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of alphas and other impossible things

Summary:

Geto still hadn't presented six months into dating, on a night in late autumn when the heater in their apartment had given out and they'd ended up piled together in Gojo's bed for warmth, Gojo curled around his back, chin hooked over Geto's shoulder, breathing him in the unhurried way he did when he thought Geto had already fallen asleep.

"Doesn't matter what you present as, you know," Gojo said quietly, into the back of his neck. "Whenever it happens. I want you to know that now, before it does. I don't care if you come back as an alpha, beta, or omega. Whatever. I'm not with you for what you're going to turn into. I love you exactly as you are right this second, and nothing your body decides later is going to change that."

Geto went very still.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Gojo presented at fifteen, in the middle of a summer so hot the cicadas didn't stop screaming until midnight. He woke up with a fever, his glands aching, the whole world suddenly louder and sharper and more demanding than it had been the day before, and when the school nurse confirmed it — alpha — nobody so much as blinked. Of course, Satoru Gojo was an alpha. He'd been telling people he was going to rule the world since he was six years old, and now he had the biology to back up the ego.

Geto sat with him through the worst of the fever, pressing cool towels to the back of his neck, complaining the whole time that Gojo smelled like a locker room, secretly terrified underneath the complaining, because Gojo had scared him — the way his temperature had spiked, the way his voice had gone rough and strange for two days before settling into something new.

"You're never allowed to do that again," Geto told him, when it was over.

"Do what? Present? Kind of a one-time deal, Suguru."

"Scare me like that."

Gojo, still pale and worn thin, had grinned at him anyway. "Noted."

 

They were fifteen. They did not know yet what they were to each other, only that Geto had sat up three nights running for a friend, and that this seemed, at the time, like the most natural thing in the world.

The omiai started the year after that. Gojo's family had never made a secret of what they expected from him — a proper match, someone with the right bloodline and the right instincts, an omega who could give the Gojo clan whatever it was the Gojo clan always wanted from the people it swallowed up. Gojo complained about every single one of them, dragging his feet into starched shirts his grandmother picked out, texting Geto increasingly unhinged commentary from underneath restaurant tables while some perfectly pleasant girl asked him polite questions about his future.

this one keeps talking about her family's shrine, i think i'm supposed to be impressed

save me suguru

if i have to eat one more course of this i am going to lose my mind

Geto always texted back something dry, something that made Gojo laugh loud enough to get a disapproving look from whichever relative was chaperoning. He never let on that his stomach turned every single time a new name came up, every time Gojo mentioned some omega's family status like it was a joke and not, eventually, someone's actual future. He told himself it didn't matter. Gojo hated it, said so constantly, showed up at Geto's door afterward smelling like someone else's mother's perfume and looking faintly nauseated — and Geto held the door open for him anyway, made him tea, let him complain until he'd talked himself back into being fine, and never once said I hate this too, I hate every second of it, I don't want you sitting across from anyone but me.

It wasn't his place to say it. They were friends. That was the word they both still used, carefully, even when it had stopped fitting a long time before either of them found the nerve to admit it. So Geto smiled through every retelling, asked polite questions about which omega had been the least insufferable, and told Gojo, more than once, that he was lucky his family cared enough to want the best for him, because it was easier to say that than to say what he actually felt, watching from the outside as the world quietly arranged Gojo's future around someone who wasn't him.

 

Geto didn't present at sixteen, or seventeen, or eighteen. This wasn't unheard of.  Some people ran late, their bodies taking their time about it, and doctors weren't worried, not with someone as objectively healthy and enormous as Geto had grown into being. But everyone had opinions anyway. He was tall by fourteen and broad by seventeen, all long limbs and quiet competence, and the smart money was always on alpha. It was the kind of thing people said to him like a compliment: You'll present alpha, obviously. Look at you.

Geto learned to smile and change the subject.

 

He and Gojo went to the same college, roomed in the same crumbling off-campus apartment, and somewhere in the middle of their first year of pretending not to notice each other — the too-long looks, the too-easy way Gojo's hands found him in any room they shared, the nights that stretched later than either of them needed them to — Gojo kissed him first. Badly, nervously, with none of the confidence he wore like armor everywhere else, and Geto kissed him back like he'd been waiting years to be given permission. They were both eighteen, and it felt, for the first time in either of their lives, like their relationship had stopped being a question.

They didn't present as anything to anyone, that first year of being together. They were just Suguru and Satoru, the way they'd always been, except now there was this new thing between them too, fragile and enormous at once.

 

Geto still hadn't presented six months into dating, on a night in late autumn when the heater in their apartment had given out and they'd ended up piled together in Gojo's bed for warmth, Gojo curled around his back, chin hooked over Geto's shoulder, breathing him in the unhurried way he did when he thought Geto had already fallen asleep.

