Archive of Our Own

Everything was moving so fast.

Mashirao could barely see a thing, his vision blinded by the constant flow of blood that kept trickling down his face. He felt lightheaded, yet his body felt unbelievably heavy. At this point, it wasn’t even a thing of whether or not he was thinking straight – he wasn’t sure if he was thinking at all.

He just kept hearing screams. Screaming, calling out, distant ringing; it was all crashing and mending into something that was becoming unbearable.

Mashirao’s eyes squinted, trying to get a better look at his surroundings. Fuck, if only he could see. He tried reaching a hand up to his eyes, but as he wiped them away, they were trembling and now equally as bloody.

He tried to steady his breathing, but it just tasted metallic. He ended up letting out a gasp and spitting out the taste, a small splotch of blood mixed with saliva reaching the messy, rocky ground beneath him.

Mashirao moved his head and set both hands back on the dirty ground, his neck snapping each way as he tried to recall his surroundings. Seeing his position, he mustered all the strength he could to force himself back on his feet. A wave of shock struck through his tail and through his back and legs, and he jolted and winced at the uncomfortable sensation.

Everything was still so loud, and his mind was barely able to comprehend it all.

“Tailman! Watch out!” He knew that voice anywhere.

In the corner of his eye, he saw something reaching toward him. He tried to step back, his arms naturally clenched and now raised near his chest. He felt something grab hold of him, now being raised high above the ground. Desperate to break himself free, he tried to claw his way out, but was instead thrown outward.

Despite his stomach dropping, Mashirao did his best to brace himself on the impact, doing his best to keep his eyes open despite the pressure. As the ground became more clear, he used an arm to wrap his head as he directly hit the floor.

“Ojiro!”

Mashirao’s eyes flew open, his body instantly jerking upward as he let out a desperate gasp of air. He used his arms to quickly pull himself up, taking a split second to move from the side as he leaned up against his bedframe.

His head was spinning, his legs felt sore and tight, his tail was thumping uncontrollably, and damn he felt as if his heart was about to pound out of his chest. His brain was still trying to make sense of everything. His eyes rapidly darted as one hand reached his heart, the other raking through his messy hair. He lifted his head up to the ceiling, firmly pressing his hand further into his chest as he tried to correct his breathing.

‘Just another dream.’ he tried to tell himself. That’s all that was.

He forced himself to swallow another heavy, unbalanced breath. His tail was still twitching behind him and his fingers were trembling despite his attempt to stop. He gazed around his room, taking note of the items around him to try and simmer the confusion plaguing him.

'Window, blue curtains, teal rug… Keep listing things you see.’

Mashirao spent the next minute recollecting items around him to further ground himself – to remind him of where he really was. One minute soon turned into five, where Mashirao eventually managed to compose himself. He exhaled slowly, reaching out to his nightstand to grab his phone. He checked the time.

2:02 AM.

He grimaced at the sight. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to go back to bed (at least, not anytime soon), but… What was he supposed to do now?

Mashirao tilted his neck upward, blankly staring at the ceiling once more.

God, he hasn’t had this many nightmares since he was a kid. He’d remember rushing into his parent’s bedroom with tears in his eyes, always unable to describe what just happened. It almost always ended with him and his parents sitting on the floor with tea (of course, as a kid he had mugicha, due to the lack of caffeine) until he did finally manage to fall back asleep.

Yeah, maybe that would help.

Mashirao slowly pulled the covers off, shifting as he stood up from the bed. His tail naturally curled as he held his wrists and stretched his arms upward, and he sighed before putting on his slippers and slipping out of his room.

He knew he had to be quiet. The last thing that he wanted was to wake someone else up (especially since, technically, he shouldn’t even be up at this time), so he made sure to tread carefully as he made his way down the hall and down the steps to the main floor.

Each step was slow and cautious, his hand barely touching the railing as he stepped. As he made it closer to the first floor, he couldn’t help but hear something. Although incoherent, Mashirao noticed how it almost sounded like someone sniffing. Though, he merely assumed it was his mind still playing tricks on him.

As he made the final step, Mashirao turned the corner. The main room was as dark as expected, with the exception of one small light being left on near the kitchen. Coincidental enough, but he’d probably have to ask who left it on in the morning. He blinked as the kitchen came into frame, but paused dead in his tracks.

There, alone in the dimly-lit kitchen, was a set of floating clothes; a white fitted tank and small light pink shorts, hunched over the counter. Suddenly, those noises made a lot more sense.

