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What was he doing here ? What was he expecting ? Like Sirius was gonna open his arms to his little piece of shit he has as brother. He abandoned him, but who abandoned who, that was the question. He wanted to see his brother so bad. No. He needed to see his brother, he wanted to tell him he was wrong. He wouldn’t cry. A man does not cry. But a little brother could, maybe. But he wouldn’t, it wouldn’t show, even if it’s to the person he loves the most. But actually, what was he doing here ? In front of the open door of Potter manor, with a very shirtless someone in front of him. A very muscular, shirtless and wet someone, does he have no decency ? Come on, cover yourself Potter.
-Regulus ? Wake up! Regulus ! Fuck, talk for christ sake!
-Do you always open the door half naked Potter ?
-HE TALKS ! Exclaims James, lifting his arms like it’s a miracle.
-I thought it was my brother the dramatic one. Regulus bites back, with an acidic tone. Speaking of him, where is he ? I need to talk to him, urgent matter.
It was true, kind of. Regulus did need to speak to Sirius, even if he hoped he wouldn’t be here for, let’s say, obvious reasons. He didn’t want his brother to have his wings clipped again. Not after all he did to be free of them, free of her.
-He’s out.
-Oh….
Was that good news ? Regulus was expecting his brain to be happy if Sirius wasn't actually here. But maybe there was some hope, somewhere deep down. Cause if he didn’t have any hopes, why was his throat closing ? Why was he having cotton candy and not a brain right now ? Why was he feeling so little, so helpless, so needy for someone who clearly did not care anymore. After all, it has been over a year. It has been over a year since they abandoned each other. But he was supposed to come back. He was supposed to come back, like always. He was supposed to have his big brother back to protect him. Not replace him with… with someone clearly better, but, wasn’t blood supposed to run thicker than water ? he wasn’t supposed to be left alone for over a year. He wasn’t supposed to be used like this in retaliation. He wasn’t… He didn’t want to.
-Regulus ? Regulus ! Shit, how far are you right now?
He wanted his life back, he wanted his heart back, he needed someone for him. It was selfish, but was it really selfish to want someone to love you for who you are ? Was it selfish to wish for someone to simply look at you and think “he looks lonely, I can fix that”.
-Regulus !!
-Sorry, what were you saying ? I forgot you were still here.
False, it was quite impossible to forget the presence of someone for Regulus. Especially if that someone is standing right in front of him, shirtless, guy like (don’t tell that to his mother), bearing abs. Especially if that someone was James Potter. Motherfucking Potter. Regulus had seen Fleamont Potter once in his life and he could say with certitude that the Potters had good genes. More than good genes if you add Euphemia, who was an Indian goddess, clearly. Anyways, Potter was sort of good looking, a bit too much for the poor lil gay guy in front of him.
-I was asking if you wanted to come inside of the house ? We have cookies full of chocolate and nuts, and i think some of them have marshmallows as well ? It’s really good cookies I think, I made them so I’m not a good judge but you know, it’s hard to make cookies taste bad. Sirius did once, but you know him…
Did he ? Did he know Sirius ? Or did he know an idolized version of him. The idolized version of the one who protected him since his birth ? He didn’t know anymore.
-...But even if the cookies were bad they had chocolate so Remus ate them all, without exception and-
-Potter ! Please, shut up. Regulus said, getting a headache from all that noise coming out of this mouth.
-Oh, sorry. I usually talk too much. Even Sirius already told me at least once to shut the fuck and I told him “well, ti’s not like I use it for something else” and then- Sorry, I’m doing it again aren’t I ?
-Yes, you are. I really don’t like it.
-I’m sorry, I’ll stop.
-I hope so Potter, because it’s pissing me off. How could my brother choose you ? he added, lower.
-What did you say ? I didn’t catch it.
Regulus’ face reddened. Which was ridiculous because Regulus never blushed or was flustered usually. He was always so capable of hiding his emotions. Why couldn't he do it right now ? He probably was too much sleep deprived. Or food deprived. He was deprived of something for sure. Maybe it was love ? Oof, that is depressing. He needed to go, it was already late and he was going to regret it if he arrived lates because of James fucking Potter. He needed to leave, before Sirius came back. But he wanted to see Sirius, didn't he ? Or did he want to protect him ? He couldn't choose both, he learned it the hard way.
-Nothing. Sorry, I’ve got to go if my brother is not here.
-You sure you have to leave ? No cookies ?
James was looking at him with puppy eyes, Regulus almost caved in but he resisted.
-I’m allergic to peanuts.
He said that last piece while he was turning away, leaving that porch. The porch of the Potter manor who looked so welcoming, so hot and smelled so good that it was really hard to resist the urge to turn back and run inside. To finally feel the warmth of a family that made Sirius leave, to finally feel safe. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t because of her. She controlled him, like he was on a leash and he couldn’t do anything about it.
-WAIT !
James came running out of his house in the cold, the light doing amazing tricks on his beautifully tanned skin. Wasn't he freezing ? He was gonna catch a cold being this out-clothed.
-What is it now ? Regulus snarled getting annoyed.
-Hey ! You came to mine , do I need to remind you of that ? he gave Regulus a pointed look. Anyways, here's my number and instagram, just in case you... You're always welcome here. Don't be afraid to use it. Please.
Regulus looked at the piece of paper he took without even noticing it. Where did it come from, does James go around with bits of paper with his information on it in all his pants. He didn't need it. He wasn't afraid. Not that much anyways. Not enough to ask help to the one who stole his brother.
-I won't. he finally said, before leaving for good, directing himself to the bus stop because it was too late to call a car so he needed to use mundane use of transport? Horrible.
So he went back to his house. His cold house, with no one waiting for him but people expecting him. And no food left for him because he took too long. He kept the piece of paper, not knowing why but hiding it under his matress, hoping it was hidden enough. And maybe, he checked the instagram with his phone, being careful to be silent enough to not get caught with this phone, that he wasn't supposed to have.
He couldn't fall asleep, he was thinking of Sirius. He really needed to stop thinking about him. He wanted to protect him, okay, but that didn't mean sacrificing his sleep thinking about him. So he counted to 100 on repeat until he fell asleep, imagining being with his brother. He really had some abandonmnent issues.