Chapter Text
I stared at the message.
Brows furrowed and my heart melted at the same time.
A text message delivered at 10:06pm by the name Oink oink
“Y/N.”
“I miss you.”
“Come to the park. Please.”
I sighed. This was normal, ever since the first year of high school he had always called you and gave you affections, attention and everything a girl could ask for except a label. You could be kissing him intimately and falling asleep on his chest—such and such, but what were you two?
You stared at the message, ‘the park’
That was the place where it all had happened.
It was middle school, your mom and oikawa’s mom were bffs; every morning you would either see oikawa laying on your couch or you, yourself on his bed with Iwaizumi hanging out together in oikawa’s room as a trio. Those were the best days until you had to move out of this country to Peru. Where your dad had to change jobs for better income, and you had to unfortunately leave your friends in Japan. Before you left, you had met up with iwaizumi and said goodbye.
“Trashykawa is probably going to cry.” He mumbled with a sinister grin on his face as he took one last look at you and pulled you to a hug so tight you couldn’t breathe.
“Iwai- ow..!” You squirmed under his hug and looked at his face, noticing his eyes trembling. You also somehow couldn't stop your eyes from tearing up as you laughed while crying profusely. Iwai always had a fierce demeanor but this day was the time where it cracked. “Pfft, you..” I sniffed as I pulled back from his hug.
“You’re also crying, idiot.” I punched his shoulder lightly. Iwai was like my brother, and oikawa.. well, he was definitely a friend. I never saw him as a brother; he's too—annoying, I guess.
“Well. You’re the only person sane in this friendship. Now I have to deal with his shenanigans alone.” Iwai sighed and had a melancholy smile. “Oikawa is definitely at the park. He said he’s going to have fun even without you though he’s probably sulking that you're gone. I’ll see you before your flight, Y/N.” Iwai had a smile that reflected the sun and I waved back. I really hope i come back.
“Stupid y/n. I’m going to drag her back by kidnap—“
“Kidnap who?” I peered to his side
Oikawa stood up.
THAWK
I rubbed my chin and glared at him. “Would it kill you to be normal-!”
“You’re not normal yourself, just leave me alone..!” Oikawa murmured as I stood up with him and turned to face him. His tears were falling at a rapid speed I couldn't even count. I burst out laughing as I felt his angry stare. “Sh-shut up.” Middle school oikawa was always dramatic and even more childish. “I might come back, oikawa. I definitely want to stay by your side but I can't.” I held out my hand as he instinctively took it and rubbed his eyes with his other hand.
“You promise?” Oikawa stared at me with hopeful eyes. I nodded and he took a step forward. He's just going to hug me. No biggie. I felt his eyes staring way too deep into my face as I grew more flustered. Leaning into me, he suddenly hugged me and my heart froze. Back to normal, I sighed. What was i thinking, obviously he wanted to hug—
A warm, honeylike and delicate lips was pressed onto the corner of my lips yet I felt the brush of his lips touching mine firmly. I had never felt embarrassed, shocked and super stiff until this moment. His hands were cupping my face for those 5 seconds. Those 5 seconds were like a drea– ew. No. He's that immature, bothersome and egoistical oikawa.. yet why do i crave another one so bad.
Oikawa pulled back, part of him didn’t want to but reluctantly let go. “The promise is sealed. You will come back.” His smile was bold and the one that I hated so much but this time I couldn’t say anything. My mouth was paralyzed and my palm automatically covered my lips. “C-crappyKawa!” I exclaimed as my entire face turned watermelon red. I heard his laughter, so soft and smooth. “I’ll miss you so much. Y/n.” His voice lingered in my head like a lullaby as he hugged me. A real one this time, and it was almost too cozy.
Oikawa was never touchy before this park incident. And the last meeting with him before I went to Peru changed that.
3 years later
I came back. Same neighbourhood, same city and same school. My father had enough money and decided to go back to japan since he had missed it and so did I.
