Archive of Our Own

"I danced? F'rreal?" 

Seriously, sometimes Seonghwa wonders how he ever got so lucky with this little band of fellas. Mingi is still hovering on the edge of the corridor, completely bewildered, as Yunho and Hongjoong try to explain to him how he had come out, barely a few minutes after waking from anaesthesia, and put on a good show for the cameras.

"Sweetie, just go back to the room," Hongjoong finally says, standing up and walking to the taller boy, waving his hands in an ushering motion, "the nurse already told you, it's not safe to walk about. Now go. Go."

"What d'you mean I danced. Izz there any footage of it?"

Yunho and him watch Hongjoong and Mingi's backs as they retreat back into the recovery room. Once they're gone, their third oldest half-buries his face in his hands from the secondhand embarrassment.

"He's really so..." Seonghwa starts, when their captain returns, looking harried but with a small smile still curved in his lips.

"It's Mingi. He's just like that," Yunho says, and the laughter in his voice is one of amusement, but also exasperation.

At that moment, the attending nurse enters and waves him over; the room is ready for him. The eyes of the two eldest track him as he gets to his feet, dusting imaginary dust off his pristine medical gown.

"Mingi'll be mortified when he sees the footage," Hongjoong says ruefully, settling back against the armrest of the sofa, "but well, what can you do."

"Right." Seonghwa agrees. It is a completely fair assessment

"I'll see y'all later!" And with that, Yunho is also gone. And now it's him and Hongjoong in the room, in the very middle of the couch. It has become quite peaceful and quiet all of a sudden. This is really rather nice.

"Seonghwa-sshi, please come this way for your IV placement." 

He must make a face that Hongjoong notices, because the leader stands and starts following him like it's the most natural thing.

"I'll go with you. I find the process interesting."

"Weirdo."

"Wimp."

Needles are gross. But Hongjoong manages to distract him by cheerfully making the most random conversation with the nurse as she places the needle in. She has a sticker of a dog on her badge, does she like dogs? Oh, she has a dog at home? How old is the puppy? How did she toilet train it?And before he knew it, he was all set.

"Thanks for that," he mutters to his partner, as they head back to the main room to wait for Seonghwa's turn. Cold fingers grip his briefly, and he gets the flash of a private, gentle smile. His heart quickly steadies in his chest, after that.

Once they are seated and Hongjoong has plucked the gold massage balls from where someone had left them, their filming PD directs them to just talk. This is easy; both of them settle into the natural rhythm of conversation, aware that they are still being filmed. As the cameras roll, Hongjoong continues fidgeting with the gold balls of prickly metal as Seonghwa sits back, taking care to not bend his arm at all.

"You can still bend your arm, you know right?" The other comments lightly, "the tube in it is like... made of some kind of flexible material. Don't start doing like bicep curls or anything, but you can definitely bend it a little."

He shifts uncomfortably in his place,"I think I'll just... not move."

Hongjoong chuckles slightly at his stiff smile, and pats his untethered arm fondly.

"Sure, do what you need to do."

While they are on the subject, Seonghwa puts forth a new question, "You've had lots of needles stuck into you before, haven't you?"

"Well, here and there," his partner's answer is still even and mild, but there is a slight tightening of lines around his eyes. Seonghwa notes it.

"Did you get this procedure done as well? When you came in for your last medical?" He had meant to accompany Hongjoong for that. After everything had come out about Hongjoong's conditions last year, he'd made a decision to really try and get more involved in understanding what Hongjoong needed in terms of his health... just like how Hongjoong has basically memorised all their health and allergy profiles, blood-types, and everything else. But another schedule had come up, and he had no choice but to let Hongjoong go for the check all by his lonesome.

He'd borrowed the health report after, but it's not the same thing as going through it with a doctor and the patient themselves; he could barely understand most of the terms in that sheaf of papers. It would have been far easier if things had been explained to him in normal Korean.

Hongjoong is shaking his head, "Nah, I didn't schedule an endoscopy the last time around. Just some general checks. Besides, I already had the idea to propose this WANTEEZ episode already, so I figured it would be fine to wait."

"Ah," he leans closer to the captain, propping his chin up on his arm as it rested on the median armrest of the waiting room couch, "what's the difference between those checks and this one?"

"Well, for starters," Hongjoong's tone suggests that if Seonghwa strikes the correct spots, they will soon be tumbling down the hill of a heavily researched tangent that Hongjoong has been dying to share about, "Endoscopy is tends to take longer than just regular screenings. This sort of procedure require anaesthesia or sedation, which always makes things more complex."

"Anaesthesia? Like the stuff that just puts you to sleep?" Hongjoong nods, his eyes scanning the air in front of him as if he can see the lines on this topic that he has probably jotted down in his notebook. He's such a nerd, but he's Seonghwa's nerd. That's the only thing that matters.

