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Jay wakes up from a wonderful dream. It involved Matt, as most of them do at this point. Matt had saved him from dying in the snow, and nursed him back to health, and then they fell in love. It was overly sappy, like one of those stupid romance movies. But any dream with Matt is a good one, so he doesn’t really care.
He turns on his side to tell Matt about the dream, but he’s already left the bed. That usually means that today’s plan is going to be amazing, or something that Jay never could’ve predicted. He’s proven right when he sees Matt playing a game while he waits for Jay to awaken.
“This plan better be the best plan in the world.” Jay says as he walks up to him.
“Oh it is, Bird. I’m 100% sure this plan will get us a show.” he says while getting up.
“That’s what you say every time you wake up early.” Jay says, embracing Matt.
“Well, you haven’t heard it yet!”
“Can’t it wait a little longer?” Jay says, staring into Matt’s beautiful eyes.
Matt knows exactly what Jay wants, and is happy to give it to him. He gives Jay a nice kiss on the lips. Jay is in absolute bliss. Matt’s kisses always taste so sweet, and it’s made better by the fact that they’re only for him. He feels Matt’s hand inch higher up his back, into his hair. Matt’s fingers carefully stroke the hairs on the back of his head.
He wants this to last for hours, but he knows it must end soon. He hears the three cameramen come down the stairs, and thinks that’s a good stopping point. Matt seems to have the same idea, and Jay feels their lips separate. They get to their positions, and Matt tells Jay to play something romantic. He settles on The Power of Love. Matt wrote Boyfriend Plan on the whiteboard.
“But we’re already boyfriends…”
“Not you and me, Bird! Let me explain! I’m going to pretend to be Vince Valence’s boyfriend! Once I get close enough, I’m going to propose to him! Then we’ll have our wedding in the Rivoli! You’ll play a little wedding song on the piano, and when I’m supposed to say my vows, we reveal ourselves as Nirvanna the Band! Not only that, but we are totally in love! We’ll have a show, and Valence will be loved by nobody!”
Jay took everything in. Interesting plan, though there’s a part that confuses him.
“Valence is gay? Didn’t he have a wife or something?”
“All his wives have been beards! Apparently!”
“How’d you figure out his sexuality?”
“The other week, I found a rumor online that said he was! I tracked down all the info just to be sure, and I even talked to some ex-Rivoli employees! They had plenty of crazy stories!”
“Alright. So, what’ll your disguise be?”
Matt ran upstairs, and Luca attempted to follow, but Matt just shooed him away. He was up there for quite some time, so Jay played a few video game soundtracks to amuse himself. Matt came downstairs, and he looked dumb. Not the dumbest he’s looked for a plan, but it’s up there.
He wore a big white suit with matching pants, and had several rings on his fingers. He had a terrible looking wig of messy grey hair. He had sunglasses on to disguise his eyes, and he was wearing a scarf. It was a new one he had bought last winter, a blue one.
“I’m Jack Donaldson! I’m an oil tycoon!” Matt said with a shitty Texas accent. He flashed his teeth at Jay, and he had one fake golden tooth.
“You look great.” Jay lied. He wanted to rip that stupid wig off of him.
“Aw thanks Bird! I’ve been thinking about doing a character like this for a long while. Anyway, let’s get going!”
“Where?!”
“A golf course!”
After Jay puts his blazer on, the two of them run out of the house. They get a lot of strange looks from people while waiting for the bus. Matt tries out his stupid character on random passersby. It doesn’t really work, and luckily the bus comes before Matt can embarrass himself.
“I’m surprised you didn’t object to this plan, Bird.” Matt says as they sit down.
“Well, you don’t actually love him, of course! I’m your one true love!”
“Aww, Birdie!” Matt gives him a peck on the cheek.
They laugh at that. Jay looks out the window, and tries to count all the cars he sees. He briefly gets an image of his head of Matt and Valence kissing, but he deals with it by imagining himself strangling Valence. That’s how he deals with all his problems.
—
Matt didn’t really like golf.
