Chapter Text
peter parker knew he would die a slow, painful death the second he put on the spider-man suit for the first time.
his life is overtaken and dictated by death.
itis something he thinks about a lot — losing his parents at the age of four, and then his uncle ben, essentially his father figure, made him think about how fragile life is.
having his uncle's blood on his hands, fighting crime in new york city, watching the news, gaining wounds and injuries out on the streets, it made him realize a lot of things.
first of all, the world is a cruel place. second, putting yourself out there means exposing yourself to all that cruelty. he's seen people get robbed, shot, stabbed, killed. peter is no fool — he can't make the world a better place by just looking out for people in his neighborhood.
he can sure as hell try, though.
so when his sixth sense alerts him about danger and he sees the ominous spaceship in the sky, he doesn't think twice. he gets out of the school bus unnoticed, and swings to the source of chaos. he gets there just in time to stops a huge, weird-looking alien-like man from smashing mr. stark into a flat pancake.
"hey, man!" peter says, and his hand doesn't even tremble. the creature is like, three times his size. his super-strength will never not amaze him. "what's up, mr. stark?"
"kid, where'd you come from?" iron man asks, and peter is so happy to see him he almost forgets he's holding back an alien man with his bare hands. gods, he loves being spider-man. this is like, star wars level of cool.
"a field trip to moma!" his luck runs out and the fight with the guy from space starts.
"uh, what is this guy's problem, mr. stark?"
tony grunts. "he's from space. he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard" right. totally makes sense.
the creature grabs spider-man in his chain-hammer and swings him around before throwing him away. he then throws a taxi at tony, but peter sees him dodging. spider-man snags the taxi with his webbing and slams it right on top of the big alien guy.
then an unconscious dude in a red cape flies by and, okay, now nothing can surprise peter anymore.
"kid, that's the wizard, get on it!" tony tells him, and peter doesn't really know how iron man can alone deal with the dude from space, but he's not one to argue with mr. stark.
"on it!"
everything after is kind of a blur, and he listens to his body as it sends him signals how to avoid being smashed to death. he loves the thrill of a good fight — even though it's more of a attempting to do as much damage as possible while actively trying to not die situation.
one second, he has the wizard guy. the other—
"uh, mr. stark, i'm being beamed up" he says into his comm, and holy shit this is so against physics.
"hang on, kid!"
he doesn't do a lot of hanging on, because then all of the sudden, he's kinda on the spaceship and he's kinda fucked.
"pete, you gotta let go, i'm gonna catch you" normally, he'd freak out over the tony stark having a nickname for him, but he's focused on crawling up the ship. and not to say peter doesn't trust tony — because he does — but he had one job and he will not give up on it.t
"but you said save the wizard!" he wheezes out, his chest tight, and oh, he's running out of air. "i can't breathe" he takes off his mask, but it doesn't help.
"we're too high up, you're running out of air!"
"yeah, that makes sense" he agrees, his lungs tight and burning. his vision blurs and the world around him spins, and all of the sudden, his grip on the spaceship loosens and he barely registers that he's falling.
before his oxygen-lacking brain realizes what's happening, there's nanotech all over him, he feels his body hitting a surface and he's fully awake again, fully able to breathe.
"mr. stark, it smells like a new car in here!"
holy shit, holy shit!, this is the best day of his life.
getting that new suit means everything to him. it means mr. stark has made it essentially for him to wear and had it prepared for when peter was ready to put it on.
oh, and also, it saves him from dying, so. there's that.
"happy trails, kid!"
"oh, come on!" peter yells, because hello, he's in space? no way he's coming back right now.
the suit tries to take him back on earth, but peter parker is nothing if not stubborn. he grits his teeth and shoots a web that attaches to the spaceship. he makes it inside.
everything after happens fast and it's so unreal that it feels like a dream. peter survives his trip to space, and officially becomes an avenger.
and, holy shit!, that's the coolest thing that has ever happened to him. museum of modern art has nothing on this. he can't wait to tell ned. he's gonna freak out; peter sure as hell is.
peter doesn't get the chance to tell ned about his trip to space or becoming part of the avengers team.
he doesn't get a chance to do anything, really, because one second they're fighting thanos, next second he's saving everyone from the debris from the moon, and then thanos is gone.
thunder roars above their heads, the weight of defeat heavy on everyone's chests. he makes his way towards mr. stark, his mask off, and he breathes slowly, feeling the familiar post-battle tiredness. somehow, it feels like it's not really over. he can't explain it.
he helps mr. stark get up, and he can sniff the metallic smell of blood coming from his body. he grits his teeth as he realizes his mentor must've gotten stabbed while fighting thanos.
