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i will stay with you, with you / at the end of a long dream, the rainbow awaits.

Summary:

Sayeon wakes up from a nightmare and (hesitantly) seeks out comfort from her girlfriend.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Sayeon starts moving around in her sleep, whispering things that don't make sense. Ryujin takes notice of this since she hasn't slept yet. She wonders if Sayeon's having a nightmare, she really doesn't want to wake her up.

 

Sayeon starts sobbing.

 

Ryujin pushes that thought aside, maybe waking her is for the better.

 

Ryujin sits by Sayeon's side as she tries to gently shake her awake. She doesn't want to jumpscare her either by waking her too suddenly.

 

It doesn't seem to matter anyway since Sayeon wakes up very suddenly, gasping for air as she sits up in her bed, bringing her plushie up with her as she clutches it to her chest and rubbing her fingers on the soft fabric hoping the fluffy texture would bring her some comfort.

 

Realizing Ryujin is very close to her, she flinches and shrieks before letting herself fall back down onto the bed, turning away from Ryujin. She's so embarrassed and wants to be left alone, but maybe having her girlfriend nearby is comforting. Sayeon tries to not think about it.

 

Ryujin thinks about what to do from here, she feels a bit awkward. She nervously hovers a hand over Sayeon, wanting to gently touch her to give her comfort but worried it'd make things worse. She settles on moving Sayeon's hair out of the way so she can see her clearer. She can see all the tears on Sayeon's face and Sayeon flinches a little bit at the touch.

 

“Do you want to… talk about it?” Ryujin asks.

 

“No. Can you stay here for a bit though, please?” Sayeon turns over in bed, leaving her plushie behind to look up at Ryujin, tears in her eyes. God she feels pathetic.

 

“I can, yeah, but first,” Ryujin reaches over Sayeon to grab her glasses before unfolding it and putting it on her face. She lays down next to her, face to face with Sayeon.

 

Sayeon brings her hands up to Ryujin, twirling her fingers through her curls gently. Feeling that she is real.

 

“You're alive…” Sayeon accidentally whispers. That was meant to stay as a thought. She hoped Ryujin didn't catch that, but of course, Ryujin heard it.

 

“Of course I am! I'm right here, aren't I?” Ryujin lightly jokes before realization hits her.

 

“Sayeon, did you have a nightmare that I… died?” Sayeon visibly winces at those words and starts crying again, confirming Ryujin's suspicions.

 

Ryujin sits up again in the bed, bringing Sayeon up with her before pulling her in for a hug.

 

It was kind of grounding to Sayeon. She was ashamed by the whole thing, but enjoyed the comfort Ryujin was offering anyways.

 

“I'm safe, you're safe, no one's hurt.” Ryujin pulls back to face her, wiping tears from her face.

 

“You have no idea Ryujin, I've watched you die before, y’know that?” 

 

Ryujin's expression slightly changes into fear, unsure what she means by that. Is she still talking about the nightmare?

 

“I'm so exhausted Ryujin, I feel like all of your lives are my responsibility, what happens when one of you dies and I can't rewind again?” Sayeon cries out, activating her essence, eyes glowing a bright teal. Before falling into Ryujin, resting her head on Ryujin's shoulder.

 

“Sayeon… Is this still about the nightmare? Have I… have any of us died before in front of you?”

 

“Yes. You died in the warehouse you followed me into, that’s when I first activated my gift. Yesol also killed Iseul.” Sayeon quietly says into Ryujin’s shoulders.

 

“Why would you keep that from me?” Ryujin pulls Sayeon back by the shoulders and is now face to face with Sayeon’s glowing teal eyes.

 

“Sayeon, don’t fucking rewind this, oh my god.” Ryujin looks at Sayeon with a defeated expression.

 

Snap!

 

“I'm safe, you're safe, no one's hurt.” Ryujin pulls back to face her, wiping tears from her face.

 

“I still feel like I'm stuck in that nightmare, what if you aren't real?” Sayeon reaches for Ryujin's hands, fidgeting with her fingers.

 

Ryujin lets go of Sayeon's hands, holds her face with both hands –squishing her face a little– and brings her close, “I’m real, you’re not stuck in the nightmare anymore. I promise.” she whispers softly into Sayeon’s face, giving her a quick kiss on her lips before pulling her right back into that hug from earlier. Sayeon brings her hands up to play with Ryujin’s hair again, twirling her curls on her fingers. They feel soft, it’s nice. They stay like that for a few minutes in silence.

 

Ryujin pulls back again. Sayeon's face is much softer and more expressive than what they both see during trainings and missions everyday, her face evidently sad, Ryujin assuming it’s because she cut off the hug, and feels a slight pang of guilt.

 

“Sayeon, you– we have to go back to sleep, we don’t have much time before we need to be up again.” Ryujin gently says, hoping that suffices as an explanation as to why she had to pull back from the hug Sayeon grew attached to.

 

“Stay with me… please? I’m scared I’ll have another nightmare.” Sayeon asks again, voice shaky as if she’s about to cry again.

