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After about two months since their breakup, Sungho decided to go to the park he usually visited when he was gloomy. He just wanted to relieve the tightness in his heart.
But of course, fate is always there to ruin the mood. Jaehyun was sitting right on one of the benches.
He knows he shouldn't do this. But before he could even realize it himself, he already found himself walking towards him.
Yep, once again. Sungho was the first one to initiate. Of course. It has always been like that, hasn't it?
“Hey Jae” Sungho greets quietly, standing in front of the bench Jaehyun was sitting on. “Mind if I sit here?”
Hearing the familiar voice, he looks up at the blonde immediately. He gives a nod, before greeting him back. “Hey..” Jaehyun pauses, his mind blanking out all of the sudden. He hadn't changed at all. Sungho, his ex, had stayed the same despite not seeing him for over two months now. Still perfect. As he remembered.
“...Sungho” He continued, his voice quieter than usual. Jaehyun clears up his throat, not wanting to make his first meet up with his ex a bad memory. Even though everyday without him was already hell on earth. “Well, how are—” He turns his face away, not able to keep his eyes on the blonde after knowing all the stuff they went through already. “—you?”
Sungho looks away for a second before answering. “I’m doing..” He pauses, hesitating. What is he supposed to say? God, he wanted to run away right then and there.
“Good” He forces a small broken smile.
Of course. That's the answer. Always.
The hesitation itself made Jaehyun feel relieved for a second, guessing that Sungho was probably a mess too.
Giving a small spark of.. Hope.
“You?” Sungho asked back. Although his heart felt heavy, as if it was shoved under water filled with all those mistakes that led them to separating.
Jaehyun lets out a forced, short, humorless, chuckle. “I mean, it’s going okay” No, it's not. “Like usual, you know? Nothing unusual, but nothing to be hyped up about as well” He shrugs.
Sungho gives a short and slow nod. “Well, how’s.. Your—”
“We broke up”
“—brother”
Jaehyun’s head once again freezes. ‘Wtf did I just answer?! My brother? Of course dumbass, why would he ask about your girlfriend for fucks sake he panicked. Well, on the inside, at least. “Oh..” he gives out a small, awkward smile. “Y…Yeah, he’s doing good too”
“He got in his dream university just a few weeks ago”
Sungho nods as he hums slightly, turning his focus on to the nearby cat that was stretching on the side of the park. “Well.. Good for him”
Suddenly, the silence came back. The same silence they had to endure for the past two months—and ongoing. At least, today, they got to spend time in that silence together. Even if they have to separate again soon. Right?
The atmosphere wasn't as tense as it was when they fought. It was just awkward, now.
Well, again. Sungho starts the conversation again, breaking the silence.
“So.. You broke up?”
Jaehyun's grip on the bench tightens after hearing the question.“My girlfriend?”
Sungho nods. “I mean yeah? Who else?”
‘Yeah, who else dumbass’ “Oh uhm.. Yeah” He stops briefly, taking a deep yet quiet breath. “Yeah.. We broke up”
“What happened?” Sungho questioned. Before suddenly realizing he probably made it sound too personal. “I mean if you don’t mind me asking of course. If you don't wanna answer it’s fi—”
“She cheated on me” Jaehyun reveals, making Sungho shape an ‘O’ on his mouth. “I had a feeling she was anyways”
Jaehyun found it quite cute and heartwarming to see Sungho's habit of asking too many questions, to the point of forgetting to read the room. But he always apologized, just like always.
“Oh..”
“I’m… Sorry to hear that”
Sungho felt guilty once again. Even when there was nothing he had to feel guilty for. What's so wrong about asking your ex’s relationship status?
It isn't wrong, is it?
“No, it’s fine really” Jaehyun reassures. “I wasn't really in love with her anyways” Actually, he just wanted Sungho to realize that he didn't want anyone else in his life if it's not him.
