Work Text:
March 10th
Your beautiful face had betrayal and hurt written all over it. You let your bangs fall over your face when you usually push it towards your ears. My heart broke everytime I looked at you. It looked so foreign on you, your face was always smiling and laughing, brightening up any room you walked into. It was night yet your face didn’t have the moonlight glow it usually did when it laid on my chest during midnight. I left without looking back, worried I would break if I saw your face again, I left with a simple “see you soon” knowing I wouldn’t. I escaped the torture and cage that was idol life, but leaving hurt more than any torture, knowing you wouldn’t be there.
- Maybe Yours Truly Heeseung?
—------
March 18th
I saw everyone but you, they all walked past me with a simple and polite “hello hyung” and bowed. It hurt me to see all of them so distant. They’re my closest family after all. I deserve it though. I procrastinated telling you and them thinking that one more day wouldn’t hurt until it was too late. My cowardice hurt me in the end. How ironic. I don’t know if not seeing you is a curse or a blessing because I think I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I saw your beautiful face. I saw your Australia performance. You did well. I know you were excited to show me around, but I couldn’t come. I hoped you had fun.
-Heeseung
—------
March 19th
I made a promise to distance myself from you that night I left. It’s for the best. You wouldn’t have to deal with a coward who left you suddenly. You deserve someone emotionally stable and someone brave. Everything I’m not. It's been nine days… I should get a drink for so much restraint. I haven’t drank since I left. It feels wrong to do so without you. I have to sleep since I have an early rehearsal tomorrow.
- Lee Heeseung
—-------
March 21st
I unveiled my new name today. You already knew about it. I told you during one of the many nights we spent together before I left. I dreamed with you about having a stage name of Evan and making songs about you. You giggled and told me it would happen. It did happen but at what cost? I decorated my studio today too. I kept thinking about how you would like each part of my studio and what you would change. I wanted so badly to show you my studio and maybe kiss you in it. It's funny how we get the things we want in exchange for something important.
-Evan
—--------
March 26th
I love you Jaeyun.
I missed you.
I didn’t mean to run after you, after all I have a promise..., but the sight of you snapped something in me.
-Yours Truly Heeseung.
—---------
Heeseung layed sprawled out on a sofa in his newly decorated studio. He had always imagined sitting with Jake in this room writing lyrics, playing demos for him. He felt like crying and breaking down every time he thought about Jake, which was basically everyday.
Heeseung lived like a ghost, his past decisions haunting him. It was like talking to someone who wasn’t there. A shell of himself. On the inside he was breaking down by the minute yet on the outside he stayed polite and charming. He had what felt like no one supporting him, his fans were divided, his ex-members seemed like they hated him and he couldn’t make a song for his life.
The blond haired boy stayed there on the couch, letting his thoughts plague his mind. He was too tired to silence the voices in his head that belittled him, made him feel insecure.
Suddenly he heard footsteps in the hallway outside of his tiny studio. He lifted his head up just enough to look outside the transparent door that separated the studio from the hallway. He froze. Outside walking past was a familiar wavy brown haired boy. Someone Heeseung knew all too well.
He got up and ran towards the studio door, hesitating for a few seconds before hastily opening up the door. He looked towards the way Jake was walking, peaceful and contemptuous, a clear opposite to the blond haired boy 30 feet behind him. Something snapped inside of Heeseung, and he started running towards Jake like his life depended on it. He called out Jake’s name although the younger paid no reaction to it.
He finally closed the distance between himself and the younger and tapped on his shoulder intensely. Jake turned around, his face displaying confusion then hurt and longing after recognizing the same blond boy he spent many nights with. Jake took out his airpods out of his ears.
“Heeseung?...”
“Jaeyun, I’m- I’m so sorry”
“Heeseung you don’t get to sa- “
A dam breaks inside of Heeseung making him sob loudly, also cutting off Jake. Heeseung drops down into the floor and cries into his hands. Soon after he feels someone sitting down on the floor with him and ruffling his hair.
“Hey, it’s okay”
-------
Jake gets off Heeseung's bed after making sure he was asleep.
His mission was to grab water but on the way there, letters laying on Heeseung's desk grabs Jake's attention. He looked at the letters before picking them up and reading every single one. He doesn't realize when, but tears are dropping down his face.
The END