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It was three in the morning. The night was getting colder and the road was getting lonely with the absences of vehicles. Only a few humans were seen on the street, probably on their way home from their workplace or after a night out. Or just to take a breath, clearing their mind off.
And there was Kim Seokjin.
Standing in front of the apartment building. His eyes were staring at one of the windows. The one on the fifth floor, with the dimmed light on. A shadow of someone can be clearly seen walking here and there. Didn’t sleep yet despite it being late at night. Probably was working on a project or drank too much caffeine, he didn’t know.
Seokjin held tight his phone in his hands. Sniffled once in a while when the cold wind hit his handsome face. He would say that the cold makes his ears red if you asked, not because he was a little bit drunk.
It was three in the morning.
Seokjin wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at his house, which was five minutes away from here. Not standing here, waiting for something unsure.
But he was drunk.
Drunk Seokjin tend to be a bundle of joy sometimes when he drinks with the right person. Like his best friend. But tonight his best friend in the world was busy, can’t join their little drinking session. Sometimes drunk Seokjin can be stupid. Maybe that’s why he was here. Because he was stupid. Drunk Seokjin can also be a coward. Maybe that’s why he can’t press the send button on his phone, to send a long text message to the owner of the apartment on the fifth floor.
Seokjin stared at the phone in his hand. He read the passages he wrote earlier, when he came here twenty minutes ago. A smile was on his face as he read line by line, wondering what the receiver's reaction would be once he read it. Sadly, Seokjin didn’t have the courage to send it.
His eyes fell on the name contact, ~my little yoongichi~ written there. Yoongi-chi, a name that his best friend despises. His yoongi-chi would frown, sometimes even make a disgusted face whenever Seokjin called him that nickname.
His yoongi-chi.
How nice it would be if Seokjin could call him that. His, mine, my. Seokjin pocketed his phone, staring back to the window. The shadow moved again this time, walking to somewhere Seokjin knew where the kitchen was. Maybe he was thirsty and wanted to drink water, who knows. Seokjin just hoped it was not the coffee that the shadow was looking for.
Seokjin closed his eyes, thinking how creepy it was to stand here and stared at the window. When he could just go upstairs and ring the bell, or he could just walk inside, announcing his arrival in the dramatic way that he always did. Sure he will be greeted with a flying pillow or sometimes a fluffy cat slipper for making the owner of the house startled. Yet that person will let him stay. He always stayed. But instead he is here, standing outside of the building. Like a creep.
Ah he misses Min Yoongi.
A name that Seokjin has been saying since he was 17. His best friend since high school. He still remembered Yoongi’s face when they first met at the gate. Looking lost, yet so mesmerizing. He built up his courage to greet the boy.
“Min Yoongi,” the boy said. His voice sounded hoarse but sweet like honey to Seokjin’s ears. “New transfer student,” the boy continued to introduce himself. That morning, Seokjin helped Yoongi to settle down at the school. Bringing him to the principal's office, meeting his classroom’s teacher and sending him to his class. Didn’t mind himself getting late to his own class.
Since that day, Seokjin has stayed by Yoongi’s side. Meeting him at any chance he could. Introducing Yoongi to his friends group. Sometimes they hang out even after school. Eating tteokbokki on their way home or ramen at the convenience store, or just Seokjin walking Yoongi home despite living in the opposite direction of him.
He was 18 when he realised he had a crush on Yoongi. On the last day of school. The same day when Yoongi smiles sweetly at him. Displaying his gums, his dumpling cheeks raised until his eyes closed. Seokjin wondered if Yoongi could see anything at that time.
The smile is so pretty, just like the owner making Seokjin wanted to see it more. But he is leaving now. To serve his country after graduation. The thought of not seeing those smiles, that face, those long pale fingers make his heart ache. He was so confused why he felt like that.
He tries to think about their friends too. Two years of not seeing Namjoon’s dimple and clumsiness, Hoseok’s random choice of fashion and heart smile, Jimin’s small pinky and him laughing until he fell down from the chair, Taehyung’s handsome face and random act that bring smile to their face, or Jungkook the maknae of the group and his love to punch and hug Seokjin’s randomly.
But none of them make his heart ache like the thought of not seeing Yoongi. It’s different. Of course he will miss his friends, but he knows he will miss Yoongi more.
“Ah, I like him.”
