Work Text:
“Soleum-ah, we need to talk.”
Never a great start coming from Agent Choi.
The small bachelor motel seem to shrink. The various snack and sugary drinks on the table were beginning to look like a bribe.
“Soleum-ah,” his posture was careful, guarded but deliberately relaxed. “I know you always have things that you’re not ready to share. So you don’t need to answer any questions you don’t want to, but I just need you to listen to my theory for a bit, okay? You’re not in any danger, and I won’t put you into the glass prison again. Promise.”
Alarms rang in my head. Instinctively, something in me already felt resistant to what Agent Choi had to say, but rejecting it would only make me sound suspicious. There’s no doubt that he would use force if he felt it was necessary, promise or not.
“Soluem-ah, do you remember that time shortly after we first met, and I was able to recognize you by your veins?”
I nodded cautiously. It was honestly a pretty scary skill.
“Well… how do I say this, you don’t have the same veins anymore.”
Huh?
“Of course, since you’ve shown up in a non-human form before, I figured there’s a chance it’s the same situation. Maybe the paradise syrup reconstructed you differently. So I took some time to observe your behaviour.”
He smiled at this, voice fond but somber. “You’re still the clever guy who always brings about miracles and tries to save everyone. But you’re also different. And I’m not talking about the persona you deliberately presented us with. Body language is very hard to fake, little tales in the way you move unconsciously. And Grapes, you don’t have the same ones.”
Wait, hold on.
“You’re lighter on your feet, for example, and your body is more expressive even tho you still have the same poker face. The Grapes I knew from before slouched consciously, but would actually stand up straight when he didn't think anyone is watching, it was a really unique tale. You, on the other hand, always carried yourself with less stiffness as if it were natural.”
Hold on a moment…
“I don’t think you’re pretending to be someone you’re not this time. If anything, your body language is more open than before. So I just need to know, Soleum-ah, do you have any idea how you have come to possess this body?”
This was brand new information, but I did just show up here one day, and this body was already at the Branch. Clearly, there must have been a consciousness in here before I took over, the original Z999 who was being bullied and on the verge of death. I’ve been trying not to think about it, but having it pointed out to me gave me chills.
Did I take over someone else’s life?
No. This body felt like my own. Everyone else was able to recognize me.
When I was summoned into the Good Friend body, I was already at the orientation. When we woke up in Sekwang, we just emerged with our body in the form we recognize ourselves in. Since I entered this world through falling asleep and then encountering the ID printer, wouldn’t the darkness just manifest a body for me and drop me into an existing situation?
That must have been it.
This wouldn’t be a good enough answer for Agent Choi, but it’d have to do. Maybe he could help me figure out the situation.
“I was telling the truth when I told you I woke up at the branch one day. Previously, I was summoned as a Good Friend from the Cheerful Research Institute, which had certain filters on my emotions, so that must be why my body language and veins were different. But I’m pretty sure I’m human now. This feels like my real body at home,” I explained.
“I see…” Choi’s frowned. “Your colleague at Daydream discovered this ID along with Z999’s belongings.”
It was a government issued ID with a picture of me, along with my name and birthday. Odd. How did I get an ID in this world?
Choi observed my expression carefully.
I shrugged. “That seems to be me alright.”
His frown deepened.
“Is that your real name?” Choi asked.
“No. My name really is Kim Soleum. But I would have needed a different one to pass under Daydream’s radar.”
“But when you woke up, you were already at the branch.”
“I was, I suppose the darkness which summoned me must have forged this ID for me?”
Agent Choi continued to frown. Finally, he sighed.
“Hahhhh… You’re not lying, huh?”
“I don’t have any reason to this time around.”
A long silence followed as Choi stared at me. Then, suddenly, he started again.
“What was it like, being back home?”
A sense of warmth rose to my chest. “It was… good. I got to see my family and friends. I worked at a boring desk job I was good at. I didn’t have to worry about darkness. But I did miss you guys.”
“Is that why you're back here now? Do you have a guaranteed way to go back?”
“I… got a message. It made me worried, so I came back to check on things. As for the way back… It wasn’t something I could figure out in my world, but I have an inkling.”
“And do you still plan to go back, home?”
“Eventually, yeah. But for now, I need to figure some things out first. There was a reason I was brought to the Namhae Branch.”
“And how did you come back?”
“There was… something like a ghost story. The thing that invited me here the first time.”
“Didn’t you live in a world without ghost stories?”
“There really isn’t any, except for that one. And, well… I probably shouldn’t leave it be, right? Who knows how many people it had snatched.”
Choi laughed. “You’re really an agent to your core, huh?”
A bit of warmth bloom in my chest upon hearing those words. Even when he suspected my identity, he still acknowledged me as an agent, that had to be a good sign.
Choi scratched at the scar upon his neck, looking torn.
“Here’s the thing, Soleum-ah. It might not seem this way to you, but you really are quite different from the one I knew four years ago. You wanna know what I think?—
He didn’t wait for an answer.
“I think you’re someone who was made to believe they’re Kim Soleum. I’m not doubting your sincerity. You’re not in trouble. But I don’t think we should ignore whoever made you this way, or summoned you here.”
I gaped.
This was… kinda pissing me off…
Shouldn’t it be me who gets the final say on whether I’m actually me?
But, well… thinking back, Agent Choi was always like this. He never believed my home was real either. Unless you have some irrefutable evidence, it was better to humor him rather than persuade him, and I didn’t have any irrefutable evidence.
Despite my frustration, I couldn’t help but smile wryly. He was still a scarily sharp person.
