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“ – I didn’t complete the assignment”, Dean said, looking at her with big, hopeful eyes. Allie’s heart stopped hearing those words.
The rest of Malone’s began to blur around them and she didn’t have the words. Stumbling through, trying desperately to explain – about Joanna, the guy at the bar, none of it meant anything. But she saw the hurt in his eyes. The shift in his body language. For somebody that she had been deeming untouchable these past few months, it hit her like a truck that this meant more to him. That she meant more to him. Before she could even continue the conversation, pleading with Dean to understand, Beau whispered “Oh shit” from next to her and Dean turned around, following Beau’s gaze to the door.
The moment Dean turned his head and his eyes locked on Hunter, Allie knew something was wrong. So so wrong. He looked back at her and it was a hurt in his eyes that she’d never seen before.
“Him?” he said immediately, with a force she had yet to see from Dean.
“Who is that? What’s going on?” Allie pleaded
Before she could register what was happening, Dean was approaching Hunter, the team was all getting up from their seats, and Dean and Hunter were going at it in the middle of the bar. It was hard to tell who’s arms were who’s and what punches were thrown where. The two men scrambled through the bar, as Della yelled at them to get out. Garrett and Logan were desperately trying to pull Dean off of Hunter, but it was no use. The two men were on the floor, and Hunter, for a brief moment, got on top of Dean and threw punches in a way Allie had never seen anyone do before. Blind rage, oblivious to the world around him. Allie screamed as loud as she could at him to get off of Dean, as Dean was able to flip Hunter back over and start retaliating. It was an unfortunately even fight.
People started fleeing the bar, likely afraid cops would show up, or just wanted to be out of the crossfires. Others stood around with their phones filming the altercation. The hockey guys yelled and yelled, until eventually, they managed to pull Dean away. Panting, holding his arms up, covered in blood coming from who knows where – Dean glanced back over at Allie, and then walked right out of the bar.
It all went wrong so quickly. How did we get here? Allie felt the tears streaming down her face, before she even registered that she was crying. She watched all the hockey guys head out after him, and without thinking, ran out after them. After Dean. This was all her fault.
By the time she snaked through the crowd and got to the exit, Hannah grabbed onto her arm at the front door of Malone’s.
“Allie?” she asked, eyes quickly searching her friends, expressed riddled with confusion.
“Are you okay? What’s going on? Garrett just ran after him. That was crazy. Are you hurt?” Hannah spoke quickly.
“I’m fine but I need to go” Allie said, with more force than she would ever use with Hannah but didn’t have time right now, moving to get past her and out after Dean. By the time she got outside, she only saw Logan and Tuck all the way down the road. No sign of Dean or anyone else. He was gone.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dean had left Malone’s in a haste. He was vibrating with the adrenaline rush. With his anger. He was embarrassed everyone saw that - knowing it would end up on Jule’s gossip account within the hour. But more importantly, he was embarrassed that Allie saw that. It was not a side of himself he was proud of. He normally wasn’t that guy. He was calm and collected, and not very easily riled up. With Hunter Davenport, it was a different story.
He couldn’t even think about it without fuming. Hunter was with his sister a few years back. Summer was left a shell of herself for months. They’d been together for about three months, before Summer found out that Hunter had been sharing her nudes with every guy at their school. Summer had to transfer and she lost all her friends, things were never the same after that. Not to mention that Hunter is the cockiest hockey player Dean had had the displeasure of playing with.
Dean slammed the door to his room harder than he'd intended. The sound echoed through the empty house. The guys had tried following him for half a block before he'd barked at them to leave him alone. Garrett had looked like he wanted to argue, but Dean wasn't in the mood to be talked down. Not tonight. He peeled off his bloodied T-shirt with a wince.
Fuck.
His ribs were already blooming purple. His knuckles were split open, one eyebrow beginning to swell where Hunter had caught him. There was blood on his jaw that wasn't even his anymore. He turned on the bathroom light and stared at himself in the mirror. What the hell was wrong with him? He hadn't lost his temper like that in years. He braced both hands against the sink, trying desperately to calm himself down.
Allie.
He squeezed his eyes shut. The assignment. Her and Hunter. Just thinking about them together made him feel sick. All of it blurred together until he couldn't separate one hurt from another. Cold water ran over his knuckles, instantly turning pink as the blood washed away and disappeared down the drain. It stung like hell.
Good.
Maybe he deserved it.
