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If I Can Never Be Human

Summary:

After the flood of Fontaine, everything seemed to be looking up! That is, except for Navia's health. Plagued by an aching and weakening body, she's thankful for when she finally gets to go back to her room and sleep properly. However, strange nightmares take up what was supposed to be a good rest, and it doesn't get better when she wakes up. Instead, she finds her body has changed overnight to some half-human half-aberrant monster, with distinctive signs of primordial seawater.

With panic coursing through her, she needs to find out what is happening to her. Still, who would even know about this? Lumine might, but Navia doesn't want to burden her...Neuvillette, probably, but visiting Neuvillette isn't exactly easy to keep private...No one else she knows would have any clue where to start.
Until she remembers a certain harbinger. Someone who respects her enough to (hopefully) help her, someone who has confidentiality, and someone who might be able to figure this out.

All Navia can do is pray that she really has answers, and that whatever is happening to her can be reversed.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

The prophecy proved true, the flood came and went, and yet Fontaine still survived. It had been a hard year leading up to it, that’s for sure, but now that the waters had settled everyone could begin rebuilding. Of course the Palais Mermonia would handle much of this, but for areas further from the court and the many people who the light of the law does not shine upon, the Spina di Rosula took on much of the responsibility. After all, for an organization formed of the people and for the people, it was only right they provide as much aid as they possibly could! However…

 

Navia had not gotten a proper rest in a full month. She had pushed herself far past her limit, yet resisted collapsing this whole time. People needed her, how could she give up? But now, after all this time lasting on only scattered bits of sleep at her desk, she was finally able to go back to her room for the night. A couple kind members of the Spina had been keeping it clean for her, so at least it wasn’t dusty.


“Ugh, this past month has been so exhausting…” Navia murmured to herself, as she put on her bedclothes, “Well, not that I’m upset of course. I’m always happy to see the smiles on people’s faces when we help them!” 


Her reassurance really wasn’t needed–there was no one else there to hear her, after all. Still, maybe a part of her could never step out of that public mask, so it at least served to soothe herself. She walked towards her bed, attempting to puff up her pillows. As she did so, she sighed and rubbed the side of her head with her hand, where she’d been plagued with headaches for weeks now.

“I should really take the time to visit the doctor soon…these frustrating aches just won’t go away! And I need to know why it’s been such a struggle to move around recently…I mean, I know I’m tired of course, but it’s as if I’m a newborn foal! I’m far from out of shape, and yet I can’t handle any tasks without my body threatening to fall apart!”

 

Climbing into bed, she quickly fell into the comfort of the soft mattress, a sinking sensation washing over her as her eyes blinked closed, exhaustion weighing them down.

 

“Mhm, hopefully everything will go back to normal soon…”

 

The words barely left her mouth before sleep overtook her, and she sunk into the land of dreams.

 

~~~

 

Blinking eyes opened to dark water, endlessly surrounding her. The only glint of light came from far above, peeking through a small crack. Panicking, she tried to push the rubble out of the way, but it wouldn’t move an inch. The way up towards that light had long been sealed off. Still, her lungs burned from a lack of air, and she had to go somewhere. Looking around, there was only one way to go…a path that led away from the rubble, but also further underwater. There was no other option given to her, so she started swimming.

 

She feared it wouldn’t be long before she ran out of air, but she found herself continuing to swim for a time far longer than she expected. Without her realizing it, her lungs stopped hurting, and her eyes began to see clearer. Before long, the swimming became natural, easy. Relaxing, even. She began to forget her panic and her desire to get out. 

 

The deeper she went into the tunnel, the darker it got, the only light being faint sparkles of purple and blue that vanished as fast as they appeared. Yet in that darkness, she saw a glimmer. Something fallen to the bottom, a relic of something from above. Getting closer to it, she brushed the sand off of its reflective surface, revealing a beautiful mirror adorned with roses of gold. Yet when she peered into its surface, what stared back at her was not her own visage, but something else wearing her skin.

 

~~~

 

A desperate gasp for breath rang out as Navia jolted awake in her bed, clutching her chest. 

 

“It was just a nightmare…” she panted, trying to catch her breath from the panic. Yet, she did not get this chance, for when she went to wipe the sweat off her face, she caught sight of her hand.

 

From below her elbow to the tips of her fingers, her skin had taken on a different appearance. It glowed softly, as flowing patterns shifted between blues and purples. It looked as if it was not flesh and bone, but swirling liquid contained in a transparent shell. Looking at it caused nausea to creep up her throat, as she was reminded of something she’d much rather forget. 

 

Her breathing sped up as panic spread through her like wildfire. Initially, she rubbed her arms frantically, as if to scrub off a stain. However, this did more harm than good, as not only did this unusual affliction not go away, but she accidentally scratched her arm. The sharp pain was more than enough to tell her she was anything but asleep, and caused her more panic as two more realizations struck her. Her nails had now lengthened, and became sharper as well, resembling the claws of an animal. Meanwhile, the blood that peeked out of the wound was iridescent, shimmering in the light of her room. 

 

“No, no, no, this can’t be real. How could it be? It’s absurd!” she rambled, a broken laugh escaping her lips as she shoved her hands under her blankets. “This is just a vivid dream! It couldn’t be anything else! It couldn’t be…”


She wasn’t like that for very long when a knock rang at her door, a timid voice speaking up from behind the wood.

“Um, B-Boss Navia, are you alright? You slept in late today, and I thought I heard some yelling from inside…”

Of course Navia recognized the voice. It was Lilia, a new member who had taken up the role of Navia’s personal bodyguard, after…well, she was timid in personality, but impressively strong. If she thought Navia was in danger she would certainly break down the door, and right now that was the last thing Navia wanted. Before she could deal with whatever was happening to her, she’d have to make sure she had privacy.