"Yes, but I used to think it's super straightforward. Like anaesthesia is just, I don't know, liquefied sleeping pills or something, that knock you out. But it's far more complex than that.

He laughs at this, making Hongjoong look over at him.

"Well, makes sense. If going under anaesthesia means you're just asleep, I'm sure you'd still be able to feel someone cutting into you. You feel it whenever Wooyoung throws himself bodily on you in your sleep, don't you?"

The young man groans, as Seonghwa chuckles again, "Don't remind me. I still need to get him back for that, that evil child."

As the laughter subsides, a thought pops into his head, "So... you were saying general anaesthesia is more complex than that. Is that why you kept trying to get Mingi to sit down? Is it really that dangerous?"

This is received with a longer hesitation, as Hongjoong's eyes drift into the middle distance again and he chews on his bottom lip. Seriously? He really need to kick that habit; it's going to maim his pretty lips. Idiot.

"If I remember correctly, yeah. GA can be tricky. It acts on your breathing and muscles... blood pressure as well."

Now that piques Seonghwa's interest. 

"Blood pressure? Like what does it do, make it lower?"

"More or less, at least from what I've read, and what my doctor said," Hongjoong shakes his head once more, "I'm not really explaining it very well. The doctors and nurses would know way better than me."

Seonghwa hums, shifting closer and trying to modulate his face to something casual, perhaps even nonchalant. His partner's eyes flit to him briefly, then he almost sighs when he sees the expression on his face. He suppresses it. Seonghwa can tell. He can always tell.

"Yes?"

"Nothing," he tries for a purposefully mild tone, "But your blood pressure...?"

"I already gave them my full medical history. Every last detail." Hongjoong's chilly fingers tap on the back of his, a quick repeated tap-tuh-tap beat, "they know about the... my hypotension. And the vasovagal syncope."

"I.... I know, I know they know," but he really hadn't. Hongjoong likes to manage everything and anything, just a little too much, that control freak, "I expected nothing less."

"It'll be just fine."

"Mm."

"There's no cause for worry, Seonghwa-yah."

The placating way his name is said seeps through the neutral facade he had cloaked himsef in. They both fall silent as Seonghwa struggles and fails, furrowing his brow as he considers everything they'd just discussed.

After a beat, he softens. He knows the cameras are probably still rolling, but ah heck. The company knows about them. They will know to cut this out, if they knew what was good for ATEEZ and their idol image.

"Kim Hongjoong," the effect of using his partner's full name is dampened by the warmth he is unable to hide, "I will always worry, when it comes to you. It's my job. Literally. I happily signed up for it, when I signed up for us."

When no immediate reply is forthcoming, Seonghwa sighs and flips the positions of their hands, wrapping his slightly larger and definitely warmer hand around Hongjoong's digits.

"I will always worry."

There is the briefest of pauses, then Hongjoong's hand curls around his.

"Thank you, my star," the murmured reply warms his ears like hot chocolate. He coughs and looks away, pretending to be unaffected.

"Kim Hongjoong-sshi?" The same nurse from eaeas returned, "When you're ready, we would like to place your IV."

Hongjoong glances over at the filming crew, only standing when the producer scans his notes and tells him that they have enough footage for the waiting room. He doesn't really want to let Hongjoong go; the man looks back when his sleeve gets caught between Seonghwa's fingers.

"I'll see you later," says Hongjoong, sending him a reassuring smile. Seonghwa's hand grazes on the back of his knuckles before his captain fully pulls away.

"And I'll take your word for it."

~

The procedure room ceiling is not white, but a really nice muted beige. This is the first thing Seonghwa notices when he wakes. Anaesthesia is a funny thing; one moment, he was counting up from one, and in the next blink, he's opening his eyes, no worse for wear. 

Did it... is it already over?

Seonghwa lifts his head off the rectangular pillow to survey the room. The camera crew are stationed in the corner, looking like they are trying to blend into the wall of the room. He catches the eye of one of the junior producers.

"Am I done?" Yuck. His mouth feels all gummy and gross. He is glad he had the foresight to bring his toothbrush. 

The crew nod as a reply to his whispered question. So he continues. 

"The kids didn't come by to chat with me, did they?" A few heads shake. Good. Those boys are probably too sleepy to bother with the eldest two, which means no inappropriate things were said. 

But he shouldn't be counting blessings so early. Hongjoong can spout some really out-of-pocket things when he is groggy or drunk (to this day, Seonghwa still has no idea what sparkle-sparkle, magic-dancing butterflies are and how it bears any resemblance to his eyes... and eyebrows).

He tilts his head further back, and is met with the taupe curtain drawn tightly over the procedure room.