Was… Was she crying?

“Hagakure?”

The figure seemed to jump, and although invisible, Mashirao could tell she was now looking at him. “Jesus – Ojiro!” her clothes shifted, and thanks to the bracelet on her wrist, he could tell that her right hand moved over her chest in exasperation.

“Ah, sorry!” Mashirao whispered through gritted teeth, making sure to keep his voice down. He raised his hands up near his chest in apology.

“You scared the crap out of me!” Toru hissed, realizing that she too needed to lower her volume. She let out a small sigh. “What… What are you even doing up at this time?!”

Mashirao cocked his head to the side. A valid question, but… “What are you doing up?” he couldn’t help but retort back.

For a moment, Toru seemed frozen, but she eventually just shook her head (not that Mashirao caught onto that). “I guess I just… Can’t sleep well tonight.” she gave a small shrug. For someone who usually isn’t afraid to explain a lot, Toru seemed unusually short in her replies.

Mashirao slowly nodded his head, taking a step closer towards the kitchen. “Same here, actually,” he spoke gingerly.

Toru nodded along with him, changing her position so that her back was against the counter, her body following as Mashirao made his way inside the kitchen. Her posture seemed to relax ever-so-slightly as she watched him.

“I… Figured I’d make myself some tea.” Mashirao carefully opened one of the cabinets before glancing over his shoulder. “Would you like some?”

Toru sniffled again, and Mashirao noticed how her hand reached –what he assumed to be– her cheek, seemingly wiping away at something. “Sure,” she answered. “What kind are you making?”

“Any you’d like,” he simply responded, his head moving back as he took out two mugs from the cabinet.

“Hmm…” Toru hummed quietly. “Do we have hojicha?”

Ah. Mashirao didn’t have that kind of tea often, but it made sense why Toru would suggest it. If he remembered correctly, hojicha normally has a caramel-like flavor, and he definitely remembered that she loves caramel.

“Good question, uhm…” Mashirao paused, closing the cabinet. He took a few steps before reaching the pantry, warily opening it and peeking inside. He seemed pleasantly surprised to find out that they did in fact have some. “We do.”

“Ooh, yay!” she quietly clapped before clasping her hands together.

Mashirao grabbed the box, taking out two tea packets before putting the box back and shutting the pantry door. He set the packets near the mugs, grabbing the teapot and beginning to fill it with water.

Anyone else would’ve considered the silence between them to be awkward, but strangely enough, none of them seemed to mind it. Mashirao had always enjoyed Toru’s company, regardless of what they were doing, but he couldn’t let go of how out-of-character she seemed. Still, he knew better than to press further without permission.

He finished filling up the kettle, moving it and setting it down on the stove with a clang that was louder than he anticipated. “Ooh–”

“Careful!” Toru whispered at the same time as Mashirao, giggling a little.

Mashirao looked behind him, sheepishly smirking before looking back. He turned on the stove, adjusting it to a proper level. He then fully turned around, now facing Toru entirely.

“You’re not normally up at this time, are you?” Toru genuinely sounded concerned.

Mashirao shook his head, keeping his polite smirk. “Definitely not,” he chuckled, scratching at his cheek. “I’m up more towards five or six for my morning runs.”

“Ewwww, you and your morning workouts,” Toru teased, kicking her foot out at him. Still, her movements seemed slower than normal. Even her laugh didn’t quite sound right. “I don’t get how you’re always so good at waking up super early.”

Mashirao shrugged, folding his arms across his chest. “I guess it’s become a routine,” he admitted.

“That’s fair, I guess,” Toru huffed, crossing her own arms. “Still…” Mashirao breathed out a small laugh, momentarily glancing behind him to check on the water. He turned back to Toru, letting his smirk fall naturally. “You’re not normally up at this time either,” he then commented, his tone gentle and almost curious.

“Hah, I know,” Toru tried to play it off, but she once again seemed to trail off on her words. “It sucks. I tried going back to bed and I just couldn’t!”

Mashirao’s face softened. He knew that all too well. “Is there… Something keeping you from sleeping?” he seemed hesitant to ask, not wanting to pry too far into something.

Toru seemed to pause again, and Mashirao’s face mellowed even more.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want–”

“–No, I want to,” Toru was barely able to whisper, as if something had suddenly caught in her throat. “It’s just… Uhm…” Then, the same noise that Mashirao heard before was coming back.