"you okay?" he forces out, and squeezes tony's shoulder in reassurance. mr. stark nods, and he wants to say something else, but—
peter gets a weird feeling. there's chills running down his spine, and before he gets to voice his concern, mantis speaks up. "something's happening"
peter swallows down the bitter taste of worry, apprehension creeping under his skin. he knows something is terribly wrong and it makes no sense at all because no one is attacking them. there's no one evil here — not anymore.
and yet, his spidey sense is activated. usually, it starts as a gentle nudge somewhere beneath his skin, then his body hair stands up and he follows its directions.
this time, it's different. it begins as a tug in his gut, then keeps on growing and spreading through his body. in the matter of seconds, his sixth sense is screaming. peter's head is pounding, exhaustion creeping in, but his entire body is vibrating. it's overwhelming to the point he doesn't know what's happening. first, he thinks maybe thanos is back, but he looks around, and it's just mr. stark, dr. strange and the guardians. everyone looks fine — wounded and tired, but alive and standing.
so what's wrong?
he doesn't get an answer, but his head feels like it's about to explode, and he can't stop his fingers from trembling. there's a wave of exhaustion that hits him and all of the sudden, his knees are weak under him. he barely manages to hold himself upright. it makes no sense — due to the spider bite, he is able to exert himself much longer than normal humans without tiring.
his body feels like it's shutting down, and combined with his screaming spider-sense, peter is confused as hell. his pronounced survival instinct which warns him of impending danger usually helps him operate better. right now, it just makes him feel more disoriented. he can't focus.
he's about to ask mantis what she's feeling and then she just turns into specks of dust right in front of his eyes. he blinks. his vision blurs.
peter's ears are ringing as his attention switches between the place where mantis was standing just a minute ago to drax, who also disappears, and then his eyes move on their own towards star lord.
"steady, quill" mr. stark says, and peter feels his heart ache as the man turns into dust.
spider-man blinks as a voice makes it through the buzzing in his ears. his eyes go in and out of focus, but he can make out dr. strange's silhouette.
"tony... there was no other way" he says in a shaky voice. peter inhales sharply as he sees the man turn into dust and blow away.
oh. oh.
his breathing picks up as his brain slowly connects the dots. the spider sense is warning him about death. through the cloud of confusion surrounding his thoughts, he realizes it's not just because others are dying.
it's because he's about to disappear, too.
his legs are shaking and peter doesn't know how much longer he will last. his breaths come out ragged, and it's like he can't force enough oxygen in to satisfy his lungs. he wheezes, pain shooting from his chest to his fingertips.
"mr. stark?" he says quietly. no, no, please.
"i don't feel so good" peter mumbles out, and he tries to steady himself, but he can't. his legs aren't working and they're so heavy that moving them feels impossible. spider-man looks at his hands. they're shaking, his entire body trembling, and he stumbles over his own feet.
"you're all right" the man says, and peter knows it's a lie. he appreciates the effort. as his body continues to give up on him, tony tries to reassure him, as fathers do (or at least peter thinks they do). he tells peter that he’ll be okay, even though tony clearly knows that’s not the case — they both do, as everyone else just faded away around them.
he blinks, tony's figure blurring as his vision goes in and out of focus. it's hard to keep his eyes open, a headache pulsating behind them. peter feels pain in every part of his body, and he loses control of it.
"i don't—i don't know what's happening, i don't—" he staggers forward, and tony catches him he clings to life out of his own fear, trying to grab onto tony and stay with him. through the black spots obscuring his vision, he notices that tony seems physically fine, not dusty at all. that eases peter's mind a little bit. then another wave of pain shoots through him."hey, hey" he says, and he doesn't know why. his voice is stained by anguish and panic. his entire body hurts. oh, gods, it hurts so much.
he's dying. he must be. but why?
he doesn't know what exactly is happening to him, but whatever it is, it affects him differently than others. his enhanced metabolism allows him a much faster and extensive recuperation rate than normal humans. it's clearly not enough to prevent him from dying, though.
that's what this is, isn't it? it's the end. he's dying. he's gonna die in his spider-man suit, just like he knew he would.
"i don't want to go" he confesses, and he realizes just how scared of dying he is. he's pleading for his life, begging tony to do something to stop it. he knows it isn't fair — mr. stark is utterly helpless. he can't save him, no one can save peter parker from his death, not even his enhanced healing. peter feels his body doing its best to prevent whatever is happening to him, but death has a tight grip on him. he feels himself slowly fading away, and there's a weird feeling of dissociation casting a fog over his mind. he can't feel his fingers anymore. it's like he's being detached from his body, like someone is ripping out his limbs.
he can't feel his grip on tony's body, his fingers not responding. he feels his hands slipping away. his senses go overdrive as the sudden understanding settles in — his body's atoms are destroying themselves.
peter panics as he realizes he's literally turning to dust. a choked sob wrecks out of his throat. "i don't want to go, sir, please" he forces out through his tight throat. he wasn't supposed to die here. not like this.
aunt may won't even have a body to bury. he will just disappear into thin air. peter chokes on his ragged breaths. the pained pleas leave his mouth on their own, and he can't stop them.