"Is Hongjoong...?" He directs the question to the crew, who nod once more.

"How is—" just as he is about to ask after the leader, someone speaks on the other side of the curtain.

"BP dropping... 110 over 75 to 100 over 60... Heart rate is up."

A familiar voice replies, evenly. It sounds like one of the doctors that Seonghwa'd met, earlier, "... fluid rate. 200 mil."

"Adjusting rate."

Seonghwa feels his mind clear a little, as his own heart starts to wake up in his chest. Is... is something happening? 

The still curtain just stares mutely back at him.

"... 95 over 60. Heart rate, 100. 105."

There is what feels like a significant pause, then a few murmurs. The next words are louder, which means Seonghwa catches most of it. 

"Give him a fluid bolus. 500 mil... legs up. I don't want him to tip over the edge."

The next pause is longer. Seonghwa glances at the filming crew, who meet him with blank, slightly confused faces. He takes this as an indicator that this is not how the 7 other procedures had gone.

"...still dropping. 85 over 50, heart rate, 116."

The same doctor from earlier responds. She sounds stern but steady, even as his instructions come out in a long string of words that Seonghwa knows individually, but has no understanding of when put together, "Push another 500 mil of fluids, rapid. Standby a pressor."

There is rustling and other sounds, followed by someone, the voice who had been reporting numbers, responding in a clear and calm tone, "Pressor on standby."

"Good. Vitals?"

"BP stabilising. 95 over 66. Heart rate, 100."

"Good."

It is only now that Seonghwa notices that there is a beeping sound in the background. It is sounding rhythmically, but it is not consistent. Like it's slowing down a little.

"Ma'am, the pressor?"

"No need. His vitals are stabilising. I want a BP check every two minutes throughout the procedure. Could you run out and grab Jooyeong? Tell him to support," the doctor says. As the nurse confirms the instruction, and she continues, "Dr. Yong, you may proceed."

"Thank you, Dr. Bae."

Seonghwa startles a little as the corner of the curtain parts, and the nurse in the room steps out quietly.

"Excuse me, sorry but..." she looks over as him as he props himself higher, on his elbows, "is everything okay in there?"

"Yes, sir. Everything is being handled," her eyes curve gently as she smiles at him from behind her mask, "The doctors anticipated it and your friend is just fine."

"Right," he replies in a low tone, then smiles apologetically at her in return, "thank you. Don't let me hold you up."

"It's no problem, and you are welcome, sir," and with that she vanishes.

He lowers himself down again, back onto his pillow. He steals a glance at the crew, who are still filming, but they also looking a bit confused. 

Hm.

With his mind still running a mile a minute, Seonghwa shifts his position on his gurney, so he can have a bit of a view on the side of the drapes that serves as the entrance to the procedure room. The whole thing feels... a bit abnormal. 

Well. It's okay,

("I'm okay," a little chirp that sounds oddly similar to Hongjoong's speaks in his head. He is almost tempted to take it at face-value, but he also knows Hongjoong is a master deflector.) (Yes, even the imaginary little Hongjoong voice in his own brain.)

Since he was awake any way, he should probably try and stay up. Just in case, y'know, fire. Or an earthquake. 

It could happen. It really could.

But Seonghwa only realises, later, that he's rather bad at resisting the alluring calls of nap-demons. Especially after the nurse returns with a colleague — before they head inside to rejoin the doctors, they reassure him of Hongjoong's wellbeing, and they pull the blanket up over his shoulders. 

People are so nice.

Even when he ends up being woken by one of them, what feels like barely five minutes later.

"Sorry to wake you, Seonghwa-sshi," it's a nurse with the mask. He... talked to her, earlier. Did he talk to her? What did he talk to her about? 

"It's okay," his voice is thick with sleep. Seonghwa sits up on the gurney, helped by the nurse. She starts lowering down the bedrails, and then walks away, coming back with a wheelchair.

Seonghwa blinks owlishly at her. 

"What's that for?"

The nurse looks apologetic, "We need this area for the last patient, so I will have to move you to the recovery suite a little prematurely. Is that okay with you?"

"Um... sure?" He mumbles, sliding slowly off the edge. He stumbles a bit, and she catches him quickly on the arm — oh, they've removed his IV. Nice.

It is only when he's settled in the wheelchair that his brain catches up. He looks over his shoulder; Hongjoong has already been wheeled out. His smaller frame is covered by the dark standard blankets of the medical centre, and his back is to them. It's a relief to see him, resting, but Seonghwa notices something else. The camera crew is packing up as well, another nurse waiting beside them to usher them out of the room.

"Wait, the last patient? Isn't the filming still going on?" He asks the nurse, who pauses at the door. She follows his line of sight back to Hongjoong's sleeping silhouette, and the camera team, and answers him, "The filming is done for now. All the procedures are complete. As mentioned, we need this room to monitor the last patient, so except for the medical staff, everyone else has to be moved out."

