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"Sooo," Crow's voice crooned behind Lodi, "What's this I hear from a little birdie, that the Guardian has been seen leaving your abode at odd hours of the day, hmm?"
Lodi held in a sigh, he'd felt the Hunter Vanguard approach before he'd come to perch on the railing behind Lodi's desks. Lodi himself had been leaning over his tables for the better part of two hours, reading through many documents about the changes on Earth following III's death, a handful reports on Bale, and just about every other data thread Ikora had been keen to send his way.
"I don't know," Lodi responded without looking back at the awoken, his tone even, "What has the 'little birdie' been saying, Mr Crow. Also, a good afternoon to you as I'm not one to forget my manners, especially when asking potentially deep and probing questions based on nothing but conjecture."
Crow's armor creaked and clattered as he adjusted behind Lodi, "Good Afternoon. How are you feeling today Emissary? Pray tell, why is the Guardian visiting you at odd hours of the day?"
"I'm actually pretty flat out today and would rather we bench this conversation for later, or better yet, never," Lodi looked over his shoulder at the Hunter. He watched Crow smirk as he slid off the railing, he then tracked the man as he walked past with a hand raised to skim over the piles of paper left on the opposite desk before Crow decided to roam the open carpeted area.
"I have to follow up on some reports from my Hunters later on so nows the only time I can pencil in sorry, besides you've been chained to your desk for long enough. Take a break, let's chat."
Lodi pushed off the table to turn his whole body to Crow, he leaned back against it crossing his arms as he did, "I think we have conflicting views on breaks. For me personally, a break is getting lunch, having a cup of coffee or tea to relax and reset the old thinker. It is not attempts at digging into the private affairs of others against their wishes."
"We can talk and get lunch if you'd prefer," Crow copied his body language.
"I'd prefer if we didn't talk about this at all," Lodi hadn't bothered to hold back his sigh that time but he acquiesced.
"Ah, so the birdie did see something—"
"No they didn't see anything," Lodi cut in, "Just—Come on."
The Ramen shop was always quiet at this time of day, perfect for whatever Crow had wanted to badger him about. The pair sat in an empty booth towards the back, Crow with his back to the floor and Lodi across from him overseeing the small shop. Lodi had known the Hunter Vanguard's demeanor was a relaxed one, if a little cocky at times. After the Guardian had them introduced back when he had first arrived in the City, neither them or Ikora were available to help Lodi settle in, so the Guardian requested Crow help in their stead.
They'd also wanted Lodi to make more friends of this time as well, and he'd admit it, Crow was a good choice. The Emissary and the Hunter got along well, Crow was unserious about many things which had helped Lodi relax, and maybe justify his opinions on how weird the future was. That was months ago and needless to say now, him and the Hunter were friends—if not, at least friendly colleagues.
But that said, Lodi didn't know if they were friendly enough for… this.
"So," he spoke as their bowls of ramen were placed on their table, "You want to know what my relationship is to the Guardian, correct?"
Crow delayed his response for his first mouthful of fresh noodles and broth. "Maybe spare me some details," he spoke around his mouthful, "I don't need to know everything."
"But you need to know something, because…" Lodi trailed off and watched as Crow made an effort to swallow his food before he responded.
"The Guardian is a very important person to me," he spoke with sincerity and confidence, "For better or worse, I wouldn't be where I am now without them. They're not just a friend, but my mentor and inspiration who's changed my life for the better. They're also incredibly stubborn about their own limitations and getting them to stop is like squeezing water from a stone."
Lodi nodded in agreement. Crow, like many, idolized the Guardian but unlike them was familiar with their obsessive work ethic. "Well you're right there," Lodi agreed, "The Guardian is amazing, but they're far from having an ideal work balance ratio."
"So is that it? Are you helping them find balance?" Crow tilted his head, "A way for them to relax for once."
Lodi pushed around the ingredients of his bowl with his fork as he thought, "I… guess you could say that." Crow grimaced.
"Didn't I just say I didn't want those details."