 

Ryujin thinks about it, and quickly agrees. Sayeon is rarely this clingy, she doesn’t want to discourage her from seeking it out more if she wants it.

 

Sayeon lays down first, turning behind her to grab her plushie before turning back to Ryujin's side, wide eyes looking straight up at Ryujin, waiting for her to come down too. Ryujin finally lays down after what felt like forever to Sayeon, moving her hand to get Sayeon’s hair out of her face and picking up her glasses. She folds them and reaches over Sayeon to place them on her side of the bed beside her pillow. The entire time, Sayeon is watching her with wide teary eyes, like Ryujin will just get up and walk away at any second, but she doesn't. Sayeon finds it hard to believe why Ryujin would be so nice to her. She doesn't understand why Ryujin puts up with her and her bullshit—she doesn't understand why Ryujin trusts her.

 

After all, she got Ryujin killed before, and here she is, comforting her over something that was entirely her fault. It's all Sayeon's fault. Sayeon wouldn't have been having a nightmare and seeking out Ryujin's attention if she had never stepped into that fucking warehouse in the first place.

 

Sayeon's mental state shifts rapidly from sadness to anger. This is all her fucking fault. She doesn't deserve Ryujin's kindness.

 

Ryujin doesn't miss the hostile surge of emotions in Sayeon's aura. They're supposed to be settling down to sleep, why is she angry?

 

“Why are you still with me?” Sayeon finally says, voice shaking with anger, grip tightening on her plushie. 

 

Not just her voice Sayeon herself is shaking with anger, just the slightest bit.

 

The switch in emotions is really throwing Ryujin off.

 

“Well, because I love you?” Ryujin feels like that's not the answer her girlfriend is looking for.

 

“Why do you even love me? I've only ever made you suffer and put you through horribly convoluted plans, you fucking died because of me before! I'm not deserving of your trust or love!”

 

Sayeon looks away out of shame before Ryujin even gets to react. She's too scared to see her reaction, if she's being completely honest. Tonight has been enough of a horror movie.

 

Snap!

 

“Why are you still with me?” Sayeon says, forcing herself to sound less angry this time.

 

“Well, because I love you? Is that not enough of a reason?” Ryujin brings her hands up to gently hold Sayeon's face again. 

 

“Mhmm, and I love you too…” It comes out sounding more flat than Sayeon would've liked.

 

Snap!

 

It doesn't sound right this time either.

 

Snap!

 

Sayeon tries several more times. and before she knows it–

 

“What the fuck Sayeon. Your essence just completely drained.” Ryujin suddenly sits up, clearly irritated, letting out a heavy sigh and facing away from Sayeon.

 

“Not this shit again, I thought we'd fucking agreed you'd stop using your gift on me.”

 

Sayeon didn't even realize she'd exhausted her essence so quickly. 

 

“I'm sorry, Ryujin… I got caught up in my head again and obsessed over my tone.” Sayeon's tone is genuine, she's exhausted from all the stupid little stuff she obsesses over.

 

“Sayeon, I get that, I really do, but you need to stop doing this shit. Just fucking talk to me normally instead of using your gift. It feels dehumanizing when you keep rewinding until you get the answers you want.”

 

“I'm sorry…” Sayeon quietly says, turning over in her bed to face away from her girlfriend, plushie still cradled in her arms. Ryujin sighs and lays back down beside her, moving her arm over Sayeon to bring her closer to her. 

 

“Listen… I love you, you know this. I don't want you to take this as an attack. I understand you're struggling, but I'm very serious when I say you need to stop doing this. Whatever it is, just please talk to me.” Ryujin whispers, her chin over Sayeon's shoulder.

 

“I love you too… I'm sorry.” Sayeon says, on the verge of tears again.

 

“We can talk more tomorrow. We do need to sleep now though. Good night, bunny.” Ryujin pushes herself over Sayeon to place a small kiss on her cheek.

 

Sayeon suddenly turns around to face Ryujin again, clinging onto her, plushie sandwiched between both of them. Ryujin can tell she's trying to not cry, evident by how Sayeon refuses to look her in the eyes. She gently holds Sayeon's face and tilts it upwards to face her directly. Sayeon's eyes are looking everywhere but Ryujin's eyes.

 

“Look at me, Sayeon.”

 

Sayeon finally looks up and her eyes meet Ryujin’s, tears falling from her eyes again.

 

“We can talk tomorrow. We need to sleep now, bunny. I still love you.” Ryujin leans in and gives her a quick kiss on the lips.

 

“I love you, too.” Sayeon finally says, trying not to spiral over her tone like earlier.

 

Sayeon hides herself back into Ryujin’s neck, holding onto her tightly for comfort. Ryujin also tightens her hold on Sayeon. Both quickly fell back asleep after a very dramatic night.

Notes:

i like to make sayeon suffer <3 !

title taken from cool (your rainbow) by nmixx !

also i only started writing again after Years of Not Writing . pls forgive me if this is Bad