Chapter Text
The alarm went off as it was supposed to.
A shrill noise cried out from a digital clock through the dim confines of the dorm room. On a bed peeling left from the entryway, a pair of brown Umamusume ears laying against the fluffy pillow flicked up in response to the stimuli. Pink eyes blinked awake, shaking off the lingering dredges of sleep that had claimed them.
The sleeper found that she was cuddling her tail again. She quickly let go, setting her tail back into position behind her body. The Umamusume moved then, shifting upwards and moving the sky blue sheets covering her till now and steering her legs off the bed . She stretched her arms towards the ceiling, feeling the leftover fatigue of yesterday’s training smoothing out with a light yawn. She turned left towards the source of the noise, and pressed down onto the button on top of the damnable device, silencing it before it could wake her roommate sleeping just on the opposite end of the room. She saw the time displayed in bright red numbers: 5:30AM.
The girl was now more aware of her surroundings, and took note of the dull light peering through the curtains just above the clock. She got up, placing both hands upon the sheets and pulled them apart. Staring through the frosted windows, Ayabe was greeted by the sight of an overcast sky and the streets spanning outwards, blanketed in a light layer of snow.
Ayabe looked down. Beside the clock on the cupboard was her own smartphone. The screen lit up as she grasped it, bringing it closer to her face to check the weather forecast for the day. She noted the date: December 18th. She opened the weather app. It foretold a day that would be overcast with clouds only parting later on in the morning onwards.
Her eyes trailed downwards, towards the next day: December 19th, it seemed that tomorrow would have clearer weather throughout at least.
She turned back towards the room, taking in the warm room temperatures as she began to fully wake now. She glanced to her left at the sound of light breathing; her roommate Curren Chan still tucked into pastel covers and sleeping soundly. Brushing some loose strands of ruffled brown hair over her shoulder, Ayabe began to gently make her way towards the dorm bathroom just in front of Curren’s bed. It was time to get ready for her morning run.
The park was still vibrant with colour despite the heavy clouds overhead. The greens of the grass and trees alongside the road, the neighbouring buildings lighting up as their inhabitants began to get ready for the day ahead. The river by the side had lost the usual deep, clear blues that made up its surface to reflect the skies above. Ayabe couldn’t help but quickly glance at it as she jogged along, her light steps breaking the quiet of the morning. Her hair tied into her usual low tail trailing after her. Her star-shaped accessories around the base of her ears lightly jingled, and the sole blue covering on her right ear shielding it from the air as she sallied forth. There was a certain coldness today that she could feel despite the heat her body was generating and her red tracksuit shielding her from the chilly morning breeze.
The wind is nice today. Ayabe thought to herself as she turned her attention back to the road. IShe enjoyed the breeze, she enjoyed these morning runs. These let her put together her itinerary for the day in her head among other things. It was a nice feeling, emptying her head for a bit every morning and taking in the sensations.
At least, that’s how it normally was. Not today however.
The cool morning air, the gentle shifting of the water, the soft and sharp scrapes of her soles hitting the road. It all brought her back to that one morning in November. A morning that has been trailing her thoughts recently, much like the dust tails often left in the wake of a comet.
Golden rays began to spill over the horizon eventually, coaxing away the darkness of the night. The warm beams reached towards four individuals by the shoreline, greeting them with amber warmth.
“Can you see it? The sun is rising.” The Overlord sleepily murmured her decree, weary from her efforts the previous day. “This is the dawn of a new day-for all of us…” Her words were punctuated by the sound of the rolling tides, gently washing and receding from the shores. To her side, her skittish but fiercely loyal friend laid asleep, having been unable to fight off the encroaching calls of the night.
Admire Vega sat on the shore staring at the horizon, her knees to her chest, tensed. She did not feel any of the warmth sent her way. Rather, she did not want to feel any of it. It was all far too bright for someone like her. She rejected it. It threatened to fill the void in her soul with a welcoming light, reaching out towards her. She briskly got to her feet, clenching her fists upon straightening up.
“This is pointless.” She sighed, exasperated. “I’m leaving.” She turned and began to walk away from the group, trying to leave it all behind.
