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“So,” a familiar voice inquired as she pulled up a chair at the table where a lonely architect sat.
Kaveh looked up from his nonsense doodling and furrowed confused eyebrows, silently urging her to continue.
“I heard the big news! Where’s the ring?” Dehya picked up Kaveh’s hand an inspecting it as if a ring could hide inside someone’s skin.
Kaveh ripped his hand away, startled by the sudden accusation. “What ring?” He hissed.
Dehya looked around as if to check if anyone else was listening, even though this was the topic spreading through the city like wildfire. “You know… Your wedding ring?”
“Wedding… What?!” Kaveh curled into himself after he had lost control of the volume of his voice in an otherwise quiet cafe. “Why would I have a wedding ring?”
Dehya narrowed her eyes, seemingly trying to dissect any lies that ricocheted off of Kaveh’s tongue. She frowned as if she had found nothing. She then nodded as if she was making a newfound realization, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms across her chest. “I didn’t realize you guys were keeping it that much of a secret. It was a little disheartening to hear you two were getting married, and I hadn’t received an invite to the wedding.”
Kaveh stared at her, his jaw agape, and the gears in his brain were breaking down while trying to process what Dehya was saying. He blinked himself back to reality once he realized he was staring for way too long to be normal. “Wedding? What wedding?”
Dehya tilted her head, puzzled by Kaveh’s insistent denial. “It’s all everyone is talking about; you can’t hide it. So, I’m assuming there was no official ceremony then?”
“Official ceremony…,” Kaveh repeated quietly.
“Y’know.. You and Alhaith–”
“Alhaitham?!” Kaveh squawked and stood dramatically from his seat, forgetting to control his volume once again. “Wait– wait, wait, wait.” he slowly sat down again. “Alhaitham and I aren’t…? I am very lost. If you’d care to explain, I’d greatly appreciate it.”
“So you aren’t married?” Dehya carried a dissatisfied frown. She rocked in the chair for a while before finally grounding it completely. “Okay… So, you seriously haven’t heard people talking about it?”
“What is there to talk about?!”
“Well, word on the street is that you and Alhaitham were married,” she shrugged like that was the most nonchalant thing in the world.
Kaveh’s jaw dropped, and it remained like that until he finally resurfaced to reality. “Married?! Who-.. How–.. What?!” Kaveh curled into himself, the sudden heat scorching his cheeks was not easy to miss. He hid half of his face in his hand. His eyes darted from person to person in the cafe. Some were studying, some were enjoying a meal in this pleasant weather, and others were deep in conversation. Did all of these people think he and Alhaitham were married? Married, of all things!
“I’ll take that as a no…?”
“Of course not!” Kaveh stammered, the words seeming choked in his throat. He had never felt more humiliated in his life.
How could anyone possibly look at them and assume they were married, or, nevertheless, dating? They were clearly sworn enemies. They argued in public all of the time; it should be impossible to believe such a strange thing! He was truly mortified.
“Huh,” Dehya chuckled amusingly. “Everyone in all of Sumeru is talking about it,” she shrugged.
There absolutely had to be steam coming from Kaveh’s red-painted hot ears. He had never felt so many emotions at once in his entire life. Him? And Alhaitham? Married?
Whoever started this disgusting rumour must be some vile wannabe who has nothing better to do with their time. Kaveh wasn’t sure where to even start to process this information.
Kaveh opted to say nothing, bringing his knees to his chest and hiding between them. A very uncomfortable position when sitting in a chair.
“Why?” he groaned.
“Two of the ‘hottest’,” she used her fingers to resemble quotation marks, “akademiya graduates, who are both men, getting married is a big deal for some, I guess. Beats me.”
“We’re not married! We’re not dating, and we’re not even… friends,” he sounded unsure of himself at the last bit. He honestly had no idea what they were. Were they seriously just ex-friends turned roommates? Something trapped behind Kaveh’s ribs ached, but that wasn’t a feeling to be concerned about right now. And, maybe ever. “I– Who even…!”
Dehya laughed wholeheartedly. “Well, whoever started this rumor is a damn good liar. Who knows? Maybe this person is jealous or something?”
