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It had been months since Nikki had last been on Earth.
She couldn't remember when the last time she felt the grass softly tickle against her feet as she walked through fields, or walked barefoot on a midnight beach, or when she'd drank a coffee not cursed to be as bitter as the grudge against the man who put her in this situation in the first place. Nikki didn't commit these things to memory, she never thought she'd have to.
Nikki remembered images, flashes of a life she'd gotten used to and one ripped away. But the feeling began to get blurry whenever she focused too hard. In her dreams, she was back there with Ian and Sarah. Beach bonfires, trivia night, terrible karaoke, picnics in the park, fireworks on Fourth of July. But they were nothing physical, she was never there- not truly. Images of her memories slid past like someone going too fast on a slid show.
Earth had begun to become something of a daydream to Nikki. Something she could vividly remember but nothing wholly solid, the fine details faded quickly with time. The rest slipped through her fists like sand.
She hated this.
"I knew I'd find you up here." Mary's voice broke through the storm clouds forming around her head.
Suddenly the world came back into focus, the projector room flipped through images of a beach, fireworks, and sun shining through the trees of the forest. It was more bitter than sweet seeing them, but it was the last connection any of them had to Earth and its beauty.
Nikki looked up from her notebook where she'd written all of her memories down, her face melting into something softer than the glare a minute ago. "Hey."
Mary sat in front of her on the small platform, her hair pulled into a messy pony tail and she was wearing one of her favorite one of Grace's graphic tees. 'Ah': the element of surprise.
"Are you ok?"
"Are any of us?" She said it sarcastically but it was painfully true. Grace couldn't hide his distress behind a cheerful if awkward demeanor, Simon jumped if someone crept up behind him and he somehow was doing the best out of all them, and Mary seemed more somber than ever, on the verge of a panic attack if you reminded her how small the ship actually was.
She laughed softly, "You're not wrong about that."
"I'm never wrong." Nikki smirked besides herself, the heaviness in her chest lightening if only a little. Mary tapped her with her leg, which caused a laugh escaped out of her.
"Maybe you are."
"I knew you'd come around,"
"But I can still tell something wrong,"
Nikki rolled her eyes, the bitterness of homesickness permeating through the playfulness of the gesture. "Still trying to get use out of that therapist degree, huh?" It came out sharper than she intended it for.
"Not at all. We're way past that." Mary had dropped the banter, her face becoming open and vulnerable in a way she'd only seen in a couple instances when they first met. "I'm just… checking in on a- friend."
'Friend'.
It didn't fit what they were, not really. But to be perfectly honest, neither did something romantic either. They were something else- something better- something real. Not like Bear's fantasies of romance or the ideal they'd push on others.
It was love. Plain and simple.
Nikki sighed, not wanting to lie to her. "I miss it."
"Earth?"
"Yeah." Her emotions coiled around each other in the back of her throat.
"I miss it too." Mary admitted, "Do you wanna talk about it."
"I don't know." Nikki admitted, "I don't really know how."
"Start small then," Mary said, in a voice that sounded closest to her therapist voice again, "What's one thing you miss and we can go from there?"
"I miss trivia night."
Mary's head titled, "What's trivia night?"
Nikki let out a humorless laugh, "Kinda self explanatory."
"Duh," Mary said, breaking out of her therapist character, "I mean just- what does it mean to you? You never- talk about it."
A flood of memories hit her all at once; most were good, some were not.
"It was something me and my- friends did back home. We had this night, this- sacred night- when we went to our local bar and played the bar's trivia game they hosted and sometimes if we were really drunk, we'd do the karaoke they had afterwards." Nikki looked down at her book, suddenly feeling deeply self conscious, "It was stupid."
"It doesn't sound that way to me. It sounds fun,"
"It was."
"Can you tell me more?"
"Sure." Nikki took a breath and tried to verbalize the longing in her mind, "I don't know it was just- it was silly, I guess. The questions were kind of easy if you'd seen enough movies but it was exciting competing with your friends for some silly prize like- like a free drink or whatever."
Nikki stopped herself before she burst into tears, the breath not reaching her lungs quick enough before she could exhale it. Un shed tears burned her eyes and the emotions tightened around her throat like a vice. She looked to Mary again, who gave her a nod in acknowledgement.
"I don't- I don't know- It's just- It was trivia night the day he made the wish, and I wish- God no, not wish-" She laughed through the damn plugging up her sadness. "I want to go back. I want to go back to stupid trivia and karaoke and drinking until we're wasted and I'm mad that he ruined that too."
"Do you need a hug?"
