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Ives' sheets smelled like that kind of laundry soap that wasn't supposed to have a smell. The one that was supposed to help with allergies. His pillow was soft cotton, warmed from Tim's own warmth. Tim squeezed his eyes shut. His nose was pressed into the pillow, inhaling deeply to try and calm his racing heart. The pillow was kind of flat, with a dent in the middle from where Ives used it the most.
Ives was already asleep. Tim shifted, turning from his side onto his back. The moonlight blanketed Ives' bedroom in a warm white glow. The trees swayed in the wind outside the window. Tim could feel his eyes welling up. He lifted his arms from under the blanket and pressed his palms firmly into his eyes, trying to subdue the tears before they started falling. It would be embarrassing to cry right now. Tim watched as the moonlight shifted on the tan shag carpet. Ives' dirty clothes sat in a pile just nearby. Tim's eyes shifted from the ground up. Ives had posters everywhere. Photos of friends and family plastered in-between any open spots. Tim admired how balanced Ives was. He loved his family, he loved his friends, he was able to be normal. It kind of made Tim jealous. Tim's jaw tightened. He didn't want to think of jealousy. He hated being jealous, it felt selfish. Tim closed his eyes again, and tried his best to shake off that rising feeling of anxiety.
It didn't take long before Tim's mind was plagued with endless possibilities. Things that were completely irrational, but very valid. What if he loses everything he worked so hard to protect? Things like that. Tim began sniffling, his chest started to heave and he could feel the tears slipping between his cheeks and where his palms pressed into his skin. It was hard to breathe, like there was a frog in his throat or maybe a huge anchor sitting on his chest. Tim bent his knees up with his feet flat on the mattress to try and combat this difficulty. The wind outside ruffled leaves with a soft shhh sound. Tim tried his best to listen to that, maybe that would ground him.
Ives had his back facing Tim. The blanket was up to his chin and he was fast asleep. His breathing was steady and quiet, but still loud enough to hear if you focused on it specifically. Before he fell asleep, he was happy that Tim had chosen to come over. He didn't even have to ask! He could tell that something was bothering Tim, but didn't feel like he should pry. When they were eating dinner, Ives could see the vacancy in Tim's eyes. The look he has when he is so deep in thought he doesn't look alive. He looked bothered, it worried Ives. Nothing worried him more however, than when he woke up to the sounds of Tim whimpering and sniffling. The first thing Ives felt was confusion. He had forgotten Tim was even in the bed with him.
Ives opened his eyes, he could immediately feel a frown forming on his face. The sound of Tim's heavy breathing and quiet muttering about how stupid everything was made Ives feel Really bad. He didn't know how to help. He wanted to, so badly though. Ives sat there and listened to Tim cry, thinking about how and when would be a good time to help.
Tims breathing really starting picking up. Tears coated his face and his eyes burned from rubbing them. He kept turning from his back and to his side. He couldn't sit still. At this point, he wasn't even worried about waking Ives. He didn't care. Tim wrapped his arms firmly around himself, fingers pressing deep into his trap and shoulders. If it wasn't for the darkness, you'd probably be able to see how white the tips of his fingers were from how hard he was pressing.
He felt so pathetic, Tim. Sobbing like a baby in his best friends bed. He couldn't get himself controlled. Ives was only growing more and more worried. He gently shifted, hoping Tim wouldn't notice that now he was facing him. That his eyes were open and he was looking at Tim's side profile. Ives' brows were furrowed. Concern twinged his eyes. His pupils traced Tims nose, his cheek, his chin. He looked so pretty. Tims hair stuck to his face in some places, like the sides of his face where he lay and the tears pooled. The sides of his nose sparkled with a whisper if wiped tears and probably snot too. The moonlight danced on Tims tears, he made agony look so poignant. The way Tim's face contorted when he gasped for air after a sob, and the way his eyelids squeezed together when he couldn't keep them open was beautiful to Ives. Tims melancholy was something Ives always admired. He found beauty in everything Tim did.
Ives waited for Tim to turn back onto his side. That didn't take long. When Tim did, Ives scooted in close, and wrapped an arm around Tim's waist. He was careful, purposeful and extremely gentle. His hand slid under Tims borrowed shirt and rested on his abdomen. Ives could feel Tim's sharp breaths and hiccups. His heartbeat was rapid, his body was warm.
Tim immediately tensed when he felt Ives grab him.
"…Ives?"
"Go to sleep, Timbo."
"Did I wake you up? Im sorry. I don't know what got into me, I just—"
"Shhhh." Ives pulled Tim closer to himself, their bodies touching in many points. Tim could feel himself tear up again, but he didn't say a word. Ives' cold hands splayed against his abs felt nice, it was a good way to pull him out of a spiral. Whatever that was.
Ives squeezed Tim with his arm, trying to get him closer, as close as possible. Tim let it happen, he welcomed the embrace with slight embarrassment, but exhaustion too. He wanted to sleep. Hopefully Ives doesn't ask too many questions in the morning.