“Perhaps I’m not the same Agent Grapes that you know. The Good Friend body changed some of my behaviours and suppressed my memories of my previous life. Now that I’m in my own body, with memories intact, I probably feel different to you. But I still recall the time I spent with you and Bronze. You’re still the same Agent Choi I know. As for who summoned me, that’s part of what I’m hoping to look into.”
“Still good with your words, huh?” Agent Choi chuckled wryly. “Alright, I’m just going to ask you to do one more thing for me.”
He took a nolstalgia candy from his pocket, one of the ones I must have left for him and Agent Bronze 2 years ago.
“This was for you and Agent Bronze to use! Why do you still have it?”
“Grapesie, we can’t just use items from other darknesses which cannot be replicated at the bureau. If we grow reliant on them, trying to acquire more would create a conflict of interest.”
I supposed that’s fair…
“But this is a one-time use purpose, so it should be fine. It was your item to begin with.”
I’d really rather save it for an emergency instead.
But wasn’t there a similar situation? Back when I was contaminated during Braun’s talk show.
Every contaminated person thinks they’re behaving rationally. I have been contaminated repeatedly in the past few weeks. Even if I felt fine, wasn’t it better to get a reality check?
There’s no down side to the nostalgia candy. The worse that can happen is wasting a very useful item, but it wasn’t like it was doing much at the bureau storage before this point, so I might as well take it.
“Fine. If it’ll help ease your mind.”
I took
the
nolstalgia
candy.
Into
my
mouth.
I felt refreshed, rejuvenated, just the way the candy is meant to make one feel.
A memory.
Light. Laughter. Home.
The sound of my lover calling to me. I’m safe and warm in their embrace. They’re going to make me perfect. I need to become perfect for them. They call me by my real name, the one I didn’t even know was mine. Ireum-nim. Roe Deer. Agent Grapes. Golden. Lord Cat. Kim Soleum. I shall be made perfect, I shall be made into Kim Soleum—
Who’s Kim Soleum?
This body—me, I am this body—shuddered violently.
There was a man with a scar on his neck before me, his name was Agent Choi. Why did I know this man? I’ve never met him.
Yes I have. I’ve read about him in the wiki and worked alongside him at the bureau.
He was speaking to me, arms reaching out. He was dangerous. He was a good man. He probably wouldn't harm me. He was a threatthreatthreatthreatthreatthreat—
“Citizen, stay calm. You’re safe,” the man lied, his voice steady, careful. I could see the barely concealed tension.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I’m— We went into a darkness but came back safely. I went home but I came back… a few weeks ago? Right. I’m Kim Soleum… You’re Agent Choi. We’re in my motel—“
The man’s expression shuttered.
He passed me the ID again. My ID.
“Who do you see on this ID?”
Huh?
“███-nim, is this you?”
“No, that can’t be. That’s not my name. I’m Kim Soleum—“ That face… that face looked so much like mine… but it’s not quite right. It felt more like looking at a stranger who looked just like me.
“███-nim, what was the last thing you recall before—”
“Who is that? That’s not me. I’m Kim Soleum. Why are you showing me this person?”
“Do you recall anything about your life before? Your family, where you’re from?”
“I’m Kim Soleum. I live in Seoul. I have a younger sibling who runs a bakery. I was an office worker.”
“And before that?”
“I— I was…”
Flashes of memories in my mind. Sound and sensations. Memories that did not belong to me.
“I… I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m Kim Soleum. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry”
Hands. Hands coming towards me, seizing my shoulder. The man was shouting at me. He was speaking calmly. He was way too loud. He was trying to soothe me he was trying to seize me he was breaking me apart I can’t I can’t I can’t I’ll be right I’ll be perfect I’ll be Kim Soleum I can be perfect again for my Lover—
“Who did this to you? Who summoned you into this body?”
Bells rang, but instead of the clear calming sounds I recalled, it mind-shatteringly loud and piercing.
I lunged at him, hand shooting straight towards his neck, where I know his reaction would be the slowest.
This man. This man.
A mixture of long-held rage and primal fear burst from within me.
“You’re always, always, always, always getting in my way.”
He struggles in my grasp, but before he could say anything else horrible, I squeezed. I squeezed like I should have done that day he discovered me in that lab. I should just kill him if he won’t acknowledge me because this man could never, ever, ever just shut up and trust what I—
No.
What am I doing?
Agent Choi was important to Kim Soleum. He was important to Me. What was I thinking?
Kim Soleum let go.
Agent Choi didn’t get up. Didn’t immediately move to subdue this body. He just coughed and wheezed and clawed at where these hands met his neck. Where I—this body—choked him.
He looked... hurt.
I—this body—it—he hurt him.
“Agent… Are you— I’m sorry…” Kim Soleum reached out, but Agent Choi scrabbled away from him. It wasn’t fear in his eyes, but caution and hurt hurt hurt it hurts.
For a moment, all this body could hear was the heavy, uneven sound of their breathing.
Something that sounded like a single sob escaped from Agent Choi’s throat.
It broke him.
Tears blurred this body’s vision. His breath grew laboured. Kim Soleum felt himself fracture, split apart.
“Please stop…” This body begged, curling in on himself.
Agent Choi opened his mouth, struggling to collect himself, to make a sound. Finally, in a hoarse whisper, he said, "███-nim…”
“Stop calling me that! Use my name. Please…” The body’s voice was shaking, trembling, as Kim Soleum drifted further and further apart. He just wanted to hear his name from this man again. If he could hear that name from a familiar voice, then he could—
Something wretched passed over Agent Choi’s face, caught between a snarl and a cry of pain, before it softened, helplessly melting away.
“Soleum-ah,” he said, propping his body up, wrapping his arms around this body, around Kim Soleum, around me.
He lied, “it’s going to be okay.”