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He's heard of Illuga, of course. Kinda hard not to, with the nature of their jobs.
A passing lightkeeper raving about how the squad leader of the Nightmare Orioles and his golden nightingale companion had singlehandedly saved their team from a raid. How comforting it is to have Illuga's vegetable soup after a long patrol. How the Starshyna's son was just as hardworking as his father.
With each new passing praise, Lohen's view of the shining star of the lightkeepers was that he was a strong and capable leader on par with Varka, with just as much of a large shadow.
But as Lohen gazed out at the lone figure far into the distance— hunched over stones etched with names he couldn't even begin to count from where he stood— he couldn't help but think that the squad leader seemed far too small for how big his image was meant to be.
It's a miracle they hadn't encountered each other prior to this. He had heard that a few lightkeepers saw Illuga moving up north and his stride took him that direction without really thinking about it.
He didn't really have a goal in mind, or well, he did maybe wish to spar with someone of that big of a reputation. But seeing as the object of his current fighting itch was preoccupied, he'll be a gentleman for this time and this time alone.
Still, he ponders as he twirls his dagger, he looks lonely.
Maybe a greeting for now will suffice.
Illuga didn't have any strong opinions on the vice captain of the 5th company.
What little he knew of vice captain Lohen was this: he is insane. And he needs to come back to Favonius Keep more often, lest he gets a note on his record about being an absentee knight.
Which, if you ask him, is not a lot of information.
And well, when you consider the information as something he garnered during one of the few times he joined the knights on their celebratory rounds at the Flagship, you can see how he was skeptical over the words of a bunch of drunks.
Nevertheless he notes the information down in his mind like he does most things. Useless but kept at bay until he deemed it necessary.
When he first met the vice captain all those months ago at one of the many graveyards of the lightkeepers, his first thought was polite apprehension.
As their conversation had continued on, Illuga couldn't help but relax. The knight had been merely curious, and had wandered around nearby then decided to talk to Illuga out of the blue. It was a short conversation, nothing that big to note of, but Illuga filed the interaction down as much more important than his earlier impression.
He finds himself at a loss for words the first time he sees vice captain Lohen on the battlefield.
The crystal shards of cryo that blend with his movements seamlessly made him unimaginably bright alongside his smile.
Illuga is used to the hard looks the lightkeepers and knights have on their faces when faced with dire situations such as a wild hunt raid. He's used to battle cries, he's used to the roars of effort to cut down beasts twice as strong.
The tinkling laugh of a battle hungry maniac.
"Oh, come on! Is that all you got?!"
Illuga couldn't help the incredulous laugh that escaped just as Lohen clears the hulking form in front of him. Their eyes meet and Lohen flashes a blindingly bright smile his way.
"Hey, you wanna spar after this, squad leader?!"
Illuga wheezes before he focuses in his own target.
The vice captain might be insane after all.
Lohen twirls his dagger in his hand absentmindedly, barely listening to the conversation Varka and the Starshyna were having about the patrol routes and supply lines.
He didn't want to attend the meeting at all, but Varka had won their tussle fair and square and had immediately demanded Lohen attend just so he wouldn't run off again. He didn't have to listen to Varka, but he went anyway.
Besides, he was curious. He hadn't attended a meeting before, but he knows the lightkeeper ranks should be there too. He still doesn't get to see Illuga very often, and he still itched for a spar.
Speaking of…
He glances to the side where Illuga is sitting beside him, the squad leader looking at the discussion in what seems to be an attentive way, but Lohen has to stifle a smirk when he sees just how vacant Illuga's eyes really are.
'He has bags under his eyes,' he thinks to himself. Little bruises that show just how little sleep the man had gotten.
'His posture is slipping, his gaze is wavering, he keeps clenching and unclenching his fists.'
'Poor little bird is exhausted.'
He lets out a soft huff, making Illuga glance at him curiously. Lohen raises his eyebrow in question, smiling.
Illuga raises one back, mouthing a soft what?
Lohen rolls his eyes, glancing at Varka and then glancing back at Illuga, before putting his hands together and placing them to the side of his face, miming sleep.
What a snoozefest, amiright?
Illuga blinks at him, comprehending his little charades act before his face crumples as he tries to hold in a laugh. He kicks Lohen's shin under the table, making Lohen jump slightly.
He straightens into a proper sitting position just before Varka briefly glances at him in question. Just as Varka turns back towards the map they were talking over, Lohen turns and gapes at Illuga in mock offense.
Illuga has the gall to look apologetic and sheepish. The tips of his ears flushed a little red in embarrassment, and Lohen thinks, 'Oh it is so on'.
