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Anger
It was all he ever felt
It was a companion Rin had cultivated, embraced and housed in the hollow spaces of his chest, filing his veins and heart with adrenaline that gave him strength on the field. Anger was a white-hot flash of memories. Memories of Itoshi Sae shattering their dream on that fateful snowy night. It was the memory of the bitter, metallic taste of watching Shidou Ryusei be handpicked by is brother. It was the salty tears that threatened to fall when Isagi Yoichi, the heart of Blue Lock, being hoisted into the air on the U-20.
Anger was an easy emotion to understand. It motivated him, roared in his ears to prove them all wrong.
However, even the brightest fire eventually runs out of fuel, reducing it into a pathetic kindling of ashes and debris. And when that fire is put out an empty hollowness remains. A void in his chest sucking everything in like a overpowering black hole. A terrifying hollowness leaving his lungs dry and useless.
Useless is how Rin felt now as he stood in the doorway of their family home wide eyed as he took in the sight of his brother after what felt like years. Despite the passed years, his older brother bore little difference from the child he was, except the kind nurturing boy now was wrapped in a shell of cold calculating eyes and an indifferent expression.
“What’s with that face, Rin?” Sae’s voice cut through the awkward chilly silence as he tilted his head towards him from his spot on the couch. “Close the door before you catch a cold”
The mundanity of it sent sparks down his spine. Before you catch a cold. A domestic command meant for a brother who might had merely gone on a late-night run. Certainly not for someone who you haven’t given the time of day for years.
Swallowing the heavy jagged lump rising in his throat, Rin scoffed under his breath. He dumped his bag on the rack and threw his weight against the door, letting it shut with a violent slam that reverberated through the quiet apartment and stormed up the stairs.
Sliding down his bedroom door he tilted his head his head back and closed his eyes trying to shut out the indescribable feeling that inhabited his mind. Hours stretched by like minutes when he startled back into focus from a knock on his door.
"I'm heading out," Sae’s voice drifted through the wood, flat and unbothered. "Lock up behind me."
Rin kept his gaze fixed on the wall, clenching his jaw shut. He couldn’t find the words even if he wanted to. He waited for the footsteps to fade, followed by the distant click of the front door. Scrambling to the window he peered outside, watching Sae climb into a taxi. How he so desperately wanted to feel something. To feel anger for Sae leaving once again. For not trying to open up to him. Or maybe anger at himself for not taking the opportunity. But as the car pulled away the hollowness in his chest was on replaced with a indiscernible ache of loneliness and regret.