She heard her speak then, the fourth of the group. The ever diligent challenger, blooming brightly and standing tall like a sunflower, as thanks to all who helped her grow. She had reached out to the star then, as its light threatened to be swallowed by the dark recesses of the void, and she reached out to her now. With that ever cheerful lilt, she called out:
“Oh! Ayabe-San! I didn’t think I’d see you here!”
Ayabe was snapped out of her recollection by that very same voice she was just thinking of coming up shortly down her path. Just ahead of her, Narita Top Road was performing warm-up stretches, her knee placed high to her chest. Ayabe slowed down to a stop just beside her. She took note of how flushed her skin seemed to be; she had evidently been running here before Ayabe herself came along.
She also immediately took notice of Top Road’s face, the bright smile adorning her handsome face a balm for the cold she was feeling. How her violet eyes seemed to sparkle like jewels, how the strands of her golden hair seemed to still catch the faintest glimmers of light peering through the clouds.
Ayabe felt heat rushing to her cheeks then, her heart beginning to outpace her. “...Good morning, Top Road-san.” The words practically spilled out in a nervous murmur. Her eyes veered off to the river by the side, her tail subconsciously swishing about more than it usually would.
“Good morning to you, too Ayabe-san!” She returned enthusiastically, her foot set back on the ground afterwards.. She seemed ready to continue where she had left off. “Didn’t think I’d run into you here this morning! Do you want to run together? I was getting ready to start another!” She asked all puppy-like.
Ayabe glanced back at Top Road then. Ah, even with the gray overhead casting a dull light over their surroundings, she still seemed to shine brightly, her eyes in particular still practically glimmering in the dulled light. “Sure. I’d like that.” Ayabe accepted, still avoiding looking at her head-on. Ayabe stepped up beside her, the two of them began to run side-by-side, their paces trying to match each other.
The canal echoed with the sound of cleated shoes hitting the pavement lightly as the two rivals ran alongside each other. The din of morning activity from the city began to reach their ears on one side, the other could pick up the sounds of the cool running waters that flowed down the waterway. It provided a relaxing ambiance to go with the morning run, their breaths coming out in mist.
“Ayabe-san!” Top Road asked after a while, turning towards her rival, sounding none the worse for wear and without breaking her pace. “How have you been lately?”
“Lately?” Ayabe’s ears perked up at that, she turned to Top Road. “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve last seen each other.” She replied. She began to pick up her speed a little, to match Top Road’s own tempo.
“Ah, it’s just that, well…” Top Road began, her voice dropping towards the end along with her own ears. “Whenever I’ve gone to lunch with you, or practiced with you, or tried to study alongside you, it feels like you’ve been a bit more…distant? Like you’re trying to get away from me.” Top Road paused, seemingly unsure about her choice of words. “Have you been feeling well lately, Ayabe-san? It’s a bit unusual for you to be like that.” Her lilac eyes met Ayabe’s gaze directly, sending her heart rate spiking upwards.
Ayabe came to a stop to calm herself, her shoes grinding sharply against the tarmac as she did so. “I, um…” Her ears were beginning to flick about again, this time she could feel her own tail beginning to flail about as well.
She couldn’t deny her words. She had been consciously putting a bit of space between Top Road and herself lately, avoiding eye contact, retracting her hand as if she touched a scalding hot kettle when she so much as brushed against Top Road’s sleeve, and so many more embarrassing happenings she didn’t wish to recall right now.
With reactions like those, how could she not stay away? She felt like a can of soda with too much gas contained, ready to explode and bubble down around her.
Top Road came to a controlled stop, sharp and curt. The noise drew Ayabe’s attention. She was looking directly at Ayabe now, her face now an expression of concern. She couldn’t help but feel a tinge of warmth in her heart at that. Always so nosy aren’t you? Ayabe’s thoughts began to fill in. That’s something I’ve always li-
“I’m fine!” Ayabe suddenly cried out, feeling as though that thought was one that must not be completed. Top Road flinched a bit in surprise and Ayabe cursed herself internally.
“Really, I’m fine.” Ayabe repeated, clasping onto her right wrist, holding it as she stared at Top Road, trying to avoid eye contact. “I’ve been feeling a bit off lately but it’s nothing you need to worry about, it’ll sort itself out.” A half-lie.