"Fuck- yeah-,"
She dove into Mary's arms and it was the final push that broke that damn. She cried into her shoulder harder than she had in these last couple months. All of the mourning of her old life and her friends' that had their lives stolen from them, fear from being thrown into space after being thrown into an eldritch maze called the Complex, and rage at the man who's the reason for all of it.
Mary rubbed her back, grounding Nikki back to reality. "It's gonna be ok." She promised.
Nikki didn't know if that was true. She didn't know how long she cried for. She didn't know how loud she was. She didn't even know if the others heard her.
All she could do was cry.
A couple days passed since she'd cried so hard she passed out. Mary didn't seem bothered by the event, but she did seem like she wanted to do something about it. Nikki didn't know what that it would be though. All she knew was that she was.
Why? Grace couldn't keep a secret if he tried.
She wasn't sure if she was excited for her attempts to make her feel better or if she was dreading it. Trivia Night was a nerve she didn't realize was so sensitive, she wanted it back but didn't know how. Her heart clenched tightly thinking about it, both out of love and out of anxiety.
Eventually it'd be time to face the music, but when Mary knocked on the door to the sleeping pods she still felt it was too soon. Her book trembled in her shaky hands. "Come in," She called, her voice wavering just slightly.
Mary came in a moment later, sheepish like she had something to hide with her hands behind her back. "I wanted to surprise you with Trivia Night." She said bluntly.
Despite everything, Nikki chuckled, "Not much of a surprise if you're telling me,"
Mary sat down at the edge of Nikki's cot, "It isn't something I felt needed to keep hidden. I don't want to spring anything on you, if you're not up to it."
Nikki clutched the book tighter in her hands. "I mean, you kind of are."
"I thought you knew. I told Grace to tell you I was planning something so you'd be prepared."
"Really?"
"Yep. I was as surprised as you are." Mary nodded, "But I almost wish he told you everything so you could make the decision to go or not."
"I don't have to go?"
Mary shook her head almost violently. "No. It's your choice." She held her free hand reassuringly, "I wanted to do something nice for you, it's not an obligation."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. The guys are on board with just doing it with us and Rocky if you're not up to it."
Nikki felt her core loosen ever so slightly. She trusted Mary and Simon and Grace and Rocky. She knew she was safe. She knew she was valued. But she wasn't sure if she felt ready to make that final step.
"Can you tell me a little more?"
"Of course. We made the projection room look really nice. Maybe not like a bar but nice enough. There are these things called string lights. Me and Simon and Grace and hell- even Rocky made some questions."
"Really?"
"Yeah. We wanted to make it even."
"Do you also have karaoke?" She asked with a laugh, not expecting them to have anything like that. What they had was enough.
"Yes." Mary said without hesitation.
Nikki blinked, "Really? You do?"
"Yeah, I took mental notes. We have Olivia Rodrigo and someone named Somber and 'oldies'." Mary added quotation marks with the last word. "And I know you like video games so there's a couple 'ost' songs on the playlist-"
Nikki looked at her for a long time as she rambled about the plans she precariously made for her. The thought and effort put so she would be comfortable wasn't something she'd ever experienced before. Even with Ian and Sarah.
"Ok." She said simply, surprising herself with the confirmation.
Mary blinked, "Really?"
"Yeah. Show me what you made. I wanna see it."
"Ok," Mary seemed almost breathless, a small smile spreading across her face and lighting up her eyes.
'I wanna see that again.' She thought to herself as warmth spread through her chest.
"You won't regret it." She continued, "And- if it makes you uncomfortable, at any point at all, duck out at any time. None of us will be offended."
"Ok then. Lead the way."
Mary took her hand and lead her to the projection room. To say Mary had undersold what they'd did would be an understatement.
String lights hung on top of the screens and the room was projected to look like a pub. It was different enough to her memories to not bring back that awful night but similar enough to where the bittersweet feeling returned in full force. Before she knew it, tears sprung to her eyes before she even noticed the set up of pillows and blankets creating a fort around them to protect them from anything.
All of the emotion swirled her quickly growing amusement when she noticed Grace and Simon doing a duet to 'Call me Maybe' of all things. Well, as much as one could do a duet with someone who doesn't know the song.
"Hey I just met you~" Grace sang.
"Yeah." Simon said flatly.
"And this is crazy~"
"You sure as hell it is."
"But here's my number~"
"Where?"
"So Call me Maybe!"
Simon shrugged, "With what? We live on the same ship,"
"It's hard to look right-"
"Really?"
"Atcha baaaby-"
"Oh I see, thanks."
"But here's my number- so call me maybe!"
"Again, with what?"
"No, you're supposed to sing the words on the thing,"
"I know. This is more amusing,"
"It is!" Rocky chirped up from where he was curled up in the blankets.