After a week, I returned back to my old school just now that I'm in high school. ‘Aoba Johsai’ I muttered quietly as I gripped the straps of my bag. I had no contact with iwai and oikawa ever since middle school since my parents didn’t allow me to have a device till im 17 so i just accepted my fate regretfully.
“Class, we have a new student. Please welcome her.” My homeroom teacher looked at me as I stepped forward glancing at my classmates. Suddenly, I see a familiar spiked hair. Iwaizumi.
“My name is Y/n. I came from Peru recently and I hope everyone will take care of me here.”
“Thank you, y/n. Have a seat in the back row.”
‘Nice!’ I mumbled to myself. At least Iwai is beside me, i had truly missed seeing my friend.
I took a seat and immediately Iwai shuffled towards me.
“I can’t believe it. You’re actually back- you don’t wanna know how much i suffered being around oikawa without you..” he groaned as he stuck out a big warm smile. “Welcome home, y/n”
I looked at him and chuckled quietly as the teacher was taking attendance. I loved being back home, Japan. I missed the familiar faces and the scenery.
As I was about to reply, a tall looking guy with short and slightly curled hair peeked beside Iwai's head. “Hey, you’re that famous person oikawa always ranted about.” He said laid-backly "I'm Matsukawa, just curious on who it was that made him so annoying. But you’ll probably suffer more now that you’re back.”
Iwai just nodded and I laughed, he’s pretty chill and I found him funny along with Iwai adding to the jokes. As the lesson finished and time passed it was already break, I stood up, “y/n, come follow to our table. Oikawa will probably be so surprised when he sees you.” Iwai shook his head as we walked towards the hallway to Oikawa's class.
“Yo, oikawa. Someone is waiting.”
A groan was heard at the far distance as you stood behind iwai’s back.
“Are you playing a prank or is it another girl’s love letter-“
Heavy steps can be heard in front of iwai. Ruffling his hair just to make sure it's neat in case Iwai's right.
I took a step to the left to reveal myself and I saw how taller he grew. His fluffy hair was more swept-out and his chocolate serene eyes changed into a dumbstruck expression as he took one glance at my face.
“Y/N…!?” He yelped as his classmates looked at the door where he stood as he ignored their stares.
“Idiot..” iwai mumbled with his hands over his head
Immediately, I felt my chest touching his as he rested his chin on my shoulder. His large hands cradling my entire body as if it’s memorizing my existence. “O-oikawa-“ my face was burning up, i knew people were staring and iwai just sighed wearily.
“I knew you would come back.” His breath made my neck shivered slightly, I pushed him gently for distance.
“You shouldn’t do this in public!” I scowled at him. He grinned cheerfully as he held my hand like we were lovers. Which we were absolutely not.
Weeks passed. Eventually, I trained him to limit his touchyness and so does our relationship. It became usual for us to now meet at night just taking a walk and sometimes do more than that. As the second year started, I would visit his games when I didn't have concert band practices. Just as Oikawa focused immensely on volleyball and planning to pursue it, I had a deep love for my violin which I have played since elementary school. It all started when I saw a live orchestra performance on television when I was 7 years old. Their elegant hands moving the bows against the bristle string of the violin creating a melodic sound that I admired greatly. On that day, I decided to dedicate my life to violin and the musical world. Oikawa would sometimes ask me to play the violin at the park, just us two alone when the sun barely shone. I always accepted his request despite the fact that i hate waking up early at 7am.
“Y/N!” His glittering eyes always sparkled whenever he saw me as he rushed to hug me
“Put. Me.. down..!” I shrieked wobbily as he spun me around.
You felt a warm hand pushing the strands of your hair back and he thought for a minute. “Everytime you come at 7, your hair is always messy. Like a wet chicken.” He stared at your face and you pinched his nose harder than usual.
“O-ouch-! Why did you do that so painful, my beautiful face is now broken.” He clutched his nose dramatically.
I rolled my eyes “you can buy a surgeon to fix that and your ego as well.” I chuckled as he leaned closer to my face and bit my nose with his own. Bare. Teeth.
“Oikawa-“ By now, I had gone used to his surprises as I sat on the bench.