Top Road herself stared skeptically for a moment in response. “Alright then.” She spoke after a second, her voice taking on a more determined tone, her ever diligent class representative mode. “But you can talk to me if you need anything, alright?”
“... Mhm” Ayabe mumbled an agreement, a slight pang of pain in her heart striking after Top Road’s statement. I know that. She thought to herself, feeling a sinking weight pulling at her. I’ve already been…
“Fine. I’ll keep that in mind.” Ayabe said more curtly, cutting off that thought before it could finish. There was something else nagging at her for some time now. “But before we go on, I have a question of my own.” Ayabe folded her arms across her chest settling in. Top Road tilted her head lightly in curiosity, she looked almost puppy-like in a way. Ayabe found that cute.
“Why were you running here at this hour in the morning? I can tell you’ve been running for a while now too.” Ayabe inquired. Flashes ran through her mind right now, of tireless nights where her body was screaming at her to stop, mornings where she didn’t give herself the chance to even fully warm up before committing to her routine. She couldn’t help but feel it: the sense that she had seen all this before.
Top Road jolted at her question, turning her head to the side and raising a hand to rub at the back of it. A nervous smile breaking out across her face as her eyes began to veer off in several different directions. “U-Uh, who? Me? I don’t know what you’re talking about Ayabe-san! I just got here! Hahaha…” She laughed, an unsuccessful attempt at being jovial.
It was now Ayabe’s turn to stare unconvinced, her brown-pink eyes flat as she gazed at Top Road. “I’ll ask you again.” Her tone hardened. Ayabe’s grip on her elbows tightened ever so slightly, her gaze narrowing at Top Road. She withered slightly under the scrutiny. “Why were you here so early in the morning?”
Top Road’s expression fell, her arm reset to her side. She turned her head downwards and to the side. Ayabe raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in disposition. “Top Road-san?” She asked, all of the previous intensity gone, concern in its place. “I…” She began to speak. Her voice dropped to a near whisper.
Luckily for Top Road, she wouldn’t need to answer this today.
A distant explosion nearby resounded. Both Ayabe and Top Road jumped at the sound, their ears and tails shooting up in surprise. The two felt the ground trembling at their feet.
“What was that?” Ayabe asked, turning to the direction the noise came from. Strangely, there was no billowing smoke or any sign of a fire, though there were flocks of birds flying from where she heard the sound.
“I don’t know, but we should check it out!” Top Road responded firmly, all of the earlier forlornness gone. She began to run off in the direction of the explosion. Towards the nearby district. “Let’s go!’ She called back. Ayabe sprinted after her. She had to see what happened and ensure that Top Road didn’t do anything dangerous in this situation.
The scene before the two was one of chaos and disorder. Having arrived at the scene, the pair were greeted by the sight of a geyser erupting from the road, showering the street and the shop houses flanking them with a shower of rain, freezing in this cool morning. The water refracted the daylight, creating a rainbow over the street. There were curious onlookers about the street, human and umamusume alike, gawking at the sight or shocked by the disturbance that had broken the quiet of the morning.
Apples rolling about with tipped cartons nearby, what seemed like a collapsed table near a shophouse, a broken open radio with its contents spilled out and other miscellaneous things amidst the chaos (Ayabe could swear she saw a family of cats running off). Thankfully, it didn’t seem like anyone had gotten hurt outwardly, save for the destroyed road. However, what caught the pair’s attention the most was in the center:
“Doto-san!” “Doto!” The pair cried out.
There, just a short distance ahead of them with her arm around the shoulders of one passing by Agnes Digital as the aforementioned umamusume was pulling her away from the scene, was their unlucky friend who always seemed to find herself in situations like these: Meisho Doto. Digital was raggedly carrying Doto away from the scene, caring not for the freezing cold pouring on her as she carried one of her idols to safety.
From where Ayabe was standing, she could see the water dripping from the bangs of Doto’s usual bobs. She also noticed that Doto appeared to have scuff marks on her tracksuit.
“Doto-san! Are you alright?! What happened here?!” Top Road bolted towards the two immediately, charging into the impromptu rain. Ayabe ignored the sudden chill pelting her as she rushed to help her friend.
