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“I'M SORRY I MISSED YOU GIVING BIRTH I WAS BUSY” Said Sven, rushing into the hospital room.
“DOING WHAT???” Fiona replied, SOBBING, holding their new child.
“SOMETHING IMPORTANT.”
“MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WIFE???”
“Listen, what matters is that I'm here now. What did you name the baby?”
“Anney with an “ey” and not and ‘ie”
“… why the unique spelling.”
“Cause I was high on birth juice idk”
“Man, is it official? We really can’t name it MacKeightleigh???”
“Because I already signed the papers. Maybe if you were ON TIME you’d have say”
“Ughhhh stop it, I'm here now! Can I hold the baby”
“UM later She’s murdering my nipples rn bro takes after her father”
“Fineee. Yo wanna make another one.”
“Um-”
Before she could finish that though, Patrick bursted through the door.
“I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD?” Patricks theatre kid ass said.
“ANGELICA” Fiona joined in on instinct.
“ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON? DAMNN”
“Fiona, why is your erm brother cousin here??? Its OUR baby” Sven said, threatened by his presence"
“And who was late for OUR baby? Not by a minute but by an hour.”
“Patrick wasn’t here either”
“Yeah cause I got the baby clothings and stuff.”
“WHy did you do that that's MY job as the ACTUALLY father”
“Well I don’t see you doing it.”
“OMG how many times do I have to tell y'all I was busy? Women and females are so difficult”
“WHAT WERE YOU BUSY DOING SVEN” Fiona yelled.
“ZACHS VEINY COCK IDK STUFF”
“Um yeah what did you say?”
“Stuff?”
“Nuh uh what did you say?”
“I said ummm helping my brother yea that's what i said”
“Yeah Uhuh helping him do what.”
“Umm pick out wedding rings to propose!:
“… who is he proposing to? Why are you there and not whoever that is?”
“UMm cause im his fav sibling! And um, have you missed the whole webtoon? Patrick obvi who else-”
“WHAT” Patrick YELLED.
“Oh shit it was also supposed to be a secret.”
“HE'S GONNA PROPOSE?”
“SHUT UP GUYS THE BABY IS SLEEPING.”
“NO HE'S NOT SHE'S SUCKING YOUR BOOOBIES BRO THAT'S NOT SLEEPING BE SO FR”
“SHUT UP SVEN YOU ALREADY CAME HERE LATE DONT TELL ME HOW TO PARENT MY KID.”
“ITS MY KID TO”
“ONLY BY GENE. LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME THO.”
“BITCH THAT BABY LOOKS SO WASIAN BE SO FR SHE LOOKS LIKE BOTH OF US”
“SHE HAVE MY EYES.”
“WELL SHE HAS MY TITY SUCKING SKILLS”
“Yeah I’m gonna leave the room now.” Patrick said and left.
“BITCH THIS BABY IS MORE ME THAN YOU.”
“NO SHE IS NOT LOOK AT THAT SHIT EATING GRIN”
“SHE HAVE GREEN HAIR.”
“SHE HAS PURPLE EYES”
“NO SHE DOESN'T."
“YES SHE DOES”
Now the baby has heterochromia, but they’re stupid.
“Well I’m praying to… something, THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE YOUR INTELLIGENCE.”
“BITCH DO NOT GO THERE I LITERALLY WAS TOP OF MY POLITICS CLASS”
“YOU FAILED MATH 10 TIMES.”
“WELL MATH DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU’RE GOOD WITH WORDS”
“NEVER GO INTO POLITICS. PLEASE.”
“Fiona, I have something WILD to tell you”
“YEAH I KNOW I JUST HOPE YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT STEPPING INTO POLITICS.”
“Fiona, I'm a POLITICATION???? THAT'S WHY WE MAKE BIG BUCKS CAUSE IM AN AARON BURR TYPE PERSON”
“YOURE A NEPO BABY THATS WHERE THE MONEY COMES FROM DONT EVEN LIE TO ME.”
“WELL AT LEAST OUR BABY WILL GROW UP SPOILED”
“Oooh yeah that’s good that’s good.”
“And the grandparents have been PRAYING for a grandchild so we lowkey loaded for this one”
“Omg are you gonna turn into the favourite child with this move.”
“Yess the rest of the bloodline will NOT continue the bloodline”
“Dawg look at this baby I don’t think she’ll continue the bloodline either”
“Bro you can’t just guess a baby’s gay out of the womp”
“No, she's stupid looking. Like you’re lucky with me who knows if she’ll be lucky like that.”
“ARe you calling the baby stupid?”
“No I’m just saying you’re right she got your shit eating grin.”
“...Okay well can we have another one now???”