If you asked Seokjin, when did he feel the most happy in his life? His answer will be the day he came home after Military Service, the day when Yoongi takes a leave just to come see him graduating. Holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand, a gummy smile on display. Also on Yoongi’s graduation day. The day Yoongi finishes his service.
Finally, he thought, finally the day when distance is no longer a barrier. Finally, they are together again. And they stay together.
Years have passed, yet Seokjin never dated someone and the same goes for Yoongi. While their other friends change partners from time to time, Seokjin and Yoongi feel content being single.
“Why do I need a partner? I have Yoongi to accompany me anytime I want,” Seokjin answered when his friends asked why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
“Seokjin hyung already consumes my time and energy,” was Yoongi’s answer for the same question.
They were fine being single because they have each other. Seokjin was fine, having his crush near by his side even just as a friend.
Years have passed, the crush developed into something new. It was no longer a little crush. It was no longer just butterflies in his stomach when Yoongi was around. It was no longer just a miss when Yoongi was no longer near. It was no longer just him blushing when Yoongi touched his hand by accident.
It was him being relentless when he didn’t see Yoongi for a day. It was him who couldn’t fall asleep when he didn’t listen to Yoongi’s voice. It was him worrying for Yoongi when Yoongi didn’t reply to his text. It was him crying for Yoongi when Yoongi got hurt. It was him feeling sad when Yoongi was sad. It was him swearing to do anything in his power to make Yoongi happy.
It was him realising that he loves Yoongi, his best friend.
He tried to confess, he swore he did. On the day he walked Yoongi home after a night out. Both were a little bit tipsy, walking side by side. Giggling like a teenager when their shoulders hit each other.
Standing in front of Yoongi’s apartment, Seokjin put both his hands in his jacket pocket. His feets fidgeted together as his brain tried to find suitable words to express his feelings. While Yoongi was just patiently waiting for Seokjin to speak up.
But then Yoongi's mouth gasped, his eyes shining as they landed on the beautiful night sky. “Hyung, look,” Yoongi slapped Seokjin’s bicep softly while pointing to those sparkling stars spread out in the sky above them. Seokjin glanced at the sky, and couldn't help but to smile while watching Yoongi admire the stunning view.
“Ain’t it beautiful?” Yoongi asked.
“It is,” Seokjin answered. His eyes were on Yoongi.
Seokjin decided his confession could wait. He has waited for years now, what’s wrong with waiting for some more right?
Seokjin was 26 at that time and now he is 31, and still in love with the same person he met when he was 17.
He turned around, facing the empty road. His feet kick the pebble, while his brain keeps chanting, ‘should I leave? Should I go inside?’ Seokjin sighed loudly, ‘ah what should I do?’ As Seokjin's mind and heart kept fighting each other, he heard…
“Hyung?”
..from his behind.
Seokjin turns around, facing the source of the voice.
“Ah Yoongi-yah,” his heart was beating rapidly.
“What are you doing here?” Yoongi asked, stepping closer to him until he was standing in front of his best friend.
“Nothing,” Seokjin shrugged. “What are you doing here?” He asked back in nervousness.
Yoongi chuckles, shaking his head softly, “this is my house,” he stated the fact.
“Right,” Seokjin nodded, his ears getting red.
Yoongi took a step closer, making Seokjin’s ear get redder and sniffing the collar of his shirt. “Are you drunk?” He asked, glancing up at his friend.
“N..no,” Seokjin stuttered, meeting with his friend’s eyes. Fish, his breath was taken away with how soft Yoongi looked even at dawn.
“Hmm really?” Yoongi straightened his body and scratched his chin, lips pouting. “Then why did I smell alcohol on you?” He asked.
“I-,” Seokjin lost his words. Pouting Yoongi is his biggest weakness.
“Don’t say some brand produces a perfume that smells like alcohol,” he smirked, “I know when was the last time you bought one,” Yoongi continued, sounding almost like he was bragging.
‘Of course you would know,’ Seokjin sighed in his head. His eyes focused on Yoongi who wore a simple set of gray sweatshirt and pants. Simple but so damn cute in his eyes.
“I went out with Jungkook and Jimin,” he answered honestly, not like he can lie to this cutie, “you probably know it if you check our groupchat.”
“Ah! I was busy,” Yoongi answer, maybe a little bit too fast.
“I know,”
“So what are you doing here and not coming up?” Yoongi asked, rubbing his hand up and down trying to chase the cold night away.
“Nothing,” Seokjin said, noticing Yoongi’s ears turning red, probably due to the cold. “Why are you out without your scarf?”