Kaveh rested his chin on his knees, and the volcanic color on his face only grew deeper. “This is ridiculous,” he scoffed.
Dehya cocked an interested eyebrow. “What’re you gonna do about it?”
Kaveh groaned again, but much louder this time. “I don’t know! How am I supposed to convince an entire nation that I actually want nothing to do with that asshole!”
“Whoa, sounds like a divorce announcement to me.”
“You’re not funny,” he hissed back. This certainly had to be a nightmare. There was no logical explanation for something like this. He always did hate dreaming. All he ever saw were the things he could never have, and one of those things was consistently a certain scribe. Alhaitham would always be just out of reach; he knew that much. He had ruined everything so long ago. Now, he had no choice but to repress the feelings that itched to be said. A rumor was spreading around that they were married, when Kaveh knew that would never be a possibility, and it was the worst possible information that could be passed around in all of Teyvat’s history. If not a dream, then there had to be someone taunting him. There had to be someone who somehow read Kaveh’s yearning thoughts and used them to their advantage to make his life even worse.
Whatever it was, it was torture to his poor, feeble heart.
“Dehya, you have to help me,” he pleaded. “People can not believe that! Marrying Alhaitham would be like… Like constantly licking the floor of a public restroom on purpose.”
“You got it that bad, eh?”
If Kaveh’s entire head wasn’t already red enough, it definitely was now.
“I don’t–! No! No, no. No. Listen, this just… is the most stupid gossip I’ve ever heard.” He slumped down in his chair, staring blankly off into oblivion. “It’s just weird. I don’t want anything to do with that man in the first place. I don’t even know how anyone could possibly come to that conclusion!”
“For starters–”
“Nope! There’s not one single reason!” He quickly cut her off. “You need to shut that down if you hear it. Okay?”
Dehya chuckled, but eventually agreed with an affirming nod. “I’ll keep an ear out. That’s all I can promise. If I hear anything, I’ll fix it.”
Kaveh let out a large sigh of relief with the breath he hadn’t realized was straining to leave his lungs. “Thank you.”
“You’ll owe me one,” Dehya added.
Kaveh rolled his eyes. “Is it so hard for a friend to do a favor for another?” When Dehya didn’t answer, he added “Okay, fine!” and threw up surrendering hands.
Dehya clicked her tongue and winked before leaving Kaveh to be alone with his thoughts once more.
This rumor was unfair to his fragile heart. He wishes it were real; he wishes he didn’t have to deny the allegations. He wishes to wear the most beautiful ring on his left hand that would remind him every day that Alhaitham really did love him.
Alhaitham couldn’t love him, though. Kaveh could never live up to what someone like Alhaitham needed in a lifelong partner. No matter how far he chased Alhaitham for the sake of love, he would always be a fingertip out of reach. He cursed himself every day for ruining what could’ve been all those years ago. Building what they once had was impossible, and Alhaitham certainly didn’t want that. Kaveh felt guilty every minute of every hour for feeling such a way. He was truly undeserving of Alhaitham. He had already done so much for him that it felt selfish to be in love with him.
Kaveh reluctantly dragged his briefcase off the table once he packed all his art supplies away.
“Alhaitham and I are not married!” He decided to yell out into the crowd of innocent bystanders. They all looked at him like he had gone mad, then continued to whisper to each other. As long as it was about him and Alhaitham having nothing to do with each other, he was fine with the hushed voices. In no time, the silly rumor of them being a married couple would vanish into thin air as if it hadn’t even happened.
He fiddled with the lock on the door and begrudgingly entered the shared residence with his supposed ‘spouse’.
“Alhaitham!” Kaveh called out. “I’m home!”
Alhaitham was on the divan in his usual spot, his glasses low on his nose and his eyes lost in an unfamiliar book. He simply hummed an acknowledgement.
Kaveh sighed while he removed the extra accessories he did not want to wear in the house. He hung his cape on the rack by the door, slid his shoes off, and stacked them neatly in the line of shoes they had made at the entrance, and stripped himself of any loose jewelry.
“Can I ask you something?” Kaveh asked, but he left no room for Alhaitham to permit him. “Did you know there's a… rumor about us going around?”
“Oh?” He did not look up, even when Kaveh was standing right in front of him. “What rumor?”
