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(Deadpool kicks down the door to Peter’s apartment, stops mid-stride, and just... freezes. The chimichanga in his hand slowly lowers.)
Deadpool: (voice an octave higher) ...Well. Hello, Nurse. But make it maid. And make it Spider-Man.
(Peter is standing there in a frilly, black-and-white maid outfit that’s clearly two sizes too small. The apron says "Kiss the Cook." He has a feather duster in one hand and the look of a man who lost a bet to Johnny Storm.)
Spider-Man: Don't. Say. A word. It was a dare. It's ironic.
Deadpool: (slowly circles him, finger on his chin) Ironic. Right. Because nothing says "vengeance and responsibility" like a bustier and a lace hemline that shows off your (gestures vaguely at Peter's entire lower half) web-shooters.
Spider-Man: I will web your mouth shut.
Deadpool: Promise? (kneels down dramatically) Oh, Mistress... I have been a very bad mercenary. I didn't dust the shelves. I left grenade pins in the sofa cushions. I need to be... punished.
Spider-Man: (face visibly red behind the mask) Wade. Get up.
Deadpool: (stays kneeling, looks up with heart-eyes) I'm not folding, Pete. I'm origami-ing. I'm a swan. A beautiful, sexually confused swan who just found his pond. You in that apron? That's my wet dream's wet dream.
Spider-Man: I hate this. I hate every second of this.
Deadpool: (stands up, grabs the feather duster, and gently boops Peter's nose with it) You hate it so much your spidey-sense isn't even tingling. It's purring. Admit it. You like the way I'm looking at you like you're the last chimichanga in the multiverse.
Spider-Man: (defeated sigh) ...You're not gonna let this go, are you?
Deadpool: (pulls out his phone, opens camera) Not until I get a picture for the group chat. And my wall. And my other wall. And maybe a tattoo.
Spider-Man: (grabs the duster back) Fine. One picture. Then you forget this ever happened.
Deadpool: (salutes, snaps the pic, then pockets the phone) Forget? Baby boy, I'm framing this in my soul. Now... (cracks knuckles) ...bend over and pick up that quarter I totally just dropped. For the bit.
Spider-Man: (webs Deadpool to the ceiling in 0.2 seconds) Goodbye, Wade.
Deadpool: (hanging upside down, grinning) WORTH IT. Also, you have a run in your stocking. Still hot. 10/10. Would dare again.