“Do you want to hear my playing or not?” I took out my violin case and laid my jaw on the chin rest.
“I do, of course. If it’s you, I would listen to it on repeat.”
I had a slight pink tint of my face but focused and slowly, my hands guided me naturally. ‘Sonata No. 1 in G minor’ is a solo that I always play whenever I feel like. It made me feel at peace and Oikawa seemed to like it as well.
He would kneel and lay his head beside my legs, humming at the sky. He looked way too peaceful, like everything in the world had stopped and it was just us two. In the park, listening to the birds squeaking, dogs barking and his gaze would always land on me.
His glowy, confident, precious eyes that I would always get hypnotized to but never admit it.
I loved how quiet he was and wished he always were like this but as the song reached to an end, his voice appeared. I didn’t hate his voice, more like I hated him blabbing about me and his tease.
“Do you think one day, I might lose and never get to the nationals?”
I placed my violin down and kneeled next to him, our kneecaps touching each other.
“What made you think that..?” I looked next to him as his eyes were already fixed onto mine.
“I obviously don’t think you will lose, but even if you do. There's many people cheering for you. Your efforts aren’t in vain.” I smiled tenderly at him, he then laid his head on my shoulder—closing his eyes. I felt like I heard a faint ‘i love you’ but it’s probably my thoughts, i slapped my inner self for even thinking he would utter those words but was i wrong to believe that? All of those times, him kissing me on the lips passionately was always just us. Doing our friendship. Right.. Well, I'll just not question it, like always. Our friendship is sacred.
Back to the present
I looked at the message again.
“I miss you.”
Except this time, we were adults. 18 years old, this was our last year in high school and our situationship was still the same. I kept clinging onto it despite everyone around me asking what were we two. As if I could even answer that.
After he lost to shiratorizawa, his dream to go to the nationals failed. I was there at the game and cried alongside his team. My friend, Rika beside me gave me a bewildered look as she handed me tissues. “Y/n, i really wished you told me what your relationship with him is. Everyone knows you two are dating, but never made it offici-“
“He always wanted to go to nationals..” i whimpered
Watching his game, I always see his bright smile. His intensive focus on setting and the way he talked about volleyball like it was important to him mattered to me.
Rika looked at me and huffed.
“You really are blind..”
After that match, he waited outside my house calling me as usual and I always came. I would kiss him soothingly as he tightly held me like I would evaporate at that second. His eyes would talk to me and I would reply with my affection. Oikawa was more needy that day, and I let him get me. His hands rubbed every inch of you and nothing could ever replace this feeling.
It became even harder when he lost to go nationals and it was even harder to question our relationship. Why do we even need labels, I thought to myself and immediately stopped in my tracks. I’m not like Oikawa. Every time I wanted to briefly ask what we were, something always interrupted.
“Oh shoot- i have to go get my nephew.”
“Shh.. I just want to hug you right now.”
Or even worse. When he just kisses my lips, I slowly lean into it slowly falling in love and forget my question as usual.
Today. I decided. Well, it was close to our graduation and there's never more a perfect time to solidify our relationship.
I stepped onto the lively grass which I had stepped on for many years and now it was coming to an end. I know I don't have much time in Japan, so today I was going to tell him that. I recently accepted a scholarship to my dream university, ‘Royal College of Music’ in London. With no remorse and a last question. ‘What are we?’
Oak brown eyes studied my face
His black jacket layered over his plain white t-shirt fitted his physique so well. He smiled at me—overjoyed.
Pulling me into a hug snuggly. I always loved smelling his cologne, the fresh scent of smoky wood. I inhaled it like it was oxygen itself. He would shove his face right on my shoulder, the first time he did that I was absolutely flabbergasted and speechless but it became casual as 3 years passed. I found myself liking it. Almost. I say. “Oikawa. Can we have a talk, just a minute?”
He looked up to my face, his nose touching my chin. I saw his sulky eyes cutely staring at me but he stood up straight, slowly nodding. He patted the seat next to him on the bench and I sat. “It’s.. our last year in high school.” I slightly shivered.