His parents had brought him to one course when he was young. It was boring, partly because it was adult stuff, and partly because he could’ve been getting up to mischief with Jay. Luckily, he could still cause trouble all by himself. He doesn’t remember exactly what happened, but it had earned him a lifetime ban. His parents were just fine though!
“Are you sure this is the correct one?” Jay asks.
“Yes! And don’t let him see you!”
“Then why’d you bring the camera guys with us?!”
Matt doesn’t respond. He’s too busy looking for Valence, and also because Jay already knows why the camera guys are here. God, he’s so dumb sometimes. His stupid dumb Bird that he can’t help but love. His stupid tall Bird that’s afraid of heights. His stupid-
Oh. There’s Valence. He’s just sitting there, eating an expensive steak. He’s still wearing the fucking scarf, even though it’s a hot day. A bag full of golf clubs lies on the ground next to him. Matt suddenly feels incredibly scared, but he tells himself that he doesn’t try, they’ll never get a show at the Rivoli. He walks up to Valence, who eventually notices that this very strange man is staring at him.
“Who are you?” he says with that gruff voice of his. Matt’s flight or fight response goes off at it.
“I’m Jack Donaldson! I’m an oil tycoon!”
“That’s nice.”
“Can I sit down here with you?”
“Sure, do whatever the fuck you want.”
“Do you come here often?”
“Every day. It’s an escape from all those worthless idiots.” He belts out a laugh. It’s an evil, evil laugh. Matt feels a pit in his stomach. He ignores it, and pushes through.
Jay watches as Matt has a terrible time flirting with Valence. It reminds Jay of the times he used to go out to bars, hitting on both girls and (very rarely) guys. It got him a date about half the time. Matt joined him on some of those excursions. That’s probably where he’s getting half of this from. The other half is from all the movies he’s watched, whether it be romance movies or action movies with romance tacked on.
Valence eventually leaves, clearly tired of Matt’s bullshit. Matt managed to get his number somehow, which he sees as a sort of success. Jay imagines Valence sitting on his bed like a teenage girl, gossiping with who he thinks is a Texas oil tycoon. He laughs a bit at the thought. But that’s kind of what happens when they get home. Matt’s been trying to convince Valence to go on a date with him for the past 30 minutes.
“Do you have to wear that outfit? He can’t see you through the phone.”
“It helps me stay in character!”
“But it’s really hot! Aren’t you sweating like crazy?!”
“Not really. It’s the same as my normal blazer!”
Jay opts to play piano for the rest of Matt’s convo, which thankfully isn’t long. He’s got a business meeting with Valence tomorrow. Maybe he can spin that into a date somehow. Then he’ll spin that into a “relationship”, and then they’ll get “married”. He wishes it was him honestly. Jay wonders why neither of them have proposed to each other. He thinks about this occasionally, but he always puts it off.
He thinks about it as he and Matt get to bed. He thinks about it as he strokes Matt’s hair. He thinks about it as they kiss each other goodnight. He thinks about it as he goes to sleep. But he doesn’t go through with it, like all other times. That’ll be for another day, surely.
In his dreams he sees neither Matt nor Valence, but Emilia. He plays the piano for her, and she enjoys it a lot. The dream feels real, and maybe it isn’t a dream at all, but a glance at another world. He finds that he can talk, and so he asks a question.
“What happened to Matt?”
“Jay, don’t you remember? He died in a car crash. You had no one else to go to but me.” She smiles, and Jay hates it. He hates being here. He hates this dream.
He wakes up in a cold sweat, and finds Matt’s arms around him. He puts his hand on Matt’s, and goes back to sleep. He doesn’t have any more dreams tonight.
—
Matt meets Valence at a fancy restaurant. He’s still under the impression that this is a business deal. It’s going to take a lot of work to make Valence even the slightest bit interested in him. It reminds him of high school, before he figured out he was only attracted to guys. Then the only guy that would actually hang out with him was Jay, and that led to years of yearning.
“So, how exactly do you wanna go about this transaction?” Matt says while chewing on a shrimp. “How much land are you looking for?”
“Can you just drop the act already?”
Matt’s heart almost stopped. Of course Valence would see right through his disguise! They were gonna be banned from the Rivoli for real this time! Or worse, they were gonna go to jail forever for crimes against the Rivoli! A billion years in jail for both of them! Maybe him and Jay can even share a cell.