Last patient. The last one to do the endoscopy. That's Hongjoong.  

The wheelchair moves, taking him with it.

Why do they need the room to monitor Hongjoong? He's... fine, isn't he?

Before he can turn back for one more look, he is already out of the room, with the camera crew close behind. The door slides shut with a muted click, after the last person. 

"Wait," he calls out hurriedly. The nurse who's pushing him stops. The camera crew who are filing away stop, "wait, hold on. What happened? They said the filming is done. Is that true?"

One of the camerapeople shifts on her feet, answering, "The filming was cut short, but we asked the main PD, he said it's fine if we don't have clips of you and Hongjoong-sshi coming out of anaesthesia. Yunho-sshi completed the outro with Mingi-sshi already, while you were resting."

"Why? Did anyone say specifically why your end of the filming had to be concluded?" 

The three crew members exchange looks, "Sorry, Seonghwa-sshi, but we know as much as you. They just told us they need to clear the room once Hongjoong-sshi came out, and we negotiated for some B-roll of at least Hongjoong-sshi being placed in the recovery bay, but that was all we had time for."

The silence that follows is deafening. Seonghwa tries to hold onto as much information as possible — he will need the members' help to make sense of this sudden change in events, and the members will want to know everything.

"Okay," he hears himself say eventually, sounding oddly steady, "Okay."

The camera crew excuse themselves after his response. The nurse holding onto his wheelchair leans forward, her brow creased slightly askance, "Are you alright for me to send you to the Recovery Suite now, Seonghwa-sshi?"

He clears his throat, "Are all my other members there?"

"Yes, they are. I believe some of them are fully awake already."

"Then yes, please."

 She nods, then the chair pivots as they go the opposite direction down the hallway, and Seonghwa can't help the sinking feeling in his chest as he gets farther and farther away from one of the most important people in his life. 

~

When the door had slid open, Jongho had been comfortably situated on one of the empty bunk beds, using Wooyoung as a backrest while his hyung engages in a intense game of cards with Mingi and Yunho. Yeosang and San are in the bunk directly opposite the room, San snoozing while curled up against the other man; Yeosang was fully focused on a game on his phone.

"Hyung, you're here already? That's fast," comes a comment from Yunho as Seonghwa enters. Jongho sits up, registering the wheelchair Seonghwa had come in on, as well as the nurse accompanying him.

"Are you okay? What's with the wheelchair?" He asks directly, briefly watching the nurse bow and retreat after Seonghwa thanks her.

"I'm fine. My half-hour isn't up yet, so they said I'm not supposed to be walking around," Seonghwa sounds calm, but Jongho recognises that face. 

Beside him, Wooyoung has already turned to Mingi, "See, that's what you should have been doing. Instead, you were running up and down the corridor, dancing your silly little head off."

In the corner of the room, San stirs. He lifts his head from Yeosang's shoulder, "Is Mingi dancing again?"

Jongho's not paying any attention to his bickering hyungs. Instead, he is scanning Seonghwa's expression. That's the face their oldest makes when he thinks something may be rolling downhill and he can't quite figure out when or why the disaster is about to happen but he can feel it.

He pushes himself upright.

"What's wrong."

"I..." they watch as he hesitates, "The nurse cleared out the recovery bay. The one next to the endoscopy room."

"That's weird. Why though? They're done filming?" Yunho mumbles. His mouth is full of some kind of rice cracker that Yeosang had found laid out for them on one of the cabinets.

Jongho blocks out the crunching, focusing back on Seonghwa, "Is Hongjoong hyung done with the procedure?"

"Well, they've wheeled him out. I saw him before they escorted me out. He was sleeping in the next bed. They said they needed the room for the last patient—" 

As if on cue, a door at the end of the hallway rolls open. One of the nurses, Jongho recognises her from the recovery bay, sticks her head out, and calls, "Dr. Bae, could you come to Medical Room 1?"

One of the doctors that looks vaguely familiar comes jogging past the room they're in, and disappears into the room with the nurse. The door slides heavily shut after them. 

That's does it.

"I'll just go take a look." 

Before anyone can voice their opinion on whether or not that is appropriate, Jongho is in the wind.

He walks as fast as he can, without causing too big a commotion. The camera crew in the main waiting area are conversing with the managers and packing things up, so none of their supervisors notice him pressing himself against the door, peering into the room via the small glass panel.

What he sees makes something stop in his chest, just for a moment.

