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Two years ago I went to find my daddy, he was sitting in the living room so I excitedly asked the question I had been dreading for so long. I asked if we could go on a daddy daughter date. He was unsure so I asked and asked and asked until he finally said yes! He gave me a date and time and asked where I wanted to go! I was ecstatic!
I picked a local bakery that we liked called ‘Bakery 36’, it’s a sweet place with lots of deserts, a calming esthetic, and such kind workers who didn’t just make scripted conversations with people passing by but they had meaningful conversations with thought out advice.
It was quiet in there when we walked in, we were promptly greeted by a worker who asked if we knew what we wanted. We didn’t, but my father said yes anyway and order random cupcakes for everyone in our house while I was choosing what I wanted. We eventually checked out and sat down with our cupcakes.
We sat the second table down from the right side of the back of the shop. I sat closest to the wall while Jason sat on the side closest to checkout. We began to talk about school, complain about Mr. Chas, one of my dad’s co-workers and one of my teachers who was known for being crazy.
My dad didn’t know what I came here to tell him, but he kept asking if I wanted to talk to him about anything.
I was too scared, I said no, we left.
I didn’t talk much the way home and once we got home I went straight to my room and onto my bed.
My dad came in a while later and asked if there was something I wanted to talk about, but this time I said no, he asked again, I said no and then he left. That was far less attempts than at the bakery. Once he was at the door I yelled,
“wait, dad?” he came back and I finally told him what I wanted to say,
“hey dad? I have something to tell you… I’m bi.”
“You’re what?”
“Bisexual.”
***”Okay”***
Sarcastic. He was sarcastic when saying okay. It took me so long to say it and he… laughed, was sarcastic, and promptly asked,
“Anything else you have to tell me?’”
“No..”
“Okay… I love you”
“…I love you too”
He left so easily. He walked out of my room promptly and left me there. On my bed in the dark of my room.
I cried into my thin covers until crying hurt my eyes, until I could feel my crying in my upper back. I wasn’t crying tears anymore, in fact there was no wetness in my eyes at all.
I love my father except for when he does things like this. Whenever I snap at the smallest of things he does now, I remember that there was a point I didn’t snap at him at all in.
It’s the small things that add up. This one especially.