So she had been crying. Alone. The thought of it tugged at Mashirao's heart.

Mashirao’s eyebrows pressed closer together, his mouth barely opening.

“I’m sorry,” her voice nearly cracked.

Mashirao watched as a few water droplets landed on her top, and for a moment, he stood there frozen, boggled by the unexpected reaction.

Finally, and almost by instinct, he straightened an arm, holding it out as Toru took herself under his embrace.

This feeling —better yet, the scenario— was beginning to feel familiar. Mashirao hadn’t seen Toru this distraught since she found out the truth about their former classmate; how she came to him in tears, and they simply just held onto each other for what felt like forever.

The thought of it sent a deep pit in his stomach, his tail twitching upward in uneasiness.

Mashirao let Toru wrap both arms around his waist, pulling herself closer into him as she continued to weep.

“I’m sorry,” she kept mumbling into his shoulder. Mashirao just shook his head, delicately wrapping his arms around her in support, patiently waiting until she was ready.

The two were in the silent embrace for while, with none of them bothering to rush it. Toru took the time to try and regain herself, but by now, the tears had made their way onto Mashirao’s gray shirt.

“It’s just…” she croaked out, finally moving her head off his shoulder. By the looks of it, Mashirao assumed she was now looking up at him. “God, this is so stupid… Please don’t laugh.”

“Never.” Mashirao was quick to reassure, his tone firm and sincere.

Toru shook her head, huffing out a laugh that held no humor. “I… I’ve been having nightmares, and no matter what I do, they just won’t go away–” she fell off on her words, crying again. Mashirao just barely tightened his grip, letting her cry into him once more.

Mashirao debated saying something, and he pressed his lips together. Hearing Toru’s broken sobs was something that sent him spiraling in a way he wasn’t even able to describe. He just wanted to help, but… What was he supposed to do when he was in the same boat?

He bit his lip, then lowered his own head to match hers. “Mine haven’t either.”

“What?” Toru lifted her head, her voice equally as shaky.

Mashirao barely seemed to realize that he actually said it out loud. His tail was thumping against the tile floor as he slowly looked at the girl in front of him. “The nightmares… They haven’t stopped for me, either.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

A pained “Oh…” escaped Toru’s lips, and she held onto him even tighter. Mashirao clenched his jaw, letting his eyes shut as he too hugged her a bit tighter.

“At least I’m not alone, then,” she muttered, the hushed voice sending a small chill down Mashirao’s spine.

He tilted his head a little, opening his eyes. He felt tears begin to well in the corners of his eyes, and he tried to tilt his neck upward to avoid them from leaving. He couldn’t tell if he was getting emotional because of the nightmares or because of Toru having to experience them. Maybe it was a mix of both.

“Nightmares suck.” Mashirao didn’t have to look at Toru to tell she was pouting (technically, he never saw her, but it was always a matter of mannerisms).

“Hah… Yeah,” Mashirao inhaled sharply.

“I… I really thought they’d stop. It’s been nonstop for like, months… And every night I’m thinking, ‘maybe it’ll go away’, but… Nope.”

For a moment, Mashirao didn’t say anything, instead looking upward in a desperate attempt to not let the tears fall down.

“Me too.” he whispered at last.

Mashirao was the first to relax the tight embrace, cautiously reeling back so that they had a bit more space. Still, he kept his arms wrapped around, just so that they weren’t too far apart. “Is it… Always the same nightmare?”

Toru nodded, a small sob cracking through as she tried to exhale. She still hadn’t let go, almost hugging him even tighter than before. “Close to, yeah…”

The corner of Mashirao’s lip trembled as his eyes darted blanky into the distance. He could have said “me too” for a third time, but Toru seemed to already have gotten the idea.

She turned ever so slightly to the side, having one arm release from his waist. She settled her hand on his upper arm, her thumb softly grazing it. She was still speaking slowly, often accompanied by small sniffles or even pauses to ensure that she wasn’t being too loud. “I have a feeling it’s about… The same thing. Isn’t it?”

Mashirao was pretty sure of it, too. His jaw clenched at the idea of it.

Toru just hummed again, continuing to gently caress his arm. Each breath she took was shaky and jittery, and there was no doubt that she had been trying to stop herself from crying so much. “Does anyone know?”

“What?” Mashirao’s voice tremored a little.

“About you having nightmares… Have you told anyone?”