Oikawa looked at me and instinctively took off his jacket, placing it around me. He smiled gently at me, I tried to smile but couldn’t. Not until I ask the true question.
“What.. are we?”
His breath hitches—just slightly.
He swallowed hard, whenever he was nervous or anxious I could hear that sound. “We’re us.” He says lightly
“Don’t do this..” I had a wretched face plastered all over, my lips furrowed as I held his hands.
Oikawa’s finger twitched in yours. Its warmth was sparking but you could feel him tensing. He hates when you look wretched. The last time ever was when you failed your audition last year to get the first chair violinist, you cried in his arms. You thought you looked really pathetic right then but he felt the pain. He wanted to relieve your sorrowfulness right there and make you forget everything in this world.
“We don’t need labels." His voice came out low and strained
“We kiss. We text and call every night. You sleep on me sometimes.. I call you mine when no one is listening…”
But we’re not together.
His final words which couldn’t get out of his lips.
I rubbed the back of his hands. I shook my head slowly and it was painful.
“I want to tell them you’re mine.” Those words came out softer than I expected and I hated it.
“I can’t do this anymore, oikawa.”
I choked on my saliva as I gathered the courage to continue.
“I have to go far away. And I can't be with you. Not when we will continue to hurt each other.” I smiled as daggers stabbed my heart. The one who was once a captain of Aoba Johsai—who dedicated his life to volleyball, used any chance to kiss you is now gone.
He stared at y/n’s beautiful eye colour, lost in its gaze. Your eye was twitching. Wanting to flood immediately but you resisted.
His silence dragged as he just wanted to be in your presence at this moment, not wanting to leave you. Although you have to.
“Our future paths are different. I know you’ve wanted to go to Argentina, well I guess both of us leaving is for the better. I hope you do have a successful future without me oikawa.”
Tears rolled down his cheeks quickly.
“Where are you going?” He spoke very low and shakingly.
“I.. got a scholarship from my dream university. In London.” You smiled softly and knowing that he couldn’t control his own tears, your eyes decided to match his tears.
His hands reach to hold the back of your neck, but he doesn’t hold it tight. He knew that there was no game plan, strategy or technique to fix this.
“I really wanted to be with you. But— I just don't think it will work out.. Maybe you will meet someone else, better and one who makes you think that they could be a couple. A relationship.”
He frowned and leaned in as he kissed my lips deeply. I felt his tongue swirl—reaching for mine. I enjoyed every last minute of it till I pulled back. “I love you. I'm sorry.” Each word struck him like a lightning bolt. Oikawa looked at you, his eyes filled with misery. “No- y/n. I..”
“I only need you. Don’t go.”
His words came out with stutters, he felt like a hypocrite. He gave a final look and so he simply just nodded.
Please ask me to stop you. Please give me one more chance.
“If leaving is what you need.. then I won’t stop you.”
I cupped his cheeks with both of my hands.
“I’m sorry. I’ll see you at graduation.”
I gave a kiss on the corner of his lips. Funny because that was his move from where it all began. This stupid situationship.
He looked at me, wanting more but willing to let you go. He bit his lips as his nails dug deep into the palms of his hand.
My steps felt heavier as each stride felt even more heavy.
Creakk..
You opened the door to your house. You hadn’t realised how much pain your leg felt, the moment you closed the door your legs gave up. You hugged your knees to your chest tight.
Howling and cries filled the room.
“What happened, my baby?” Your mom rushed to the front as she kneeled in front of you.
You cried like an actual baby in her arms. Her comfort was the light you craved and matched a certain other being. Her hands ran through your hair oozing you to sleep and it worked.
Graduation came.
It had been a week since that park incident and this was the last time seeing him. Who knows if destiny will ever reunite you two or even care.
You both haven’t seen each other. Both of you wanted to contact each other, but didn’t. Iwai asked me if something happend between the two of you, you just shook your head.
“We just decided to go different countries, maybe it made him sad?” Wow, i laughed internally. I’m a hypocrite too i guess.
