Chapter Text
Lilynette was gone. He couldn't feel her anymore, her absence a heavy stone sinking through his chest. It was slowly eating him from the inside out and leaving him a brittle shell. Never had the title of "Hollow" felt more literal.
Was there even a point in getting up? In crawling out of this makeshift coffin of rubble and dragging his broken body away? Perhaps he should just lay here until the shinigami inevitably either destroy this empty cast of a fake town or pick the place clean and find him.
Starrk had never truly desired death, had searched too long and fought too hard for companionship to be able to fool himself into believing that was ever what he wanted. But he was so tired. He wanted to sleep until the pain disappeared, until Lilynette came back and the suffocating loneliness that had always drowned them eased its blade from his throat. He doubted it would ever truly leave him, he wasn’t that lucky, but he just wanted to breathe without it cutting into him at every opportunity.
Lilynette would kick his ass if she could hear him, having already tried to on several occasions before. It felt like she was the embodiment of his motivation, of any drive and desire to continue forward that he may have once had. But with her gone, all Starrk wanted to do was give up. The fact that she wasn’t there to pester him into getting up hurt more than any knee she had driven into his stomach in the past.
Ruminating in his misery, the wolf arrancar could only continue to stare disbelievingly into the familiar darkness he was encased in. That should have been it. That should have been the end. No hollow had ever been able to manage it before, but surely a shinigami captain would be able to do it. Perhaps, he had Lilynette to thank for that, sacrificing herself to shield him at the cost of the barrier they kept between their souls in resurrección form. He couldn’t bring himself to feel all that thankful though.
The Espada just couldn’t believe he hadn’t gone with her, they were supposed to leave this world together. Two fragments of a whole, together even after they had become individuals. Humans had a saying that felt fitting- A father was never supposed to outlive his daughter, an older brother should never outlive a little sister… He wasn’t sure which it was, either felt fitting enough for how people might have described his relationship with Lilynette, a literal shard of his soul. Part of him briefly entertained the thought of even hoping that their positions could be swapped, that Lilynette could have at least lived even at his expense… but it felt cruel, leaving her alone in the three realms when their mutual existence was to avoid exactly that. Then again, Lilynette had made that same decision, which is why he was here to consider this at all.
Now, all he had was a torn, gaping hole in his soul, different from the one in his chest that should have ended him. A silent, dreadful reminder of why he lingers here. He strains for a moment, managing to pull an arm free from where it was pinned with a groan. He dragged trembling fingers along the edge of the gouge in his chest, letting his eyes flutter back shut as he let the weakness and grief wash over him. It hurt, certainly, the stinging like knives digging into his back and chest from the would be fatal wounds left by the shinigami captain. The dirt and grit from his technical grave certainly didn’t help matters. He couldn’t really blame Taicho-san so much for this suffering though, it’s not like the other man had any reason to believe the arrancar would survive long enough to feel the aching of his wounds.
Still, it was far from pleasant, the wolf squeezing his eyes more tightly shut as his clumsy fingers prod at the wounds. With how dark it was, and his inability to tilt his head down with the debris in the way, he was trying to make a blind assessment of how bad it was physically. Not only that, he needed to assess where his reiatsu levels sat. To say he felt weak would be an understatement, but given just how much power he had before, that could really mean anything. It gave him something to do while he figured out if he even wanted to get up, if nothing else. That being said, there was still a dread that lingered under his resignation. He didn’t want to have to face the hole Lilynette left head on. If this was anyone or anything else, he’d take the cowards way and refuse to acknowledge it. Hide from his pain. But Lilynette deserved better and he needed to face the consequences of his failure. Grieve her properly.
Sucking in a gritty breath he didn’t truly need, Starrk turned his focus inward. He mentally reached for that empty feeling in his gut, bracing himself to feel the ragged edges and bleeding power where Lilynette’s soul rested in their resurrección. However, what he felt caused him to abruptly still.
He certainly felt what he expected, torn edges and weeping wounds in his soul, but that wasn’t all. A muted disbelief washed over him, chased by a frenetic sort of hope blooming in its wake as he felt the lingering traces of a painfully familiar reiatsu dance between the metaphorical fingers of his awareness. Given their nature, of course his and Lilynette’s reiatsu signatures were very similar, but he would always be able to distinguish hers from his own. A wild and vivacious green energy against his silent, languid ocean of icy blue.