Mashirao shook his head quicker than he expected. “I… No.”

If he had to be honest, he didn’t see the point in telling anyone. It seemed like an awkward topic to bring up, even with how much he trusted his friends. Besides, most of them were heavily involved, too, so he figured it’d be best to just… Not say anything regarding it at all.

“Have you?”

Toru clicked her tongue – at least, he’s pretty sure that’s what she did. “I, uhm, never wanna bring down the mood, you know?” she moved her free hand off of Mashirao’s arm, wiping away some of the tears streaming down her face. “I-I’m supposed to be the bright and bubbly one, not the one to bring up… That.”

Toru had always been extremely thoughtful and considerate, so Mashirao wasn’t too surprised to hear her response. Still, he didn’t want her to push herself aside for other people’s sake, as admirable as it was. “Talking about how you feel doesn’t make you a downer,” he pointed out. “And it definitely doesn’t change anything about you. You… You know you’re allowed to act freely, right?”

He was starting to see the irony in his own words a bit.

Toru shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I just… Don’t want people to see me like this.” she croaked up again.

Mashirao felt a lump catch in his throat. It was kind of strange trying to comfort someone who felt exactly as he did, he quickly came to realize. “I…” his eyes moved to the wall, a single tear barely making it out. He did his best to ignore it. “Showing how you feel doesn’t make you weak at all, if that’s what you’re thinking… You deserve to share your feelings, just as much as anyone else.”

“Jeez,” Toru breathed, once again forcing out a humorless laugh. “It’s like you know exactly how I feel…”

His eyes ticked back to Toru, who had hiccuped between reticent sobs. Just as he was about to speak, the sound of increased sizzling caught both of their attention, and they both shot their heads over to the stove.

Oh, the tea.

Mashirao mouthed an awkward ‘sorry’ as he let go of the hug, and Toru giggled and swiped at her nose as she was forced to remove her own embrace.

He moved from the edge of the counter and back to the stove, briefly checking up on the water before twisting the knob. He opened both of the tea packets, setting one in each of the mugs before starting to pour water into them. “Do you want anything else in your tea?” He looked at Toru through his brows.

Toru had her arms crossed, almost as if she were hugging herself. “Mmm… Maybe a small bit of milk?”

“Okay,” he finished pouring the water, slowly putting the kettle back on the stove before opening up the fridge. The light that illuminated from the inside made Mashirao squint his eyes.

“Oat?”

“Please.”

Mashirao nodded, taking out the oat milk. He used his tail to shut the fridge as he went back over to the mugs, pouring a small portion of oat milk. He adjusted both bags as needed, and once that was done, he opened the fridge back up and put the oat milk back.

He held both mugs, handing one over to Toru. She held it with both hands, holding it close to her. “Thank you,” she spoke in an unusually quiet tone.

Mashirao stood back beside her near the edge of the counter. “Whenever I had nightmares as a kid, my mother would make tea for us.” He wasn’t sure why he said it.

Toru smiled, and for some unknown reason, Mashirao could sense it. He felt like he always could. “And it… Would it help?” she assumed.

“Usually,” Mashirao tried to smile again, holding his mug out.

‘Only one way to find out,’ he supposed.

Toru held her own mug back out, clinking it against his before pulling it back close. This earned her a small, weak chuckle out of Mashirao.

Mashirao looked inside the mug for a few seconds before lifting it up to his lips, taking a small sip. He then set it down on the counter, his eyes still glued onto the cup. Still, he could feel Toru’s eyes on him, even though he didn’t have anything to say.

Toru still held her mug close to her chest. “They always feel so… Real,” she murmured. “Over and over again. And it’s, just… I feel everything. The pain, my head reeling, I-I even hear–”

“–The screaming.” Mashirao was still staring at his mug. He knew that, if he dared to look anywhere else, he would likely start to cry again. He had to distract himself, so he was left to analyze the artistic design on the cup. “And the, uhm… The blood,” his mouth twitched. “The way you can feel when things break.”

A tiny beat passed by where none of them said anything, and the silence sunk between them once more.

Toru rotated the mug between her hands. “I… Yeah.”

Toru’s eyes flickered up at Mashirao, and suddenly he heard something land on the counter, shortly followed by a hand cupping his cheek. He had no choice but to look back in her direction.

“Hey… If I’m crying, that means you can too,” she huffed out a soft chuckle. He watched as another tear fell down her own face.

