brighter than they could ever believe, so shine. Be creative and be more than they could ever realise since before you know it, you will be doing exactly what you thought was no longer possible, what was lost to you, in truth was always there all along.
You are an incredible amazing being, you can shape the night sky with flashes of light and paint the whole town in your colours.
If you wish too.
Only if you wish too.
As no-one can tell you who to be or who not to be, your stronger than that, there's a ball of fire in you, when you get stubborn, speak up or vent your feelings, those feelings are ok, never think they are not as that is you, and you are ok. You are strong.
Being who you are. It may seem like everyone is against you, out for you and that they hate you. The truth is they just dont see the real you. Dont know where youve been, what youve been through. It's unfair, theres so much injustice all around us with people telling others who they should be, what they should do.
Dont listen, you are perfect just the way you are. The way you want to be.
Family may try to change you, they have in the past, try to manipulate how you feel, make it about them, do what's right only for them to turn you into this little blonde doll.
Never forget that you matter, that how they can make you feel in those moments is bad. Family can hurt you more than anyone due to how much you care, it just means that it cuts deeper. Never feel guilty for feeling, and never let them control you.
If they don't listen, you just need to be louder, be bigger than they are.
You can be more than they are.
You are more than they are.
You are not broken, you are not weak and you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
One day you will change things. One day everything will seem like a bad dream, a forgotten memory of when times were harder than you thought you could possibly bear, and you will make it through. One day you will build something, for someone worth building it for.
Never be anything you don't want to be, always be true to yourself.
You are ok.
LC
~Many years later~
She lazily wafted the old note before her face, smiling faintly. Since she had first read it all those years ago, it had never once left her side. It was old now, worn thin by countless readings. Little sections were missing from the corners, the creases soft from being folded and unfolded hundreds of times, and the single black ink that had once been the only writing on the page had long since been joined by colourful doodles, little sketches, inventions, flowers, explosions and scribbled pieces of artwork. In places questions had been written into the margins, and elsewhere little answers had been added years later.
Looking up, she covered the sun's rays with her hand, taking in the lush green landscape and rolling hills stretching endlessly before her. It was all so foreign, so peaceful, an entirely different continent she had never before allowed herself to dream she might one day see.
Down there before her, she could see a small rebuilt settlement. Not busy, nowhere close to finished, but alive. Smoke curled gently from chimneys, people wandered through the streets below, and the distant sounds of laughter carried faintly on the breeze.
“Well then blondie…” she murmured with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Time for you to show me, I guess. Show me what something worth building really is.”