It's childish, he knows, he's fully aware. But Illuga needs to wake up, and he has excess energy to burn. If he can't spar with him today then he will have to make do with what he can.
He kicks Illuga's shin back, prompting the other to kick back incredulously in retaliation. A curious glance from the tall lightkeeper with the pale yellow eyes makes Lohen pause before kicking back just as the other turns away with an amused smile on his lips.
This continues for the rest of the meeting.
"You'd think you'd be used to this with how often you jump into danger, Sir Lohen."
A hiss and a laugh from the man on the cot in front of him as Illuga gently dabs the antiseptic on the large jagged cut on Lohen's leg.
"Ah ah ah, you wound me, birdie." Lohen tuts, his head falling back on the pillow, a playful smile on his face. "This little scratch can't keep me outta the fight. I'll be back in no time. Can't let ya go on without seeing this ugly mug at least once a day."
Illuga snorts as he tightens the bandages. The med bay around them was buzzing with able bodies running around treating who they can. The last raid was a bit bigger than usual, Lohen was caught off guard when he dodged away from an axe only for another one to catch his leg before he could even land. Had he not coated his leg in cryo at the last second before it landed he would have lost the leg. Illuga couldn't help but frown down at it.
"What? Seriously, you can't think I'm down for the count just from this." Lohen grumbles, his tone light but Illuga had heard the small waver in his voice as he grabbed at Illuga's face to make him look up at him. "I'm fine."
Illuga searches his face as he takes in the new angle, taking his time assessing Lohen's various features. The furrow on his eyebrows, the smirk on his face being way too small for the cockiness in his words. And he thinks to himself that Lohen looks beautiful when he's being more real with his facial expressions. Before blinking that thought away.
"You are, yes, and I am very happy that you are." Illuga sighs, his words coming out strangely with how tight Lohen's grip on his face was. "You're really strong, I'm not doubting you."
Lohen goes quiet then, his face slackening into a blank expression, before he huffs and shoves Illuga's face away with a laugh. The changes were so fast Illuga didn't even know where to begin processing them. "Flatterer."
Illuga rubs at his sore cheek muscles with both hands, wincing at the dull ache. "Not flattery."
"Mhm, yeah yeah." Lohen waves him off, turning his upper half away, pouting all the while.
Illuga should take it as the dismissal it is and go help the others take care of the wounded. He has to.
But he thinks about the furrowed brow and the waver and decides instead to be a little brave.
He sighs and grabs Lohen's hand gently with his, startling the other to look back at him. "I really do think you're strong, Lohen. Had you been a second too slow you would have lost your leg. But you weren't. You took that axe, you got back up, and you came back to me."
Lohen gapes at Illuga.
He realizes just exactly how his words sound a second later.
Illuga stands up abruptly and laughs a little too loudly, letting go of Lohen's hand. "Oh archons, I should be helping the others. I have to look for Anleifr—"
Lohen grabs at Illuga's wrist so quick Illuga winces in tandem when Lohen's face twists in pain. "Wait—" Lohen starts. Illuga stops, his breathing halted. The knight looks up at him with an unreadable expression and then loosens his hold. "Can I… Can you…"
"If you're about to ask me for a spar in your state right now, I will have to call Sir Varka to restrain you to this bed." Illuga jokes, giving Lohen an out and relaxing just as Lohen reddens.
"Oh shut up." Lohen wheezes, his lips pursing. He looks down at his lap as he let's go of Illuga, grumbling under his breath. "I'll always come back, you hear me? So don't go thinking I'd leave ya alone. You do still owe me a spar, birdie."
Illuga smiles, his heart feeling a little lighter. "I'll hold you to that, Lohen."
Illuga rushes off and ignored how hot his cheeks feel.
Out of all of the words to describe Illuga, Lohen thinks the first thing he'd call Illuga if asked right this second was idiot.
The man himself at the very least has the good sense to look ashamed when Lohen finally sees him.
"Well well well." Lohen hisses at Illuga, "Oh, how the tables have turned."
You'd think since he was oh so nice to keep his word slash pseudo promise that the little bird before him would have the decency to do the same.
He had to hear all about his little stunt of falling off one of the cliffs after being tackled by one of the wild hunt in a raid from a very frantic lightkeeper he couldn't even remember the name of, who ran to the closest of the knight's camps to look for reinforcements. It was by sheer luck that Lohen was at the camp, and it took everything in him not to snap once he saw the state of Illuga when the rescue team passed by him earlier.