“Then why did you date her at the first place?”asked and even looked at him seriously. “Even if you knew it won't work out?”
Great, Jaehyun has triggered their past. The past when Jaehyun was seen only using Sungho. As if he was just playing with people's feelings.
“I… Well, I thought it would work, okay?”
Sungho sighs, closing his eyes. “Maybe you haven't changed as much as I thought you would”
Jaehyun felt like he was being blamed for the same thing again. He already knew what he did was wrong, but why does Sungho keep bringing up the issue? Isn't the word sorry enough? Isn't the distance and the time that separated them enough as an apology and self-reflection?
“Sungho, are you seriously bringing that back up?”
Sungho felt like getting angry, he knew that Jaehyun would start to build up his anger, even though Sungho only wanted to remind him. “I’m not, Jaehyun. I’m just..” He paused, not wanting to explain the same problem over and over again. Besides, they're not together anymore. Sungho shouldn't care. “Nevermind”
“Sungho, if you're gonna talk about our relationship again I—”
“No I don't want to, Jae” Sungho finally snaps. He stood up from the bench and stared at Jaehyun. His gaze wasn't filled with hatred. He didn't hate Jaehyun. No. Not even a little bit. But he was tired. Tired of repeating his own words just for him to repeat the same mistake again and again. “Can we just have a normal conversation without bringing the past up?”
“We can't be together again, Jaehyun”
“No, you need to—”
“Theres nothing left to do! I can't love you like how I used to, Jaehyun”
“You’re lying”
“And how would you know? You never know anything, you were never there”
“And what makes you say that?”
Five months ago…
At first, Jaehyun was just busy with work. Sungho understood—he really did. He would pack extra tupperware for Jaehyun’s lunches, leaving little post-it notes to make him smile during break.
For the first few weeks, Jaehyun would text back heart emojis and voice notes on his phone. But gradually, the replies slowed down. The voice notes started fading—along with the texts.
Sungho remembers sitting at the dining table. He stared at his phone, waiting for a notification from him that didn't come until midnight—just for it to be saying, “Don't wait up for me, babe. Going straight to sleep”
He told himself it was just a phase. Everyone goes through heavy work pressure shit. He just needed to be supportive.
Four months ago…
When they were in the same room, sharing the same couch, Jaehyun’s eyes were glued to his glowing laptop screen. Even during dinner, he’d scroll through work emails, nodding and humming at stuff without actually processing a single word Sungho was saying.
Everytime it was dinner time, Jaehyun just kept chewing his food, his thumb swiping across his phone screen.
“Jae?” Sungho had asked quietly.
“Hmm? Yeah, babe. Totally” Jaehyun replied quickly, his eyes never leaving the screen—not even for a second.
Sungho felt sick to his stomach. He didn't even tell a story, he was just asking Jaehyun if he remembered where they put the spare house keys.
That was the month Sungho stopped cooking extra portions. Stopped writing motivational notes.
It had felt like he was fighting and battling for the relationship alone.
Two months ago…
Sungho stood by the kitchen counter, staring at a half-packed cardboard box.
The front door clicked open. Jaehyun walked in, shaking the water off his umbrella with a sharp snap before tossing his keys onto the bowl by the entrance.
“You’re late again” Sungho said, his voice calm. Although his head was loud.
Jaehyun let out a tired sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I told you, Sungho. Traffic. I had to stay late at the office to finish the reports anyway”
Sungho? Not even babe anymore?
“Right, Alright” Sungho then finally dropped the act. “You always have an excuse, Jae. Every single time I need you to be here, you’re somewhere else”
“I was working, Sungho! What do you want me to do, quit my job?” Jaehyun’s voice rose, frustrated due to exhaustion. “I’m doing this for us! For our future!”
“What future, Jaehyun?!” Sungho finally snapped, slamming a hand against the counter. The cardboard box shifted, a stack of old polaroids spilling out onto the floor. Pictures of them smiling on a beach.