The recovery bay has been reconfigured so that there is only one gurney in the middle, and it is in a super odd position. The bottom half of the bed has been propped up, and the person lying on it is wired to several machines that are all flashing numbers. What gets to him the most, though, is Hongjoong's face. It looks nothing like it did earlier, nor anything resembling the adorable, gormless look he has when he is fast asleep and mouth-breathing. 

He's gone grey. He's gone all grey and lifeless and unresponsive, all over again.

Jongho feels like the all the air has been sucked out of his body, and he feels his breathing quicken. Immediately, he sees Hongjoong, a year ago, his head lolling against the chipping wood of the small boat as he desperately calls his name and shakes him, trying to figure out why his hands are icy cold in the sweltering summer heat, why his bright, clementine hair has moistened into dark sticky strands on his clammy face. And his face, the worst thing was the way his face looked. It was that same colourless cast, the eyes that slit half-open, white and unseeing, and the way each exhale sounded like time was running out. 

A sudden feeling of a hand on his back makes him jump a foot in the air. He whips around, and it's his hyungs.

"Hojong? What happened? Why do you look like that?" Demands Wooyoung in a whisper, and he steps aside to let them look into the panel as well. The scene is laid bare for them, and he watches as Wooyoung's eyes darken and his lips go thin and tense, and Mingi pales, his expression turning into one of immediate fear.

"Did you hear what they have been saying?" 

Jongho doesn't trust his voice to be steady enough to answer, so he just shakes his head. Wooyoung takes this as a cue to press his ear to the point where the door and the doorframe meet, while Jongho and Mingi use the available space to crowd around the glass. 

The medical staff inside look calm, but are clearly very occupied. At some point, they seemed to have started a second IV line for his hyung, but that doesn't seemed enough. The nurse right next to one of the machines keeps looking over at it, her mask moving as she reads off the flashing numbers.

"They're calling out stuff. Something about 80? And something is dropping." Says Wooyoung, "someone is asking for a crash cart. What's a crash cart?"

Jongho knows exactly what a crash cart is, but he is not sure if the knowing is helpful to even him right now. So instead, he asks.

"What do they want with the crash cart?"

"I don't know, seems like they just want it on standby. Wait. They are saying something else is changing. They're pushing medication, I think."

Mingi and Jongho watch Wooyoung's report reflect in the movements of the staff. One of the numbers on the screen dip below 80, and Hongjoong's heart rate is frighteningly high. The nurses are now injecting syringes into the IV ports at their captain's hand and elbow, and they seem to be watching the numbers too, like Jongho. 

It is a tense thing.

But with every minute that passes, the screen slowly recovers. Wooyoung confirms the same, continuing to tell them the piecemeal jargon that he is overhearing from his position. Jongho watches with bated breath as the numbers steadily tick upwards, and the heart rate stops doing that awful thing where it flickers like it's light is about to go out.

After a long while, Mingi finally speaks, his lower timbre trembling, "I think he's coming around."

And he is right. Jongho looks back to Hongjoong's face, and feels a rush of immense relief when he sees that it's gotten some colour back, and his eyes are fluttering open.

"I can hear them. They're talking to him now—"

"Boys, what are you three doing here?"

Drat. Their manager has come up behind them. The trio back away from the door in a hurry, with Jongho bumping into Mingi and almost knocking both of them over. 

"Ah, hyung," Wooyoung throws on a winning smile as he automatically ushers them behind him, "we just came out to get some air, y'know, see what's going on."

"Right," the sceptical tone in the man's voice is telling, and he doesn't even look into the window that they had been crowded in front of, "listen, the medical staff here are very good. Hongjoong will be just fine."

"What did the doctors say?" Mingi bursts out, his eyes darting to the window then back to their Manager Junghwan, "we saw them, they were giving him medication and running about. Is it bad?"

The older man's hands go up, waving placatingly, "No, no, everything is under control. The nurse came to update us before his procedure ended, that's why we had the production staff move their things out of the room. It's completely normal for this to happen, especially to someone with your hyung's conditions."

"But he—"

"Listen, he's fine. He has all the help he needs. We can't crowd at this door. What if the nurses and doctors need to come in and out of this room?" Jongho can sense Mingi wanting to protest again, but their manager is right. They would just be in the way, especially if this is the only entrance and exit to the recovery bay. He grabs his hyung's hand.

"I think Junghwan hyung is right, Mingi hyung. Hyung woke up already, and we shouldn't stand here blocking the way," Mingi clamps his mouth shut, his eyes flicking forlornly between all of them. Jongho will talk it out with him later; for now, it seems the management staff know more about the situation than any of them, so this is his chance.

"Hyung, will all of us be free to go after hyung wakes up? Like, say, in about 30 minutes?"

The manager pauses and Jongho knows he hit the nail on the head. Finally, something concrete they can work with. 