"Oh for the love of— it's not like that!" Lodi dropped the fork and near ripped his glasses from his face to massage the headache blooming between his eyes. "Sometimes, when they're having troubles sleeping they come to me and we talk. Sometimes we just have tea, and sometimes it's both."
Crow hummed and picked up a more reasonable amount of noodles to eat. He still came off as skeptical but at least looked somewhat swayed from that inappropriate line of thought. Lodi plopped his glasses back on and looked at him expectantly.
Crow chewed slowly, and then swallowed his food, "So they go to you to talk."
"Yes."
"And that's all you do?"
"Yes. That's all we do."
"… To clarify you're not in a romantic or sexual relationsh—"
"Absolutely not Crow, no," Lodi cleared throat, "We—we're close yes, but it's nothing like that. Besides, that'd be highly unprofessional don't you think?" There was a nervous buzz behind his heart at the implications of… that with the Guardian. Lodi could admit to himself that he was rather lax on his personal boundaries, both emotionally and physically with them, but he has tried to keep something of a line, as wavy as it has been, between himself and the Guardian.
"Okay so can I ask why have they gone to see you every time and not any of us? They just go from trying to handle everything on their own to opening up to you and only you, frequently enough to be noticed by a many might I add to the point of speculation," Crow laid out. He caught just how riled up he'd gotten and leaned back to take a breath, "You have to admit, you can see why certain… conclusion have been drawn."
Lodi clenched his jaw. He didn't know why exactly the Guardian had taken him up on his offer, but he does know that it wasn't just for their sake. The first time they visited may of ended with them confiding in him yes, but they were only there because he'd said something that led them to wanting to help him. The changes Lodi has undergone in becoming the Emissary have left him existential at best, and the Guardian's not the type to ignore someone suffering. In any capacity. Sometimes they do talk about how they feel, but a lot of the time they just turn up at Lodi's door to keep him cemented.
"I…" He proceeded with care, "I have needed someone to talk to with everything that's happened. Sure, Orin and I chat about Emissary things, but our experiences do differ quite a bit… and the Guardian was the first friend I made here. It feels right to talk to them. Even back when they didn't really talk I felt heard, and I want to make sure they feel like they have that too." Lodi could speak the many things the Guardian has done for him, means to him, but that answered enough.
Crow tapped his chopsticks to the side of his bowl and smiled to himself, "I know what you mean." When Lodi had met Crow, he told him about how the Guardian was the first one to acknowledge him as a person, even if a bit stilted for reasons he now understood. They indulged in his strange prophetic dreams from the Traveler, helped remove the bomb from his Clint's shell, and saved him from his indentured servitude.
Lodi could understand why Crow had accosted him like this, even though he wished he hadn't.
"The Guardian is just like that, they put whatever they're dealing with on the back burn in favour of helping others. Not many return the favour though, not that I blame them for it," Crow chuckled sadly, "That's just the cost of being everyone's hero I suppose."
Crow leaned back over his bowl to eat, "In any case it's good to hear you're actually trying to look out for them Lodi—and most importantly that they're letting you." Lodi could tell Crow really meant what he said, he'd recognised his frustration as his own projection and steadied it—he may be cocky but the Hunter had a maturity about him too. Lodi turned his attention back to his food and he realised he'd not touched it yet.
"Hey, it's the least I can do," Lodi replied, his fork of noodles lifted to his mouth, "and it won't hurt to remind the Guardian there are others who'd want to be relied on too." Crow hid his smile, but Lodi knew.
"Though," he then spoke with his mouth a little full, "It'd be nice if people didn't spread rumors like that. Does HR not exist here?"
"Mmph—What's that?" Crow slurped, "Is that like a sports thing? A home run?"
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that" Lodi griped, "What with how many of you jump off the tower."
"I'm kidding, I know what HR is," Crow wiped his face, "and 9 times out of 10 those Guardians fall by accident, only a small percentage get their adrenaline by doing that. Anyways we have a barred off area below so the City Goers aren't affected by it."