“You just said we’re both deserving to struggle,” she swiftly added on.

Mashirao tried to give her a smile –or even a smirk–, but it was pitifully weak. He ultimately forced himself to shake his head.

“Oh, c-come on, you’re all about fairness, right?” Toru tilted her head at him as he moved his head, following his motions.

Mashirao shook his head again, forcing his eyes shut entirely. His nose scrunched up and his eyebrows furrowed, making Toru raise her hand just a little bit higher.

“Ojiro.” her voice was barely above a whisper.

Hearing his surname forced Mashirao to open his eyes again, now entirely glassy. His jaw was still tight, teeth clenched and all; there was now a noticeable rise and fall of his chest, too, with his fists now tightly held together. He wasn’t sure why he was still holding back, even with Toru’s direct invitation to loosen up. He just… Really didn’t want to cry in front of her. It seemed hypocritical of him to break down so easily.

‘Why can’t I keep it together?’

Mashirao did his best to relax his face, but the moment he felt a tear start to break free, he instantly tensed up again.

He felt one of Toru’s fingers –thumb, if he had to guess– caress his upper cheek to take the tear away. He pressed his lips together, creating a single line.

The single tear was quick to turn into several, no matter how hard Mashirao was trying to fight it. He lowered his head, turning it to the floor and turning to the side. His tail thumped a few times before lowering itself entirely.

“Uhm…” His breathing began to catch. God, even now, he didn’t know what to say. He tried to open his mouth again, to try and explain himself, yet nothing came out.

Toru just continued to caress his cheek, and it was something that Mashirao couldn’t help but find oddly comforting.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, and that was the thing that made Mashirao begin to cry entirely.

He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. Sure, every now and then a tear could come down from stress or agitation, but he’s never quite let himself fall apart like this.

Oh, that’s right. The night after the war. That must’ve been the last time.

Mashirao tried to shake his head again, and Toru took hold of both sides of his face, forcing him to look directly at her. Although invisible, Mashirao always knew to meet her eyes (of course, the tears falling out of them helped, too).

“It’s okay.” she repeated, her voice more firm this time. “No judgment.”

He could only imagine how stupid he looked right now, crying in front of Toru like this. He had his eyes locked onto hers, unable to look away despite the tears blurring his vision.

As if she read his mind, Toru helped wipe away a few more of the tears before moving her hands, wrapping them around him again. Mashirao accepted the embrace. His fists were still clenched, his arms tightly forced at his sides, but his tail had swept back up, entwining itself around her.

He stared back at the wall, biting the tip of his tongue and blinking as another tear made itself free. Suddenly, he began to laugh, letting his forehead fall onto Toru’s invisible shoulder.

Toru reeled back ever so slightly to see why, but Mashirao just kept crying, his eyes glued shut. He was still completely quiet (miraculously, Mashirao had always been able to cry without making a noise), with the occasional jolt of his shoulders. His hands, now occasionally twitching, finally gained the strength to move and wrapped around Toru.

The two remained silently enveloped in one another for what seemed like forever, both of them just crying. Albeit, Mashirao managed to be much more quiet, but Toru was still able to keep herself somewhat quiet with only occasional bursts of sobs.

Finally, Mashirao could tell that his breathing was starting to become somewhat more regulated, his heart not nearly pounding out of his chest like before. He could also hear how Toru’s cries had died down back to small, almost muffled sniffles.

His eyes flickered open, his blurry vision slowly coming back into focus. Slowly, they moved downward, and when he fully came to realize what he had done, he snapped his head and arms back to their normal position. He’d completely overstepped, hadn’t he? Hugging a girl for so long?

“Oh my God,” he stammered out, his voice still shaking. “I’m sorry–”

“No,” Toru full on grabbed the back of his head, tangling her hand in his hair as she pulled him back in. He yelped a little, as if to question her, but he fell back quiet after realizing he didn’t know how to reply.

“Don’t be sorry, Ojiro… Seriously. I…” for a moment, Toru didn’t add onto anything, but as Mashirao shyly wrapped his arms back around her, she sighed into him. “I’m just glad we’re in this together.”

It was a weird realization. Of course, Mashirao knew that he technically had never been alone in this –after all, he and his classmates all went through a similar chain of events– but to be showing so much emotion with it was something else entirely. But… To know, with absolute certainty, that she was alongside him –just as she hopefully knew he was with her–, eased the knot in his stomach a little.

