Work Text:
♪ ༘⋆
“1,2,3.”
At times, Yushi finds himself caught up in his head while Daeyoung tugs at his hand, pulling him from his corner.
Daeyoung would turn on the speaker and lead Yushi into a dance. Never having to say much, this being a common routine between them two. The younger one would invite him into a kiss, if Yushi felt like it. This evening was not one of those times so Daeyoung just nuzzled the elder’s hair, burying his nose in the scent of their shared shampoo. Clean, with undertones of citrus, Yushi’s favorite.
“Mhmhmmhmm~” Guitar strings filled the room as Daeyoung hummed to the tune of the song.
His right hand was stroking Yushi’s back in gentle motions—his left clasped in Yushi’s right as they danced. Yushi closed his eyes as his body slumped forward. He likes this, likes being in Daeyoung’s embrace so much. In the midst of his thoughts running wild, Daeyoung’s unwavering patience had an effect of silencing it all. The weight of the younger’s body was welcome against the one plaguing his mind.
“Oh my lover, hold on tight.”
As the song faded down low, their swaying got slower. Yushi rested his head on Daeyoung’s shoulder, breathing in shallow breaths. He never verbalised it, but he liked how Daeyoung was taller, the difference in height made it as if this space was carved just for him.
Yushi just wants to savour this moment forever. He thinks of how much the younger likes to cling to him, always so ready to do anything he wants.
But at the same time, doubt was creeping into his mind.
Like a bad habit, he kept returning to the thought of losing this. Yushi can get a bit lost in predicting the future and all its possibilities. It feels good for the most part, he’s prepared for anything and everything. But it also means he ends up mourning long before a loss actually happens. He doesn’t ever want to lose Daeyoung and this fragile thing they have, and yet, in moments of closeness, he can’t stop himself from wondering of the odds.
What if Daeyoung gets tired of this?
What if Yushi could never give him more?
Yushi always has one foot in the room, never fully letting Daeyoung in. He doesn’t know if he could ever open the door without reservation and if Daeyoung would still be waiting for him then. The younger boy’s lips were quirked up on one side, eyes shining with a curiosity so honest that tugged at Yushi’s heartstrings. But he never pushed Yushi, his patience for all that Yushi left unspoken endless.
It made Yushi swallow a lump in his throat, letting go of their hands to circle his arms around Daeyoung’s waist instead. He doesn’t know how much longer they could keep going on like this but for now, Daeyoung was in his arms. The younger man hummed, settling into the hug and wrapping his arms around him.
“I like this, being with you.” Daeyoung blurted. Yushi huffed a small laugh, the younger always tried hard to keep quiet in moments like this but he always needed others, Yushi especially, to know how he felt. Meanwhile Yushi kept it in a private corner of his heart.
Yushi nodded against Daeyoung’s chest. To assure him that he heard him. He thinks Daeyoung breaks into a smile, that soft nervous sigh giving it away. Yushi always tried to verbalise more with the younger one. Daeyoung was someone who needed things to be spoken plainly to him so Yushi did his best. And though sometimes he just didn’t feel like it, Daeyoung was so good, so understanding, that it did little to soothe the way Yushi’s gut churned.
“Hehehe.”
Daeyoung’s giggles were contagious, making Yushi smile, before it dropped. The heaviness he felt inside engulfed the momentary lightness. Daeyoung’s steady and giving nature was that of a tree. He stood tall and strong, arms always open for Yushi to crash into. But how much can one take, anyway? It would be easier if Daeyoung got frustrated with him, if he spoke up more about his unsavoury feelings instead of all the nice ones. But alas, they all had their own vices to drink.
After a moment, their embrace dissolved—Daeyoung pulling back to look at Yushi’s face. His eyes always had a fondness to it, slightly downturned and turning into crescents when he smiled. But now his eyebrows were also furrowed, making him look like a sad puppy.
His hands reached up to cup Yushi’s face, thumbs feather light on his cheeks. “You look tense. What are you thinking about?”
Yushi shakes his head, “Nothing, you know how I get lost in my head sometimes.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hmm.”
Daeyoung pursed his lips and said, “I know you can handle things on your own but you can tell me if it ever gets too much, okay?”
“I just don’t want to burden you.”
“But it’s not. I love you.”
He said it so easily as if it didn't rattle Yushi’s heart. His devotion made Yushi feel like he was drowning at times. It wasn’t even like it was something reserved for Yushi alone, Daeyoung was always so attentive to others, be it friends or family, or staff at their university.
Yushi shook his head. “No, it’s fine…don’t worry about it.”
Daeyoung was pouting now, gaze downcast.
“Hey, it’s not that I don’t trust you, okay?” Yushi pulled at his hands, prompting the younger to look at him.
“The thoughts I get caught up in sometimes are things I’ve never shared with anyone. It’s not about trust, it’s just….the deeply rooted aspects of myself. Things I can never really admit out loud. You know how it is.”
“Sorry, Yuu-kun. I shouldn’t have said anything…I don’t want to push you. I just want you to be okay.”
Yushi pulled the younger’s head down, kissing him on the forehead. “I know.”
Then he patted his head and said, “Come on, I’m hungry.”
It was a little late, so they settled for ramen with half boiled eggs. They ate in silence, focused on the food but once in a while Daeyoung would mumble how good the food was or check on Yushi. “Yushi-kun, does it taste okay?”
Their elbows bumped occasionally, Daeyoung having wanted to sit next to him instead of across like he usually did. He didn’t mind the tight space, Daeyoung’s earnestness always made him give in. And it was a relief to not have those worried eyes staring at him throughout dinner.
As the younger boy drifted off, Yushi gently played with his hair. He slept like the dead anyways, but Yushi didn’t want to take any chances. How can someone look so cute even while sleeping?
The younger tended to fall asleep first, much to his own dismay, for he wanted to spend as much as time as possible with Yushi.
“Go to sleep, Daeyoung.” Yushi would have to coax him often while the younger shook his head stubbornly and snuggled tighter.
Tonight had been the same. “I want to fall asleep the same time you do~,” Daeyoung cooed, voice muffled where it was tucked in Yushi’s neck. Yushi knows he really was just fighting his yawns at that point, Daeyoung was always much clingier when he was half conscious, slurring the Japanese words that he was usually so good at.
Yushi can already see the whiny Daeyoung he would wake up to tomorrow morning. Always disappointed that he didn’t get to watch Yushi as he slept. Even in his dreams, he did not want to be separated from Yushi.
Lost in his thoughts, he only just noticed a crease in the younger’s eyebrows and chided himself, slowly easing the wrinkles on Daeyoung’s forehead. He doesn’t ever want to worry Daeyoung, but inevitably, it happens.
While he can’t promise to fully let Daeyoung pass the guarded walls of his heart yet, Yushi vows to keep his demons at bay, to prevent the darkness from spilling over into Daeyoung’s light. It’s the least he can do.