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Fire is life. It breathes, it moves, it grows.
Often, it is even a sign of people living.
“Anders Johnson, are you finally ready to commit your full trust and effort to me?” Colin asks, extending his hand out to Anders. He had thought that the weak god would refuse his offer out of some pathetic sense of loyalty. Anders has already agreed to help him, but Colin wants to be sure that Anders isn’t being half-hearted or desperate.
Anders nods, stepping forward to shake Colin’s hand.
“Yes.” His voice is flat and emotionless; Colin’s mischievous side wants to stoke the man into a proper reaction, but he has the agreement he needs.
The man’s ego has clearly been singed, however; and Colin wonders for a second what has lead to Anders fully turn; what was the ignition?
But the thought is snuffed out as the two men shake hands.
Anders has a burning desire; to finally be recognised and have a place to belong in his family.
He truly didn’t think that Bragi had burned all his bridges with his brothers.
Ty’s near-death experience has reignited the flame of hope that Ty had about life, and living it to its fullest.
“I really, truly could have died yesterday, Anders. And Lance saved my life. Lance, of all people, helped me. I can’t be mad at him anymore. I need to move on, and start living for me. Lance is a good guy, he and Dawn…well, I hope that they’ll be very happy together.”
Anders knows that Lance is a good guy.
Because Anders is the one who called Lance and told him that Ty might need his help.
Without Anders, Ty very well may have died.
Ty is spelling out his plans for the future as he cooks dinner; he is so fired up that he even forgets the possibility that Anders might want to join him in his meal. His hope is so bright that he is blind to the fact that Anders has been feeling alone. And eating alone. And drinking alone. Alcohol. During the day.
That burning taste of the vodka slipping down his throat is one of the few things that Anders can rely on anymore.
Anders leaves when Ty ducks out to grab a spare tea towel from the linen cupboard; he knows that Ty won’t miss his absence. He fervently looks forward to that bottle of vodka that waits for him at home.
Ty is breathing new life again. The oxygen he still inhales fuels the desire he has to be happy.
Despite the fact that Anders is the one who saved Ty’s life, Ty’s future happiness does not require Anders. He doesn’t know the truth, and Anders figures that Ty is just as happy assuming that Lance was the one to save him.
The burning sensation from the vodka still lingers when Anders goes to visit Mike.
“What do you want, Anders?” He’s busy working on the renovations to the bar, and sounds like he’s not up for any nonsense. The exasperated tone he uses sharply reminds Anders of when they were younger, and Anders was trying to convince Mike to buy him alcohol. They used to get on like a house on fire.
That past stage of their relationship is only smoke now.
“I just wanted to see how my older brother was doing.” It’s not the best time to launch into a full tirade about the thoughts he’s been having lately. He’s not even sure he’d be able to put into words his feelings.
“Why?” Mike is suspicious.
“Well, I just wanted to see if there was anything I could help you with.” Please. The desire for someone to want him, to need him for something and actually be recognised for it burns stronger than the half bottle of vodka he had this morning.
“No, it’s okay, Michele and I have got it covered.”
Anders sees how it is. Mike is moving on with his own life. And Anders isn’t a part of that.
Good thing there’s another half bottle of vodka waiting for him at home. Reminding him he’s still living, not just a wisp of smoke that can be blown away.
Anders’ relationship with Axl has been explosive for a time, but maybe he could avoid combustion this time.
But then again, even explosive hatred is better than the indifference that he has felt from Ty and Mike.
Axl has matured.
Anders arrives on Axl’s doorstep with a bottle of vodka in hand as a peace offering.
Zeb and Axl are having a quiet night in, a rare night free from god business. Except these days are becoming more frequent as of late. Axl’s mellowed out, he’s more relaxed, he’s happier.
Upon Anders’ arrival, Zeb is smart enough to make himself sparse. But he need not. Anders won’t be there for long.
“You’re looking good!” Axl’s life is finally crackling along at a pleasant and comfortable pace.
“I feel good! We’ve taken a new approach to finding Frigg, I’m just going to live my life, maybe even broaden my horizons a little, but not focus too much on it. I’ve given up chasing skirt all over town, that’s too immature for my quest.” His voice is warm, but his words pierce through Anders. So Anders is still seen as the immature one.
“I don’t suppose the two of you want to join me for a drink?” That way, there’ll be people to make sure he doesn’t try and drive home. He’s taken risks enough by driving to Axl’s flat in the first place. It was a reckless move, but Anders just wants to feel something.
“It’s okay, Anders, you don’t need to do this. You can go home, I’m sure you don’t want your little brother to cramp your style.” It’s exactly what Anders desires, but he knows when he’s not wanted. It’s been an all-too familiar feeling lately. Axl is growing, and he no longer needs his older brother for anything.
Even the anger that Axl once felt for Anders has fizzled out, and the embers aren’t going catch alight.
As Anders leaves, he feels dead. That warmth that he longed to receive from his brothers will once again have to be substituted for a bottle.
Fire is life. Anders’ brothers are his life.
But they are breathing, moving and growing without him. And still he is alive, but not really living at all.
He hasn’t felt warmth from his brothers for the longest time. He longs to feel something, from someone. Warmth, hatred, anything but the cold ignorance that his family holds for him.
All that his brothers once felt for him has been snuffed out, the smoke fading into the ether.
The alcohol isn’t enough. He wants to feel the burn, the pain, anything! And he knows exactly who can give him that.
As Anders decides that his last chance to feel alive is to join Colin and fully take him up on his offer, the fire in his eyes that he once had has been extinguished.
That fire, that sign of life – that Anders has something to live for, that he lives for something – has burnt out.
While Anders lives on as an empty shell; but an eternal flame.