It almost felt like fate that he decided to come downstairs tonight.

Mashirao bit back another tear, his chin resting on the edge of her shoulder. “Yeah. We are.”

The kitchen fell close-to silent again, with the occasional caught-up breaths from Toru and the movement of Mashirao’s tail whipping behind him as if it were on-edge.

Finally, after a few more minutes, Mashirao was the one to speak up again. “Our tea’s gonna get cold.”

He didn’t expect to hear Toru’s laugh, one that sounded much more genuine and real than the other ones so far. “Aw, man, they totally are, huh?” she unwrapped herself, now peering over their mugs. She put one hand on each of them, checking their temperature. “I mean… They’re not cold cold. I’d say they’re warm.”

Mashirao took a step closer to the mugs as Toru began to check them. He, too, had leaned over beside her before putting a hand on his own cup to check. He moved his head to the side. “Should I… Remake them?”

Toru shook her head. “No, I actually kinda like when tea isn’t scorching hot!” she giggled, although weak. She wrapped her fingers around the mug, taking a sip out of it. She then nodded. “Try it!”

Mashirao listened, bringing the cup to his mouth and taking a small sip out of it. He lowered it, keeping a hold of it just below his waist. It actually almost tasted better now that it wasn’t as hot. Interesting.

“See?” Toru cooed, followed by a sniffle.

“I didn’t expect it to be so, uh, sweet,” Mashirao’s eyebrows perked up.

“Have you never had hojicha before?”

“No.”

“What?” Toru nearly squeaked before pulling herself closer to him to fix her volume. “It isn’t even that sweet! It doesn’t have added sugar or anything!”

Mashirao just shrugged, his tail swaying behind him. Even when invisible, he could imagine the judgmental yet frivolous look on her face.

“Stop,” Toru then gasped, making sure to keep herself quiet. “It’s only because you normally have the bitter kinds of tea, huh?”

Mashirao frowned, giving her a teasing side-eye as before taking another sip. “No–”

“–Sencha, isn’t it?”

Mashirao forced his mouth shut.

Damn. That was what he’d normally have.

Rather than admitting it, he instead made an attempt to redirect. “Since when do you know so much about teas?” he turned to fully face her.

Mashirao could feel Toru smirk –probably a sly one, if he had to guess–. “I went grocery shopping with Sato the other day and he was telling me about them,” she said matter-of-factly. “He mentioned that we were running out of bags, and when we went into the aisle, I was just like, ‘woah, there’s so many different kinds!’ and ended up grabbing whichever ones sounded the best.”

“So…” Mashirao put a hand on his chin. “You knew that we had hojicha, then?”

“Yep!”

“You bought hojicha and not sencha?”

“I wanted you to get out of your comfort zone! That one tastes gross! Even Sato said so!”

It wasn’t a secret that Mashirao liked tea, but this was a calculated move on her end. He had no choice but to laugh, using a hand to cover his mouth and muffle the sound. “You seriously remember what tea I drink?”

“Duh!” Toru playfully scoffed. “Remember our team-up mission in Oku Island? You made me drink it!”

“That’s all the teacher had!”

“That’s all you had!”

They laughed together, eventually having to quiet themselves.

“I wonder how Ikkaku is doing,” Mashirao sighed into his cup.

Toru took a sip of her own drink. “Probably causing more chaos,” she giggled. “But, I’m sure he’s fine.”

Mashirao nodded, lowering the mug. “That mission was a bit scary,” he admitted after a moment, using his pointer finger to graze the rim of the cup. “All those booby traps… They sucked.”

“Oh? I didn’t think they were that bad!” He could tell Toru was trying to hold in her laugh.

“You didn’t even activate them because of your invisibility! I had to go through them all!”

Toru began to giggle. “Ah, Oku Island…” she sighed out between faint laughter. “I miss it. That place was nice.”

“It was.”

The kitchen settled back into a comfortable silence until Toru shifted, now standing directly in front of Mashirao. She leaned one side of herself on the counter, elbow on the edge while holding the mug with both hands. “Do you… Seriously wake up at five in the morning?”

“Ever since the new term, yeah.”

“Even on the weekends?”

Mashirao huffed. “Yeah, actually.” he bit back a smile.

“Aw, jeez,” she gave a sympathetic groan.

Mashirao didn’t mean to ruin the barely-lightened mood, but he hadn’t even realized he said it until the words were out of his mouth. “Sometimes I can’t sleep at all, so I just run earlier.”