A knock sounded on the bathroom door.
"Dean?"
Garrett. Dean didn't answer. Another knock.
"Open the damn door."
"I'm fine."
"The fuck you are."
Dean leaned both hands against the bathroom counter, closing his eyes. He wanted to be alone. And although he knew Dean was just checking in, did not have the energy to face the guy right now. A long pause.
"You don't have to talk," Garrett said through the door. "Just let me make sure you're not concussed."
Dean almost laughed. Trust Garrett to make it practical.
"I'm fine."
"You said that already."
"Because it’s true."
Silence. Garrett sighed heavily.
"Okay."
Another pause.
"But for what it's worth... Logan was just trying to look out for the team. He didn’t know whatever went down between you and Hunter was that bad. None of us did."
Dean barked out a humourless laugh.
"I don’t want to talk about it man, just let it be"
He heard Garrett sigh and footsteps getting further away from his door. Dean stared at himself in the mirror. His split lip. The bruise was already darkening beneath his eye. The blood still clinging stubbornly to his hairline. His ribs hurt like hell. His phone started pinging next to him, he took a glance at it. Allie.
“Are you okay?”
His chest tightened as he picked up the phone, and saw three dots letting him know that she was still typing.
“I’m so sorry”
“Can we talk?”
Dean stared at the screen. He didn’t have the words for that conversation tonight. His body and his ego were both too bruised. The phone started ringing and he wasn’t surprised to see Allie’s smiling face filling his phone screen. Clicking it off, he let it go to voicemail and began cleaning up his face.
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hannah didn't ask any questions until they were halfway back to the apartment.
The walk home felt impossibly long. They walked mostly in silence, Allie vaguely aware that Hannah kept glancing over at her every few minutes, trying to piece together what she'd just witnessed. Allie couldn't blame her. Ten minutes ago she'd walked into Malone's expecting wings and beer with her friends. Instead she'd watched Dean get into the most violent fight she'd ever seen. Because of her.
"You've been crying this whole walk," Hannah finally said quietly.
Allie wiped at her face with the sleeve of her sweater, only then realizing she still was.
"I know."
"Are you... okay?"
No. Not even close. She unlocked the apartment door and kicked her shoes off by the entrance before immediately pacing toward the kitchen. Hannah lingered behind her, still watching carefully.
"What the hell happened back there?"
Allie leaned against the kitchen counter, suddenly exhausted. Every muscle in her body felt heavy.
"I don't even know."
"You and Dean..."
Hannah let the sentence trail off.
"...know each other?"
Allie laughed once. It came out somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
"Yeah."
Hannah stared.
"'Yeah?"
Allie closed her eyes.
"We've been..." She hesitated. God, how did she even explain this? "We've been seeing each other."
There was a beat of complete silence.
"What?"
"For a while."
"Since when?"
"A few weeks, maybe a bit over a month. I don’t know."
Hannah blinked.
"You've literally never mentioned him."
"I know."
"You've been hooking up with Dean Dilaurentis for a month and you just... forgot to tell me?"
"I didn't forget."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
Because saying it out loud would've made it real. Because she wasn't supposed to feel anything for him. She was mourning a years-long breakup. She was supposed to be single for a while. Because she'd been so determined to convince herself it meant nothing that she'd convinced everyone else too.
"I don't know."
Hannah looked like she wanted to ask another hundred questions, but something in Allie's face must've stopped her.
Instead she just pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down.
"So..." she said carefully. "That fight wasn't just... hockey guy stuff?"
Allie shook her head.
"No. I don’t know. It was sort of about us. But I think there was something more. A history between those two, I don’t know. I just know I’ve messed things up royally."
"What happened?"
She opened her mouth. Closed it again. How was she supposed to explain the assignment without sounding completely insane?
"Hey, so I've been secretly sleeping with this guy for ages, started falling for him, panicked, and then told him we should both sleep with other people to prove we weren't falling for each other."
Yeah. Totally normal.
"We had a fight," she said quietly.
"About?"
"...us."
Hannah frowned.
"I thought you said you weren't dating."
"We weren't."
"Weren't?"
"We're not."
Hannah pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Allie."
"I know."
"No, seriously." Hannah let out a bewildered laugh. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"I know."
"You keep saying that."
"Because I know."
Silence settled between them. Allie reached into her pocket for her phone before she could stop herself. Nothing. She unlocked it anyway. Still nothing. Her stomach twisted. Without really thinking, her fingers were already typing.