Crow brings his bowl to his mouth, "Besides, the rumors you two have are just some harmless gossip, you should've heard what was going around before with Caiatl and Zavala—or even Misraaks and the Guardian."
Lodi chocked on a noodle. Crow was quick to pour him a glass of water from their tables complimentary jug and handed it to the chocking Emissary.
Lodi downed the glass and gasped as he tried to regain composure. He'd begun to be less jumpy about the casual mentions of the private relationship between Osiris and Saint-14, as he should, but the other relations were an actual surprise.
"What," He gasped, "Do you mean the Guardian and the Kell of Light?"
Crow had picked up his bowl again to drink some of his broth, "Hmmm?"
"Did—Were they…"
The ceramic bowl gently clinked onto the table as Crow placed it and wiped his mouth, "Well well well, look who's asking 'potentially deep and probing questions based on nothing but hearsay' now?" the awoken teased.
"It's not like that," Lodi defended himself. Citrus. "I'm just as surprised to hear the Empress and the Commander were rumored to be... It's just… not something that's occurred to me at a first thought is all. That, aliens, could be considered suitor material." Lodi himself could be considered alien now, what with his cerulean eye and it's shapeless pupil upon his cracked human face, to give all a glimpse to what hides beneath.
"Do you have a problem with inter-species relationships, Emissary?"
Lodi was grateful for the follow up question, even if it were facetious. "Now you're just being difficult on purpose, but no, I do not. What people, or aliens, do in their private time is their own and so is who they spend it with," so much for the maturity.
Lodi's atoms accelerate as he's flushed with ghost touches from the Guardian; hugs, pats, friendly digs. Warbles of infinite potential echoed within his marrow. Stop it, he scolded in the moment to keep from drifting and refocused himself onto the now.
"How diplomatic of you," Crow rolled his eyes, "You know, for someone who's so insistent it isn't 'like that' you sure are interested in the Guardian."
Lodi straightened in his seat, his hands clasped together on the table. "I've acted on nothing more than general gratitude and appreciation for the Guardian as their friend," he looked at Crow, "But please, Mr Crow, do tell me what I've done to give you that impression," he emphasized with a wave of his hand.
Crow leveled him a look."You really want me to do that Lodi," he challenged. The man signaled for him to continue and the hunter shrugged with indifference.
"Well for one" Crow started, "When I first met you, all you wanted to know about was about the Guardian."
That made Lodi roll his eyes, "We talked about more than just the Guardian, but to humor you, it's not weird to want to know more about a person after they help you, saved a planet from imploding, and seemed intimately familiar with events of similar magnitudes."
"Two," Crow barrelled on.
"Okay right so just right onto your next piece of 'evidence?"
"You brought me here," Crow tapped the restaurant table for emphasis, "Which is one of their favourite places to eat at."
Lodi took a steady breath, "It was nearby and the noodles are delicious."
"Right the noodles. The noodles that are so good that you had two bites of and have now left to go cold and soggy," Crow retorted sarcastically.
"I don't really feel hunger as I did before, and I wasn't even hungry to begin with but I'd rather you force me to talk about my personal relations somewhere with not as many eager ears. Plus I'd rather give support to local the businesses anyway."
"Thirdly, and this one is quite damming" the Hunter built up to. "You say their name differently," he finished pleased with himself while Lodi fought the urge to react.
"No it's not."
Crow doubled down, "Yes it is."
"No it's really not," Lodi pushed back, "I don't even know what that means but I can assure you I talk about them the exact same way you and everybody else."
"No, I know how everyone else says it because it's how I say it sometimes," Crow pressed. "Everyone in this city says it like they're a respectable legend, or like a God. You," he pointed, "Say it like you're enamored by them, like you're seeing them for the very first time."