Lilynette wasn’t gone, not entirely, not yet. He cradled what was left of her gingerly in his own strength, breath hitching in the back of his throat. His eyes burned behind his eye lids, and his free hand dropped from his wounded chest down to his stomach. As if he could physically feel what was still inside him. What was left was a small, uncertain thing, too small for the hole in his being that it once felt. The void around it had been so immense he might have missed it if he hadn’t taken the time to look. Another stab of grief briefly pierced him. The arrancar really could have lost her for good. But the feeling was soon overwhelmed by the joy that he hadn’t. She was there, weak as she was.
Hope wasn’t lost, and a rare determination sparked inside him. Before, he would have reluctantly dragged himself out of the rubble against his personal wishes to honor Lilynette’s sacrifice. Would have fled just far enough to not be seen immediately. Would have curled up and fled to his dreams where he could still be with her. But things were different now.
Starrk bit his lip, gathering the dregs of his strength to start pushing and digging his way out. He wouldn’t be surviving just because Lilynette wanted him to. He would survive so she could survive. If he gave up, wandered like the ghost he always felt like, then Lilynette would be gone for good. No, Starrk would get up and he would nurse her back to health, help these embers of her power regain their strength so she could return to his side.
Starrk couldn’t help the uncharacteristic smirk that curled at the edge of his lip, edging on hysterical as the weight on him lifted and he broke out to see the sky. He really had been too pessimistic. Of course someone like Lilynette wouldn’t just roll over and die if she could save his ass AND survive. Now it was up to him to live for the both of them. He would save her like she had saved him.
That being said… perhaps he had been a little too eager in his escape. The brunette tipped over and collapsed from the pain re-asserting itself once he was free. The strain of near death screaming through every nerve ending as he barely stops himself from eating dirt. Okay… noted, he was definitely much weaker in a way that made his body feel almost alien.
Pushing himself back up with a groan, Starrk fell back onto his ass. He wasn’t too concerned about a shinigami finding him just yet, any reiatsu signatures he could sense were far enough off that he knew he could take a moment to recover and decide his next step. Besides, between his newly learned iron control over his reiatsu and how drained he feels, he doubts they’d be able to tell he was up and moving just yet. With one hand resting on his stomach and one hand behind him to brace his weight against, the arrancar stared up at the cloudy blue sky. The sun was beginning to set, starting to paint the artificial town in pinks and oranges as Shinigami gathered their dead or injured and regrouped in the distance. The faint flickering under his palm a balm to the.. Ex? Espada’s mind.
There was no way he could stay here, this was a fake town situated where the original town is supposed to sit. Either they would destroy it to return Karakura back to its rightful place, or they would take the fake town back to the Soul Society for the same reason. Neither option was a good one for Starrk. He was in no shape to try and endure however they chose to destroy it, and getting teleported into the middle of enemy territory would be the worst outcome. He had no personal reason to fight the shinigami, had only been here because of Aizen, but the shinigami certainly wouldn’t see it the same way.
That leaves Starrk two options.
He could flee to the human world, going around and picking off the weaker hollows that exist there until he’s regained more of his strength. The major downside is that the Shinigami patrol the world of the living, and they’ll be keeping an eye out for any remnants of Aizen’s army. They’ll probably be looking for the weaker arrancar, given that, as far as they know, the Espada have all been accounted for, but it’ll still be risky.
The other option is to return to Hueco Mundo. There’s many more hollows to ‘eat’ there, but the sheer numbers could pose a problem. The world of the hollows was a vicious one, and he would be walking in smelling of injury and weakness. Even injured, they shouldn’t be a problem, but he didn’t know he wanted to risk getting overwhelmed. Besides, while there would be no Shinigami (so long as he steered clear Los Noches, the gun slinger is certain that place will be crawling with soul reapers trying to discover any other secrets Aizen might have hidden there), there would certainly be the aforementioned remnants of the army. Again, a bunch of small fry, but more than he wants to content with given his injuries and the weak life he’s trying to protect.
On a more selfish note… Hueco Mundo had so many cold, isolating memories for him and Lilynette. It had been bearable enough once he had joined the other Espada in Los Noches, though they had never really become the pack he had craved. But now? Starrk bit back a grimace at having to go back, now with only the faintest flickers of Lilynette left and the brief taste of pack ripped from him. It would be safer from the Shinigami, but it would certainly be worse for his mind than the world of the living.
Just what was he going to do now…? He had to choose, and soon.