"please, i don't wanna go" is an endless loop, and he wishes he could stop, because mr. stark looks like peter's words are causing him physical pain. peter cries out, his entire body aching and numb all at the same time. his desperation and panic can be heard in his voice, and there's nothing but fear and pain on his mind. "i don't want to go" he sobs, hot tears running down his cheeks.
he fully loses control of himself and lets his body collapse on the ground, rough landing sending another wave of pain shooting through his body. he's heavy and weightless at the same time.
peter looks at the man through his blurry vision, wall of tears building in his eyes. he catches so many feelings on tony's eyes — guilt, fear, regret.
he remembers what tony told him after the ferry incident.
"and if you died, i feel like that's on me. i don't need that on my conscience"
and now peter parker is dying in tony's arms. gods, he fucked up badly, didn't he?
peter thinks about why he's even here in the first place — because he disobeyed mr. stark and got on that goddamn spaceship. but it was not because he was trying to impress him, but because he was trying to help him. not because he’s tony stark and he wants to be seen by him, but because it’s the right thing to do. and he ends up becoming an avenger by circumstance, not by choice.
he knows he would've died if he stayed at home anyway. but maybe at least then, tony wouldn't have to watch him disappear. he wouldn't have to blame himself for peter's death.
peter tries to tell him something comforting — it's not your fault, i'm not dying because of you, i chose this for myself — but he can't force words out of his mouth. they die on his tongue, and he feels himself losing grip on reality. his ears are ringing and the world blurs around him. he can barely breathe as the pain shoots through his body. he looks at tony stark and notices his teary eyes and, wow, peter has never felt this fucking shitty in his entire life.
"i'm sorry" he whispers, feeling like a disappointment.
he lets himself slip away into the darkness, and the last thing he registers is pain and mr. stark's hands on his crumbling to dust body.
death is weirder than peter expected it to be. one minute he's dying, one minute he's… not?
maybe it's because he didn't die, after all.
he wakes up with a wheezy gasp ripping out from his throat and a faint ache in his chest. it's some sort of a phantom pain, a lingering feeling of a situation he's no longer in. overall, his body feels… whole. like everything is right and its in place. like he hasn't been falling apart just a minute ago.
"what in the world…" he whispers in a hoarse voice. he blinks and looks around.
he's still on titan, but something's different. there's no one around.
"mr. stark?" he yells out anyway, hope faintly burning in his chest. no one answers him. "is anybody here?"
then— a heartbeat.
he turns around to find no one behind him. maybe he's hallucinating.
"peter parker" he hears, and whoops his head around, the buzzing in his ears dying down. relief sparks in his chest. "welcome back, spider-man"
he blinks repeatedly until he makes out a shape in front of him — a man's silhouette. a mr. stark? dies on his tongue as he realizes it's actually dr. strange.
"sir?" he mumbles out, confusion clear in his voice.
his senses pick up a presence of three other people. they appear in the exact same spots in which they were standing as peter watched them turn to dust. he looks around, hoping to see mr. stark as well. something tells him he's not here, though.
"i know this must be overwhelming, but i need you to come with me" the wizard says calmly, but with firmness.
there's no tony stark anywhere to be seen. or the blue-skinned alien lady. peter feels worry grow in his chest as he realizes he has no clue where his mentor is or if he's okay.
"what?" peter asks, a weird numbness to his body. it's almost sore. something is wrong.
"it has been five years since what you remember. thanos has used the infinity stones. we need to go"
"five ye— what the hell?" he asks, confused. he can hear the guardians ask questions from behind him as well.
"i need you to be prepared to fight. can you do that?"
peter grits his teeth, anticipation thrumming under his skin. if fighting meant getting out of death's grip…
"yeah, okay" he said, nodding, his voice firm. dr strange moves his hands and orange sparks flare in the air, slowly creating a circle floating in the air. peter grits his teeth as he looks at the portal. "let's go"
as he swings through the portal, peter comes to a realization — he's about to fight for his life. he goes through the glowing circle and lands on the ground.
there's orange portals everywhere, and crowds of people come out of them — wakanda warriors, argardian soldiers, sorcerers, some faces he recognizes from the internet and most he has never seen before. there's ships and all sorts of weapons.
his breath hitches at the sight of ms potts landing a few meters in front of him in a blue, iron-man like suit. he's surrounded by people, and his spider senses are thrumming quietly, almost like warning whispers, in the back of his mind.
he takes a deep breath, slouching low with his toes on the ground, knees flared wide, and one hand pressed flat against the floor ready to spring. his mask slips back on his face.
