Chapter Text
Part One - How Dare He?
James Potter came back from Quidditch practice, with Marlene McKinnon's gossip, fuming, utterly blowing steam out of his ears. As he climbed the long stone stairway that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, he paid no attention to the moving paintings or Peeves swooping around his head due to his rage. How dare he, he thought at every echoing footfall. He's supposed to be my friend. HOW DARE HE! Within a few minutes of the mantra playing Quidditch in his head, he came to the Fat Lady eating sweets and by then was ready to give the man who ruined everything a piece of his supernaturally talented mind!
"Kneazles!" he growled, stomping into the portrait before it fully swung open. He burst into the warm, relaxed common room, the Fat Lady's indignation fading behind his messy black hair. He devoured the room for a second before his eyes found TheTraitorBestFriend and Lily Evans talking near the fire. He stalked over to them and, not even bothering to flirt with Lily (still throwing a grin her way, did you really think he wasn't going to do anything?), furiously grabbed Sirius and dragged him up the stairs to their dorm. The Gryffindors on site sighed at the disappearing boys, obviously yearning for drama. The redhead by the flames bit her lip, staring at the stairway before picking up her quill and marking some parchment.
"HOW DARE YOU!" James screeched, slamming the door and glaring at Sirius.
"Who insulted your hippogriff?" Sirius Orion Black rolled his grey eyes at James' familiar temper tantrum, only worthy of a child with no siblings, but with a slight trace of worry on his face. Sirius sat down on his red and gold bedspread, the angry Chaser shooting Unforgivables through hazel eyes lacking the usual mischievous twinkle so many girls swooned over.
"YOU KNOW I LIKE HER!" he yelled, ignoring Sirius' question and pacing the room. Black, regal eyebrows furrowed before a sense of clarity slipped over Black's face.
"Prongs, we're just friends!"
"Oh sure you are, notorious womanizer, then why does she still hate me?"
"Because you flirt every chance you get!" Sirius said, slightly exasperated. He ran a hand through his black tresses. James scoffed.
"Oh please, that can't be it, every other girl loves being flirted with!"
"Yeah but this is Lily Evans we're talking about! She's different!"
"You think I don't know that? That's the whole reason we have these conversations! Every summer I go home and think I'm over the crazy bird but when I see her again, she's different from every other woman. She's different, that's why my first year self saw a challenge, that's why my second year self had to try, why my third year self wanted to be friends, why fourth year wanted to be more, and why fifth year got so ridiculously addicted. But that still doesn't explain why you are suddenly friends with her!"
"Oh, she just came up to me after the second Great Hall one begging for my affections!" Sirius quipped, a smile playing on his lips.
"Merlin. Not funny, Padfoot, not funny!" But even James couldn't help but smile. Sirius ruffled his best friend's hair and James instantly groaned, running to the mirror to fix the carefully placed chaos. Sirius watched him.
"Don't worry, Prongs, I'm not snogging or trying to snog Snaps. Anyway, she told me how to do the Potions homework. We want to be able to go Hogsmeade this weekend, right?"
James followed Sirius back to the Common Room with the steam vapourized and wearing a small smile but he knew Sirius had evaded his question, he proposed homework for Agrippa's sake, and James hadn't, wouldn't, forget it. He would just have to put the best detective there is on the case, Remus Lupin! Sirius and his best friend's crush stealing tendencies wouldn't stand a chance!
Part Two - This Is Such A Great Plan!
James Potter came back from Quidditch practice, with Marlene McKinnon's gossip, grinning, blissfully happy. As he climbed the long stone stairway that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, he paid no attention to the moving paintings or Peeves swooping around his head due to his happiness with himself. This is such a great plan, he thought at every echoing footfall. It's definitely going to work. This is such a great plan! Within a few minutes of the mantra playing Quidditch in his head, he came to the Fat Lady eating sweets and by then was ready to give the man perfect for the job a plan straight from his supernaturally talented mind!
"Fwooper!" he just-about-sang, swaggering into the portrait before it fully swung open. He strolled into the warm, relaxed common room, the Fat Lady's indignation fading behind his messy black hair. He looked around the room for a second before his eyes found TheTraitorBestFriend, Lily Evans, and TheBestBestFriend talking near the fire. He, in a very manly way, skipped over to them and, flirting with Lily- "Excuse me, can you give me the directions to your heart?", "Sod off, Potter!" - , cheerily grabbed Remus and dragged him up the stairs to their dorm. The Gryffindors on site sighed at the disappearing boys, obviously yearning for drama. The redhead by the flames bit her lip, staring at the stairway before picking up her quill and marking some parchment as Sirius leaned closer, mouth opening.
"I HAVE SUCH A GOOD IDEA!" James squealed, slamming the door and grinning at Remus.
"Who gave your Niffler to Leprechauns?" Remus Lupin rolled his green eyes at James' resemblance to a teenage girl but with a slight trace of excitement on his face. Remus sat down on his red and gold bedspread, the bouncing Chaser shooting Cheering Charms through hazel eyes with twice the usual amount of mischievous twinkle so many girls swooned over.
"You know how Sirius is spending loads of time with Lily?" he said, ignoring Remus' question and pacing the room, rubbing his hands together.
"Prongs, they're just friends!" Remus explained.
"Oh sure they are, Evans and the notorious womanizer are friends. It's impossible for Sirius to do that! Since you're on good terms with both, you have to figure out why this recent development happened. With Wormtail as your lackey."
"I feel like that had loads of italics in it. And I'm not doing that because you are wrong about Lily and Sirius being more than friends! It's none of your business why they became friends." Remus said, slightly exasperated. he ran a hand through his sandy tresses.
"Oh please, they can't be friends, every other girl Sirius knows he flirts with!"
"Yes but this is Lily Evans we're talking about! She's different!"
"You think I don't know that? That's the whole reason we have these conversations! Like I've said before, every summer I leave school and think I'm over the crazy bird but when I see Lily again, she's different from every other woman. She's different, that's why my first year self recognized a challenge, that's why my second year self had to try, why my third year self wanted to be friends, why fourth year wanted to be more, and why fifth year got so ridiculously addicted. But that still doesn't explain why Sirius wouldn't flirt with her!"
"Because Sirius doesn't-" Remus cut himself off, a frown playing on his lips.
"Merlin. Sirius doesn't what, Moony? What?" James couldn't help but frown. Remus sighed, defeated.
"Don't worry, Prongs, I'll play detective for you. Did you and Sirius finish the Potions homework? We want to be able to go Hogsmeade this weekend, right?"
James followed Remus back to the Common Room with self-satisfaction at his wonderful plan and wearing a small smile but he knew Remus had almost slipped up, he changed the subject at a Nimbus turn, for Agrippa's sake, and James hadn't, wouldn't, forget it. He would just have to put the next best detective there is on the case, himself! Sirius with his best-friend's-crush-stealing-tendencies and Remus with his Sirius-doesn't-secret wouldn't stand a chance!