Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hansol was cute.

Hansol was cute and exactly Chan's type, all soft and gentle and pretty.

Over the course of a year, Chan tried to not talk to him that much, scared he'd get attached and ugly crush on his roommate without his roommate ever knowing and possibly returning his feelings. But Chan knows things about Hansol.

He knows that Hansol is a Psychology major; has classes four days a week, and he has Mondays off. Chan knows that Hansol only has classes until noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and classes from 12PM to 7PM on Wednesdays and Fridays. Chan knows that Hansol likes J.Cole and Drake's music, and that he raps and makes mixtapes. Chan knows that Hansol never stops eating - Hansol's room is littered with candy wrappers and snack bags and there's probably a half-eaten crust of pizza somewhere under his bed, not that Chan bothered to check, but it's obvious whenever he peeks into Hansol's room to remind Hansol to eat dinner. Chan knows that if he never orders takeout, Hansol would live on instant ramen forever and all the MSG would get to him. Chan knows that Hansol loves animals and once brought an injured bird home to help it heal. Chan knows that Hansol has a pretty soul and a huge heart - he's a golden boy, really.

Chan also knows that he never stuck to his vow of barely speaking to Hansol, because three months into being roommates, they start developing a semi-domestic routine where they assign chores per day and make sure the other is eating well and not pulling too much all-nighters or overdosing on coffee and red bull. Hansol's also there when Chan has nightmares and Hansol murmurs soothing words to help Chan fall asleep.

(The first time Chan had a nightmare, he screamed in his sleep until his throat went hoarse and Hansol had to frantically look for the spare keys by the door because Chan's room was locked. Chan was on the floor by the time Hansol got to enter Chan's room, blankets pooling around him and eyes raw and puffy from crying. Hansol decides to never let Chan lock his room ever again.)

And now?

Now, their relationship is some unidentified flying Thing. It's there but they don't talk about it.

Chan has no idea when they started kissing - but it's been happening for a while now. (Not that Chan's complaining; he just wants to know where he stands in all this.) Most days Hansol comes home and pulls Chan by the shirt to messily press their lips together. Some days it escalates into a full-blown makeout session, but some days it stays as a pressing of lips for a few seconds. It honestly really depends, and Chan can never tell how it's going to be that day.

Chan thinks about this as he lies down on the couch and works on his portfolio. It's 8PM on a Friday night, and he isn't waiting up for Hansol because it's a Friday and one thing Chan doesn't know is where Hansol goes on Friday nights. (He's kidding himself - he is waiting for Hansol and he's an idiot for doing so. Hansol won't be home until ass o'clock in the morning.)

Chan thinks about Hansol. Wonderful, kind, and actually a walking meme Hansol. Chan thinks about the way Hansol plays with Chan's fingers while they marathon their favorite kdramas, and how Hansol kisses the tips of Chan's fingers. He thinks about the times they shared music, hiphop and Michael Jackson blaring through the small portable speakers. He thinks about how his bed ends up smelling faintly of Hansol whenever Hansol helps him through the nightmares. He thinks about how it would be like to date Hansol, holding hands in public and running his hands through Hansol's hair.

Oh.

Chan likes Hansol. His secret crush has finally reared its ugly head. The realization makes him accidentally delete an important photo.

But he can't, he tells himself as he scrambles to open the recycle bin. He successfully recovers the file as the door creaks open. He sighs.

"Minhyung-ah, I'm busy," he says, not bothering to look up to see who entered. And, knowing how his Friday nights go, it's probably a Lee Minhyung with nothing to do.

"Minhyung?" The person says. Chan looks up.

It's Hansol.

"Oh, hey, Hansol. Sorry, I thought you were Minhyung. He usually comes over on Friday nights because he's bored."

Hansol hums. "What do you guys even do on Friday nights? And hey to you too, move over." He pokes at Chan's feet.

Chan sits up, adjusting his laptop on his, well, lap. He tucks his feet underneath him and continues to edit photos. "Nothing much," he says as he colors a photo of the sunflower patch in their university. "We talk about school, or his boyfriend, and we play video games."

The couch dips with Hansol's weight as he sits. "Mmm, that's cool. It's nice to know that someone comes over to take care of your lonely self."

Chan scrunches his nose up. "Whatever."

"I mean," Chan hates Hansol, he really does. He can hear the amusement in his tone. "If I'm not here, who will, right?"

He feels Hansol shift, and when he looks up, Hansol's facing him, sitting cross-legged and a smile playing at his lips.

"I missed you today," Hansol says, picking at the loose thread in his jeans. "You weren't around when I woke up and I remembered you pulling an all-nighter last night."

"I'm good," Chan says, saving his newly-colored photo and closing his laptop. "I'm almost done with my portfolio, anyway. Just a few more photos to edit and then I'm good. All it needs is to be posted." Chan reaches over to set his laptop on the small worn-down coffee table, and when he draws his hand back to fold his arms over his chest, Hansol takes his hand and starts playing with his fingers.