 

“Huh? Of course I’m alright, silly! I just stubbed my toe getting out of bed, I didn’t know I was loud enough to be heard.” She laughed after saying this, hoping she sounded convincingly carefree. “I didn’t realize I slept so late, just give me a bit longer and I’ll be ready for the day!”

 

“O-Oh, alright Boss Navia! If you’re not feeling great today, m-maybe you should rest some more. Augustin can work with the civilians, and I…uhm, I could probably help with something…S-So please don’t push yourself too much!”

 

Navia sighed. She could picture Lilia behind the door, nibbling on her nails like she always did when she was worried. Normally, Navia would insist that she was perfectly fine, and refuse to walk away from the day. However, glancing down at the faint glow peeking out from under the blanket, she felt more thankful than ever that the Spina members wanted her to take a break.

 

“Oh, maybe you’re right, Lilia. I didn’t sleep very well, and my head is absolutely killing me! I think I need a trip to the doctor, make sure everything’s alright you know? Still, let me know if any of you need help today. I don’t want you to think you can’t contact me at all.”

“O-Of course, Boss Navia! We’ll keep everything going, I-I promise! So, please take care of yourself!”

 

Navia couldn’t help but smile when faced with Lilia’s earnest worry. She’d make sure to get her a gift another day.

 

“Don’t worry too much Lilia, you know I won’t be held back!”

 

When she heard the girl’s footsteps leave the doorway, She hesitantly peeked at her arms again. Of course, they hadn’t gone back to normal. Still, Navia couldn’t stay buried in her blanket forever. No matter what this was, she had to do something about it.

 

She climbed out of bed, almost stumbling when she did. Her legs were in the same situation as her arms, and was it her imagination or was she a little taller? Still, she walked over to her mirror and carefully analyzed all the changes.

 

She had already noticed her limbs, of course, but the changes extended further than that. While her nails had sharpened into claws, her teeth had sharpened as well. The way they fit in her mouth was a little uncomfortable now. Her ears were shifting into a pointier shape, and around them was cartilage forming into a shape that reminded her a little bit of butterfly wings and a little bit of fish fins. On her forehead were two little horns, and her waist had structures resembling fins poking out of her left and right sides. Meanwhile, her tailbone had extended, and a thick, smooth, tail was poking out. Small for now, but clearly not intended to stay that way. All of these changes were of similar material, cartilage and what appeared to be primordial seawater. Seeing that horrific substance attached to her own body made her want to throw up. She wanted to tear off these abnormal forms, but logic told her that would probably do far more harm than good.


So, she simply paced in circles around her room for some time, going over what she could possibly do.

 

First of all, she did not have the answers to these changes. Still, someone had to know what was going on, right? So, she’d have to find them. And preferably without outing what was happening to the entire world. Sure, Fontaine had made great strides in their acceptance of differences over the last couple of decades, but that was for the most part directed at melusines. This was something new, and it clearly had something to do with primordial seawater–a very recent trauma that all fontainians shared. There was no guarantee of acceptance there. Even if there was…well, this feels very personal, and if she’s the first to have this happen to her then there would be bound to be research and questions and a lot of privacy infringing actions towards her. She shivered thinking of it.

So, the primary goal is to find someone who will hopefully know what’s going on, but also someone who can keep it private. She could cross off most of the people she knew just from the first criteria. She highly doubted Chiori, Kirara, Escoffier, or Clorinde would know anything about this. However, who would?

 

Lumine may know something. I mean, she’s seen practically everything under the sun. Even if she didn’t know at first glance, she’d most likely be able to find out about it in some miracle. Furina was considered for a moment, but on second thought she seemed very clueless about many things during the crisis, so it’s doubtful she’d know about this. Perhaps Neuvillette would? The more she thought about it, he seemed to be the most likely, however getting in contact with him wasn’t easy, especially if you wanted to go unnoticed. And also, well…she didn’t really want to get that personal with him. It wasn’t his fault, really, more just her own fear. He is someone of very high legal standing after all. Not exactly the kind of person you just want to pour all your secrets out to.

 

But then the only other option would be Lumine, which Navia knew would cause her to panic. And if she told poor little Paimon too…It wasn’t that they would tell other people that Navia was worried about, but that they’d tear themselves apart with worry. She didn’t want to burden them when they already had so much on their plate, she’d feel too guilty.

 

But if she didn’t go to Lumine or Neuvillette, what option was there for her? There was no way she’d be able to figure this out on her own.

 

Sinking into herself in the corner of her room, she could feel herself succumbing to despair. It was incredibly unlike her, but this was an unimaginable situation. She had the mental strength for a lot of things, but she had never considered a scenario like this.

 

Then, the light peeking through her curtains caused a shimmer on her desk, catching her eye. It was a gift she had bought that had never ended up getting to who it was meant for. She had wanted to give The Knave a gift for all the help she had given Poisson, but had been so busy that she hadn’t…wait, The Knave. The harbinger had helped her out greatly before, but wasn’t so close to her as to panic and worry upon seeing her condition. She also respected confidentiality, and was unlikely to cause Navia any harm on the basis of…well, whatever this was. And for the biggest consideration, Navia had taken notice of her hands whenever they interacted. Those certainly weren’t a normal affliction, and the discolored skin and sharp claws seemed to bear some resemblance to what she was going through, if only a minor one. She could very well have some sort of information!

 

Although this still scared her more than a little, it felt to be the most appealing of these options to Navia. So, she put on clothes that hid these new features, and quietly set off to the Court of Fontaine.