Chapter Text
Kanade was nowhere close to being a scientist of any kind, she knew that very well, yet her languidly pale hands were still holding the cold kitchen knife against hot skin, waiting obediently for her brain to send the order. A mere nerve impulse is all it would take for the blade to run smoothly through epithelial tissue and to then dig into muscle. The phalanges in her hand, much more visible than they should be in a healthy individual, were ready to comply, but she couldn't do it. It was not the time yet.
She removed her hand abruptly and dropped the knife on the floor. Thankfully, it did not make any sound, as it fell right into one of the numerous piles of music sheets on the ground. She just stood there in complete silence, assimilating her own sinful act.
"When did it get to this point? Maybe it all had gotten out of control", she thought while she remained unmoving. The memory of that day at empty sekai lingered in her mind. When they made that promise it all felt so right, the way to follow was so clear in front of her eyes. She would just make a song that saved Mafuyu and... then what? Did she ever think about anything not going that way? Could something make it out of her saviour script? The hand that was holding the blade with determined and meticulous stillness a few seconds ago, now started to tremble.
She paused her accelerated thoughts for a few seconds just to observe the sleeping girl in front of her. She took note mentally of every detail in her untroubled expression, not happy nor sad, she looked absent, like she had taken off to a whole different world. One where all of her worries disappeared and she could finally rest. Those soft breaths, the occasionally louder exhalations, it was all that Kanade had worked for, all that she ever wanted.
Though, she couldn't help but wonder what the girl was dreaming about so placidly. Did she exist in those dreams, or was she left in the cruelness of the real world?
...
"Wake up, Kanade", those words caused her cortisol levels to rise beyond what a human should probably be able to handle. What happened last night was the first thing that came to her mind. It was real, she couldn't shield herself behind the delirious dream of it being a nightmare.
"Good morning", she mumbled back. "Why did you wake me up so early?" She could see that Mafuyu was wearing her school uniform and carrying what seemed to be like a heavy bag. As her vision started to get less blurry, she also noticed how the floor was tinted a beautiful shade of orange by the light that managed to get through the extended curtains, so it all led her to think it was pretty early in the morning. The moment when Mafuyu was just about to begin her journey to school, as usual.
It wasn't a rare occurrence for Mafuyu to wake her up at this time though, it simply didn't happen when the aforementioned was aware that Kanade had not slept properly, and this time she knew she was.
Could it be that Mafuyu had seen it? Was she awake when Kanade was about to do that? Just the thought of it made her heart knock on her ribs like an annoying kid on Halloween, unwelcome, unpleasant, and with eerie enthusiasm.
"It's 6pm, the sun is setting, I have just arrived home from school". Looks like she had misjudged the whole situation.
"Ah... Good afternoon then". Kanade sighed in relief. Everything seemed fine.
A slight smile appeared on Mafuyu's face, probably amused by the composer's silly mistake. It had the same effect on Kanade, as her lips upturned almost in unison, like a beautifully synchronized symphony. With an energy unusual from her, fueled by the apparent happiness of her companion, and ignoring all of the negative feelings that stemmed from last night's memories, Kanade got up from her bed and started walking towards the kitchen.
"You must be tired from school, I'll make some dinner for us", Kanade said as she looked through the fridge for ingredients that she could turn into a meal with her level of knowledge on the matter.
"You really don't need to. Plus, I finished earlier than usual today-"
"I insist". Kanade was definitely a very stubborn person, Mafuyu knew that so she just gave up.
"What are we eating today then..."
"I thought about making a meal with steak... Ah, there is none in the fridge".
"Let's just eat something else, I'll make it", just as Mafuyu was about to turn on the stove Kanade gently pulled her hand away.
"I'll go buy it, the supermarket won't close before 8pm, right? I still have time for sure...". Again, when an idea got into Kanade's mind, she would do anything to execute it. No amount of reason would change her mind and Mafuyu knew that. Fighting would be a waste of time so she ended up just giving up. It's not like Mafuyu could really complain about this kind of behavior though, it's not like it even bothered her if she was honest. Deep down, she knew that the same stubbornness that led Kanade to do things like these was the reason that she hadn't given up on saving her yet.