Are you okay?
She stared at the message for a second before pressing send.
Delivered.
"He looked..." Hannah started quietly.
"...really hurt."
Allie swallowed hard.
"I know."
Not physically. That part was awful too. But she'd seen his face before he ever threw a punch.
I didn't complete the assignment.
The expression on his face when he'd looked back at her. She'd never seen someone look so betrayed. Her phone stayed stubbornly silent. She typed again.
I'm so sorry.
Delete. No. Send. She waited. Nothing.
"I think you should leave him alone tonight," Hannah said gently.
"I can't."
"You can."
"What if he's hurt?"
"He had six hockey players chasing after him."
"I know, but—"
"What are you actually worried about?"
Allie looked down at the floor.
"...That he hates me."
The words came out so quietly she almost didn't hear herself say them. Hannah's expression softened immediately.
"Oh, Allie."
"I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"I know."
"No, you don't." Fresh tears burned at the corners of her eyes. "You don't know what happened."
"Then tell me."
Allie wanted to. God, she wanted to. But once she started explaining, she'd have to admit the truth. That somewhere between the flirty texting, nightly hook ups, the unbearable chemistry between them … she started to have feelings for him. What those feelings were? She had no idea yet. No. That needed to stay tucked away in a box. But she couldn’t face the idea that he hated her.
She was scared of her own feelings, but didn’t want to end things. So in a convoluted effort to keep him, created a stupid stupid game that ended up hurting them both.
Her phone buzzed in her hand. Her heart lurched. Nothing. Just a friend sending her a reel on Instagram. She opened their conversation thread back up and started typing again, against her better judgement.
Can we talk?
Send. Still nothing. She pressed call before she could overthink it. The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. Voicemail. Allie stared at the screen for a long moment after the call ended.
"He declined it," she whispered.
Hannah stood, crossing the kitchen in two steps before wrapping her arms around her. For a minute, Allie let herself cry into her shoulder. Then she pulled back.
"I have to go see him."
Hannah looked at her carefully.
"Right now?"
"What if he won't answer because he's hurt?"
"What if he won't answer because he doesn't want to talk?"
Allie knew Hannah was probably right.
She also knew she'd never be able to sleep if she didn't know Dean was okay. She looked back down at her phone one last time. Still nothing.
"I'm going over there."
Hannah sighed.
"I had a feeling you were going to say that."
"I just..." Allie grabbed her keys from the bowl by the front door, her voice cracking all over again. "I just… I can't leave it like this."
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The night air was cold enough that she wished she'd grabbed a jacket. Too late now. Campus looked completely different than it had an hour earlier. Quieter. The buzz from Malone's had disappeared behind her, replaced by crickets and the occasional laughter drifting from somebody's apartment with the windows open. Her shoes echoed against the pavement. The walk felt longer than it ever had before. Every few steps, she looked down at her phone.
Still nothing.
She opened their text thread anyway. Rereading messages he’d been sending her over the past few weeks. Mostly him trying to initiate a hook up. Funny anecdotes throughout the day. Snarky lines that inevitably made her smile.
God.
How had everything changed so fast? Her thumb hovered over his contact. She almost called again.
No. He'd already ignored her once. The last thing she wanted was to push him further away. She slipped the phone back into her pocket.
The hockey house came into view a few minutes later. Music wasn't blasting like it usually was. No lights on downstairs. Just one lamp glowing from an upstairs bedroom. Her feet slowed. She stood on the sidewalk across the street, staring at the house. This was a bad idea.
He'd ignored every text. Declined her call. Maybe Hannah was right. Maybe he didn't want to see her. She turned to leave. Made it three steps. Stopped. She thought about the look on his face.
I didn't complete the assignment.
Hope.
Then Hunter.
Then heartbreak.
Her eyes squeezed shut.
"No."
She whispered it to nobody. She couldn't leave it like this. Not tonight.
Crossing the street, she climbed the familiar porch steps she'd only ever seen in daylight when she walked by with Hannah after class. They creaked beneath her weight. She stared at the front door.
God, what was she even going to say?
Sorry I accidentally destroyed whatever this was?
Sorry I was too scared to admit I liked you?
Sorry I made up the stupidest assignment in human history?