"Doesn't matter what you present as, you know," Gojo said quietly, into the back of his neck. "Whenever it happens. I want you to know that now, before it does. I don't care if you come back as an alpha, beta, or omega. Whatever. I'm not with you for what you're going to turn into. I love you exactly as you are right this second, and nothing your body decides later is going to change that."

Geto went very still.

He didn't answer for a long moment. Everyone around them assumed, the way they always had, that Geto would present alpha — and he knew, in the sick, sinking way you know a truth you've been avoiding, exactly what that would mean if it turned out to be true. Alpha-alpha relationships weren't illegal. But they were whispered about, pitied, treated like something broken that two people were choosing to hold onto anyway. No bonding and no mating mark. Just two alphas, both hungry to claim, neither able to be claimed, forever locked out of the one biological ritual that made a relationship real in the eyes of everyone who mattered.

And Gojo's family mattered. The Gojo clan had rules about that sort of thing, old and unbending, the kind of rules that didn't care how loudly Gojo insisted he didn't give a damn about tradition. Geto had met Gojo's grandfather exactly once, and had felt, in that single overstuffed drawing room, the full weight of everything Gojo was supposed to become — and everything Geto, if his body chose the one path everyone expected, could never be a part of.

He said none of this. He just let Gojo hold him, and stayed quiet, and hated himself a little for the silence.

 

Geto presented four months later — alpha, strong, exactly what everyone had always predicted, no surprise to a single person at that clinic. When the fever broke and the results were confirmed, Gojo didn't so much as flinch. He just gripped Geto's hand, steady, like he'd already made his peace with every possible outcome long before they'd gotten the paperwork.

"Hey," Geto had rasped, still weak from the fever, watching Gojo's face for something he couldn't quite name. "Say something."

"Told you it doesn't change anything." Gojo's voice was quiet, sure, none of his usual bravado in it. "I meant that. I still mean it."

Geto squeezed his hand back and said nothing at all — and that, more than the fever or the diagnosis or any of it, was the first small crack in the thing they'd built.

 

It should have changed something between them, at least on some animal level. Alphas weren't built to want each other's scent.  The biology usually ran the other way, two competing signatures reading as something closer to threat than comfort, the reason most alpha-alpha pairs never got past the first instinctive recoil once both of them had presented. Geto had braced for it without meaning to, some quiet part of him almost expecting Gojo to pull back the moment the new scent settled into his skin. But Gojo never did. If anything he leaned in closer than before, burying his face against Geto's throat like he wanted to drown in it, breathing him in slow and unhurried in a way that had nothing to do with habit. And Geto — who'd read every clinical pamphlet on what alpha proximity was supposed to feel like, who'd expected at best a tolerance they'd have to work at — found himself doing the exact same thing back, some low animal part of him settling every time Gojo's scent surrounded him instead of setting him on edge. Neither of them mentioned it out loud, not at first. It was just another quiet, private proof that whatever they were to each other had never once followed the rules it was supposed to.

 

But things slowly began to change between them. It started small. Geto stopped reaching for Gojo's hand when they walked to class together. He stopped letting Gojo tuck his nose against his throat in crowded rooms, the way alphas sometimes did with people they were close to, scenting out of habit and comfort rather than claim. He found reasons to sit a polite distance away at parties, to laugh instead of lean in, to let the small physical vocabulary of we are together go quiet in public, one gesture at a time, until it had nearly disappeared.

Gojo noticed immediately, of course. Gojo noticed everything about Geto; it was, and always had been, the central fact of his attention. He didn't say anything for weeks. He told himself Geto was still adjusting. Presentation could do strange things to a person's sense of themselves, could take time to settle. But the weeks stretched into months, and the distance didn't shrink. If anything, it grew teeth.

 

The thing that finally broke him wasn't the missing hand-holding. It was Utahime's cousin, an omega named Mei who'd started orbiting Geto at every gathering with the easy confidence of someone used to alphas indulging her, laughing too long at things that weren't that funny, touching his arm, tilting her head to bare her throat in the small unconscious way omegas did around alphas they wanted to impress.

And Geto let her. Didn't lean into it, exactly, but didn't stop her, either. Didn't say actually, I'm taken. Didn't so much as glance toward Gojo, sitting six feet away with his knuckles white around a can of soda, to see how any of this looked from where he was sitting.

Gojo left before the party was over. He didn't trust himself to stay.

Geto found him on their apartment balcony a while later, staring out at a the city view, arms crossed, jaw tight in a way that Geto had learned, over fourteen years of friendship, meant Gojo was somewhere past angry and into something closer to grief.

"You could've just left with me," Geto said, testing the water. "Didn't have to make a whole scene out of it."

