Work Text:
Setting: In a small ish room below deck aka the room we as the audience have not left in 16 chapters
Fish is in her tank because you know she can’t exactly jump out otherwise she’d flop on the deck, Crowe is sitting down leaning against the wall like a fruity ahh
Fish: Hi
Crowe: Hi
Fish: Come here often
Crowe: Yeah it’s kind of my job
Fish: blub blub blub
Crowe: wow that’s hot I mean
Fish: woah woah woah that’s kinda gay
Crowe: what no it’s not I’m wearing socks also we’re homies right
Crowe pulls up her skirt (or maybe she’s wearing pants like a rebellious diva you decide) a bit and takes off her boots, revealing she is in fact wearing socks or like the historical equivalent. Stockings or whatever
Fish: well if we’re homies then can you put your arm in the tank real quick
Crowe steps onto her stool, opens the little lid on the tank and sticks her arm in until the water is up to her elbow
Crowe: Like this?
Fish: yes perfect
Crowe: Why
Fish: mmm you smells nice
Fish proceeds to chomp Crowe’s arm but without teeth so it doesn’t hurt or anything, however Crowe is understandably startled
Crowe: QUCFIQGBMUAXYJHBCFWEUY WHAT THE FUCK
Hatsune captain dilf unc teleports into the room using the power of old man yaoi senses
He is dressed in a Hatsune miku cosplay, pigtails and all, with his hairy old man legs on display as he wears the high heeled boots and struts like a diva
Hastune captain dilf unc: I told ye to be careful when ye feed tha betch else it’ll bite yer aerm clean off maerk me
Crowe: hOW DID YOU GET IN HERE
Hatsune captain dilf unc: *old man sound cough or whatever* ah can smell yer lesbianity from miles away
Crowe: what does that have to do with anything
Hatsune captain dilf unc: I was like you once. So young and full of homosexuality.
Crowe: I’m serious what in the hellyfuck are you talking about
Hatsune captain dilf unc: I had a huzz way back when and he was so hot
Crowe: I still don’t get how this is relevant
Hatsune captain dilf unc: I am your fairy godmother
Crowe: do you mean godfather
Hatsune captain dilf unc: did I stutter
Crowe: what is the point of all this
Hatsune captain dilf unc: I’m telling you to lock in and don’t fumble this or I will actually crashout aight goodbye
Hatsune captain dilf unc teleports away millennially expeditiously
Crowe: can you give me back my arm please
Fish releases her arm, Crowe pulls it out of the tank
Crowe: so what was that for
Fish: lemon sharks bite each other as a courting ritual
Crowe: wow that’s insane
Fish: yeah we sea creatures tend to have a lot in common with each other
Crowe: I’m not gonna think about what that could possibly insinuate. AnYwAy
Fish: it’s pride month we can be gay
Crowe: oh my god that’s right
Fish: yeah I know right it’s crazy
Crowe’s internal monologue: dam I need to not fumble this shit so I can make Hatsune captain dilf unc proud bruno mars don’t fail me now ok here goes
Crowe: jUMP IN THE CADILLAC
Fish: huh
Crowe: girl lets put some miles on it
Fish: what’s a miles
Crowe: Anything u want
Fish: I wanna go home
Crowe: Just to put a smile on it
Fish: But im not smiling who’s smiling
Crowe: You deserve it baby you deserve it all
Fish: I don’t want a lot tho
Crowe: And IM GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU
Fish: You’re gonna let me go home?
Crowe’s internal monologue: aw shi I wish but I can’t just do that I need this job uhhh diversion
Crowe: COUNTRY ROADS TAKE ME HOME Fish: Yeah that’s what I want Crowe: TO THE PLACE I BELONG
Fish: Undah da sea?
Crowe: WEST VIRGINIA
Fish: What’s a west virginia
Crowe: MOUNTAIN MAMA
Fish: I wasn’t aware the mountain had a mother
Crowe: COUNTRY ROADS TAKE ME HOME
Fish: That’s literally what I’m asking you to do
Crowe: Can’t you tell I’m rizzing you up
Fish: What’s a rizzing
Crowe’s inner monologue: goddammit I’m fumbling
Crowe: did you know that when I was a kid I watched the little mermaid and I proceeded to throw my favorite toys in the ocean because I wanted Ariel to find them and come have a playdate with me and I even baked her a cake in anticipation but she never came
Fish: that’s rough buddy
Crowe: to this day I still throw things in the ocean to see if she’ll come. Just whimsymaxxing for the plot right
The end because I don’t know how I would continue