"Well, I will need to ask the staff. They may want to keep Hongjoong a bit longer than the rest of you, just to make sure he's safe, but they didn't mention any of you having to stay. Do you want to go out, grab some food? You must all be super hungry." 

"No need, we can just order in," Wooyoung's quick interjection makes them look at him. His hyung meets his eyes, and Jongho knows he had caught on to what Jongho was aiming at, "while you're at it, could you ask them if they are fine with us hanging about and waiting for hyung? And if they're okay with us ordering some food in. Hongjoong hyung will be hungry when he wakes up, I'm sure of it."

"Ah," Manager Junghwan looks inundated by the sudden deluge of information, "Wait, so all of you want to eat here? I—"

"I'm sure they'll be fine with it. If you need help asking, just call me! Let's go, children."

Wooyoung strings his arms into both Mingi and Jongho, leaving the manager still sputtering with his reply in their wake. Jongho hides a grin, but when he looks back, he takes the chance to get one final look at the window.

Hongjoong. He'll be just fine.

They'll wait for him.

~

Something in this place smells odd.

It's a good kind of odd, a nice, warm and savoury smell of food. But mixed with some kind of cleaning disinfectant, it makes for a very strange scent profile.

Hongjoong resists from wrinkling his nose, focusing instead of trying to remember where he is, and why he was waking up here. His whole body feels achy and heavy, not unlike the morning after he goes for one of his runs by the river. But he's comfortable enough, and also, he's not alone. There's the faint sounds of eating, plastic rustling, things moving, and chewing. Some of his boys can be really loud chewers when not on camera. 

This would mean they are close by and having their meal... while he sleeps? Why are they eating in his room? 

That is enough to make him force his gummy eyelids open. The immediate flood of brightness makes him inhale sharply. And then it clears. 

This is not his room? 

"Hyung, can you pass me a tissue? Oh, maybe 2 tissues?" He zones in on Yunho's voice, and sure enough, there they were. His 7 people, huddled around a small coffee table at the corner of the room, some of them sitting on floors while the rest sat on the small couch. The room is completely foreign to him. He remembers now; they are filming an endoscopy procedure that he had proposed as content. They had booked out the whole floor of the medical centre to be able to do things properly. But this doesn't look like the recovery bay adjacent to the procedure room. There is no warm wash of light like the other place, no other gurneys around him. This doesn't look like the recovery room either — that room was built like a minature dormitory, lined with bunk beds.

He's on the only gurney in the room, tucked in with a proper pillow and a blanket around him, and his members are eating what looks like jajangmyun with fried chicken without a care in the world.

Weird, but also unfair. Where's his portion?

Swallowing the saliva that had accumulated in his mouth, he sniffled (not the smell wasn't odd anymore, just tantalising) and called out. His throat felt scratchy and dry, which he had been told is normal after endoscopy procedures, "Is that jajangmyun? Do I get any?"

He might as well have shouted, because all 7 heads snap up immediately, like a whip had snapped. Expressions of relief, fond annoyance, and joy light up their faces and he is immediately met with a wall of noise.

"Hyung! Of course, we saved a bowl for you."

"Hey, sleepyhead! You're awake—"

"... the chicken is a bit cold though. Maybe I can get the nurses to help us heat it up in their break room? I'll go now—"

"Why did you take so long to wake up! You slept longer than even Yeosang—"

He lets the talking go over his head, smiling and nodding as he moves to sit up. Which seems like a great idea, until the room blurs and tilts.

"Woah—"

"Wait, Kim Hongjoong—"

Luckily, despite the soreness in his limbs, he manages to catch himself on the bedrail before he tumbles right off the bed. Immediately, the reprimands begin.

"You impatient idiot, what are you doing!"

"Hyung, you can just wait for us—"

"The doctor said you need to sit up slowly. What are you doing, jumping around..."

"I'm not jumping," he protests, as San and Jongho appear by his side immediately, catching him by his arms. Seonghwa is suddenly there too, moving the pillow do he can sit upright and lean against it, "I was barely even moving. Besides, I'm completely fine—"

"No, you could have fallen! That's not fine at all," Wooyoung continues with his nagging. As the rest gather close, his vision clears enough so he can see their faces. They look anxious. Worried.

"I'm serious, I feel fine," he reassures again, in a lower, warmer tone. But this doesn't seem to put any of the rest at ease.

"Are you sure? You aren't lying just to make us not worry, are you?" Yunho counters, as Hongjoong thanks the members helping him and reclines against the elevated head of the bed and the pillow. 

"I mean, I'm a little sore and tired, but nothing too bad at all," the leader shifts a little, under the scrutiny, "What happened?"

What's got all of you in such a state?, he wants to ask, but he holds himself back from doing that.

A warm, larger hand finds his shoulder. He looks over at Seonghwa, whose beautiful, expressive face is pinched and drawn. Suddenly, Hongjoong's heart feels like a stone in his throat. 