Yoongi shrugged, “I see you from the window,” was his answer.
Seokjin couldn’t help but smile a bit, this friend of his probably is worried about him and running out to meet him. The thought makes Seokjin’s heart warm. The smile on his face was getting wider, making Yoongi frown.
“So what happened?” Yoongi asked, hugging himself tight.
“Are you cold?” Seokjin answered with a question.
“I am,” Yoongi admitted and looked down.
Only then both of them realised that Yoongi was only wearing slippers on his feets. He doesn’t even wear a sock.
Seokjin crouched while making noise like an old man, his mouth starting to nagging Yoongi. Remind him again and again that they both are getting old and cold is not something they can fight with anymore.
“Who is gonna look after you if you catch the cold?” he continued nagging, while his hands reached and covered those cold feets. The original pale white skin is getting paler.
Yoongi ignores him nagging and rolling his eyes at his friend's actions trying to warm up his feets.
It was three forty in the morning.
Whoever looks at them now must be thinking how dumb they are right now.
He knocked Seokjin’s head twice, making the elder look at him.
“I have you, don’t I?”
It felt like time had stopped for Seokjin. Those gummy smiles on Yoongi’s face right now make everything so hard for Seokjin. Those bird nest hair that god knows how many times has Yoongi pulled it out of frustration. It was very hard for Seokjin not to drop to his knees and propose to him.
He was dangerous for Seokjin’s drunk heart.
It felt like forever before Seokjin open his mouth, whispering, “you do,”
Yoongi always has him. Wrapped around his long slim fingers.
Seokjin bowed down his head once again, hands still on Yoongi's now warm feets. He cleared his throat, trying to wake his mesmerized self. “Ehem,” gulping, “the entire music industry will probably be sad if their favourite music producer fall sick,” he tried to change the subject.
“Who cares,” Yoongi shrugged, pulling his feet away before crouching down so that they could be on the same level. He hugged his knees, “as long as you are there to take care of me, I don’t care about the whole industry.”
The silence was too loud.
It was very late in the night, dawn almost came.
Nobody was outside anymore.
Beside from Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi who are crouching down on the pavement in front of Yoongi’s building. Staring into each other's eyes.
Yoongi still has a smile on his face.
No longer the gummy smile that Seokjin love to see.
Just a small smile.
Regardless, still a smile.
His eyes never leave Seokjin.
But there is no smile on Seokjin’s face.
The world has become silent to Seokjin’s ear.
All he heard was his own fast heartbeat.
His mind replay the word, ‘as long as you are there,’.
Seokjin is always there.
He is here now.
And he wants to be here forever.
Not on the pavement by the way.
But he wants to be here, by Min Yoongi’s side.
No matter where Yoongi is in the world, Seokjin wants to be there.
“I think I am drunk,” Seokjin said after a while.
“I can see that,”
“I am really drunk Yoongi-yah,”
“Hehehe,” the man in front him chuckled, “I can very much see that hyung,”
“Yoongi-yah,”
He called for him, his face was serious.
“Hmm,”
His eyes were full with fondness.
“Min Yoongi,”
His voice softened.
“Yes, Kim Seokjin,”
“Yoongi-chi,”
“Hyung,” he grumbled, but he still had a smile on his face.
He is no longer drunk.
“You know that I like you right?”
He asked, his eyes were full with determination.
“Hmm?” Yoongi blinked his eyes.
“I asked,” Seokjin inhaled a deep breath, “you know that I like you, right?”
He clenched his fists.
Yoongi hugged his knees tighter. This time it was him who became silent, looking down on the hard dirty pavement.
It took him a while before he looked into Seokjin’s eyes once again. He can see his friend is nervous. His lips were trembling, ears getting red. Yoongi doesn't think it was because of the cold.
“As a what?” he whispered.
“Hmm?” Seokjin frowned, not really hearing what Yoongi said.
Yoongi rolled his eyes once, tilting his head back, grumbling things that Seokjin couldn't hear.
He took a deep breath before look at Seokjin’s handsome face.
“I asked, as a what?”
Seokjin was dumbfounded.
“You asked if I know you like me or not?”
“Ouh,”
His mouth becomes ‘O’.
Yoongi rolls his eyes again.
Seriously, it's almost 4 in the morning. What the hell are they doing here?
Despite his coldness, Yoongi didn’t say anything more. Instead he waited. He can see the brain in Seokjin’s head working right now.