"avengers!" the captain america yells on his left, his shield broken, body covered in sweat, dust in blood. his voice echoes through the battlefield and peter can feel his body tensing. "assemble"
the battlefield erupts in screams and roars, and peter acts on pure instinct after that. he shoots his webs and attaches to the ships flying above his head, swinging towards the front lines. a hint of fear sparks in his chest, but he pushes it down and forces himself to focus. the world blurs into the bad guys and the good guys; he fights the ugly creatures and helps the latter.
he listens to his spider senses, trusts his abilities and follows his body's instructions. he moves swiftly, throws punches when he has to, shoots webs when he can, moves out of the way when he's forced to. his smooth way of fighting is a familiar rhythm he taps into gladly, although the stakes are way higher than they've ever been before.
a mild tingle on the back of his neck leads him forward. he shoots two webs towards a alien and yanks it backwards, his sense humming, and he weaponizes his awareness by pulling the creature right under ant man's huge foot. it gets squashed before it manages to cause any harm to iron man.
tony's nano-tech hides away and lets peter see his face.
"hey!" spider-man yells in relief, glad to finally have his eyes landing on someone familiar. "mr. stark!"
tony's gaze falls on him and multiple emotions flash through his face, ghost of fear and shadow of relief in his expression.
peter’s own mask hides away as he reaches out towards tony, grabs his arm and pulls him up effortlessly. he can't help the smile that shows up on his face. meanwhile, tony looks like he's looking at a ghost.
that's what peter parker is to him, though — a ghost of a boy that died in his arms on a unfamiliar planet, reduced to ash. a shadow of a kid who has been gone for five years.
peter looks at his mentor, who looks like he might just drop to his knees, tears shining in his sad, brown eyes. his head tilts slightly and peter catches the way his heartbeat picks up.
"holy shit! you will not believe what's been going on. do you remember when we were in space? and i got all dusty? and i must've passed out, because i woke up and you were gone. but doctor strange was there, right? and he said "it's been five years, come on, they need us" and he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time…" he rambles with enthusiasm.
tony smiles through the tears building up in his eyes. “oh, he did? oh no” he says, and then reaches out towards the boy.
"what are you doing?" peter asks, confused, as the man brings him in for a hug. he stands still, paralyzed as tony's arms hold him in a tight embrace.
we're not there yet rings in his ears.
"hold me" tony demands in a weak tone, and peter obliges. his hands slowly make their way to the man's back, and he hugs him. uncertainty and respect turn into comfort and relief.
gods, it's so good to be held.
"oh...this is nice" he murmurs. for a second, it's just him and his mentor in a tight embrace, the sounds of the battle settling down around them. peter breathes in the familiar scent of coffee and cologne. his senses quiet down for the first time since his body started turning to ash — something that happened five years ago, but for him, it's been five minutes.
he allows his muscles to relax just for a moment. tony presses a quick kiss to his left cheek and peter almost dies on the spot. he doesn't fight the tears that show up in his eyes, instead clings to the dark haired man closer, his nose pushed against his neck. he doesn't mind the cold steel of the iron man's suit, embracing the warmth that comes from just being cared for.
as badly as he wishes it could last forever… it doesn't. the fight isn't over. there is no time for heartfelt reunions and catching up.
they have a war to win.
the fight is a blur until his spider senses lead him towards the wizard guy (not him again!). he swings towards him and takes out a few aliens on his way.
"i got it!" he yells as he grabs the gauntlet from the black panther. they all have a simple mission: get the stones to the van.
simple is a bad word, though, when alien-like creatures are on his ass and he can't stop for even a second. he keeps his breath as steady as possible as he makes it through the bigger swarms of enemies, dodging them like it's an instinct.
his spider sense is thrumming at the base of his neck — not loud, not distracting, but vibrant and centering.
peter has the gauntlet in his hands and a target on his back. he swings, flies and runs through the battlefield. his ears are ringing, echoes of explosions screaming in his mind alongside one consistent thought: don't let the bad guys get the stones.
he's close to being torn apart by thanos' army, but captain rogers gets him out, which, honestly, is cool as hell.
ms pepper shows up out of nowhere with a "hang on, i got you, kid", and peter really hopes he gets to spend time with her properly after all of this is over.