“Well, that explains it. He’s been staring at a wall and in our last practice session, he got slammed by the ball twice. One from me of course.” He crossed his arms with a smirk.
“Thank you for saying that. I felt immediately better.” I chuckled and I know I will miss iwai so much.
So the day comes and you walk out of the school gymnasium after the ceremony ends. Everyone outside started taking pictures with each other, crying and some even handing out love letters of their long yearning. I spotted Rika and my other friends as I went up to them.
“Y/n…!!!” Rika came running to me in tears. Hugging me tightly.
“I-i.. will missssss you! So much, you better contact me once you change your number. Okay, y/n?”
My eyes felt runny and it seemed like the air was too emotional for me as I hugged her back tighter.
“I. I will. Absolutely.”
My other friends, Himari and Ema came at me like a bull.
“Also me.”
“Also me tooo!!” Ema exclaimed as they all hugged me.
Our last picture together was memorable. All of us cried on each other, even Himari who was usually composed.
She was going to stay in Japan, she planned on pursuing her dream career and I cheered for her. Her being an architecture fitted her well and Ema was my concert band friend, she played the cello and we always planned on going to the same university but the future doesn’t go the way you want it; she ended up going to one that’s in Austria, University of Music and Performing Arts Vienna. She had always dreamed of going to Austria so I wished her well. I cherished all those memories of us back in the band and slacking off sometimes.
Rika was also travelling to another country, Argentina. She planned on going to UNLP to study economics, she was a studious type and extroverted. I know she will thrive there, I also taught her some Spanish as I used to in Peru and adapted to their language. I never knew it would benefit me in life one day.
“Well, you guys all better call me when you reach the other country. I promise we will still be together!” Himari smiled widely, it was the only time she was ever happy besides the time she got accepted to her uni.
We all hugged again, one by one.
Rika looked at Ema and she nudged her.
“Ema, he’s looking for you.” She grinned as she pointed towards a boy. Him and Ema had obvious feelings towards each other but they never admitted it which made me, Himari, and Rika get super annoyed. “Finally one of you is making a move at last..” Himari sighed as Ema ran up to him giddily.
“Ren..!” She smiled brightly as he fidgeted his hands on his jacket.
He gave her the second button; a tradition in Japan where it involves male students giving their second button of their uniform to a crush or a close friend as a romantic symbol of first love and farewell.
Three of us were watching, feeling happy for our friend as we left them with their lovely moments.
As I talked to my friends, I caught a glimpse of a group of volleyball teams taking pictures with one another. His school uniform clinged to his body and his hair was taken care of well like usual. He had a smile so bright and the one that was once frowning in anguish. The moment our eyes clicked, his eyes turned gentle, longing for you at the spot.
“Excuse- me-“ he suddenly waved goodbye to his friends as he moved through the crowd.
Panting was what I heard behind me.
Himari and Rika looked at each other before snickering. Rika was hoping at least today, you guys might change. You knew that was not the ending.
A tug on your sleeves was gripping hard.
“Y/n..”
his breath was all I heard. Soft and warm. Lovely.
He took a deep breath
“Don’t forget about me.” Oikawa muttered as I turned to look at his face.
His eyes were dismal, I looked up at him.
“I.. won’t” I grinned from ear to ear. I wanted our last meeting to at least be nice.
He hugged me one. Last. Time.
His arms covered my entire back, my head rested on his chest. I loved his hugs. I could hear his heartbeat, fast and accelerated time by time. I leaned closer into this warmth. I miss it already.
His hands reached up to my cheeks as he rested his forehead onto mine. Our noses touched each other. His eyes pleaded for me to come with him, he knew you would never. You deserved someone better, someone who didn’t have a fear of vulnerability.
“I..”
“I’ll miss you.”
I love you.
Easy words that he didn’t want to admit.
“You shouldn’t” my smile twitched as I planted a kiss on his temple. The last and softest one.
He let go of me.
Watching the figure of my back disappearing slowly.
Will we ever be back?
Together..?