He outta lock up the bird in a cage with how he gave Lohen of all people a few grey hairs.
"I… apologize." Illuga mumbles, still a little woozy from whatever concoction they made him to numb the pain.
Lohen raises an eyebrow, tapping his foot in agitation. "Is that all you have to say?"
Illuga looks genuinely like he has never thought so hard about what to say until this very moment, the tight creases on his face deepening with how much brain power he's putting into his next words. Lohen almost feels sorry for putting the poor guy on the spot just as soon as he woke up, and opens his mouth to take it back, but Illuga beats him to it.
Illuga brightens up as though he has a eureka moment, his whole face lighting up like he's about to declare a breakthrough. His eyes sparkle, and he smiles at Lohen. "I promise to spar with you ten, no, twenty more times as an apology!"
His words were so slurred it takes Lohen a good few minutes to comprehend just exactly what he had said, and it takes him by so much surprise that he doubles over in laughter.
Illuga who was already pouting while waiting for Lohen's response makes an affronted sound, "Do you not want to?"
"Oh my archons, he's serious." Lohen whispers to himself, staring at Illuga on the bed.
Illuga looks up at him with wide uncomprehending eyes. "You don't?"
Lohen sighs and sits down on the chair next to the bed, leaning forward enough to rest his head on Illuga's chest, mindful of putting too much pressure on the injured birdie. "Be a good little bird and go to sleep, Illuga."
It's quiet for a few moments, the only sound being their breathing. Lohen stares at Illuga's face, and Illuga closes his eyes as he follows orders.
Lohen lets his face fall finally, and he turns his head a little more to put his ear closer to Illuga's chest. He listens to Illuga's heartbeat, reaching to grasp the other's hand. His face is carefully blank, blinking in a daze as he let's the steady rhythm lull him to sleep.
He wakes up later by a gentle hand combing through his hair, and an understanding he can't put into words at the moment.
'You'd think we'd have done that spar by now', Illuga thinks to himself as he watches the rain through the window of his home in Piramida.
He sips on his tea and turns his head back towards the reports he was working on. Lohen's report looks back at him as he smiles, his mind wandering towards the whereabouts of the vice captain.
It's been a few weeks since they last saw each other. Their last meeting having been a quick conversation when Lohen had visited Piramida again with Varka— before he was dragged away to a meeting with a pout. Illuga hadn't been a part of that meeting in particular because he was being sent out on a scouting mission at the time, and he hasn't heard from Lohen since.
He misses him.
And he's… To be honest, he's a little worried, but he knows enough about Lohen to know that he'll pop up eventually.
Knock knock knock.
Illuga sets his cup down and gets up to answer the door, he wondered who would come visit this late in the afternoon during a storm. A quick glance at the small peep hole and he pauses. Lohen is standing outside his door.
'Or maybe he'll pop up right now.'
Illuga opens the door with a smile on his face and opens his mouth to greet Lohen, but the other slumps towards him, dripping rainwater all over Illuga and the little space before his living room as Illuga catches him in his arms. "Lohen! Are you okay?"
A shaking breath is all that answers him, Lohen wraps his arms around Illuga and breathes heavily against him, soft sounds of distress escaping him. Illuga's worry skyrockets as he pulls the other man into his home and away from the rain. He gently nudges the door closed with his foot and leads Lohen deeper into his home towards the bathroom. "Archons, Lohen, you're soaked to the bone…"
Illuga almost wants to cry as he still doesn't receive a reply.
They stand in the middle of the bathroom now, the water dripping towards the tile as Illuga pulls away to gently grasp Lohen's face. Lohen's expression is so painfully blank, his eyes glazed over and unseeing. But he's tense, and still making short heaving gasps, and Illuga doesn't know what to do.
"We need to get you out of these clothes and into a bath, Lohen you'll get sick…" Illuga whispers, grasping at straws to see if he could bring him back.
Lohen blinks at him, trying to make sense of what he's saying, and he slowly nods. Illuga hesitates before he pulls away slowly, gently making Lohen lean against the sink, shushing the other man with reassurances that he'll be right back just so he can start the hot bath.
Once the water is hot enough he leaves it running. Illuga turns back and hugs the other man to him again and starts to slowly undress Lohen. The sooner he can get him into the bath the sooner he can start to feel better.
Lohen's eyes clear a little more just as Illuga finishes undressing his upper half and holds his face, rubbing circles on his cheeks. Illuga looks perplexed on how to undress the corset, and Lohen reaches to help him with a soft, barely there laugh. Illuga relaxes somewhat, looking at Lohen's face again as he does so.