he also gets a ride on a pegasus (what the fuck?), but then he's back on his feet on the ground when they get shot from the sky.
he thanks the universe for blessing him with good stamina. if it wasn't for his supernatural abilities, peter probably would be laying on the ground, wheezing from exhaustion. he's covered in blood — not just his own — dust and sweat. his breathing pace is fast as his senses work overtime to keep him out of harm's way, hands tightly gripping the gauntlet.
it's so loud that his ears are constantly ringing, eruptions echoing. holy shit, this is way bigger than being a friendly spider-man in the neighborhood.
an explosion blasts right next to him and he thinks he might pass out for a second. maybe he doesn't — maybe even his enhanced senses have a hard time catching up to the intensity of the fight. his mask slides off his face at some point, maybe because it's getting harder for him to breathe in it. maybe because he doesn't really care about keeping his identity a secret anymore. without his goggles, he has to blink a lot, his enhanced vision overwhelmed by the bright lights and constantly moving people and objects.
he covers his head from the blasts on impulse, survival instinct kicking in. the gauntlet is somewhere next to him — he can feel the stones' power on his skin, his senses vibrating at the mere concept of their strength.
the blasts stop, and instead are being fired at the sky, but his enhanced hearing is clearly temporarily damaged. he can hear himself swallow, and even his breathing is too loud for him. overstimulation makes him close his eyes shut, trying to breathe through the raging headache.
the ship is blown up from the inside, something — someone? — blasting through hit with an inhuman speed. he feels the powerful presence approaching him. peter doesn't want to look, but his senses are humming, and he forces himself to open his eyes. his tingle isn't screaming, so he figures the person isn't danger to him.
his ears are ringing as a blonde woman lands next to him and yep, she seems like she is way much more qualified for this job than he is. holy fuck.
"hi, i'm— peter parker" he says, because what even is the point of hiding his identity if his mask is off? his thoughts are messy, overlapping, making him feel confused. blinking hurts. his head is pounding. maybe he has a concussion.
"hey, peter parker" she says with a smile, and okay, maybe they have a chance to win with her on their side. "you got something for me?"
he gets up on weak knees. his nose is bleeding and yeah, he's definitely concussed. his vision is blurry as he stares at the army running towards the, his tingle spiking again. "i don't know how you're gonna get it through all that"
"don't worry" he hears from behind him, and holy fuck!, that's wanda maximoff. this is kinda the best day of his life. or maybe the worst, but it has some perks.
"she's got help"
well, that does nothing, because a second later his spider senses are screaming, and he flinches as a loud blow erupts from the battlefield. he figures the van must have gotten blown up when someone says a loud fuck! in his earpiece.
he swallows as his body urges him to runs towards it. his breath is heavy as he does, knees shaking, fingers trembling.
he runs, gritting his teeth and using all the stamina he has inside of his body, his muscles straining as he forces himself to run faster. his mask covers his face and he doesn't have to squint anymore, eyes focused on the place where the explosion happened. he gets there in a short time, and once again finds himself thankful for his supernatural speed and strength. he doesn't stop, fear spiking in his chest as he notices three avengers near thanos and the gauntlet.
he manages to see clearly that captain america and thor can't take down the titan. steve rogers ends up on the ground unconscious, but peter can hear his heart beating. he switches his eyes towards the gantlet. it's on a small hill, bounces off a pile of rubble before finally coming to a stop.
thanos grabs it as is about to snap, but captain marvel is faster. spider-man stops running towards them, standing on shaky knees a few meters away. the blonde is powerful, and her stance is strong, unmovable as she confronts thanos directly and uses her raw power to force his fingers open, stopping him from snapping his fingers with the gauntlet.
but then peter's senses yell again and he twitches in fear as he realizes something bad is gonna happen.
and it does — he removes a purple stone from the glove and uses it to give a more powerful punch that can hurt her. the woman flies through the battlefield and peter knows they're about to lose.
thanos tries to put the purple stone back in its place, and mr. stark attempts to pull the gauntlet away from the titan. as peter breathes in agonizing gasps, he sees the man being tossed away like a broken toy. he winces at the way ironman harshly hits the ground. spider-man forces himself to focus on the titan instead, the quiet, but stable echo of tony's pulse thrumming in his ears.
his gaze finds the gauntlet on the titan's hand and it lingers on it. thanos is gonna use the stones to kill all of them and there's no one else here to stop him.
realization settles in and it creeps as a strong buzz at the back of his skull. he feels the air movements around him, the ground vibrations, the tremble of his own body. his breath hitches. spider-man's skin is covered in chills and cold sweat. his fingers are trembling with anticipation, his own heartbeat echoing in his ears as the seconds go by. the always acting guiding force deep-seated within his body suddenly feels like a curse — like a responsibility weighting him down.
he lets out a shaky exhale and allows his body to be controlled by his sixth sense. peter's eyes fall on doctor stephen strange, his enhanced eyesight making it possible for him to see the man's gesture clearly.
the wizard looks at him with sad eyes and a firm expression. his trembling finger makes peter's heart stop for a split second, his breath hitching in realization.