Lodi shook his head and looked away. The notion seemed so ridiculous and yet the closest to describing how it felt to be in the Guardian's presences, annoyingly enough. They're awkward on a personal level yes, but the moment they were in the field or helping someone it was like watching an act of nature. Not to mention for Lodi, time was no longer so linear, he saw it on every axis's by either the whims of his own or his nine patrons. Of course their first meeting flickered through his mind as a constant, the visions of them working together are just some of the few things that got stuck.
He caught himself. His memories of the Guardian got stuck? Important things are places and people that got stuck, that become his anchors. Constants. A North-star—his family were often his North-star, that made sense, but the Guardian? Should they really be the same—were they even the same? He did care about them with something at least attributed to love in his heart, and since he'd met them, they've been a fixed point in this new life. Surely that didn't have to mean…
Something putrid filled his lungs, a burning sensation clawed and burned at the back of his throat and his skin stung. Ammonia. It made Lodi cough.
"See, I was right," Crow exclaimed, "You just thought about it and now you're trying to rationalize it."
"A-and you feel so confident in assessing how I think and feel?" Lodi coughed.
"Fair, I don't know that," Crow ran his hand through his hair. "But I've asked what your relationship with the Guardian currently is, and that seemed to be truthful so how about I ask this now instead. Lodi, do you want to be with the Guardian?"
Lodi stared slack jawed. It's a testament to Crow's sense of kinship with the Guardian for him to be so adamant on knowing what Lodi's intentions are, but, Geez, the kid's really digging in.
The ammonia cleared up as Lodi let the question ruminate in his mind and he hid behind his hands. From what Lodi knew, the Guardian didn't seem to be the type to conform to the persons he liked back home—which had been women. Sure, he could recall a few moments where some toned men got a look over or two when he'd been military, but that had been him appreciating their dedication. Once again, Lodi had no personal issue with queer folk back in his time but he himself wasn't one of them… right?
It was rare anyhow for the Guardian to be completely out of their armor, he could count on one hand the number of times they dressed casually enough that allowed him to get a better view of their body. Not that it told him anything he hadn't already guessed, what with running around 24/7 in all that with all sorts of guns, munitions and knives strapped tightly to them. That's all Lodi could glean physically regarding the Guardian, that they were fit and strong. Not really anything more conclusive on whether or not Lodi was gay or straight.
One could argue that their face was kinda pretty, which Lodi had to agree, but that also didn't help either on where the Guardian fell in terms of gender and sex—Their voice was ambiguous too. Intrusive visions would on occasion flash Lodi, but he vehemently ignored them despite having info that might've helped him know how he should look at the Guardian. True Sight was useful all the time until it wasn't, and he wasn't about to defile someone's privacy.
The confusion, he now realised he felt, wasn't even just physically. It'd be easier if it were Lodi reckoned, but the Guardian's personality was the major factor with him blurring the line of his boundaries. He'd let himself think back to the night the Guardian first arrived in his apartment, and how badly he wanted to comfort them. He'd always been an empathetic person, but he's never wanted to reach out like that to anyone outside his kin before. At the time, Lodi had… felt the charge of his electron's change and he'd been unable, and unwilling, to fight what pulled him closer to his friend.
"I can't believe you just asked me that" Lodi broke the silence that followed Crow's question and ignored the sensation of Venus gravity, "Let's say, hypothetically, even if I did want something more in any capacity with the Guardian—which I don't—we are colleagues and that would make it—"
"If you say unprofessional I'm shooting you with my golden gun."
"I was going to say inappropriate, but that works too."
Crow sighed in a long suffering manner. "Tell that to the Legendary Saint-14 and Osiris Scholar of No Equal, or Drifter and Eris, or any other Guardian who's been in relationships with other Guardians before," Crow gestured at Lodi, "As long as we have our Light we're immortal, so it makes sense that a many would find companionship in other Lightbearers. Of course, not all go for that and not all immortals are beings connected to the Light, but it's not as big of a deal as your making it out to be."
"Mr Crow back in my day, personal relations like those would be cause for termination of your position—my position. Boundaries, are needed sometimes to keep everything clean and--and on track."
"Is that really what you want?" Crow doubted, "To manage the Guardian?"