"I can do the rest myself, thank you…" Lohen whispers. He starts to undress properly and Illuga turns around to be respectful, folding his other clothes to put by the sink.
"Birdie…"
"Hm?"
"… Could you stay?"
Illuga turns back around and searches Lohen's face. Lohen gazes back. "Of course."
Later, when Lohen is dry, fed, and given a warm drink, Illuga learns of Rerir.
His grip is tight on his own cup and his jaw is clenched as he glares at the small fireplace.
"I'm off duty for awhile, technically. No patrols, no joining Varka on his bigger missions. Mostly just boring old paperwork now. The healers and rescue did a great job, most of the damage can't even be seen anymore, I'm mostly just ache-y all over." Lohen says finally. He glances at Illuga. "I'm… sorry I hadn't…"
Illuga let's out a breath, forcing himself to unclench his jaw. "It's okay." He turns to face Lohen better. "You came back, that's what matters."
Lohen huffs a laugh at the deja vu. "Glad to be back." he whispers, looking at Illuga the same.
They're quiet for a moment. Lohen getting lost in his thoughts and Illuga searching for the right words to say.
'You're not weak. You are one of the strongest people I know.' Might sound patronizing.
'Hey, the Lohen I know would go on and fight anyway.' Goes against what he'd actually like Lohen to do.
He settles instead on, "When are you cleared for minor patrols?"
Lohen blinks at him, a little bewildered. "I'm… not sure actually. Maybe two more weeks? Probably just Nasha Town if Varka has any say in it."
"Okay." Illuga mumbles, thinking. "I'll join you."
Lohen snorts. "You? A squad leader? Joining me on city walks? Don't kid yourself, birdie."
"Well how else am I supposed to know when you'll finally be fit enough for that spar?"
A blink.
"Spar?" Lohen bursts into slightly hysterical laughter. "You— Oh my archon!"
Illuga smiles and listens to Lohen laugh, reveling in the warmth. He grabs Lohen's cup and gets up to wash the dishes, hearing Lohen get up to follow him.
"That's so dumb."
"Mhm."
"You're insane."
"First I'm hearing it."
Illuga jolts slightly as he feels arms wrap around his waist, and a soft thud as Lohen buries his face into Illuga's neck.
It's quiet for a moment.
"…I love you."
His breath hitches.
"You don't have to say it back." Lohen whispers into his neck. "I just needed you to know."
Illuga tries to turn around but Lohen's grip on him doesn't waver, and he doesn't want to pry him off by force just so he can look at his face. Illuga's lip wobbles as he's overwhelmed with emotion.
"That's unfair, I want to look at you."
Lohen's grip tightens briefly before he slowly starts to loosen his arms. Illuga turns around as quickly as he can and grabs to keep Lohen's arms around him.
Their faces are so close like this. Illuga could lean a breath closer and their noses would touch. Lohen's eyes are ever so slightly red around the edges, his expression a little worried, but his gaze holds true.
"Say that again?" Illuga asks, his arms reaching to wrap around Lohen's neck. Illuga's shirt is a little too big on Lohen's frame despite him being only slightly taller due to his more lithe build so the collar of the shirt exposes a little more skin. Lohen shivers when he feels the contact on his neck.
Lohen looks at him, his resolve unwavering "I love you."
Illuga smiles. "You mean it?"
Lohen squints. "Of course I mean it, what, you don't believe mphf—"
'His lips are cold,' Illuga thinks, as soon as he tilts his head and closes the distance. 'And so so soft.'
The kiss was light, and quick, like a feather. Illuga pulling back just as fast as he leaned in. Lohen clicks his tongue and chases his lips, pulling him in for another.
The second kiss feels like a firework, Illuga's heart nearly bursting out of his chest with how fast it's beating. He pulls away to breath in shakily and Lohen wastes no time connecting their lips again.
It's intoxicating.
Lohen kisses like he fights, unrelenting, and unyielding, and Illuga has to stifle a laugh as he tries to keep up with the pace.
Illuga can't help but feel whiplash, feeling as many emotions as he had and he wonders if Lohen is doing alright after going through even more.
They pull away when they run out of air, breathing heavily. Illuga laughs joyfully as Lohen gazes at him, smitten.
They stay like that for a little while, basking in each other's presence. The atmosphere a lot lighter than before. Illuga breathes out, smiling.
"I love you too, Lohen."
Lohen smiles so wide that Illuga laughs and kisses it off his face, this time at his much slower unhurried pace.
He wonders if they'll ever really get that spar done anytime soon.