“Top Road-san?! Admire Vega-san?!” Agnes Digital gawked at the sight of two of her idols rushing towards her, her eyes twinkling like the brightest stars. “Adjaoidhhd they’re togetheeeeer!! Wait wait wait, this isn’t the time for this! We need to get Doto-san to a hospital, can you help me?” The words tumbling out of Digital like a waterfall.
“Leave it to me, I’ll call for an ambulance!" Top Road, taking charge of the situation, pulled out her phone and immediately began to dial the number for emergency services while Ayabe went over to Doto’s side.
“Hweeeeeegh…” Doto mumbled drearily, her purple eyes swirling. She seemed to be barely conscious right now.
“Doto! Stay with us!” Ayabe shouted at her. She held her steady and began to help Digital move Doto out of the scene. Idly she couldn’t help but wonder, how did this girl keep finding herself in these situations?
“A-And that’s pretty much what happened…” Doto finished her winding explanation from the hospital bed to the three Umamusume. Her hands relaxing on the covers of the pink sheets that covered her. The trio had now dried off and looked at Doto with a mix of relief and exasperation.
“To think that all that could start with tripping and scaring off a cat…” Ayabe sighed, putting a hand up to her face in exasperation. Her breath no longer condensed in the presence of the heaters in this ward. The plaster white walls and coral pink curtains around the bed added to give a warm impression to bestow upon visitors. Daylight poured through the sealed windows, the weather had begun to clear up at this point.
“Thankfully, it looks like you’re going to be fine, Doto-san.” Top Road chirped, raising her arms to her chest with her fists closed in a cheer motion. Her violet eyes and smile had regained some of their prior vigor. “The Doctor said that you should rest here for today, though.” She turned to the third member in the room, currently trying to keep what she deemed was a respectable distance(at least 2 meters) away from her idols. “Thank you, Digital-san! If you weren’t there to help, Doto-san might have caught hypothermia from all that water.” She flashed her signature smile at her, bright and searing to a fangirl like Digital to begin melting under it.
“A-A-AAAAAAH! I was just passing by! That’s all! There’s no need to thank this lowly Umamusume- I was just-Anyone would have-!” Digital blabbered out, her pink pupils swirling. If Ayabe didn’t know better, she would have thought that she was a robot malfunctioning violently. She decided to step in before Digital somehow managed to combust on the spot.
“Just take the thanks.” Ayabe stated flatly. “You were the one there to help her, weren’t you?”
A pause.
“So…I’d like to thank you too.” She still wasn’t entirely used to giving thanks yet. At least in a way that could be considered normal.
“Admire Vega-san….” Digital sounded as if she was somewhere between holding back a tide of emotions and ascending to another plane. Her eyes brimming with tears. Was what she said really worth crying over?
“Just call me Ayabe.” She sighed, dealing with an umamusume with such extreme emotional swings was tiring.
“I- I’m sorry for causing you all so much trouble this early…” Doto whimpered to their side, shrinking into herself.
“Don’t worry about it.” Ayabe said. “For better or for worse, we’re used to this by now.”
“Mm! It’s no trouble for us, Doto-san!” Top Road continued energetically. “We’re friends as well! So helping you out in times like these is just natural! Right, Ayabe-san?” Top Road turned to Ayabe, her eyes sparkling in that moment.
“...Yeah.” Ayabe replied, trying not to meet that earnest gaze head on. She could only hope she sounded firm enough to put Doto at ease.
“Hawaaaaaaah…such a saccharine friendship…is it fine to bestow this sight upon mine eyes?!” Digital fangirled just out of view. Oh right, she was there too.
It was at that moment when the hospital ward door was flung open, the light pouring obscured by the gallant figure standing in the doorway, painting an umamusume shaped shadow on the ground. The figure strode into the room, her steps sharply clacking against the floor in a near march like rhythm, her pink crown atop her short caramel brown hair gleamed from the light scratching behind her. Putting her hands on her hips in a proud and regal position, her fuchsia eyes locked onto the three ahead of her and TM Opera O greeted her friends thusly, “My dear rivals! I hope this morning has found you well!”
“Opera O-san!”
“OPERA O-SAN???!11?!”
“O-Opera O-san?!”
“Great, another headache…”
Opera O stopped just before the group, “Hahaha! Why yes, it is I, TM Opera O!” She threw her head back in uproarious laughter, placing her hands upon her hips to steady herself.