"how many did we win?"
"one"
this is it. this is their only chance of winning. they can't kill thanos using force or weapons. he's too strong while he has all six of the infinity stones. they need to get them away from him and use them. if no one snaps to get rid of thanos, then everybody dies. forever, this time, and there won't be any coming back.
it's an obvious decision, and even though peter is scared shitless, he makes it anyway. the choice isn't a choice at all. it's either snap and die but save everyone else, or not snap, and then die alongside everybody.
he rips his eyes away from dr strange and focuses on thanos. his blood runs cold as he sees the titan put the purple stone back in the gauntlet, power of now all six infinity stones surging through his body.
here goes nothing.
spider-man launches forward, shooting a web towards the man.
"peter, no!" he hears iron man from somewhere behind him, the man gasping as he tries to get on his feet. peter doesn't let that distract him.
he uses as much strength as he can gather to rip the gauntlet from the villain's grip. he pulls the web string hard, but thanos rips it off the gauntlet without any issue. peter grits his teeth angrily. adrenaline pumps in his veins as he get closer, ignoring the titan's angry roars, and using his super strength, he grabs the gauntlet. he squints his eyes and lets his fingers stick to the metal surface.
stick, he begs himself. he doesn't let go even when the titan's arm flies towards his body. peter gets thrown backwards, a hard punch to the stomach sending him meters away from the alien. it makes him stop breathing for a moment, his breath hitching in his chest. he coughs and forces the air back in his lungs.
"i am inevitable" thanos announces in a serious voice, and peter almost gags, his eyes blurring as he watches him bring his fingers together. he hears mr. stark shout something in protest.
the titan snaps.
nothing happens.
peter breathes in, and out, and again. his eyes go in and out of focus as he gets on his feet. he's wobbling, but stands proudly, gaze focused on thanos in front of him. he lets the man connect the dots, the titan confused as he notices the absence of the gauntlet on his own hand.
the power surges through him as the stones find their places on his suit's hand piece, the gauntlet reforming to fit his palm's size. electricity sparks through his body and he feels nauseous to the point he almost throws up, the acid taste pressing down on his tongue. spider-man trembles, pain shooting through his entire body. he sees the colorful light glimmering from his fingers that go numb from the pain. his mask slides off his face as he tries to force oxygen into his body, and his every breath is painful.
peter's knees buckle under him and he falls down harshly, a gasp escaping his lips.
it's worse than having a building crash on him. it's worse than crumbling to dust on the planet titan. it's worse than anything peter has ever experienced.
it's beyond words, screams or silence.
every fiber of his being begs him to tear the stones away from his suit. his spider senses yell at him so loud he can't hear his own thoughts. you're in danger! echoes through his mind, and for the first time in his life, peter chooses to ignore his sixth sense, pushing it as deep down his mind as he can.
his right hands trembles as he brings it up for thanos to see. spider-man smiles, tears glimmering in his eyes. thanos looks at him, and it's the first time peter's seen him actually scared. he can't help the sickening satisfaction that flickers inside of him at the sight.
"how many did we win?" echoes in his mind. "one" the image of dr strange's finger flashes through his head."i am inevitable" rings in peter's ears. he smirks and tilts his head, eyes set on thanos. his head spins as he does.
"are you?" he asks in a cocky tone, and brings his middle finger and thumb together. his hand trembles, but he grits his teeth and pushes through the pain.
"pete, no!" he hears tony yell from somewhere near him. he doesn't let the fear and desperation in his mentor's voice stop him. "someone take that thing away from him!" mr. stark shouts in a panicked voice, and if peter could focus on anything else but the pain, he'd notice captain america and thor gasp in shock from a small distance.
the pain clouds his every sense, overwhelming him to the point that he almost passes out. he channels it — that pain, that ache and hurt, and and focuses on the stones at his right hand. he thinks hard about thanos and his army and how badly he wants them gone. he thinks about his allies, the people who are fighting for the world, and how badly he wants them to win.