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Ah..." he runs a finger through his hair, "the procedure room? I laid down, and the doctor asked me to count up from one. I think I got to four or five. I don't remember anything else afterwards. How long have I been asleep?"

"About two hours." 

It doesn't sound like a lot, but given how quickly he had seen everyone else wake up from the anaesthesia, he winces a little. No wonder they were concerned. 

"Oh, did I nap through the rest of the filming? Oops, I didn't mean to do that. I just fully knocked out, I think."

"It wasn't just that, though," Mingi says slowly, from where he has seated himself at the foot of the bed. Hongjoong looks again, and sees several of his boys exchanging glances, "they had to end the filming early for you and Seonghwa hyung. Something happened to your blood pressure, and they sent us all out of the room. We could only see you through the window in the door."

Ah. He was afraid this would happen. The doctor he had consulted with previously mentioned that with his medical profile, any medication that depressed his body systems would trigger his conditions. And with the palpable tension of the room...

Hongjoong clears his throat carefully under their burning gazes, "It... happens. It's normal. I've asked the doctor before about this, he says there's not much that can be done to prevent it, but they can usually treat the symptoms of it and everything will be fine. I just have to trust the medical team to help me manage, when it does happen."

"Why didn't you tell any of us that this could happen beforehand?" Seonghwa says quietly.

"Yeah, hyung. It really freaked us out. There were all these machines and the nurses and doctors were doing a bunch of things," adds Wooyoung. His fingers have found the hem of Yeosang's shirt, and he is twisting and untwisting, seeminglt unconsciously.

Jongho nods, "And you... your face looked like... that time, y'know? The bungee jumping."

There is a collective flinch from the others as they remember the specific incident. Hongjoong honestly had very little recollection about... that, except that at one point before he woke up in the Emergency Room, things were very hot and very bright; and he thinks he heard Wooyoung's voice, talking to him, sounding so scared. He can't even remember what they were talking about.

"That's a bit different," He coaxes, meeting each and every one of their eyes, "that wasn't something we expected would happen. This time is different. The medical team here already knew there was a possibility my hypotension would cause things to happen, and they were prepared for it."

"Still, you could've told us. We could have handled it," for the first time that whole conversation, San speaks. He is still standing by Hongjoong, his strong hands gripping the bedrail tightly. The captain drops his hand over his tightened knuckles.

"I know you guys can handle it, but I didn't want everyone to spend the entire time worrying. Otherwise, coming down from the anaesthesia would've been significantly less fun. I didn't want to upset anyone."

People have unpredictable responses to these sorts of medications — Hongjoong knows that from the rabbit hole he had gone down, searching about the endoscopy procedure and making sure it was safe for his whole team. He knows some of the members already had their own fears to contend with, the needles, the being knocked out against their will, and the entire process being filmed... he hadn't wanted to add to that.

"I disagree." Of course it's Wooyoung, "if we had known that it was going to happened, the whole thing wouldn't have looked so scary. They brought in a crash cart, hyung. I still don't know what that is, but it made Jongho's face go weird, so it's probably bad. We wouldn't have been so scared if you told us beforehand."

Jeez, ok. Hongjoong winces. He knows what that is. Things must have looked really bad.

"I get it. I hear you, give me a moment to think," he tries again, and then takes a pause to ponder. His members rearrange themselves around him as he thinks; Yunho wraps his arms around Mingi and leans against him, while San goes over and puts his arms over Jongho and Yeosang. Without waiting for permission, Wooyoung'd gone over behind Seonghwa, made motions with his hands to get Hongjoong to shift over, before pushing their oldest down on the bed so he could sit with his partner. Hongjoong made a disapproving noise af Wooyoung's bossiness, but all he got was a sharp pink tongue for his troubles, before the dancer went to the other side and sandwiched him in between by perching himself on the edge of the bed as well.

"Okay," Hongjoong says, eventually, "I have a docket that I made with my personal doctor about my conditions. Hwa, you've seen it. Will that help if you guys read through it too?"

His boyfriend wrinkles his nose slightly, and Hongjoong has to will himself not to get distracted by how adorable it looks, "A little, but not a lot. There's a whole lot of medical words and terms on the report. I never quite got it, even after searching up a bunch."

"Right, then why don't we have a meeting and we can all go over it together? If there are questions you have that I can't answer, I'll arrange for an appointment with my doctor to ask him," He is met by surprised looks all around, "Look, I don't mind you guys understanding how any of this works. I just didn't think it would matter much, and I am usually fine handling things by myself—"

"But if something happens, like just now," Yeosang cuts in, his voice soft but resolute, "it would help us a lot of we knew what was going on. Like what the numbers mean. What they are supposed to be like, when we should panic, and when we can just wait it out. It would help a ton, hyung."