Kaveh squinted his eyes, searching for any hint of sarcasm that would lace his curiosity. There was no way Alhaitham didn’t know. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Kaveh groaned, crossing his arms over his chest. “People are saying we are married, Alhaitaham.”
“I know,” Alhaitham answered like it was nothing, simply just turning the page in his book.
Kaveh’s brows knotted together in frustration and a hint of embarrassment. “What do you mean you know?!” He yanked the book out of Alhaitham’s hands. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me?”
Alhaitham pressed his lips together, suppressing a frown. “I don’t see why it matters what someone else thinks. If it isn’t true, why pay attention to it in the first place? That sounds like a waste of time and energy.”
“What?! Alhaitham, this is serious!” Alhaitham reached to grab his book, but Kaveh dropped it onto the coffee table behind him. “You are just letting people walk around thinking we are married? And you don’t see a problem with that?”
“No. Now, can I have my book back?”
“You-!” He growled. “You’re insufferable, did you know that?”
“I am well aware, Kaveh.”
“How long have you known?” He swatted Alhaitham’s hand that started to search for the book.
“A week or so.”
“And you-?! You didn’t think to tell me?! I have been walking around entirely oblivious to this! I can’t be married to you.”
“What’s so wrong with it? This sounds like something that will blow over eventually.”
“What do you mean, ‘what’s so wrong with it’?” An exasperated Kaveh began to walk away, finally revealing the beloved book Alhaitham was trying to get hold of. He played it off as if he was frustrated, but in reality, he needed to get away from Alhaitham before he pointed out the discolouration that took over his face at an alarming rate.
“What’s so wrong with being married to me?” Alhaitham flipped through the pages, already trying to dive right back in.
“I didn’t say that. I am saying that people can’t be thinking we are, Haitham. Someone like you would never marry someone like me,” Kaveh muttered the last part under his breath. As a distraction, he began scouring the kitchen for something to cook.
“What was that?” Kaveh could hear that cheeky grin through his monotone voice.
“I don’t understand how you’re just going along with this!” Kaveh ignored his question and continued to press on. “You need to say something, Alhaitham.”
“Why don’t you want to be married to me?” Typical Alhaitham; always avoiding the answer.
Kaveh’s laugh was fake and pained more than it was amused. “That’s not the point, Alhaitham.”
This was turning into a game of cat and mouse where neither one of them was the winner, and they just ran in endless circles around each other.
Kaveh turned around and jumped back when Alhaitham was suddenly at the counter across from him. He still wondered how Alhaitham could still sneak up behind him even though their floorboards creaked when a walking body moved around the house.
Kaveh cleared his throat, straightening his shirt as if it were the reason he had turned into a mess. “Thanks to you, I had to find out because Dehya happened to see me. So thanks for nothing!” He huffed, resuming his task of stacking ingredients onto the counter.
“I thought you knew and were going along with it, too.”
“Why would I do that?” Kaveh responded as if he had heard the most offensive sentence that had ever left any citizen of Teyvat’s mouth.
Alhaitham shrugged.
“I don’t even want people knowing I live here. Now people are saying we are married,” Kaveh pointed an accusing spatula at Alhaitham. “Does that not sound extreme to you?”
“I think you care too much.”
“I think you care too little,” Kaveh retorted. Mid-spin back to his dish, he froze. Dialogue that felt all too familiar rang in his ears. Kaveh’s words were entirely serious, not like the last time he said them. But he meant it, still. And that was the worst part.
The world felt colder the longer silence remained between them. The images of the day Kaveh walked away started to violently play in his mind like a movie. Once again, he let something stupid slip through his bones over something that should be so small.
His body moved on autopilot. He set his utensil down and let his legs take him to his room and let his arms shut the door. He didn’t even think to glance at how Alhaitham was looking at him as he left. He couldn’t risk it.
All of this was because he wasn’t able to let go of a rumor the way Alhaitham could. But, of course, this was nothing to Alhaitham because it wasn’t affecting him the same way it did to Kaveh. Alhaitham didn’t care because the idea of being married to Kaveh didn’t tear his soul into two and set it on fire. Alhaitham didn’t have to feel the agonizing pain of a heart crying out in desperation to be noticed. Alhaitham’s body didn’t crave being loved by him. Of course, this was easy for him.