Mary squeezed her hand, "What do you think?"
"It's amazing." She said, unable to express how much this meant to her.
"Hey guys-" Grace said, "Ready to get it started? We missed you so bad, so so bad~"
"So bad," Simon added, "The baddest."
"Ok tonight was worth it if just to see you attempt to sing Carly Rae Jepsen." Nikki joked.
"I have no idea who that is."
"Thank you- I knew you'd appreciate the fine art that is 'Call me Maybe'." Grace said exasperatedly.
"Who doesn't? I mean she invited gay people y'know?"
"Really?" Mary asked, genuinely confused. "I mean, I'm pretty sure she wasn't there at stonewall."
"it's a joke, don't worry." Nikki giggled.
"I always thought it was the other way around." Grace added, "Gay people invented Carly Rae Jepsen."
"I never thought of that."
"Well now you are,"
Nikki let out a genuine laugh, "I guess you're right."
Mary squeezed her hand before stepping away to grab something from downstairs, leaving Nikki to chat with the boys some more.
"So is this Carly Rae Jepsen like your- gay queen?" Simon asked, for a second she thought it was genuine before she saw the mutated teeth attached to his mouth extend his smirk.
"No, that would be Lady Gaga." Nikki answered automatically.
"Mother monster." Grace amended.
"That's two for two. I appreciate your music taste, Grace."
"Thank you. Some might say that I am- 'polyjamerous'."
"No one should call you that."
"Ever." Simon agreed.
"Why not?"
Mary popped up before Nikki could inform Ryland that quite literally no one has said that outside out of Instagram memes. She carried a case of cans that looked like beer. Her eyes widened, "How-"
"Synthesized it, I think?" She chuckled, "Am I right, Grace?"
"Yep." He said, popping the 'p'. "Simon had a little bit left in his canister and Mary, not the ship, knows how to make moonshine so it's not pure ethanol alcohol."
Nikki arched an eyebrow, "You do?"
"Someone can learn a lot while hanging out at home." She shrugged but Nikki didn't miss the small smile creeping onto her face and into her voice.
Mary offered the three a can which she hesitantly accepted. By the first sip, she could confidently say that whoever told her moonshine was strong was way off because wow- that is more than strong. It was Heracles in liquid form.
Her throat protested, the burn of the liquor lingering even after she coughed.
"Wow," Mary said, her face scrunched. "I didn't realize it'd that strong,"
"It's not bad," Simon shrugged but Grace couldn't stop cringing because of the liquor's burn.
"Sorry, Ryland,"
"No- it's nice," He said in between gasps, "It's so nice."
"Grace dying, question?" Rocky asked.
"No, I'm fine. Enjoying this experience immensely."
"Doubtful, statement."
Simon took the can from Grace and set it somewhere behind them. "Ready to get started or whatever?"
Nikki and Mary shared a glance, a silent question passing between them. One that Nikki was more than happy to answer.
"Hell yeah."
After Grace got better and everyone got cozy in the blanket fort, they began the trivia. The trivia game went as followed: One person would take from the pile, ask the question and whoever answered correctly would answer another one. The questions were harder than they ever were, but to be fair a quarter of them were created by a biologist and another quarter were created by an alien.
It was currently neck and neck with Nikki and Simon and Grace and Mary. Rocky was doing his best impression of a game show host without having actually seeing a game show.
"Last question, statement. Grace- don't screw it up, statement."
Grace shot Rocky with a look, "Thanks bud."
Nikki carefully took a card from the pile, exchanging a look with Simon trying to tell him that he needs to get this. But as she flipped over the card, she doubted anyone was gonna get this question.
"What was the third single released on the album 'Kiss me, Kiss me, Kiss me' by English Rock band 'The Cure'." She was screaming on the inside because she absolutely knew exactly what the answer to this question was.
Grace and Simon both looked equally confused by the question. Rocky looked between the groups, "Time go, right now."
After a long beat of silence where nobody seemed to know what the answer was, she almost put the card back.
"Just Like Heaven by the Cure." Mary answered quickly.
"She's right." Nikki admitted, showing the card to everyone.
"Amaze, amaze, amaze!"
"Fuck," Simon muttered.
"Language," Grace chided, still in teacher mode despite the couple sips of moonshine he'd had.
"Yes!" Mary exclaimed.
"Good game," Nikki reached over to her and she quickly took her hand, "I didn't even know it was the third single."
"You know the Cure?"
"Yeah, I like their songs. A couple help me write."
"That's- are they finally popular?"
"Yeah, I'd say. Only if you really know music though, I guess. Right, Grace?"
"I'm assuming you're right because I have- never heard of them crazy enough."