“News of your untimely misfortune has been spread through the net! Till it finally reached my ears!”
Opera O paused, her countenance now taking on a radiant smile. She turned her gaze to Doto now. “Tell me Doto, has Poseidon’s outpour done you harm?” She placed her hand atop Doto’s own, her thumb gently tracing down the side to her palm, hooking in before curtly lifting it up, catching Doto’s eyesight. The daylight spilling over illuminated the two, painting them with a gentle light.
“Opera O-san…” Doto whimpered out. “I-I’m fine. The doctor said I just need to rest here for today b-but what about-!”
“Hush, Doto.” Opera O held up hand, stopping Doto from continuing as she did so. “What matters now is that you are safe and sound, my dear friend. Other matters may stand aside until I verify that you are safe!”
Doto’s eyes glimmered with tears, but the grin Opera O flashed in response stayed their descent, the earlier dour tension receding in the presence of the overlord.
Ayabe faintly registered the sound of a thud near her as she pondered a particular detail she had noticed earlier.
Opera O-san learned about Doto’s accident online? Top Road-san didn’t message her at the accident? She turned to look at Top Road, only to see her kneeling down and tending to a fainted Agnes Digital.
Ah. Crap. Ayabe grumbled to herself internally, walking over and bending down to help her up.
After helping Agnes Digital up onto a chair next to Doto’s bed where she now sat asleep. Ayabe and Top Road stood at the foot of Doto’s bed while Opera-O revealed the other reason as to why she had come:
“As you well know, the Ritto dorm is organising a year end party for this most auspicious time of year!” Opera O recounted, she proudly put her hand over her heart in address before continuing. “In light of this, it is only right that they should find themselves as audience to a new play that I wish to bequeath upon the next burgeoning generation of rivals we will soon find ourselves contending with!”
The next generation of rivals. Ayabe scantly remembered Opera O mentioning something about them before the winning live show at the Kikuka Sho. Though she hadn’t really listened then at the time.
Some part of her was regretting having ignored her now though.
“And as such!” Opera O held out her hand, palm open and fingers outstretched towards Ayabe and Top Road, with the sun . “I beseech you: Ayabe-san! Top Road-san! Will you join the ensemble of stars that I have gathered for this endeavour? Will you take to the stage alongside us and usher in the new era that will soon break upon us?”
An eager glint in her eye. “The first of our rehearsals are to take place today, in the midday.” She held out her hand in invitation. “Doto has already accepted my proposal, will you grace us with your company too?
Surprisingly, it was Top Road who spoke up before Ayabe could get a word in.
“I’m sorry, Opera O-san…but I’ve got to help the student council committee with preparing decorations for the year end party as well.” Ayabe jerked her head towards her upon hearing that, watching as Top Road gave a wry smile. “I’d love to join you! It’s just, not today. That’s all…”
Ayabe quirked an eyebrow. Top Road was the kind of girl to push herself to take on multiple duties at once, but morning runs that early with what would be a long day of helping out others ahead? That was a bit much, even for her.
Opera O meanwhile, nodded her head in understanding. She turned to Ayabe. “I see.” She spoke. “Then what of you, Ayabe-san?” She flashed one of her trademark smiles expectantly.
“I…” Ayabe couldn’t meet her gaze head on now. “I…don’t think I’m up for it.” her stomach coiled tightly as she spoke.
“In that case. It can’t be helped!” Opera O quickly regained her luster. “It seems today will start with my glorious standoff against the coming generation! Hahaha!”
Doto turned her head downward, her bangs casting a shadow on her face.
Ayabe couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. It wasn’t as though she had anything else planned for the day after all.
“I’ll see you later then, Ayabe-san!” Top Road said, waving as she jogged down the street.
“Yeah. See you later.” Ayabe said, watching her disappear into the distance. She stood still at the foyer of the hospital entrance, unsure of what to do now. Opera O had stayed behind to discuss details of the play with Doto and promised to walk Digital home when she woke up(a prospect Ayabe shuddered in thought of, worried about how Digital would react upon waking up to the sight of Opera O), so Ayabe had now found herself free for the rest of the morning.