He could tell Toru’s posture had softened. “Oh,”

Mashirao winced at himself once he realized. “Sorry, I don’t know why I–”

“No, I get it,” Toru lifted her leg, her ankle touching his as she leaned towards the counter. “I mean… Why do you think I’ve been watching so many shows lately? Sometimes when I wake up, I’m too…” she hesitated, but Mashirao gave her a slow nod that reminded her that she could take all the time she needed.

“Sometimes when I wake up, I’m too scared to try to go back to bed,” her voice was delicate again. “So… I’ll watch a show or movie to kinda distract myself.”

Mashirao bit the inside of his cheek, lowering his gaze. “Does it help?”

“Usually!”

Hmm. Maybe he’d have to try that sometime. He just wasn’t usually the kind to watch movies or series in his free time–

“I was actually just about to start a new one,” Toru began, her voice almost timid. “I… Take it you’re not going back to bed tonight?”

Mashirao shook his head and lifted it. “Probably not,” he affirmed.

“I hope this isn’t weird to say, but like… I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”

Admittedly, Mashirao wasn’t sure if he wanted to be alone right now, either. He stayed quiet just in case.

“Would you wanna watch a show with me? I was gonna start a new show but I honestly haven’t picked one out yet so you can totally choose what we watch, if you want!” Toru noticed how she was beginning to ramble, so she took a moment by placing her mug on the counter. “It’s all totally optional!”

A genuine smile tugged at the corner of Mashirao’s mouth. “I’d like that.”

Toru let out a long, exasperated sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God!”

Mashirao’s smile stayed. “You might still get to pick the show, though,” he pointed out.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Toru giggled once more, and Mashirao could feel the warmth in her smile. Then, she paused dead in her tracks, as if she was missing something. “Oh, that’s right! I, uhm, originally came down here for a snack,” Toru snapped her fingers and whipped around, making her way into the pantry and opening it. Mashirao took a quick peek inside, watching as she began to rummage through the area.

He gave a slow blink as she looked through the pantry. Even though it was almost three in the morning now, he supposed that there was never a bad time for snacks. Especially during a time like this.

While Toru had her back turned from him, Mashirao took the opportunity to quickly wipe his eyes and face using his hands. He brushed them off on his shirt as Toru turned back around, now carrying a small box of caramel candies and a bag of popcorn. She held them up, and he had a feeling that she was giving him a hopeful look.

“These okay?” her voice was somewhat gentle again.

Mashirao nodded. He truly had no preference. “Sounds good.”

“Good!” Toru’s figure shifted slightly. “Oh, would you be able to grab our mugs?” Mashirao turned, grabbing hold of the mugs with his on the right and hers on the left.

“Got them,” he gave the best smirk he could.

“Okay, let’s go!” Toru suddenly hushed, and that made Mashirao’s hesitant smirk shift into a smile, one that was slightly less wobbly. She led the way outside of the kitchen, with Mashirao following close behind and flicking the kitchen light off with his tail.

While walking up the stairs, Mashirao’s thoughts began to run again.

‘Wait a minute. Should I be doing this?’

He’s obviously been in Toru’s room before, but he’s never been in there so late. Technically, they were already breaking some of the rules with curfew and everything, but… He scrunched his eyebrows, his eyes focused on the stairs. …Was Toru really okay with him being in her bedroom at this time?

‘I know she invited me, but–’

“Relax,” he could hear Toru’s voice coo at him, and it was like she was reading right through him again. His eyes darted up at her. “It’ll be nice for both of us,” she emphasized, keeping her voice low. “Think of it like… A movie night! Really late movie night. And it’s a show instead of a movie.”

Mashirao paused for a few extra seconds before chuckling. “Okay,” he spoke gently before swallowing a tight breath. “Yeah.”

The two reached Toru’s door, and she swiftly opened it, stepping inside and making it straight for her bed. Mashirao stepped inside and used his tail to silently shut the door behind him as she set the food items down. He took a quick scan around the room.

It was the same as it’s practically always been; accents of bright and pastel pink, light blue, and white covered the room, and there were even the same stuffed animals lined up on the bed as last year.

Toru snatched the pink, fuzzy blanket that laid on her bed, tossing it on the floor before reaching for her laptop by her desk. Mashirao took a few steps, setting the mugs down on the desk so that he could hand the laptop over.