“Alright, I’m not an oil tycoon. I’m a… dog show host.”
“I don’t fucking care what your job is. You’re clearly attracted to me.”
Matt doesn’t know how to react. He’s never had to deal with this before. He remembers how Jay would act around his many suitors, and tries to channel that energy.
“Maybe?” he squeaks out.
“Listen, I don’t care what kind of relationship you want with me. Just know that I save sex for marriage. A lot of guys have been disappointed in that!”
“Oh. Ok then.”
The rest of the dinner is very, very boring. Valence just rants about how he hates everybody that isn’t a rich white guy. Matt finds he’s lost his appetite, not that the food here was that amazing to begin with. He wants to be home with Jay, eating some fast food. Or maybe they’ll cook something together. Jay’s been getting a lot better at it. He’s learned how not to burn things at least!
Him and Valence finish up, and plan another meeting. Matt’s faith in the plan falters a little bit, but he tells himself it’s worth it. He sees every plan through,after all. Even if one fails, he’ll always find another one. While waiting for the bus, he takes a worn box out of his pocket. He doesn’t open it, he just stares at it. Jared pops out of the shadows to try and get a closeup on it, and Matt quickly puts it back. Jared understands that it’s something he shouldn’t have seen, and just goes back to hiding.
Jay’s still awake by the time Matt gets home, playing a pretty little tune. Matt doesn’t recognize it from anything. It’s an original Jay tune, which automatically makes it one of the best songs Matt’s ever heard. Matt considers all of Jay’s original stuff to be made just for him, and most of it is. He sheds his disguise, and sits on the bench.
“How’d it go?” Jay says, not looking up from the piano.
“The guy’s unlovable.”
“Figured as such.”
Matt’s stomach growls.
“Did you not eat?!”
“No. The food wasn’t that great.”
“Well, how about we cook something? I’m thinking spaghetti with meat sauce.”
“That sounds perfect, Bird.”
The two of them get to cooking, and have a wonderful time. The spaghetti comes out a little overdone, but it still tastes wonderful. Much better than lame rich people food. After that, they watch some shitty action movie. It isn’t very good, but they have a lot of fun riffing over it.
“So, how long is this plan gonna take?” Jay says as they get into bed.
“A week or two maybe. Or as long as it takes.”
“So like a speedrun?”
“Yeah. Hopefully no drugs this time.”
“Haha. Goodnight.”
They both quickly drift off to sleep. Matt feels Jay move around a lot again. He’s mumbling something that Matt can’t hear well, but it doesn’t sound good. He puts his arms around Jay, and he stops. They stay like that for the rest of the night.
—
The next week is a blur for both of them. Jay gives Matt a kiss before he goes out with Valence, and he goes out for hours. He comes home late, somehow having made progress, and they hang out for the rest of the evening. Jay feels like he’s a housewife waiting for her husband to come home from a long day at work. He kinda wishes he was part of the plan too. Maybe he could be a food critic for a fancy magazine who’s a fucking asshole. A friend of Jack or whatever. No, Valence would figure them out immediately.
He hears the door open, and that means Matt is home. He turns to look at him, and he’s exhausted. He collapses onto the couch, and he smiles when Jay walks up to him. He takes the stupid wig and glasses off, and his eyes are big and wide. He’s got something to tell Jay.
“So, how’d it go at his house?”
“We’re getting the show at the Rivoli!”
“He actually said yes?!”
“Well, it was more like a begrudging yes, but yeah!”
“How do you wanna celebrate? Do you wanna do a movie night or play some video games or-“
“Oh I don’t want to do that, Bird. I’d like a nice treat. Wouldn’t you want one too?”
Jay smiles. He holds Matt’s face, and kisses the many moles that dot it, slowly lowering him to the couch. He takes off Matt’s clothes, until all that’s left are his boxers. He gently kisses every mole on Matt, from his chest to his legs. The biggest one on his chest gets multiple of them. Jay runs his hands down Matt’s body, feeling his muscles. His skin is so soft and smooth and warm to the touch. His hands navigate up to his pecs, and he playfully squeezes them. Matt really enjoys it, so Jay keeps doing it.