“NO bitch I have to take care of this one”
“But what about unprotected sex 🥺”
“NO BUTS WE CAN DO IT WHEN SHE TURN TWO OR SMTH. That’s a healthy age gap.”
“UGHH FINEEEE well your staying at home and watching the kids you unemployed"
“UGH WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER HEAR ABOUT THIS ONE.”
“MY FATHER IS LITERALLY FUNDING OUR NEW MANSION FOR THIS BABY BRO”
“YKNOW WHAT I NEED PEACE AND QUIET SHUT UP.”
“CAN I HOLD THE BABY NOW?”
“FINE HOLD HER. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”
Meanwhile
“Simon, are you gonna propose?” Patrick asked, as soon as he got in bed.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well Sven said you’re gonna propose so like, are u”
“Sven huh. Idk what he’s on about.” Simon used gaslight!
“Are you sureeeee”
“Yeah we’ve only been together for 10 years, that's too early.”
“That's a fucking decade- we literally moved out together”
“Yeah it’s still too early y'know."
“Simon you’re a chudass liar omg”
Simon was sweating bullets. “Uuuuh nuh uh. Like if I’m gonna propose there will be signs.”
“Uh huh, like what?”
“Ummm idk you gotta watch out for it.”
“This is like a GIANT sign. It's a big red sign saying ‘MARRY ME”
“Nuh uh uh.”
“OKay well y’know where to fine me when you’re ready to propose” Patrick said, as if they quite literally didn’t sleep in the same fucking bed in the same fucking house be so for real.
“Go to sleep, I'm NOT proposing.”
“Okayyy” Patrick passed out because, um, he was tired.
Simon called Sven, who was still at the hospital.
“WHY DID YOU TELL PAT I WAS PROSPOSING?”
“CAUSE I WAS LATE TO MY OWN CHILD BIRTH AND I NEEDED A GOOD REASON.”
“WELL NOW HE KNOWS YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE"
“UUUH WAIT 5 MORE YEATS TILL HE FORGET ABOUT IT.”
“NO IT TAKES FIVE YEARS TO PLAN A WEDDING”
“IDK WHAT ABOUT A MONTH. HES STUPID HELL FORGET.”
“UGHH WHERE EVEN ARE YOU”
“THE HOSPITAL. MY WIFE JUST GIVES BIRTH???”
“Aww thats so- WAIT YOU WERE LATE???”
“YOU ACTUALLY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME??!”
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST JOKING HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU LATE”
“WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THIS- TO HELP YOU DUMBASS.”
“NUH UH YOU LEFT AN HOUR EARLY. WHERE WERE YOU IN BETWEEN.”
“I WAS DRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL"
“THE HOSPITAL IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE MALL”
“UMMM I WAS LOOKING FOR BABY CLOTHES.”
“I KNOW THAT DIDNT HAPPEN CAUSE PATRICK GOT ALL THE BABY STUFF”
“UMMM YMMMM.” You can hear Sven running out of the room. Then he whispered, “I lowkey cracked Zach.”
“.....”
“Dude I can’t help it okay.”
“Omg just tell your gf you like ZAch more”
“Well Zach don't have massive knocker’s so i do love her more he’s just the side piece”
“….”
“YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND”
“THEN HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY THAT WAS YOUR METRIC?”
“CAUSE MOTORBOATS GOES BRRRRR”
“... IM HANGING UP”
“NO NO PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS LIKE I CHESTED LOWKEY.”
“SEND ME PHOTOS OF MY NIECE, IM LITERALLY GOING”
“Here!!”
“Awwww it doesn’t look like you at all.”
“Yes she does”
“No, she's cute and adorable. Your genes didn’t even try, thank gosh.”
“She has my eye’s”
“That shit is green.”
“NO ITS PURPLE”
Again, the baby has heterochromia, these bitches are just stupid.
“Is scarlet gonna come?”
“To see the baby? I hope so, i lowkey wanna get outta the hospital, my wife have to stay here like three days”
“You’re gonna be just like our father.”
“Bro chill out ill literally come back in the morning its just im not living in the hospital for three days”
“… “
“Its not like giving birth is hard, l literally did that in this random ass ao3 mpreg fic”
“Your wife just pushed out a WHOLE PERSON????"
“Yeah and?”
“Did you idk… maybe get her food or smth it sounds like you didn’t.”
“LIsten I go in, I go out-”
“Omg are you deadass???”
“What? She just gave birth so that means no food right.”
“Im literally gonna bring food bro i feel so bad. SHE LITERALLY NEEDS FOOD”
“Can you get me a sushi boat?”
“Fuck no nothing for your ass”
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