"What I want, is to keep working beside them. Like we have been."
"—And you can do that while allowing yourself have nice things. To hell with whatever Pre-Golden Age hang ups you have, and to hell with the Nine if that's what in your head too. Isn't that what you're working towards? Binding them and freeing the universe of their influence and vice versa," Crow reasoned.
"That's just a part of it," Lodi stressed, "I'm their Emissary and the Guardian is their Weapon. It's not a matter of what I want right now, when what we need to be focusing on is figuring out a way to stop Bael, to stop the Outer Orbit from killing humanity."
"Lodi."
"Yeah?" He ran a frantic hand through his hair.
"Do you want to be with the Guardian?" It was asked calmly without any of the teasing intent from earlier, "It's as simple as that."
Lodi sat there before Crow, defeated in a way. He considered the question, considered all he had prior, but he couldn't find it in himself to admit something so definitive. What if he had more the Nine could take? What happened on Mars, to all those Guardians… It felt horrible, even from where Lodi stood all the way on Earth. The Inners were furious, the sudden loss of life so hollowing but it almost didn't matter when his Guardian had made it out unscathed. That feeling, that relief, nearly rinsed the grief out of Lodi. That surely hadn't gone unnoticed by the Nine.
"I… Think you forgot that I was speaking hypothetically, Mr Crow," Lodi deflected, "I don't know how else to change your mind or anyone else's but we're not anything that special—I don't even know their name. The Guardian's."
That took Crow by genuine surprise it seemed, "Wait what, seriously?" Lodi nodded.
Crow studied him for a moment, clearly he was debating something, "So all this time talking, and you don't know their name? Huh, would you… like to?"
Venus gravity comes back, "I mean, of course, they're my friend why wouldn't I want to know their actually name, but in saying that, I'm not too worried if I don't. If the Guardian wants me to know, then they'll want me to know." Crow shook his head.
"Lodi, if you don't know their name it's not because of some, right of passage or whatever you're thinking," he waved off, "If they haven't told you it's because they forgot—like they always do. Barely anyone calls them it not just out of professional courtesy, but because they're so socially inept, and a workaholic, I do mean that affectionately. I, don't tend to call them it outside closed lines or face to face chats because there are many weirdos who want to act like they know them personally."
"What weirdos?" Lodi asked, his face scrunched in confusion.
"Just some on the more extreme side of the deific worship of the Guardian. Caiatl's old man, Calus, was a bit like that. Would have scribes detail their fictitious adventures together way back when he used to aid them, in a way. I wish I was joking," Crow chuckled tiredly.
"That's—okay… Okay, look," Lodi tried to refocus, "I still think I'd rather wait to hear it from them-"
Crow sighed loudly, "You—I'm telling you that if you never ask them directly, they'll never tell you, and you really don't seem like you'll be asking at this rate. I know they would be fine with you knowing their name, they didn't tell me their name, I learned it off others."
Lodi thought about it, still unconvinced. "How many people know—who should know?"
"Everyone in the Vanguard," Crow answered, "Zavala, Ikora, Osiris, Saint, Saladin, Eris, Drifter, Misraaks, my sister—basically anyone's who ever work with them long enough. I'd also like to tell you because I think it'd be fun for you to gauge their reaction—so you can see for yourself how stupid your being about this… thing you've got going on."
"There's no-whatever, Mr Crow there's no convincing you otherwise," Lodi relented hesitantly, "I understand, most, of what you're saying but, I just can't abide to these conditions. As much as you can reassure me that it's fine for you to tell me, I still feel like I'm taking something I shouldn't."
"You're killing me here Lodi-"
"Let me finish," Lodi raised a hand, "I've gone this long without knowing the Guardian's name, if I should know it than I should be the one to rectify it. You're right. I'd of waited for them to tell me themselves, but I now recognise, that they are the type to forget something so normal and yet important. I'll ask them, happy?" Ozonic.
Crow leaned back in his chair with a smile like a cat who got the cream.