And so, the girl started getting dressed hurriedly. She just needed to get a simple outfit, a purple t-shirt and her usual track jacket combined with a pair of shorts would do the job. It's not like she had a lot to choose from, her closet was no hidden mine of gold. Her repertoire consisted of a good share of t-shirts ranging from blue to black, some with long sleeves for when it was cold, some with short sleeves for the rest of the days; a few pairs of simple shorts and trousers for colder days; two identical track jackets and for the harshest winter days, a big puffy coat. She also kept a few clothes to use when she had important appointments to appear more formal, like when meeting Mafuyu's mother. Regarding shoes, she kept the ones her dad bought for her in the past, she didn't grow much more after all so they still fitted, maybe a little bit too tightly though but Kanade would never admit it.
And finally there they were, walking to the store. A gentle breeze caressed their figures, whispering a melody to Kanade's hair, making it dance like snakes to the sound of pungi. Spring was coming to an end and inevitably summer would follow. Thinking about how many springs had passed since the one when Niigo met and how many things they all had gone through made Mafuyu feel nostalgic in a way. The fact that, when she turned to her right, Kanade looked like she was glowing under the setting sun, was not helping her feel normal at all either. It was not a sight she could enjoy very often in the past, only when she and Niigo hung out, but it was one that she had definitely gotten used to already. She really was lucky to have met such a kind person. Though maybe Kanade shouldn't be under direct sunlight for too long, her skin could get burned. She looked just as angelic under the artificial lights of the supermarket anyways.
"I feel like these are too expensive..."
"Nightcord has been producing enough to buy one of these everyday for the four of us, that's not a problem you know".
"Ah, I guess you're right... We're getting really popular aren't we?". Kanade chuckled, sometimes she forgot that they actually had fans and a revenue.
At the end, they bought two steaks, one for each. Kanade also added some vegetables to the cart so they would accompany the meat. Something about making such an elaborate and healthy meal, at least compared to what she usually ate, gave her a feeling of control over her own life that she hadn't felt in a while. Mafuyu also seemed happy about it, it was a double win.
The trip back home was pretty silent. It wasn't the kind of silence that is awkward, that's just how they were, not very talkative most of the time. Enjoying each other's presence and the calmed ambiance of the city at dawn was enough. However, some chatting now and then wouldn't hurt, would it?
"The sunset is really beautiful, isn't it?", Kanade said. Mafuyu offered a nod in response. A few seconds later she added, "you look really good under it". That caught Kanade completely off guard, you could never really know what Mafuyu was going to say next, could you? "Ah, you think so? Thanks, you also look great..." Mafuyu didn't react to the compliment, she just nodded again.
Just when Kanade thought they were going back to silence the girl spoke again. "It reminds me of Ena and Mizuki". Now that made Kanade curious. "Is that so... may I ask why?". Mafuyu thought about the answer thoroughly. "When I'm heading to school in the mornings, or when I'm coming back from it at dawn, I like to think about them when I see the sun. It's warm and fills the world with its color. They do the same: when the atmosphere feels dark, they know how to light it up. It's an ability that I really admire from them..." She paused for a moment, Kanade could tell that she wasn't done talking, so she waited patiently. "You know, I used to detest the sunrise. Night being over just meant that I had to get up again to face reality, with my schedules, expectations... On the contrary, I loved and still love the sunset, it means that nighttime is coming and I get to spend time with you three in Nightcord...".
“I understand how you feel, Mafuyu… I’ll keep trying to write a-”. She was cut off by the lyricist speaking again. “However, since I live with you, I don't hate mornings so much. No, since I live with you, I'd say I look forward to waking up so I get to spend time with you before going to school. Being with you and the rest… it really makes me feel like I'm filled with everyone's warmth".
Kanade made sure to register every of those last words carefully, they felt like anesthesia shots injected directly into her aching heart. "I'm so glad you feel that way, Mafuyu". She couldn't help but smile like a maniac, or like a dumb stereotypical teen in love upon hearing those words and witnessing that scene. She was really sensitive to Mafuyu's compliments, they mattered a lot to her. Much more than she even allowed herself to believe. Knowing that the lyricist felt that way about her was incredibly reassuring, containing her excitement was an arduous task. "You really can't imagine how happy it makes me...".