No one argues with that. Hongjoong nods, and exhales slowly, resigned to lean against Seonghwa, "I understand that. We can do that. We will do that. Okay?"

His boys bob their heads in eager nods. Well, this was bound to happen, Hongjoong thinks, which is why he started compiling documents in the first place. He had been acutely aware of this, the moment they realised he'd kept them in the dark for years. All of them, including him, are too curious and too intertwined in each other's lives for any of them to harbour too many secrets. 

He had known, from the get-go, that one day, he would have to let them in.

"I'll arrange for us to have some time together next week, sounds good," a chorus of acknowledgement makes him smile, finally. The tension in the room had eased, and everyone seem to be satisfied with the outcome. 

But there's still one more problem.

"Now that that's out of the way, can we eat? The smell is really not helping, and you have no idea how absolutely famished I am."

As if on cue, his stomach gives a loud, displeased growl. There is a stunned beat, then half the group bursts out laughing. 

"Oh, I think we have some idea," teases San, "Wooyoung-ah, put your game-face on. Let's go get some of the food heated up."

"Oh, yes please. My poor jajangmyun is probably frozen solid."

"Jajangmyun?" Hongjoong probes, leaning back against his pillow as Seonghwa wraps an arm around his shoulders. He sinks into the warm weight, "what about Jjamppong? I see you've forgotten all your teacher's lessons."

"Hey, watch it, Kim Hongjoong-sshi," he gets a chopstick waved in mock anger in his direction, "I am a free man, no longer beholden to our nation's education system. I just happen to be in a jajangmyun mood today."

"When are you not in a jajangmyun mood?" mutters Jongho, ducking to avoid the playful whack that his comment earns him.

Hongjoong plays with Seonghwa's fingers while their boys begin assemble some sort of calvary. Not sure if that's necessary, just to heat up a few bowls of takeout. It seems to involve some sort of strategic stacking of bowls and boxes; all of them are going now, apparently. According to Yeosang, one of the male nurses is really no-nonsense, but has taken a shine Mingi's "earnest face" and Yunho's "gentlemanly charm" ("He just prefers tall men," Wooyoung gripes under his breath, "Wait till my growth spurt hits. Then you'll see."), and it would do their mission well to bring some extra ammunition. 

Just before they leave, though, Hongjoong has finally decided on something else he wants to say, before the moment is gone for good.

"And guys," all the heads turn to him, and he smiles, feeling a warmth in his heart, "Thank you all for worrying. I'm lucky to have all of you." 

He squeezes Seonghwa's hand for good measure, just to make sure he knows he's included too. 

The boys expressions range somewhere from amusement, to fondness, to glee, and ultimately it's San who replies.

"We love you too, hyung."

They start to file out of the room, and he hears Yeosang ask, loudly, "So why do Mingi, Jongho and I need to come? My food's almost done, I don't need to reheat anything."

"Because they're going to kiss now. Remember the Truth-Bomb meeting? Seonghwa hyung gets 2 kisses." Yunho explains patiently. Hongjoong feels his partner give a loud snort at the shenanigans.

"And the rest of us get one."

"Ew, no, I didn't sign up for that. Hyung, Hongjoong hyung, you don't want a kiss from me, right? Help me tell Wooyoung hyung— hey!" San has put Jongho in a loose chokehold, and is chuckling.

"You're getting a kiss, maknae, whether you like it or not."

As the door slides close, he feels Seonghwa sigh, and feels a pair of the world's softest lips press against his temple.

"That's one."

"Not you too," Hongjoong complains, elbowing him playfully in the side, "Didn't the agreement revolve around kissing me to wake me up? I'm completely awake now."

"You are, but I didn't get to fulfil my promise. I have a debt to pay off." 

"You're ridiculous," he continues grumbling, but he still presses close to his partner, taking in the other's warmth.

A pause, and then Hongjoong turns his head, looks full into Seonghwa's eyes. The most wonderful man, the most patient and kind person Hongjoong has ever had the privilege of falling in love with. 

He lets his eyes slip close as he cranes his neck, and their lips mold together like pieces of a puzzle. Hongjoong basks in the taste of the owner of all his brightest days, the keeper of his darkest nights, and his entire heart.

"That's two," he whispers. He can feel himself turning a bright shade of red, "Make sure you tell the rest that you fully repaid your debt. And tell them to stay away from me. If they want kisses, they have to cash in their Christmas wishes for this year."

Seonghwa chortles at this, a sound of the angels. Hongjoong loves the way it makes his body rumble like a purring cat.

He feels the grip around his shoulders tighten, and Seonghwa's breath against his ear.

"I love you too, Kim Hongjoong."

-fin-