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OJ’s face was illuminated with the bright light of his laptop screen. He sat on the floor next to the bed to not wake paper, biting back tears as he continued looking into things to improve fertility.
He wasn’t sure if these tears were from frustration, guilt, sadness or all three but he hated how tight his throat felt. OJ felt really pathetic for getting this emotional over a baby (or rather, lack there of).
It was more than that to him however, he felt like he was failing the one person he loves most despite the reassurance it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t hold back his sobs anymore, pushing the laptop away he burst into tears.
OJ felt a hand touch his shoulder from the bed, before it carefully moved down his back. Paper slid off the bed to sit next to him, hand still on his back, letting him get it all out.
After a while he finally turned to look at Paper.
“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just. couldn’t sleep.”
“No you didn’t I-“ he laughed softly
“I couldn’t sleep well either,” Paper put a hand on OJ’s cheek, taking off his glasses in the process.
OJ didn’t really have a response, nor could he look Paper in the eyes without starting to cry all over again. He exhaled shakily.
“It’s not your fault, you know that right?”
A long silence stretched before he continued.
“Tangerine, it’s not your fault.” He stated again, furrowing his brow.
OJ scoffed, biting back a growl in his throat.
“Isn’t it? I’m the reason it doesn’t work, I’m the one failing YOU, I’M-“ he paused, realizing he was shouting without meaning to.
“f-failing me? OJ you… don’t mean that, right?”
Once again OJ fell silent, this time tears threatened to spill as he blinked them back.
“I want this more than anyone. For you- For US. I don’t know what else to do I- I-“ He started to hyperventilate a bit as he spoke.
Paper grabbed his hand in his own and interlocked their fingers.
“Tangie, breathe. Listen, I know this whole thing has been hard for us but- We have options- It’s not over yet, so don’t count us out,” He smiled softly, brushing his thumb along the back of OJ’s hand.
OJ didn’t respond, he couldn’t find the words to say. Until he did.
“It’s just so hard to get my hopes up and be crushed all over again. I don’t-“
He turned away, frowning.
“I don’t know if I can keep going through this.”
Paper fell silent, with a look on his face OJ couldn’t read.
“Do… Do you really feel that way..? Oh my goodness, OJ, why didn’t you say anything sooner..?”
Tears threatened to fall from Paper’s eyes, his expression becoming one of mortification.
“B-Because I want this! There’s nothing more I want than to raise a kid with you, Paper!” OJ started crying himself once more.
“I want that too, but it isn’t more important than your mental health. Trust me, I would know,”
Paper furrowed his brow as if to make his point more clear.
“But I don’t WANT to give up. I-“
“OJ, it’s late, we should talk about our next step in the morning.” he chuckled
“Somehow you look more exhausted than usual!”
OJ blushed with embarrassment, then exhaled.
“Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, let’s go back to b-“ OJ was pulled into bed by his hand, Paper was all giggles.
“Goodnight Clementine~”
Before OJ could even say anything in response he was passed out from exhaustion, Paper following suit soon after.