"pete!" tony yells. peter doesn't hear it.
he snaps.
a flash of light makes peter close his eyes. he welcomes the end with open arms, pain flaring through his body as the world turns white.
he goes limp with the thought of death on his mind.
peter is not gonna lie, he kinda thought he would die the second he snapped. he thought maybe it'd be quick, over as the light beam spreads through the battlefield; that the infinity stones would rip the life out of his body right away.
but clearly, it doesn't work like that. he knows he would be lucky to disappear in the flash of light — and peter parker is anything but lucky.
consciousness returns to him violently, sharply, unexpectedly. one second there's the overwhelming light of the snap, then the darkness, and then there's light again. it blinds him and makes his world spin. he doesn't really know what's happening, besides the fact that he's in so much pain he knows the death is right around the corner.
peter thought that, maybe, he has gotten the gist of the whole death experience. that it wouldn't surprise him this time, that he will be prepared for what's to come.
he isn't.
this is, like, the thousand times more painful than crumbling to dust on titan was. it seems much slower, too.
he finds himself still on his knees, holding himself up by his left arm. his right one burns and aches, a non-moving limb. he's shaking, and that makes his body hurt even more.
"peter!" he hears from somewhere, but he can't identify the voice through his wheezy breathing and loud heartbeat trashing around in his ribcage. he might be imagining the voice, as well, his brain trying to distract him from the pain.
he forces ragged breaths into his chest, even though his lungs are burning. he's wheezing and can hear the weird whistling sound after each time he inhales. he chokes on air, his entire body tense, his respiration hallow and in distress. his rapid heartbeat echoes and it seems to send waves of pain through his chest.
"hey, peter, can you hear me? it's tony"
he's surprised when he realizes there's no familiar buzzing of his spider sense. it's fully quiet, like it knows there's no point in warning peter of danger, and he almost wishes it was screaming at him right now. then he'd be able to focus on the familiar chills running down his spine or the feeling of his blood bubbling, and not on the pain.
his left hands gives out and he closes his eyes, prepared for his face to hit the ground. it doesn't.
"kid, okay, i got you" someone touches his arm, and peter winces.
the pain overwhelms him to the point he feels like he's gonna explode. every single part of his body is burning, sensation hot enough for him to think he's actually on fire. his tongue drowns in the metallic taste of blood, and peter realizes it's about to go down his throat.
he coughs, suddenly unable to breathe, and he figures he must be choking on his own blood. the liquid gurgles in his throat and his eyes burn as someone forces him to lay on his side. someone is helping him. "just let it out" someone says, and peter does. the blood slowly trails out of his mouth until a coughing fit begins and he starts heaving. he croaks a whine as his chest tightens in pain.
"you're okay, you're all right"
he isn't. peter knows he is anything but okay.
he coughs some blood out, but he also swallows some of it. he doesn't realize he started crying until he tastes salty tears on his chapped lips. he's close to vomiting, but his body doesn't have enough strength to send bile up his throat.
his right arm burns badly. he doesn't dare to try to touch it or move his hand, although he really wants to get those fucking stones off of himself.
he doesn't even know if it actually worked. he isn't strong enough to open his eyes to find out. he stays down, laying on his left side, eyelids closed shut as he wheezes, forcing ragged breaths through his mouth. peter's not sure how the hell he is still alive. he hears the wheeze of his own painful breathing and then another cough wrecks out of him. fuck, it hurts so much.
"just breathe, pete, it's okay" a familiar voice says, and through his hazy mind, peter identifies it as mr. stark's.
then more voices come from somewhere above him. behind him? he can't locate them, his ears ringing, head pulsating painfully.
he inhales sharply as he feels someone's soft hand on his cheek. peter doesn't protest, even though the touch feels like flames licking his skin. he thinks he cries out in pain, but he can't be certain.
there's a muffled peter, can you hear me?, but he doesn't know who's talking.
darkness pulls him back under, and he loses his grip on reality.
it doesn't last long, and he knows he's conscious again when he feels the stiffness in the right side of his neck.
he involuntarily sniffs in a sickening smell as he forces a sharp breath through his nose. he tries to breathe through the ache, but he can smell something burned and—
oh god. it's him, isn't it? it's his arm under the suit. that would explain the rough, ash-like smell assaulting him from everywhere.
did the stones burn his skin? if they did, does that mean the snap had worked? he's not sure of anything. the only thing he registers is pain. the only thing he feels is pain. the only thought on his mind is pain.
painpainpain.
"peter?"
gods, it hurts so much.
someone must haul him up to a sitting-like position, because one second his face is on the ground, and the next his forehead is resting against someone's chest. he breathes shakily as someone's hand gently supports his head, his neck too weak for him to control it. he feels like a rag-doll, his body fully out of his grasp.
"careful, careful!" someone yells above his head, and peter swears their voice bursts his ears. he whines and stops immediately, the noise making his throat burn as if someone was pouring acid into his mouth and forcing him to swallow it.
everything is so fucking loud.