“You’re getting so big.” He rubs circles into them. “You used to be so small.”
“I like getting bigger. I gotta be in the best shape for all these plans.”
“It also means there’s more of you to love.” He gives Matt a few more kisses on his chest. “And I love every single inch of you.”
“Aw thanks, Birdie.”
Matt fiddles a bit with the buttons of Jay’s shirt. It’s his turn now. Jay lies down and lets himself be undressed by Matt. He feels Matt’s lips touch his chest, while his hands explore Jay’s back. Matt buries himself in Jay’s chest hair, and they just lie there for a bit.
“How exactly did you get Valence to agree to marry you?”
“I just asked. Showed him the ring I was gonna give him, and he said yes.”
“Nothing else?”
“Nope!”
“You didn’t kiss him?”
“No!”
“I gotta test your kisses just to be sure!”
“You just want an excuse to kiss me!”
Matt moves up to Jay’s lips, and they kiss. He’s as sweet as usual, with no old guys in sight. Jay savors the taste for as long as he can. Both of their hands find each other’s hair, which they stoke gently.
“You’re as sweet as usual.” Jay says when they’re done.
“See Bird? Nothing to worry about. I won’t ever kiss Valence, and if he tries I’ll just punch him!”
“I think that’ll get us banned for real.”
“You’re right.” He yawns, and rests his head on Jay’s shoulder. “When did it get so late?”
“Let’s get some rest. You’re gonna be so busy for a while.”
Both of them immediately fall asleep the moment they hit the mattress. He doesn’t want to dream, but he does. This time, he’s in a relationship with a woman. He somehow knows that this is the first girl he ever went out on a date with. He doesn’t even remember her name.
This time, he is an attorney. He hates his job, as always. There is a computer, and he must search for something. He types Matt’s name into the computer, and an obituary comes up. He died when he was a kid, before he and Jay could even meet. A private plane crashed.
He doesn’t like that his dreams have become this. He’s not sure what the point is. Are they to make him appreciate Matt? Or are they here to make him feel miserable? Maybe it’s a combination of both, and he’ll have the dreams for the rest of his days. He feels Matt’s arms around him, and feels his lips kiss the back of his head. He feels better already.
“You’re ok, I got you.” He whispers, stroking Jay’s chest. “I’m right here.”
“I love you Matt. I love you so much.”
“I know, Bird.”
“I wish I wasn’t a f-cking coward.”
“You aren’t, Birdie.”
“I was.”
“Bird, what are you saying?”
“I was too afraid to tell you. That’s why I dated and flirted with other people.”
“But you did. And that was one of the best days of my life. I remember it so clearly, Birdie. Every word you spoke, every hair on your head, how your kiss felt. It plays in my mind like a movie every now and again.”
“I’m so glad I chose you. I wouldn’t ever give you up.”
“Me too, Bird. Me too.”
Jay goes back to sleep, and he dreams of himself finding Matt on that bridge. Instead of talking to him though, he walks away. But Matt catches up to him, and they still become friends. It resets over and over again, and young Jay tries to avoid Matt at all costs. But no matter what he does, they become friends.
—
It’s the day of the show.
Matt knocks on Valence’s door, and Valence comes out, wearing a suit. He’s still got his scarf on. He stares at Matt, and he looks like he wants to get this over with. They get in Valence’s car and drive to the Rivoli.
“You excited?” Matt asks.
“No, and quite frankly I’m just in it for the money.”
“Well, at least you’re honest.”
Matt wonders how Jay is doing. Probably playing away, practicing both their show routine and wedding music. He can’t wait to see him. He picked out a really nice suit for him, and got someone to style his hair. Jay was confused as to why Matt wanted him to look pretty, and he just told him that everyone looks beautiful at weddings. He takes the box out again.
“Is that my ring?”
“No, it’s… a stress toy for me. I hold it and look at it.”
They get to the Rivoli, and head inside. It’s empty, except for some of Valence and Matt’s friends. The camera crew are here of course, and some of Matt’s college friends. Owen gives Matt the side eye, angry that he’s been roped into yet another plan.