“Thanks,” she let out a small giggle as she set it down on the coffee table, scooting it a few inches back so that there was more space between the bed and table. “Oh! Do you mind turning on the lamp over there?” she motioned to the small tall, long lamp that was in the corner of the room, close to the desk.

“Yeah,” Mashirao obliged, taking an extra step and turning on the lamp.

“There! Now we have a little more room and a bit of lighting,” Toru bent over to grab the snacks before plopping herself down. “C’mon!” she patted on the floor, referencing the empty space beside her. Mashirao grabbed the mugs and set them both on the coffee table before sitting down next to her, his tail moving up and resting on his shoulder as he took a seat.

Once Mashirao was seated, Toru took hold of the large pink blanket, casually throwing it over the both of them. The motion caught Mashirao off-guard, but Toru said nothing about it, so he figured that he’d stay quiet, too. At this point, their shoulders were borderline brushing against each other.

Toru opened up her laptop and began to type, eventually reaching Netflix. “Okay, hmm,” she hummed, mostly to herself as she began to scroll through the main page. She then glanced at Mashirao, and he looked right back at her. “What kind of shows do you like to watch, anyway?”

“Oh, uh,” Mashirao took a quick glance at the screen before looking back. “I don’t know, actually… I don’t watch a lot of shows, if I’m being honest. I think action movies are cool, though.” Realistically, he didn’t have much of a preference. Chances are that, if people around him enjoyed it, then he would too.

“Awe, cool!” Toru looked back at her laptop. “I probably could’ve guessed that, though… Ooh! Do you like dramas?” Mashirao thought about it for a moment, a smirk creeping up on his face. “I actually think I do,”

“Wait, do you really?” Toru visibly perked up, her face getting closer to his.

“They’re not bad,” Mashirao went on. “though, I really don’t mind what we watch. Think about what you want to watch.” he smiled at her. “I’m sure I’ll like it, too.”

“If you say so!” Toru shifted again, pulling the laptop closer towards her as she continued to scan through the options. Eventually, she ended up clicking on a random show, setting her laptop back on the coffee table and adjusting it. Mashirao didn’t even remember the name of it, but by the time the show began, the two fell into an oddly comfortable silence.

At one point, Toru had insctively gotten closer to Mashirao, her head nearly resting on his shoulder. Mashirao, in turn, had his neck raised to give her the proper room. They were at least two episodes in the show, but Mashirao wasn’t sure how much time had passed.

He finally glanced over to her, keeping his head raised high to not distract her too much. He could faintly see her reflection from the screen, and his face softened.

“Hey, Hagakure?” he was about to talk more but was abruptly cut off.

“Toru.”

A beat passed where his face went entirely blank. “What?” he finally drew his eyebrows closer.

Toru turned to face him, their faces inches away from each other. “You can call me Toru. You don’t have to use my surname.”

Mashirao was once again left with no words, forcing his mouth shut.

“You’re one of my best friends. We hangout all the time, study together, we live together! I mean…” Toru let out a sigh, bringing one knee up. Still, she had her head positioned on his shoulder. “I basically just cried in your arms for, what, twenty minutes? I feel like that’s grounds for using my first name!”

Mashirao supposed that those were all fair points.

“Besides,” she added on, lowering her voice again to the point where she was just about whispering in his ear. “I want you to.”

Mashirao raised his eyebrows again, feeling blood start to rush to his cheeks. Feeling chagrined, he forced himself to look away for a second, his tail thumping behind him. “I, uhm… Okay.” he swallowed, mustering the strength to look back at her. “In that case, you’re more than welcome to use my first name, too.”

Mashirao could feel Toru grin, and this time, it felt entirely genuine. “Fine by me, Mashirao.”

Mashirao felt himself grinning now, too. “Alright, Toru.”

Toru just giggled, pressing her head further onto his shoulder as she looked back at the laptop. Mashirao turned his head back too, and the two fell quiet again, the only noise being replaced by the show.

By the time the next episode started, Mashirao realized that he normally would’ve thought about the nightmare by now. How flashes of the dream would normally pop up in his mind while he tried to avoid it. Now, it just… Wasn’t there. For tonight, it seemingly vanished.

He momentarily looked over to Toru, where the only motion she had was the slow rise-and-fall from her chest. The corner of his lip twitched to a small smirk before looking forward.

For the first time in a very, very long time, Mashirao found himself able to shut his eyes without worry.