"peter? pete, bud, can you hear me?"
everything hurts. he didn't know something could hurt this badly.
"kid, can you open your eyes for me?" it's tony.
he can't. he isn't strong enough to.
the darkness grabs him roughly and he feels his body going limp in mr. stark's embrace. as ashamed as he is to admit it, he doesn't fight it.
staying conscious hurts too badly.
the darkness doesn't claim him. he feels his body going numb one second and the next one sparks of pain go up his limbs again. his jaw tightens as the headache wrecks him.
"pete. peter, i need you to hold on, okay?"
he sobs as he realizes he's awake again. pain makes his body feel heavy. he can't move a single finger. he squeezes his eyes, then stops abruptly, as he realizes it makes the pain worse.
time doesn't seem to be real anymore. peter isn't aware of anything but the pain overwhelming his body that fights hard against the stone's influence, his enhanced healing doing its best.
it's like titan all over again. he's gonna die, and he won't be able to say goodbye to his aunt.
"'ay" he forces out in a quiet whimper. "tell m—may i—i'm sorry"
there's tingling in the right side of his neck and his shoulder, while his arm is fully numb.
he realizes his body works overtime to heal the injuries caused by the snap. peter wishes it didn't. his muscle tissue is charred, probably bloody, as he smells both his own burning skin as well as the way air around him is almost metallic. he wishes he could just finally die.
"you're gonna tell her yourself. help is on the way, kid, just hang on"
he doesn't want help. he wants death.
"i— i can't" he croaks out in a hoarse tone, blood staining his lips. he feels like he's underwater, voices echoing from all around him. he thinks he can hear sobs and pleas, too, but they're hard to understand.
"just breathe, pete"
even that feels like too complicated of a task.
"make it stop. it hurts" he cries, words coming out slurred, and he's not even sure if what he says is audible. his thoughts are too loud and words too quiet.
"i know, baby, i know, just hold on a minute more for me, okay? you're alright" peter knows he isn't. he's dying. "friday?"
"heartbeat slowing down, life functions dropping rapidly, muscle tissue in the right arm permanently—"
he thinks he drifts out. he makes out pieces of conversation from above him, but they get harder to understand. it's like there's an ocean roaring in his ears.
"goddamn it! pete, please, just fight, okay?"
peter wheezes as breathing gets harder and harder with each moment passing by. he feels the stones destroying the flesh and bone in his right arm and he wonders how much longer it'll take for them to burn the rest of his body.
"three minutes out" the artificial female voice rings in peter's ears. he opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.
he feels bone-dry, bitter and hollow. it's like he's endlessly falling into a deep, dark hole with no bottom. it hurts to breathe, why is he in so much pain?
"t—tony" he wheezes out, pain gripping his throat so tightly peter doesn't know how his lungs haven't given up on him yet. "did— d-dit it work?" he forces out in a weak tone. he can barely hear himself through the ringing in his ears.
"yeah. it worked, kid, you did good" the man assures him, and peter would sigh in relief if he could focus on anything else but the flaring pain.
"we won" he realizes, his voice barely audible. tears stop flowing. his entire body is aching and he wishes the darkness would claim him back. "we won, mr. stark"
"yes, we did kid, i'm proud of you, pete" tony says, and peter loses control of his left hand too. he can't feel it. his breathing slows down.
"i— i'm sorry" he grits his teeth, and he feels his body stiffening.
"what are you sorry for? pete?" he doesn't answer. he can't. he wants to say something, but he can't find his voice or the strength to use it. "peter?"
the voice swims in his ears, echoes of fear lingering in his mind. he can feel the pain easing a little, and he knows what is means.
clearly, so do people surrounding him. "peter, no, no—" he hears tony's panicked tone, but can't force himself to do anything about it.
the world gets quieter. the numbness makes its way up to his face, and soon enough, even his tears stop flowing.
"peter!"
slower. so does his heartbeat — he can hear it's faint thrumming slowing down along his breathing.
"please, kid, just stay with me, okay? i'm begging you, i—"
darker. his eyelids are almost as heavy as his chest when he realizes it's the first time he hears tony stark beg. the thought echoes in his mind as disappears as fast as it showed up. he blinks slowly, but what he sees doesn't get clearer. if anything, it gets foggier.
"tony, we're losing him"
peter, thanks to — because of — his spider senses, is perfectly aware of the individual cells in his body shutting down, atom by atom. it's like having them ripped way from him, one after another. he feels his body weakening to the point he can't keep his eyes open anymore.
"peter?" tony asks, tears streaming down his cheeks.
the boy doesn't answer.
peter parker always knew he would die in his spider-man suit.