Suddenly, she felt all of the emotions that had been welling up on her chest during these past months scratching her throat in a desperate attempt to climb up to her lips. They wanted to be free, they had been waiting for so long. However, even if it hurt, she knew she had to control herself if she didn't want to say something stupid. But who knows, maybe a little bit of vulnerability wouldn't hurt now and then.
"You also brighten up my days, Mafuyu… When you leave, the house feels empty, I'll surely miss you a lot when you're ready to move out… again". Kanade sounded much more desperate than she had intended to, but she was being completely honest for once. Maybe completely wasn't the right word, there was so much more that she wanted to tell her, but at least she was opening up a little. Just letting Mafuyu have a sneak peek at the insides of her heart, at the ones that she allowed her to see. She didn't dare to speak about this for so long in fear that Mafuyu would look at her with pitiful eyes, but it seemed like the appropriate moment to communicate her worries.
"You know I will still visit", the lyricist said. Kanade didn't want to look her in the eyes, she felt selfish for even bothering her with this stupid stuff. "Yeah yeah I know, it just won't be the same...", Kanade stopped for a second, was she about to say something stupid? Well she had already started speaking so it was too late to stop now. "When you said earlier that you enjoyed our mornings together, please know that the feeling is mutual... and, when you go, it is something that will be taken away from us forever... It's not like I don't want you to go, it's just that I have grown accustomed to your presence so much", Kanade tried to laugh it off nervouly but Mafuyu didn't seem willing to just let it go. She didn't reply, instead, she gently pulled Kanade closer and intertwined their fingers. She was imitating what the latter had done for her more than once in the past. When she held her hand, it made her feel better, comforted her when the future seemed uncertain, so she figured it would help the composer in the same way. It surprised Kanade a little, Mafuyu didn't usually take the initiative, but she accepted it with the utmost gratitude. It felt like syrup that soothed her pain, just a little. However, could it really kill the parasite causing it?
"What recipe do you have in mind?", Kanade was standing in front of the stove like she was some video game hero facing a calamity. "Salisbury steak, I’ve got this”.
"Oh?", as Kanade cooked, Mafuyu was surprised about the level of skill she displayed. "I didn't know you could cook like this". Kanade chuckled, "I helped my mom make this a lot of times in the past". Mafuyu continued observing the composer who apparently was also now a cook.
"Your mom seemed like a great mom", that caught Kanade off guard, she was very focused on not messing up the recipe. "She indeed was…". Kanade's words couldn't hide the melancholic nostalgia that pronouncing them caused, and Mafuyu noticed that. She observed carefully what the composer was doing. This and what happened earlier, it was in these kinds of moments that she could get a glimpse of a facet of Kanade that she hadn't really seen yet.
"How do you like your steak cooked?"
"I really don't care".
"Ah... you said that your taste was getting stronger these days, are you sure you don't care?".
Mafuyu took a few seconds to think about it. "I like it how my mom cooks it". Kanade should have expected that answer. "Uh... do you know how your mom cooks it?". Mafuyu said no with her head, Kanade did see that one coming. "I'll just do it how my mom used to do it".
It didn't take too long for Kanade to finish, it wasn't that elaborate anyways. Then, they both sat together at the table facing each other. The idea excited Kanade a little, it was the first time that she sat on a table to properly eat this meal in a long time. "This was my favorite thing to eat, I hope you enjoy it. It has been a while since I last tasted it... I wonder if I will still like it the same". They both ate in silence, just enjoying the comfortable ambience. "It is as good as I remember it... Brings back a lot of memories". Kanade smiled, the scene before her was oddly familiar but distant at the same time; she used to sit with her family at the table just like this. The taste, the smell, the place, it was all the same. She didn't even dare to look up from her plate in hopes that, maybe if she stayed like this, her ears would deceive her and she would get to hear her mom's and dad's laughter just one more time. However, nothing is louder than silence when you're missing sound, so she had to fill it with noise like she did with her songs.
"Did you like it?", Mafuyu nodded in response.
"You should have told me or Honami that you liked this, we could have prepared it for you".
"There's really no need... Well, I mean... If it isn't too much of a bother, maybe it wouldn't be so bad". Kanade finally looked up, straight into Mafuyu's eyes. She would never get her old family back, but she had her, the rest of Niigo, and one day, she hoped, her dad. That was more than enough.
Suddenly, Mafuyu's phone started ringing. "Ah... it's my dad. I'll be back".
...