None of it felt like enough. She lifted her hand, hesitated, and knocked. She stood there silently, waiting. This felt so embarrassing all of a sudden. It was 2am and her face was still tear-stained and puffy. She was in her UGG boots and a hoodie. But her pride kept her feet in place on their doorstep.
She waited. Nothing. She knocked again. A little louder this time. Footsteps. Allie held her breath. The lock clicked.
Garrett pulled the door open.
He looked tired.
A fresh bruise was beginning to bloom along his jaw from where he'd caught an elbow trying to separate Dean and Hunter.
His eyebrows lifted the second he saw her.
"...Allie."
"Hi."
For a moment, neither of them said anything.
He glanced past her toward the empty street before looking back at her.
"You okay?"
She nodded automatically.
"I'm looking for Dean."
Something shifted across Garrett's face. Not surprise exactly. More... confusion. He looked at her for another second, like he was trying to work out why she would be here.
"He came straight home," Garrett said carefully. "He's upstairs."
Relief flooded through her before she could stop it.
"Okay."
She stepped toward the doorway. Garrett moved aside on instinct, then hesitated.
"...He's not in a great place right now."
"I know."
"I don't know what happened tonight—"
Neither did she.
"—but he isn't really talking to anyone."
Allie nodded.
"I know."
Garrett studied her face. The red eyes. The tear tracks she hadn't managed to wipe away. The phone still clutched tightly in her hand.
"...Do you want me to grab him?"
She shook her head immediately.
"No."
"I'll go up."
There wasn't even a second of hesitation. She stepped past him into the house. Garrett turned slightly to watch her. She didn't look around. Didn't ask if anyone else was home. Didn't seem to care. She walked straight toward the staircase like she'd already decided there wasn't anywhere else she'd rather be.
She made her way up to the top of the stairs and found herself face to face with Dean’s bedroom door. It felt weird to be standing here wracked with nerves. Every other time she’d been to his room, they'd stumbled through this doorway together. Unable to get clothes off fast enough. Half the time, Dean’s carried her through this doorway, keeping his lips glued to hers the entire time.
Thinking of those moments almost helped ground her. She was here for him. Taking a deep breath, she knocked.
“Fuck off Garrett. I told you I just want to go to bed.” she heard Dean’s voice yell through the door.
“Dean –” she said
She was met with silence on the other end. Not sure if he heard her. Or more scared that he did hear her but just was planning to ice her out for the evening entirely. She would deserve it, honestly. Allie was a lot of things, and had moments in her life where she’d been comfortable being bold, but she knew she couldn’t force herself into the man’s bedroom if he didn’t want her there. She felt her eyes start to well back up with tears, despite her attempts to blink them away. As she started to turn to walk back towards the staircase, his bedroom door slowly opened.
“Oh my god” she whispered upon seeing his face in the aftermath of their fight. His right eye was completely swollen, lip split, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt which allowed her to see the bruising coursing up his sides. She was stunned in silence, eyes roaming up and down his body, and the tears that had drawn up were dangerously close to spilling over, just from seeing him like this.
“What do you want, Allie?” Dean said coldly. She’d never heard his voice sound like this before. Their usual fun, lively banter, or dirty talk were the only two modes she was comfortable seeing him in.
“I uh… are you okay? I just… I just wanted to check if you were okay. And seeing you like this… oh my god Dean. Are you okay?” she rambled out quickly, feeling uncertain of herself and the things she had been hoping to say quickly losing their steam under his intense gaze.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks” Dean clipped.
“Okay”, Allie whispered, not knowing what else to say. Feeling awkward in the doorway.
“Can I come in?”
“I don’t think that's the best idea tonight, Allie. I’m not really up for much physical activity if you haven’t noticed.”
She flinched at his tone and the harshness of his words. The tears she’d been trying to hold in finally spilling over, silently sliding back down her cheeks.
“I know. That’s not why I’m here. That’s not what I came for. God no, of course not — Dean, please.” she murmured
Dean sighed, his eyes softening despite his best efforts to maintain a hard resolve. He stepped aside in the doorway and gestured with his arm for her to come into the room.
She walked into the room and took in the blood covered bandages Dean had been using to try and clean up. Wash clothes and ice packs laying on his desk. It broke her heart that he was sitting up here by himself, tending to all these wounds on his own. Mad at her. Rightfully so, but it was a tough pill to swallow.
They stood across from each other and Dean – usually so smooth with his words, so generous and willing to make conversation at all hours, stood silently just watching her. It was Allie eventually who broke the silence.