“Hyu,,,”
“More than a friend,” Seokjin whispered in the dark night. His eyes never leave Yoongi, not even a second.
“I like you more than a friend should do,” Seokjin’s voice was filled with determination that he did not know where he possessed. But he knows he doesn't want to waste another day secretly pining over his best friend.
The same friend that he has had a crush on since he was 18.
“I have liked you for a very long time, Yoongi-yah,” he continued, seeing that Yoongi didn’t say anything. “It was on the last day of school that I realised I like you.”
“I probably liked you even way before that, but it was that day that I realised it. When you see me off after I walked you home, smiling so sweet and saying ‘this will be the last time you walk me home,’ it was that moment I felt my heart making a backflip in my heart. I don’t want the day to end. That was the first time.”
“And there was another time, when I was enlisted and you and the kids were sending me off. When I thought that would probably be the last time I see you, that I have to wait for another two years before I could see you again, it made my heart ache. I almost didn’t go and postpone my enlistment so that I can be with you for a little bit longer. But my mom didn’t allow it.”
He blinked, seeing that Yoongi didn’t say anything he continued, remembering back the messages that he didn't have courage to press the send button.
“And then there was the time when I finished my enlistment. When I saw you holding the flowers and welcoming me back, it was so hard for me not to pull you into a tight hug and kiss you there. Do you know how sad it was when Namjoon told me that you can’t be there? I almost cried to be honest. No, I did cry. But the moment my eyes laid on you, I was happy, really happy.”
He smiled.
“I felt the world was mine.”
“And when you finish your service, I was so euphoric. Finally we can be together again. When you get offered a job here, I stay up all night finding a vacant spot in random companies here so I could be near you. I told you it was a coincidence that we both got a job in the same city, but it was a lie Yoongi.”
He inhaled a shaky breath.
“I work my ass off so I can be here, near you. I rented a house near yours cause I want to be close with you. Even as a friend, I really want to be close with you.”
“I don’t know when it all started, but at some point the crush turned into something else.”
“I think, I am in love with you now,”
He shook his head,
“No scratch that, I know that I love you. Yeah,”
“Yoongi-yah,”
“I love you,”
There Seokjin said it. He finally admitted it out loud. The confession that he never managed through a message. He has told him.
Face to face.
But Yoongi was quiet.
There was no longer a smile on his face. Not even a frown of disgust. Just nothing.
It makes Seokjin scared even more. After years, after all of their friendship. Probably there will be no ‘after’ for both of them anymore.
This is why he didn’t want to confess.
He is too afraid.
Afraid of ruining their friendship.
Afraid to lose a friend.
But what is done has been done.
Seokjin bowed his head down, accepting the silence as rejection. Thinking maybe he can say he was too drunk and everything he has spilled is just a joke. Or maybe he can forget that this night ever happened. Woke up and pretended that never confessed to his best friend. Would Yoongi pretend that this never happened too?
Suddenly he felt cold.
Not cold from the wind.
But cold from a pair of hands that hold his head now.
The pale white hand pulled his head up, those dark brown eyes searching for his.
The man in front of him still didn’t say anything yet, just waiting until Seokjin was ready to look into his eyes.
It took a while, but Seokjin did finally make contact with Yoongi’s eyes.
Only then Yoongi smile, whispering “silly hyung,”
The cold, now warm hand pulled him close, puckering his lips until it touched Seokjin’s thick lips. Making his eyes widened.
It was not a kiss, not even a peck.
Just lips touching for a second.
But that was enough to weaken Seokjin’s knees, making him freeze.
His head starts to feel dizzy, maybe the alcohol is getting to him now.
His hand reached to hold Yoongi’s waist, stabilizing himself after Yoongi pulled away.
He tried to look at Yoongi’s face, but Yoongi didn’t let him. Instead he put his forehead to Seokjin’s. Hands have moved to cup Seokjin’s cheeks.
“Why are you taking so long?” Yoongi whispered, sounding defeated.
“I am sorry,” Seokjin replied, didn't know what he was actually apologizing for.
“I have waited too long for this,” Yoongi mumbled, trying to pull Seokjin closer.
“Hmm,?” Seokjin frowned, pulling his head away, creating a distance between them.
Not really far, but far enough so that he can look at his crush. His face was full of questions.
“I… What do you mean?”
“I mean, I love you too,” Yoongi smiles, fingers caressing Seokjin’s cheeks. He ignored the shock on Seokjin’s face and continued, “Not as long as you love me. But it was long enough to make me single for years.”
