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Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men characters. All rights belong to Marvel Entertainment and I am not making any money off this story.
Reasons to be Missed by BookwormDoll
Inspired by the song “Leave Out All the Rest” by Linkin Park
Inspired by the_loosest_moose’s series “Come to Life”
Rogue’s POV
The Blackbird on the way back from Genosha after the attack
Hank, Scott, and Storm picked Nightcrawler and I up. Along with…Remy’s body…which I refused to let go of. I sat cross-legged on the Blackbird’s floor, his head in my lap. I was still crying, but silently now. Kurt turned in his seat to check on me every once in a while, but I never looked back. My eyes were focused on my bare hand holding Remy’s also bare hand. It was so…cold. My other hand fiddled with his hair, or what was left of it after Mastermold exploded. Maybe I’m a fool for hangin’ on to an obviously dead man, but…if I let go, it made it all real. I looked into his unseeing eyes, once so full of life, light, and now almost…faded. He had told me people were always afraid of his eyes, but I’d always found them comforting, grounding. I didn’t have the heart to close them now. I curled in over him, a new bout of tears hitting as we landed back at the mansion. As the back hatch opened, I felt a gloved hand on my shoulder and looked up to Cyclops (who was the one holding my shoulder) and the others looking sympathetically down at me. Then Storm kneeled down beside me and I noticed tears in her eyes too.
“He loved you very much,” she said.
My throat closed up as she continued, “He hated seeing you cry. Especially over him. Thought he didn’t deserve the tears or…that kind of love.”
I almost snorted. My kind of love? What kind was that? I led him on for years only to eventually dump him and run off with Magneto when the opportunity presented itself. Then I didn’t even get to apologize and let him know that I chose him before he died…for me. He died to save me from another one of my stupid decisions. So, he wasn’t the one undeserving…I was the one who didn’t deserve HIS love. All those years he could’ve given up and got a different woman. But he didn’t. He waited for me, even after every rejection, every letdown, heck, even after I dumped him. I didn’t deserve that kind of devotion. Not after what I did to him.
“Rogue? Are you okay?” Storm asks.
I don’t respond, just shut Remy’s eyes and carry him out to a casket waiting for him inside.
A couple of months later
I crossed my arms, a chill running through the stairway leading to X-Corp’s holding cells. I’d never felt so…jumbled before, like my heart didn’t know what to feel. A feeling that only grew when I stepped up to the first cell.
“Hey there,” I muttered. Of course he didn’t respond. The man inside was Remy but at the same time, he wasn’t. His skin was gray, his hair white, and his red iris was glowing against his black sclera. It’s been a couple of weeks since he’d been revived as Apocalypse’s Horseman, at least since we figured out. The day he revealed himself to us…to me…I had thought I was gonna die of grief right then and there. A different grief that when he died, ‘cause now he was back, but…as a villain.
“Ah know you won’t say anythin’,” indeed he just sat in a chair at the back of the room and watched me, “but…you always were good at listenin’.”
I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes before his expression shifted back to what I’d dubbed ‘Resting Remy Face’. I pulled a chair up to my side of the bars. This was the last day it would be bars…tomorrow, it would be an energy field separating us as soon as Hank was finished building them.
“Hank is trying to find a way to get you back to your normal self, but he says we need some hint that you’re still in there, Remy. I know you’re in there…you just gotta find your way back. And I’m gonna help in any way I can.”
I looked down at my gloved hand and then back at Remy-not-Remy and said softly, “Come here…please…”
I thought he wouldn’t do it as he hesitated. But then he stood and cautiously walked to the bars. I reached through the bars and grabbed his hand. I wasn’t worried about his powers; a suppression collar had been put on his neck when he came in here. His hand twitched in my soft grip, but he didn’t let go, just stared at my hand before closing his fingers around mine and looking back up at me. He almost seemed confused, like he wanted this and couldn’t figure out why.
“Life ain’t the same without’ya, Sugah. Ah can’t help but feel like I had a part in you being in this mess. But I’m gonna getcha outta this, hear? You…you would’ve done the same for me,” I grin wistfully.
I feel him squeeze my hand as I pull away. I don’t know if it was voluntary or not, though.
“Someone’ll be here shortly with some food. See you tomorrow, Sugah.”
I didn’t mean to go to his room, again; but it was becoming a habit, for better or worse. I had been trying to clean it up. Leave it to the Charming Cajun to have the messiest room. I turned on the light and scanned the room. All that was left to clean up was his nightstand. I opened the drawer and pulled out a huge stack of papers to start sorting through it: paperwork, a credit card bill, a sealed letter with my name on it, doodles with—hold on. I pull back out the letter and stare at it. It was only slightly bent and considering it was so early in the stack, I knew it must’ve been fairly new. I stared at my name, Anna Marie, written in tilted script…Remy’s handwriting. I sit on the end of the bed and, with trembling hands, open the letter:
Anna Marie,
I had a dream last night that I…died. I don’t know if it bears any truth or maybe I’m just being paranoid. But I just know I never want to see that look on your face again. ‘Course, maybe I ain’t the man you’d cry like that for anymore. Anyways, it got me thinking: what am I leaving behind? You know of my past and yet, you didn’t judge me (at least not that I know of). I guess I’ll never know why. But just one request, Marie. If the day comes that I do die; everything wrong that I’ve done: my time in the Thieves’ Guild, my participation in the Morlock’s slaughter, every time I ever wronged you, Chère…would you please forgive me, mon cœur? I hope you never have a reason to find this letter, but if you do…if you ever feel empty, remember that I love you no matter what. Maybe Magneto is who you need and if he makes you happy and treats you well, then so be it.
One more favor, Chère: I know the list may not be long but…help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Leave out all the rest.
Mon cœur et sa cœur, tojoures
-Remy
I was crying as I finished the letter; and it wasn’t just tears in my eyes, it was an all-out sob. I slid off of the bed, reading the letter over and over again before I finally calmed down. I read it through one more time before leaving for my room, letter still in hand.
Death’s POV
When I wake up, the bars are gone, replaced by an energy field. I was gonna be here a while. I scowled in mild frustration. I stood up and when I did, something caught my eye. A piece of paper was on the floor just inside my cell. Curious, I stepped towards it. It was an envelope with a name on it: Remy. A voice inside told me it wasn’t mine, that it wasn’t my name, but…it was in my cell. I bent down and picked up the envelope. I stared at it for a minute before opening it. It seemed to be some kind of…list:
Reasons to be Missed
Your smile
Your laugh
Your cooking
Your heroism
Your good looks
Your unending flirts
The way you make my heart race
Your jokes
The beignets you’d make once a month
The way your eyes sparkle when you’re happy
How you’d always be the one lightening the darkest of moods
How you saved everyone on Genosha even though you knew you’d get yourself killed
How you were going to let me be with Magneto if it made me happy even though it hurt you
The way you’d always be tryin’ to touch me despite my powers
The way you treated Jubilee like your little sister
The way you fit perfectly with the X-Men
The way you always tried to be a better man despite your past
The way you’d always call me Chère
Your determination
Your devotion
How you loved me even after I rejected you over and over again
How you never gave up on me even when you had every right to
I could list more, Sugar, but I’m outta paper. I just want you to know that I am sorry. You…you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye. Miss you, Remy.
Love you,
Anna Marie
I couldn’t place this twisted feeling in my gut. I couldn’t understand why something deep inside me…cared. Cared for these written words. Cared for the writer. I dismissed the feeling, trying to ignore it. I kept the letter in my pocket nonetheless.