“I’m so sorry – “ she started, her voice breaking on the words.
“I didn’t mean to – I didn’t want to hurt you. Hunter. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t know you knew him. I know that doesn’t make it any better. I just – Dean I really didn’t want to hurt you. And when you said you didn’t complete the assignment, I just. I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking with any of this.”
She held eye contact with him and his gaze was slowly softening but he had yet to say a word. Watching her carefully.
“The assignment was stupid. I know that. I knew that when I suggested it, I think. I don’t know, Dean. I just got scared.”
“Of what” he asked, eyes staring at her in a way that made Allie feel like he could see right through her.
“Of this!” she shouted, catching him off guard with how deeply she seemed to care about whatever was going on in this room at 2am.
“Of whatever this feeling is!” she started pacing back and forth on his bedroom floor, not caring about roommates hearing her, or what anyone thought, she just knew she was doing a terrible job explaining this and needed Dean to understand. Needed him to see.
“I have always been a relationship girl, okay? I was with Sean for almost four years. And another guy for two before that. I’ve never been the single girl who would go around and sleep with whoever she wanted. And then for the first time in my life, the past little bit, I was. And that’s been the plan. But then you came along, and I think a part of me had a crush on you from that first night. Dancing at the party. Sean was on the sidelines and I didn’t think about him for a second when we were dancing like that. I knew I couldn’t do anything, and I wouldn’t have. But I was absorbed in that feeling. It made me feel guilty how interested in you I was.”
Dean slowly sat down on his bed, holding onto his ribs, but listening now.
“And then when we sat together and smoked outside, it felt like you could see right through me. It still does. But not in a scary, I felt judged kind of way. It felt like you saw me and knew me. And also you were hot – I don’t know. I just got overwhelmed with the draw I felt towards you” she continued, seeing his mouth lift up in what could almost be considered a smirk, for the first time in hours.
“And then we started hooking up. And – well, okay I’m being candid now but it was the best sex of my life”
Dean’s eyebrows raised and that smirk played on his lips, but he let her continue.
“And more than that, it was fun. I had – I’ve had – more fun with you in the past six week than I have in a long time. But you’re the player guy. Everyone has said that. I’ve heard about you since I got to Briar and I knew you were just the casual sex guy. You were Six Flags.”
“-- were?” Dean interrupted
“Yes but then we started seeing each other every night. I was checking my phone like a maniac every day to see if you texted me. I was lying to my friends because I didn’t want to admit what was going on. I felt like I was supposed to be in a mourning period of my relationship. We were hooking up every night. And I still wanted to see you more.” Allie spilled out.
Dean waited. Sensing that she wasn’t done, that she had more to say. And for fear that if he interrupted, he wouldn’t see where all of this was going.
“That feeling scared me, Dean” Allie whispered, getting quieter now.
“I didn’t know if I was ready to feel this. I didn’t think you’d give it a second thought. I assumed you’d been hooking up with other people most of the time anyways. And then that assumption started to bother me. And I realized you weren’t. And I was scared of this feeling. And so I made a stupid game. To try and prove to myself that I could be a casual hookup girl. To prove to myself that I didn’t feel this”
Allie had tears running down her cheeks by this point, her voice breaking. Dean got up from his bed and crossed the room to where she was standing, finally stopping the incessant pacing she’d been doing. Gently, he lifted his hand and wiped a tear from her face with his thumb.
“Feel what, Allie cat?” he whispered.
Allie let out a shaky breath.
“I like you.” She laughed once through her tears. “Apparently.”
Dean's mouth twitched.
“I care about you.”
Another pause.
“And...” She held his gaze, suddenly terrified all over again. “I don't want to keep pretending this isn't real.”
Dean didn't say anything for a long moment.
Instead, he stepped closer until his forehead rested gently against hers.
He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath, like he'd been holding it for weeks.
“I like you too,” he murmured.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Apparently.”
Allie laughed, the sound muffled by the tears still slipping down her cheeks.
“You are such an idiot.”
“I know.”
“Come here.”
Before she had a chance to move, Dean wrapped his arms around her, pulling her carefully against his chest. She felt him wince almost immediately.
“Your ribs,” she whispered, pulling back.
“Worth it.”
“Dean—”
“Shut up for a second.”
She laughed again.
He rested his chin against the top of her head, holding her just a little tighter.
“I've wanted to do this all night.”