"Don't." Gojo didn't turn around. "Don't do the casual thing right now, Suguru. I'm not in the mood."

Geto's stomach dropped, slow and familiar, the way it had been dropping for months every time he watched Gojo's face do something complicated and pretended not to see it. "Okay," he said. "What's wrong?”

 

"What's wrong?" Gojo laughed, short and humorless, and finally turned around, and his eyes — Geto had loved those eyes since he was six years old, had memorized every shade they turned in every kind of light — were wet and furious at once. "You let her touch you. In front of me. You've been letting everyone touch you, and you won't even look at me anymore when we're not alone, and I'm supposed to just — what, Suguru? Pretend I don't notice you flinching away from me like I'm something embarrassing?"

"That's not—"

"Then what is it?" Gojo's voice cracked on the question, all his usual armor gone. "Because from where I'm standing it looks like you found out what you presented as and decided I wasn't worth whatever it's going to cost you."

"Don't put this on me like I'm the one who—" Geto stopped. Started again, quieter. "You know what people are going to say about us now. You know what your family's going to say."

"I don't care what my family says."

"You will." Geto's voice was rough, raw in a way Gojo had rarely heard it. "You will, Satoru, because they're your family, and because I watched your grandfather look at you like you were the last piece on the board, and I am never, ever going to be something you get to keep without a fight — and I don't know if I can watch you fight that fight for years and lose pieces of yourself doing it."

"So your solution is to lose me first? Just, save everyone the trouble?"

"Satoru," Geto said, and his composure finally cracked all the way through, "alphas can't bond. Can't mate. There's no mark I can give you that says you're mine in a way the rest of the world has to respect. Whatever this is between us, it's never going to be real to anyone but the two of us — no ceremony, no bond, nothing permanent, just two people quietly loving each other in the margins until one of us gets tired of hiding it or somebody's family finally says enough. So tell me, Satoru. Tell me how exactly this is supposed to work."

The silence that followed was the worst thing either of them had ever sat inside of.

Gojo didn't have an answer. Not one that would satisfy the fear underneath Geto's question, because the fear wasn't really about bonding glands or ceremonial marks. It was about a future Geto could see coming from a long way off, one where Gojo's family made his life a slow negotiation of what he was allowed to want, and Geto stood at the edge of that future with nothing to offer that the world would call sufficient.

"I don't need a mark," Gojo said finally, quiet now, all the fight drained out of his voice. "I need you to stop deciding, on your own, in your own head, that I'm not going to choose you anyway. You don't get to make that call for me, Suguru. That's not fair. You don't get to protect me from a choice I already made a long time ago."

"I'm not trying to protect you. I'm trying to be realistic."

"You're trying to leave before I can leave you first. There's a difference." Gojo crossed the distance between them then, slow, giving Geto every chance to step back, and Geto didn't. "I don't care that we can't bond the way betas and omegas do. I care that you've spent three months flinching away from me in public because you decided, without asking me, that I'd rather have the easy version of love than the real one."

Geto's jaw worked. When he spoke, his voice had gone thin. "I'm scared," he admitted, and it cost him visibly to say it. "I'm scared of what it's going to do to you, being with me. I'm scared your family's never going to let this be simple. I'm scared that one day you're going to look at everything it costs you to keep choosing me and you're going to realize that  I am not worth it."

"Suguru." Gojo took his face in both hands, the way he used to when they were teenagers and Geto had a bad day, familiar and devastating all at once. "I've been choosing you since I was six years old. Presenting alpha didn't change that. You presenting alpha didn't change that. Nothing about biology gets a vote in this. I don't want the easy version. I never have. I want you, marks or no marks, family drama and all of it. So stop trying to save me from a life I already picked."

Geto's composure, the thing he'd built so carefully over three months of careful distance, finally gave out entirely. He pulled Gojo in, forehead dropping to his shoulder, breathing him in for what felt like the first time in months.

"I'm sorry," he said, muffled, wrecked. "I'm so sorry. I thought — I thought if I made it easier for you to walk away, you'd eventually take it."

"I was never going to take it," Gojo murmured, arms tightening around him. "Suguru. I was never, ever going to take it."

 

Gojo's family did make it hard, for a while. There were arguments, and silences, and at least one dinner that ended with Gojo storming out before dessert. But he never once looked back at Geto with regret in his eyes, not even on the worst nights. And slowly, stubbornly, the two of them built something neither tradition nor biology had a name for. There was no ceremony that made it official, no bonding mark, no ritual the world would recognize as binding. They were only two alphas choosing each other again in the same quiet, unglamorous way they had every day since they were six years old, and somehow, impossibly, that turned out to be enough.

 

 

Notes:

This was supposed to be a much longer fic with smut & all, but I chickened out 🙈 would anybody be interested in that though? 👀

Thank you for reading ❤️