“You weren’t even at my art gallery opening last month because you were ‘too busy.’ You forgot our anniversary because of a meeting. And when I spent three days in bed with a fever last week, you went out for drinks with your coworkers because you ‘didn't want to deal with the gloomy mood’!”
Jaehyun froze. That wasn't what he expected to happen. He didn't even realize he was doing that.
“I didn't go out for drinks, I just—”
“Don't lie to me. I saw the receipts on the counter. I heard you talking on the phone” A single tear slipped down Sungho's cheek. “You weren't there when I needed you the most. You haven't been there for months. You’re physically in this room right now, but your mind, your heart—”
“—is nowhere to be seen”
“That’s not true,” Jaehyun pleaded, taking a step forward. “I love yo—”
“BULLSHIT!” Sungho said, stepping back out of reach. He looked down at the polaroids scattered on the floor. “You were never ready for this relationship, were you? You never choose me”
Jaehyun’s breath hitched. He wanted to argue and scream that Sungho was his entire universe. But looking into Sungho’s hollow, tired eyes, he realized.
The damage had been done.
He had pushed him away without even realizing he was.
“Sungho, please…” Jaehyun begged, his voice breaking as the tears finally spilled over. “Give me one more chance. I’ll change, I’ll—”
“You’ve said that every time, Jae” Sungho interrupted. “And I’m tired of believing it.”
The present…
“Do you remember now, Jaehyun?”
“I know Sungho. I know everything I've done was awful” He forces himself to lock eyes with the blonde. “And I'm sorry” Jaehyun murmured, his voice cracking slightly
Sungho shook his head. “Sorry doesn't replace all the days I had to suffer without you”
“I know”
“Then why are you still saying sorry?!” Sungho yelled, letting the frustration bleed out through his voice.
“Because I mean it”Jaehyun answered instantly, standing up and taking a half-step forward, his eyes searching for a glimpse of understanding
Sungho scoffed, rolling his eyes as he looked away toward the grass. “Yeah right”
“But, do you still love me?" Jaehyun couldn't let it go. Not when he was finally standing face-to-face with the only person who truly mattered, realizing too late what letting go actually felt like.
Sungho froze, his head snapping back toward Jaehyun in pure disbelief. “What?”
“Do you still love me?”Jaehyun repeated. The desperation forced him to take a step closer.“Cause I still do, and I know it. Do you?”
“Stop with this Jaehyun” Sungho whispered, panic showing in his eyes as he took a step back, shaking his head.
“Do you still love me, Park Sungho?”
Sungho opened his mouth to deny it—to say no, to lie through, to protect his dignity. But looking into Jaehyun’s eyes, he realized he couldn't form the words.
The lie tasted too bitter on his tongue.
Instead, his eyes welled up, a single tear escaping and tracking down his cheek.
Jaehyun' fingers moved just inches away from Sungho's cheek, ready to wipe the tear away, yet terrified to cross his boundaries.
Sungho flinched at the act. He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief second, swallowing the lump that felt like a boulder in his throat before stepping entirely away.
“It's nice meeting you, Myung Jaehyun”
The door swung open, revealing Leehan who stood there in an oversized grey sweatshirt and sweatpants, holding a bowl of cereal. His welcoming expression changed immediately the second his gaze met Sungho’s bloodshot eyes and the tear tracks dried on his cheeks.
“Sungho? Holy shit, what happened?” Leehan nearly dropped the bowl before settling it aside. He immediately grabbed Sungho by the shoulders, pulling him into a warm hug.
Eventually, Leehan guided Sungho to the living room quickly. Sungho didn’t say a word the whole time. “Hey. Talk to me. Did something happen?” Leehan asked softly.
A ragged laugh slipped out of Sungho’s muffled voice. “I saw him”
Leehan’s hand paused for a fraction of a second. “Jaehyun?”