Nikki narrowed her eyes, "I guarantee you've heard at least one of their songs."
"Can't say I have. No offense or anything."
"That can not be true. I know you've seen American Psycho."
"Why?"
"Everyone's seen American Psycho."
"I haven't actually,"
"Really?"
"Yeah, slashers make me sad."
"Grace wimp, question?"
"I am not a wimp- who put that into his speech machine? Nikki?"
"It wasn't me."
"I did it." Simon said casually. "It was either that or pussy and Mary said it wasn't nice."
"The way he said the word seemed more akin to wimp than pussy," Mary said.
"So is Grace a wimp, question?"
"No. I just don't get nearly as much things done when I'm sad so avoid things that trigger that."
Nikki shrugged, "Fair enough. Then what movies do you watch then?"
Grace looked at his drink for a couple minutes before answering, "I like romcoms."
"Ok well that confirms my point because romcoms love the Cure."
"They do not."
"Really? You haven't seen 'Just Like Heaven' then?"
Grace looked up, a flicker of recognition flashed in his eyes before quickly being extinguished. "Don't think I have,"
"Really? You didn't see the movie where Reese Witherspoon is a ghost and haunts Mark Ruffalo?"
"Maybe I have, actually."
"Told ya." Nikki shook her head, "Impossible to forget,"
"I thought you hated romcoms?" Simon asked after taking a long sip of his beer.
"I do but I've seen quite a few. Bear always chose them for movie nights. They're usually pretty stupid, well I think they're stupid. They're not bad if you like them, obviously." Whatever words she was gonna say next died in her throat when she realized she mentioned Bear and breezed right by it. Surprisingly though, she didn't linger on the thought. It passed by without ceremony. "Plus- you never forget the Cure."
"You're not wrong," Mary chuckled.
"What's your favorite song by them?" Nikki asked, changing the topic quickly.
"Ok- so it is Just Like Heaven." Mary's eyes bright with several words left unsaid.
"Really?"
"I know, I know, I know- a little generic." Mary admitted, "But A Forest is a close second, I swear-"
"I don't think it's a generic, it's so good. You just- you didn't strike me as a lover of love songs."
"Fair." Mary shrugged, "I guess I'm a bit more of a sucker for a good love story than I realized. Not so much a romance."
"A woman after my own heart," Nikki said before she could stop herself. Mary turned red almost as quick as she did. "I just mean, romances are so overrated."
"I completely agree."
"What even is this song about?"
Mary and Nikki shared a look, and with a raise of her eyebrow Nikki knew she wanted her to answer. "Well it's like- the singer wrote it about his wife and you get how dizzying the feeling is but the feeling isn't enough. He pulled away and while he loved her, it wasn't enough to save their relationship and he lost her."
"Huh, interesting," Simon nodded.
"Sorry, I was rambling."
"No you weren't-" Mary protested, "It was really interesting. I didn't- I didn't think of it like that when I heard it last."
"Really? What did you think?"
Mary shrugged. "Dunno. I haven't heard it in a bit."
"Bit? What's bit?" Rocky asked.
"Ha. That depends on how you use it bud." Grace said. "I think in this case it means a long time."
"Yeah. It has."
Nikki found herself staring at Mary after the realization, hating how shrunken into herself she'd become. Nikki realized just how homesick she'd been just as much as she was. "How long?"
Mary shrugged, "I just- it's been a long time since we been on earth."
"That- uh, really sucks." Grace said sympathetically, "Haven't we all, though?"
"Yeah," Mary smiled.
"Isn't that baked into karaoke machine?" Simon asked.
Nikki jumped to her feet and ran to the machine, frantically flipping through songs until she came to the 'j' section. She triumphantly clicked it when the song flashed on screen. The guitar notes started up a moment later.
"Come on, Mary-"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, let's go." Nikki waved her up, giggling like a teenager.
Mary stumbled to her feet and grabbed the second mic as the lyrics began. Both really hesitant as they began, especially with the guys' being right here. But it quickly stopped mattering as Mary began getting really into it and quickly pulled Nikki into it as well.
Nikki didn't believe in the idealized version of romance that they passed off as love. She didn't believe that really existed really, it was more of an infatuation mixed with the honeymoon phase of relationships. It rarely lasted for long and only left people wanting to chase the high of the feeling. It was the thing that was held on a pedestal and pressured people who weren't swayed by feelings like that that something was wrong with them.
But it was in this moment where the butterflies were fluttering the most as they danced and sang off note and kind of terribly did she understand why so many people idealized it.
But whatever was between her and Mary, it wasn't romance like in the movies or books. It was an anchor in the chaos of a cruel world. It was clarity while everything was confusing.
It was love. Not a romance.