She peered up at the sky. The heavy clouds in the morning had parted now, revealing the vast blue expanse beyond. It promised a freedom that Ayabe found herself unsure of what to do with now.
She wouldn’t have to wait long for an idea though.
Grooooowl… Her stomach cried out, craving sustenance after the activities of the day so far.
Ayabe stared down, rubbing at her belly. She sighed, breath misting once again. The sun may have been more exposed now but that did little to dispel the chill of winter. As Ayabe began to walk back towards the academy, she heard a sharp ping! Coming from her pocket, her ears perked up at the noise. She stopped to check the notification: It was a message from Curren.
Ayabe? I’m going to be doing a surprise livestream for my fans later, do you wanna come along? I promise it’ll be fun! ♪
Ayabe stared at the screen for a moment, contemplating it. She did not have anything planned for today, it wouldn’t be too much trouble, really. But…
She gripped her phone tighter. That feeling again, that knot of emotions crawling through her skin again: one she couldn’t even begin to parse.
Not today I think.
She slipped her phone back into her pocket and continued to walk back to the academy now. The chill of the winter morning couldn’t compare to the coldness she felt in her heart right now.
Ayabe found herself staring at the ceiling of her dorm room, lying on her bed and hugging a sheep plushie while listening to the dull hum of the light fixture. The ochre rays of dusk spilled through the evening.
Breakfast had passed without incident, save for catching Oguri Cap and Special Week catching the last vegetable croquette together and having a small altercation that Ayabe found slightly amusing to watch at least.
She had gotten back from doing stamina training in the track as well now, having done so as she couldn’t think of much else to do today.
Nothing of note happened there although Rice Shower and Haru Urara were present and joined her for a bit of partner running. Overall it made for a fruitful session if nothing else. She returned to her dorm room shortly afterwards.
She had showered and dried herself off before laying on her bed of course, personal upkeep was something that she had to work on more as of late.
Briefly, she considered returning to the field for more training. It would have been against the doctor’s advice, given what had happened recently.
The mere graze against the memory caused a prickle within her.
Ayabe turned to her side, holding her plushie even closer now, body curling inward. So many things had changed for her lately, ever since that night where she pushed herself far beyond her limits and then-
Tensed fingers dug into the softness of the plushie. Her breathing quickened, she screwed her eyes shut. Ayabe began to feel as though she was drowning.
The memory hurt to revisit, and it never got easier.
A wide, vast plain. Clear open skies, an ethereal blue watching over the lands below. The wind blew by, howling in her ears, tousling her hair about as she tried to reach towards her sister. Her hand fading into light. The world around them becoming consumed by the same brightness as Admire Vega began to be pulled back towards the world of the living.
Her sister smiled wistfully back at her. “Thank you for everything you’ve given me!” The smile had grown into a grin, her eyes closing to complete the expression of gratitude.
“H-Huh? Wait!!” Admire Vega cried out, her body beginning to lose its opacity. No matter how hard she tried to run towards her sister, the distance between them wouldn’t close. The wind began to pick up now, pushing back against her efforts.
Her sister opened her eyes, revealing pools of pink brimming with tears.
“I want you to live life the way you want! Live it to the fullest!” Her sister shouted over the gales, her words carried by them to etch themselves into Admire Vega’s memory.
Her last words were simultaneously a prayer, a blessing, and unknowingly; a curse.
“I love you, Ayabe.”
Her voice cracked at her name, and Ayabe’s vision was overwhelmed by a light radiating with warmth.
Ayabe’s eyes flew open as she gasped for air.
Her body had fully curled inward now, she was gripping her sheep plushie so tightly that it was leaving indents. She felt the hot stain of tears running down her cheeks, and a chasm in her heart that had opened up again, leaving a stark emptiness that felt scalding.
Catching her breath, she wiped her tears away with her forearm, before laying on her back and staring up at the lit ceiling.
Live life to the fullest? I don’t even know where to begin there. Ayabe thought to herself.
I want to run for myself now, I keep to a regular sleep schedule, I make sure I eat balanced meals…
She moved, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking over to her roommate’s. The warm pastel pink covering the bed, the white flower decorations beside her bed giving a nice colour separation between the green of the wall it cut off. The mirror that hung beside Curren’s signature race wear, the ornate silver frame around it gleaming despite having been used for a while now.