Kaveh wanted to tear his heart out. To scold his heart for the many shameful feelings it refused to let go of. To cry and beg for it to stop. What a cruel way to live, this was. Though he supposed he deserved it anyway. Nothing good ever stays gold.
“Kaveh?” Alhaitham’s gentle voice spoke out behind the door. “Can I come in?”
Kaveh wiped his eyes frantically, praying that Alhaitham wouldn’t be able to read what his face spelled out.
“Yes,” he choked out, failing already to hide.
Alhaitham opened the door slowly and peered inside. Kaveh was sitting at his desk with his back toward the door.
“Why did you do that?”
“I don’t want to talk about that anymore. The ‘marriage’.” He quoted, refusing to face his roommate.
“I don’t care about the rumors, Kaveh.”
“I know. And that’s the problem, Haitham. Just…just next time you hear anything, clear up the confusion. Wouldn’t want to scare away any actual, qualified future partners for you.” He stared at the wall ahead of him, feeling void of all the feelings that had relentlessly spilled out mere moments ago.
“Kaveh, you misunderstand me.” Kaveh shrugged off Alhaitham’s hand when he felt it on his shoulder.
“I hear you loud and clear, Alhaitham,” he bit back.
“Kaveh, look at me.”
Kaveh felt electricity shoot down his spine when Alhaitham spoke his name that time. His name sounded stuck in what almost sounded like desperation. Alhaitham never sounded like that.
Kaveh turned his body and gradually raised his head to meet Alhaitham’s eyes.
“I am trying to tell you that there is no one else I’d rather be married to. Whatever you’re saying is the exact opposite of the point I am making.”
“What?” Kaveh stood up. He hadn’t realized just how close Alhaitham was until they were face-to-face. “You don’t want that, Alhaitham,” he scoffed.
“I don’t address the allegations because I don’t care. I don’t care because I want people to think that. I don’t care about what is being said because if you’re ‘married’, at least no one can take you from me.” Alhaitham confessed, a very tiny blush appearing below his eyes. “I would want to be who you end up with when you get married one day.”
Kaveh blinked rapidly, mentally piecing together the words Alhaitham was telling him. His heart skipped a beat once the parts clicked into place and the gears started turning again. “Oh,” was all he could muster. “Wait– as in, like, we…” he pointed between them, “marry each other?”
“Yes.”
“So you mean… you…”
“Like you? Yes. Love you? Absolutely.”
Kaveh had an overwhelming urge to punch him in his pretty face because of how embarrassingly blunt he was. So he did, but not with his fists. He acted quicker than he could think. But, how could he control his actions when the man he desired for so long was confessing he wanted to actually marry him one day?
The force with which Kaveh jumped at the opportunity to selfishly take him in sent them tumbling to the ground.
Kaveh started to profusely apologize while sitting on top of him, “I’m sorry–! I’m sorry. Are you hurt? Fuck, sorry–”
Alhaitham grunted, and instead of using words to answer, he just grabbed Kaveh’s face and pulled him back in.
“Haitham,” Kaveh breathed between kisses, “you haven’t even taken me on a date yet. You can’t marry me already.”
Alhaitham lazily looked at him with a boyish smile of confusion. “Why not?”
“That’s not how it works!”
“Hm. Maybe the rules should change, then.” Kaveh was going to protest, but Alhaitham was already drinking him up again.
Kaveh taught Alhaitham how to dance with their tongues. He showed him how to explore his mouth and how to kiss him as if it were the end of the world. He showed him the many years of yearning that stayed trapped inside his poor, feeble heart.
Alhaitham taught him how hungry he was, and has always been, for Kaveh. He showed him what it meant to hold the key to his closed heart. He showed Kaveh what it felt like to be loved, to be desired. To be worth the decade they spent waiting for each other, waiting for a moment just like this.
One day, Kaveh would see a gold ring on his finger that told all other envious eyes that he was taken. And he had not only just taken, but married the sought-after scribe.
Kaveh learned within a night what it meant to be allowed and deserving to grab what he wanted most and keep it close.