He and Valence walk down the aisle. Music starts to play from the stage, and he looks up, expecting to see Jay. But it’s just some people with cellos and violins and all those other instruments Matt can’t remember. The piano is sitting, unplayed. Where the fuck is he?
They step up on stage, and listen to the guy talk. Matt keeps glancing towards the piano, waiting for Jay to arrive so they can start the show. He finally hears the doors to the green room open, and out comes some random white guy Matt’s never seen before. His heart sinks deep deep down.
“Vince, who’s that? I hired another pianist! I told you that guy was the best one in the biz!”
“I heard this guy is even better. Play a little something, John!”
Whoever this is does not know how to play piano. It just makes discordant noises. Matt decides to take matters into his own hands, and goes to the green room. When he opens the door, Jay isn’t inside. There isn’t any trace of him either. Matt starts imagining a million different horrible things that could be happening to him. He knew he shouldn’t have let Jay be on his own, he knows it by heart.
“Where’s the guy I hired, Vince?”
“Oh, I didn’t know you cared about a pianist this much!” Valence says.
“I paid a lot of money for that guy. Good pianists don’t come cheap!”
“Do you mean your little friend from the golf course, Jack? I saw you talking to him. You two looked so close.” Valence says.
“That-that’s where I met him!” Matt says, trying to keep the plan from unraveling. “He gave me his number and-“
“Oh shut up, Matt Johnson. I knew what you were doing from the start. You can’t fool me that easily!”
Of course it was too good to be true. Of course something was gonna go wrong! Valence laughs, and Matt wants to kill him.
“What did you do to him?” Matt asks, plainly. “Where is he?”
“I told John to dispose of him.”
Matt’s blood boils. He turns to John, who looks bored. He doesn’t even react as Matt grabs his jacket.
“If you hurt him, I’m going to-“
“Relax, buddy. He’s in my car’s boot. I just gave him some chloroform. I haven’t taken him anywhere yet.”
“WHAT?!” Matt and Valence both yell. Both men are saying it for completely different reasons.
“WHERE’S YOUR CAR?!”
“YOU’RE AN ACTUAL MOBSTER?!”
“Yeah. Anyway, the car’s behind the building. I’ll bring you to it.”
Matt and Valence both stare at him dumbfounded. How is he so casual about this?! How did Valence find this guy?! They hear clapping behind them, and it’s a random Rivoli employee.
“Really great show! I knew you guys could do it!”
“It’s not a show man.” Jared says. At one point he got up on stage, and nobody noticed.
—
John opens up the boot of his car, revealing a confused Jay. His mouth is duct taped, and he’s been tied up. He’s frightened, but the sight of Matt calms him down. Matt strokes his hair for a little bit, before untying him and carefully removing the tape. He helps him out of the car.
“What happened?! One moment I was in the green room, the next I woke up in there!”
“You got knocked out.”
“Wow, you must have gone through a lot of trouble to save me!”
“Not really. We didn’t get the show, by the way.”
“Oh.”
They walk home, defeated yet again. Matt really wanted this plan to work. He looks at Jay, all dressed up for nothing. His hair had been undone, and now it’s a mess. A beautiful mess, but still. Matt reaches into his pocket, and feels the little box. It’s time to make a choice.
“You know, there was a bit more to that plan that I didn’t tell you.”
“What is it? You can always include it in a future plan!”
“Well, after our show was over, I would give you this.”
He brings out the little box, and opens it. Inside is a beautiful old ring. The diamond sparkles, though the silver is tarnished. Jay looks at it in amazement. He smiles, and Matt can see his cute little fangs.
“You didn’t have to do a plan, MJ! You could’ve just asked me!”
“That’s boring! I don’t do boring! I like when our life is full of excitement!”
“F-ck off Matt.” Jay says happily. Matt can tell he doesn’t really mean it.
They kiss, right there behind the Rivoli. Jay’s kisses taste like coffee to Matt, a wonderful addiction that he can’t get enough of. They run home, ready to plan their real wedding, sneaking more kisses along the way.
Valence watches. He is once again loved by nobody, and nobody ever will love him.