Ayabe glanced left at the desk at the head of the bed, just below the window sill. On it sat various small plush toys of various animals,: from a stuffed cat with wide green pupils and the smile of a Cheshire Cat to a rather garish looking gray elephant of wool making and stitched on button eyes. She remembered finding that one after Curren misplaced it one day.
Dimly, she noted the tiny plush of herself that Curren got, sitting idly in the middle of the row, where the curtain would brush against her back.
She turned to look at her own side of the dorm. It looked almost exactly the same as it had the day she moved in: the standard green walls, a lack of personal decorations, her own blue signature race wear hung just above it. Below, on the white mat, were spare running shoes and weights for lifting.
Ayabe turned to Curren’s side of the room again, She remembered how delicately Curren had lined the plushes up, the smile and light “humph!” of accomplishment as she did so. She remembered how Curren turned to her afterwards, as if sensing Ayabe staring yearningly at the plushes and invited her to give them a squeeze, to which she turned down the offer.
Setting her palms against the bed, Ayabe leaned back and began to imagine Curren shopping for the various ornaments and decor that she had filled her side of the room with. How her eyes must have lightened up upon spotting the floral patterned panels. How she must have been going through different shades of pink sheets before she finally settled on the one she brought back. The mirthful smile she must have had then.
Frankly, Ayabe wouldn’t be surprised if she decided that through a game of sorts, like Eeeny, Miney, Moe.
She turned to the plushies, and now imagined Curren picking them out. She never told Ayabe where she brought them from which left her free to imagine it.
Perhaps she picked them out from a stall on the streets, selling them out in the open. Maybe a festival or event? Or a brightly lit department store, filled with the bustling of people and relaxing background music, warming lights set against the chill of air conditioning to create a refreshing atmosphere for all.
Ayabe began to delve deeper in her imagination, now trying to picture the jubilation she imagined Curren must have felt upon picking out all of those goods. The warmth she must have felt spreading through her, the bud of fondness, blooming into a desire to possess . Would she have had friends with her at some of those times? She must have. She’d happily share her joys and happiness with them too. No matter where she imagined her to be, Curren always seemed to fit in no matter what.
Leaning back and staring at the ceiling, Ayabe imagined herself in many of those same scenarios. The streets, window shopping at various vendors and outdoor stalls. The department stores, going through the aisles together with friends and laughing all the while.
None of it felt right. Like a heavy coat that didn’t fit her frame. So what did then? When could she say she had lived?
Subconsciously, Ayabe’s right hand reached out to grab her sheep companion, which had been laying discarded near the foot of the bed for some time now, holding it close to her chest again. She laid down on her side.
Yes. There was one time, wasn’t there? A time where she felt she was living.
————
The heat was intense, burning throughout her so thoroughly it felt as thought it was igniting her very soul.
Her lungs were shrinking, gasping for any reprieve after the last endless stretch she had just run down.
Admire Vega’s view was filled with the green of the turf, and her hands on her knees as she gasped for breath. She could see her sweat dripping off her face and hair strands, falling towards the earth. A reclamation of her efforts.
Distantly, she saw the victory confetti fall around her like snow at the periphery of her vision.
Shakily, Admire Vega stood, staring at the skies. The uproarious cheer of the crowds as they sang of acclaim for the champion of the Japanese Derby only now registering in her ears. She could feel the warm air of summer as it settled now, rather than the resistance as she raced through it.
Her sight was now filled with the confetti raining around her, catching the light and sparking like a kaleidoscopic asterism dotting the vast expanse of blue above.
She looked down to her hands, they were trembling vigorously.
“…I got ahead of Opera O.” She whispered, as if in confirmation.
“I didn’t let Top Road catch up to me.” She spoke in recognition.
“I was in the lead…”. She said, a smile finally breaking out on her face.
Her eyes gleamed as she squeezed her hands, the sensation grounding her in this moment.
“I won.” She squeezed her fists even more. “This is my victory!” She cried out. She basked in the moment, like a star shining brilliantly in the night. She let the feeling of exhilaration sweep her off her feet, and let the rejuvenating rush of joy run through her-
Ayabe lurched over to the side of her bed and began heaving.
After minutes of dry retching, nothing came. Not that she knew what her body was trying to reject.