It's quiet for a while, with Chan trying to even out his breathing because Hansol's being touchy and affectionate and gentle again. At this rate, his heart's going to crawl out of his chest and into his throat and out of his mouth to jump into Hansol's hands.

Hansol clears his throat and Chan almost jumps from the sudden noise.

"Um," Hansol looks at Chan only to look away again. "Can - can I kiss you?"

Chan's heart lodges itself in his throat. "Nothing's ever stopped you before."

"Okay," Hansol's beaming as he closes the gap between them. "Okay, cool."

Hansol's lips are on Chan's and it's kind of desperate and filled with so much longing, because Hansol's already pushing his tongue into Chan's mouth. And oh, Chan thinks, today's one of those days. Their mouths move together with practiced ease, lips and tongue and a little bit of teeth. 

Hansol finds the hem of Chan's shirt, and he slips his hands beneath the fabric, fingers digging into the expanse of Chan's skin. He trails kisses on Chan's jaw and neck and rubs circles on Chan's waist, humming.

"You're so," Hansol begins. "I don't even know how to describe you. You're - beautiful, Chan, you're beautiful."

Hansol pulls away to brush strands of hair from Chan's face. He's grinning, the one with teeth that makes Chan's heart melt.

Chan brings his hands up to fiddle with the hairs at the base of Hansol's nape. "Hansol, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, shoot."

"What do you do on Friday nights?"

"I stay at Seungkwan's," and it sounds so matter-of-factly, as if Chan should know this, and a sour feeling settles at the bottom of Chan's stomach.

Here's the thing about Seungkwan: Hansol adores him. Hansol never shuts up about him, and usually the first thing he tells Chan when he gets home is Chan, Seungkwan did this! Seungkwan did that! He's such a good guy, I really like him.

Chan would be lying if he said it didn't bother him. It does, it really does, and he hates it.

Suddenly everything feels so, so wrong.

Chan gently shoves Hansol off him and a muffled protest escapes Hansol's lips. "What are you doing," Chan breathes out. "Oh my god, what were you doing?"

Hansol looks like a deer in the headlights. "I'm - I was kissing you? Like we always do?"

"But isn't that, like, messed up?"

"What?" Hansol adjusts himself to a proper sitting position. "What are you talking about?"

"You like Seungkwan-hyung but you kissed me and - argh," Chan buries his head in his hands. "I can't believe this."

"Chan, what the fuck?"

"No, okay, Hansol, please listen to me." Chan can't bear to look at Hansol - not that he wants to, anyway, so he keeps his head in his hands. Hansol doesn't say anything.

Chan's already started it, so he has two options: he says something that swerves past the point of his feelings, or.

He could keep going forward.

"I have this huge ugly crush on you," Chan begins. Not the best way to start but hey, it's something. "Like, you make me feel really fuzzy inside and I tried my best to not like you at first but you kept falling into my orbit and I just couldn't avoid you, y'know? I couldn't avoid the things that reminded me of you all the time because we live in the same space and this entire apartment just reminds me of you and then lately you've been kissing me a lot and I wasn't sure if it meant something, but then you started talking about Seungkwan-hyung so I thought, okay, maybe he's just lonely, but then you called me beautiful and my brain went on overdrive and all I wanted to do was punch you. But at the same time hold your hand and kiss you but now I just really, really want to punch you."

"But," and here it is, here comes the 'I-really-like-Seungkwan' spiel, even if Chan was hoping that maybe Hansol liked him back and that the kisses did mean something, but the rejection starts to present itself in the form of a long-winded paragraph that could easily be summed up by saying no.

"But," Hansol starts again, "I thought we were already dating."

Chan's head shoots up. "What."

"I thought we were already dating, we just weren't talking about it."

"What?"

"I have a huge ugly crush on you too?"

"What?" The world is upside down. Nothing is right anymore.

"Can you say anything other than 'what'?"

"Just, I just, I don't understand?" Chan's staring at Hansol as if he's grown two heads and four eyes.

"We make out and have nights in and you let me sleep in your bed. You even let me hold your hand. I thought you knew," Hansol says.

"But you never asked me! And how was I supposed to know, you always talk about Seungkwan-hyung and how much you like him."

"Seungkwan's more of a friend crush for me, and every time I'm at his place I talk about you, so. Also," Hansol adds, "He's dating Seokmin-hyung so I couldn't be with him even if I wanted to. And I don't, not really. I want to be with you."

"I can't believe this," Chan says, laughing. "I'm such an idiot." He pulls Hansol close to him and buries his face in the crook of Hansol's neck.

"I can't believe you. Here I was, shoving my tongue down your throat and you still thought I liked Seungkwan. I really, really, like you though, if that counts as something." Hansol kisses the top of Chan's head and wraps his arms around him.

"I like you too," Chan says, pressing a kiss to Hansol's chin.

"I know. Can I kiss you again?"

Chan doesn't need to be asked twice.