Sungho just gave a small, jerky nod. “I saw him at the park” Sungho added, his voice cracking. He lifted his head, his teary eyes locking onto Leehan’s with a look of desperation. “I don't know what's wrong with him, he suddenly asked if I still love him”
Leehan’s eyes widened slightly, though he remained quiet, letting Sungho unravel. “Well?”
Sungho dropped his head back against the top of the couch cushion, staring up at the ceiling as fresh tears spilled over. “I don't know if I still love him. God, Leehan I can't do this” His voice broke on the last word, his hands flying up to cover his face as a ragged sob finally tore its way out of his throat. “No—I still love him…”
Leehan shifted closer, wrapping an arm around Sungho’s shoulders and pulling him into a side-hug. Sungho leaned into it, burying his face in Leehan’s shoulder, letting all the tears he held back finally burst out.
“Hey, it’s okay. Let it out” Leehan murmured. “It’s completely normal to still love him, Sungho. You were together for.. About three years”
“I want to go back to him” Sungho confessed, his voice muffled and with tears against the fabric of Leehan’s sweatshirt. “Every part of my body wanted to just say yes, take me back, I don't care about the past. I wanted things to go back to how they used to be”
“So why didn't you?”
Sungho pulled back just enough to wipe his face with the sleeve of his sweater. “Because I'm scared, Leehan…” Sungho whispered, his voice trembling violently. He looked down at his own trembling hands. “What if he changes for a week, a month, and then goes right back to ignoring me?”
Leehan reached out, gently taking one of Sungho’s cold hands. Sungho closed his eyes, the image of Jaehyun’s heartbroken face flashing in his mind
Jaehyun was sorry. He really, truly was.
But sorry doesn't rewrite the months of silence
“But I also made a lot of mistakes, Leehan. I should have stayed with him... Who knows, maybe he was actually really stressed... Maybe I was too selfish because I only thought about my own feelings”
“Sungho” Leehan called out softly. “I can't say anything. I don't know the full story. Even if I do, I won't know the complete details, only you and Jaehyun do” Sungho wipes his tears once again, before finally focusing back. “And I can't choose a side because I know both of you guys did something wrong and it resulted in both of you guys getting hurt” Leehan continued.
“So all I can say is, if you guys really still love each other, how about you both restart from zero?”
Before Taesan could even get a word out, Jaehyun pushed past him and marched right into the living room.
“Whoa, what happened to good evening?” Taesan closed the door behind him, turning with a frown.
Jaehyun dropped onto the edge of Taesan’s coffee table, dragging both hands down his face and pulling at his hair.
Taesan settled his mug down carefully on the counter and walked over, leaning against the back of the sofa. “Let me guess, you met Sungho?” Taesan asked quietly. Jaehyun nodded.
“At the park. The one we used to go to” Jaehyun breathed out, standing up again because he couldn't stay still.
“Okay... And how did it go? Judging by your looks, I’m guessing it wasn't great?”
“It was awful. And it was wonderful. And it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life” Jaehyun choked out.
Taesan sighed, running a hand through his hair. He crossed his arms, watching Jaehyun walk back and forth. “Jae, you two broke up two months ago. What did you expect?”
“I want him back”
Taesan raised an eyebrow, not unkindly. “Right. And does Sungho want you back?”
Jaehyun felt as if he’d been physically struck. “I…I don't know” He looked back up, his voice cracking with rising panic. “He’s scared of me, Taesan. He walked away because he doesn't trust that me”
“And can you blame him?” Taesan asked gently, though his words cut deep. “Jaehyun, you—”
“I know!” Jaehyun yelled, his voice echoing off the apartment walls as tears finally spilled over. He dropped his head, his shoulders shaking as a sob broke through. “I know. Words don't mean a damn thing right now. I don't want to just say I'm sorry anymore, I want to show him. I want to prove to him that he will always be the only person that matters to me”
Taesan walked over, stepping into Jaehyun’s space and giving him a grip on the shoulder.
“Well, then do it”