Seokjin frowned.
“I like you too hyung,” Yoongi started. “I don’t know when, but I do like you.”
“And at some point, I also want to be more than just your friends,”
“Maybe it was when you save me from that creepy old man back in the club,”
That was six years ago.
“Or maybe it was when you bought me kumamon every time you see them cause you know that they are my favorites.”
That was like four or three years ago when Yoongi has this weird obsession over that black and white mascot character.
“Or maybe it was when you come here, stand here, fondling with your phone every time you get drunk and leave without saying anything.”
It has been two years since Seokjin first came here, not going upstairs. He will hold his phone, typing a message, delete it, typing again, and delete again. Before finally leaving without sending any message to Yoongi.
“Or maybe it was when you first approached me at the school gate.”
That made Seokjin gasp, cause that was 14 years ago.
“I don’t really know,” Yoongi shook his head, “but at some point in our friendship, I started to want more.”
He then laughed, squishy Seokjin’s cheeks harshly, making him pout.
“You really think I don’t know about your feelings?”
“I know, hyung. I know.”
He stopped squishing Seokjin’s cheeks, holding it as if it was precious.
“I waited for you to confess first,”
“I am scared,” Seokjin said after a while.
“Me too,” Yoongi admitted. Even though he was confident that Seokjin liked him more than just a friend, he was scared that if that was all just his illusions. That's why he didn’t confess.
And that’s why they were in the waiting game.
“I didn’t know that you like me,” Seokjin says, voice sounding so dreamy.
Yoongi pulled Seokjin’s face one more time, putting their forehead together. His fingers start to play with Seokjin’s hairs.
“Why do you think I am still up at three in the morning hyung?” Yoongi whispered softly.
“Work?” He whispered back.
“Silly,” Yoongi chuckled, “I know you went out drinking with the boys,” he explained, “and I know you will come here when you are drunk,” Yoongi’s voice becomes even soften, “typing and deleting messages that you never send.”
Of course Yoongi know, if he sees Seokjin outside his apartment, he will probably try to call or text him. That is how Yoongi probably knows it. The typing bubble.
“I was waiting for you. Either you come up or not, I am waiting for you.”
“Cause I like you,”
Seokjin closed his eyes, feeling Yoongi's warm breath on his skin.
“Is this a dream?” He asked.
“You have to sleep first for you to dream,” he answered, laughing. “Are you sleeping now?”
“I am not,” Seokjin opened his eyes, looking at his friend of 14 years.
“So you really like me?”
“Yes, I do,”
Seokjin exhaled a sigh of relief, “I could die right now.” That is how happy he is.
“Wo wo,,” Yoongi pulled his head away, “you are not even my boyfriend yet and you already want to die?”
“I am not?” Seokjin tilted his head. They like each other, and Yoongi already kisses him so why are they not a boyfriend yet?
“Do you want to?” Yoongi asked, booping Seokjin’s nose.
“I want to,” Seokjin answered without hesitation.
Yoongi smiled while getting up. He felt like his legs were killing him. “Then, as my boyfriend, your first responsibility is to warm me up. I am cold as fuck.”
“I can do that,” Seokjin smiles widely, his hand searching for Yoongi’s, clasping it tightly when he finds it.
“Let’s go up then, boyfriend.” He said, tugging Yoongi’s hand.
“Alright, boyfriend,” Yoongi chuckled, “lead the way.”
“This is all real, right?" Seokjin asked for the fifth time when they were already in front of Yoongi’s house.
“Hyung,” Yoongi growled, “one more time you ask that question, I am gonna convince you that this is all just a dream when you wake up.”
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Seokjin pulled Yoongi into a hug, when they were inside of Yoongi’s house. “I am just too happy that my crush likes me back, that's all.”
“Me too,” Yoongi hugged Seokjin back, nuzzling on his shoulder, “but I am also sleepy and tired. So can we go to sleep, boyfriend?"
“We can,” Seokjin answered.
Before he can pull away from their hug, Yoongi push Seokjin forward, directing him into his bedroom.
They have been friends for 14 years, and have been visiting each other's house since 6 years ago, but for the first time Seokjin walked into Yoongi’s bedroom and slept on his bed. Cuddling his boyfriend to sleep.
On a random other day, Yoongi probably gonna kill him for getting into his bed while still wearing his outside clothes. But he is too sleepy, tired and cold to bother. And Seokjin was too happy, sleepy and still tipsy to care.