Ayabe repositioned herself, sitting up on her bed and staring down at her dry mat. She reached for her sheep plushie and set it down on her lap.
She felt horrid, her skin pale and flecked with sweat now, her eyes wide, her body trembling lightly with aftershocks. The sense of joy she attempted to recall had felt like an alien intruder almost, the moment it began to rush through her blood, she felt as though she had to crawl out of her own skin.
“When did I…” she whispered weakly, fingers beginning to press around her plush companion once more.
The sound of the door clicking open dispelled the suffocating tension in the room.
“Oh? Ayabe-san!” A familiar bubbly lilt came from the doorway. “You’re not usually back before I….” The voice trailed off.
Ayabe heard the drop of several bags and a rush of footsteps as they stopped just before her. She felt hands grasp worryingly around her shoulders before shaking her gently.
“Ayabe-san!” What happened?! Are you alright?!” She looked up into the worried face of her roommate Curren Chan, her usual smiling visage now one fraught with concern. Her pink eyes lit with alarm as she met Ayabe’s gaze. Her ears were flicking about, the black coverings on them pressing repeatedly against the soft silver of her hair.
Ayabe shook her head. “I’m fine, really…” she spoke, her tone fragile and brittle. “It was just…a bad dream. That’s all.”
Curren straightened herself up, placing her hands on her hips and frowned. Ayabe stared at her, Curren was dressed in her winter wear, a light silver double breasted coat topped with a simple rose red scarf wrapped around her collar, with one tail draped lightly over her left shoulder. She couldn’t help but notice the ceiling light giving Curren’s silver hair a faint shimmer. She thought of the gentle light of the moon in that instance.
“Well, you don’t look alright to me.” Curren said. She reached for Ayabe’s hand, taking it and holding it out gently, affectionately. The warmth from her hand was almost searing.
“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the infirmary?” Curren asked. Ayabe closed her eyes and thought for a moment, assessing herself. The earlier revulsion she felt had begun to fade now. Was Curren just being here easing her nerves?
She didn’t understand why that was, but she wouldn’t question it right now.
“I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me like this.” Ayabe spoke a bit more firmly.
Curren frowned again. “Saying I don’t need to worry about you is exactly what’s worrying me!”
Ayabe looked at Curren again. Her posture was tense, worried. Her silver tail waved about. She felt a pull at her heart.
“I mean it. Today’s your day off, you shouldn’t be bothered by me. Not for this.” Ayabe looked to the side, unable to meet Curren’s gaze at that moment.
“Ayabe-san.” Curren spoke her name firmly, each syllable cutting sharply through the air to Ayabe’s ears. She stiffened subtly in response, this wasn’t a voice that suited Curren.
“Are you saying that you’re a bother?”
Ayabe squirmed from her seat in the bed, still unable to face Curren head on. “…Am I not?” She muttered. Did she believe she was? It’s been feeling a lot more like she was as of late at least.
“You’re not.” Curren sat herself down beside Ayabe. She placed her hand atop Ayabe’s and squeezed gently.
“Ayabe-san, do you know what does bother me?”
She thought about Curren’s question. Really sat down and drilled into it mentally. This should have been second nature to her by now, wasn’t it wrong of her to be unable to answer immediately?
“…No.” She said, apprehensively. She pulled her gaze up to meet Curren’s.
“It’s hearing a close friend of mine say that they’re a bother.” Curren turned her body towards Ayabe’s now, her other hand joining its partner atop her friend’s still faintly trembling one.
“Ayabe-san, you could never be a bother to me.” Curren smiled reassuringly. “Taking time out to care for you isn’t something I’d ever think was a burden.”
“So please, don’t ever say something like that about yourself, alright?” Curren’s voice shook a little at the end. “Hearing you say things like that about yourself is what bothers me. Making sure you’re fine is something I’m happy to do anytime, you know?” She ended off that sentence with a squeeze of Ayabe’s hand.
Ayabe stared at Curren directly in her eyes. She could see that she meant every word of that, truly.
A violent prickle stirred in Ayabe’s chest then.
She must have been staring for too long because Curren suddenly perked up “Oh? What’s this Ayabe-san? Are you finally taken in by Curren’s cuteness?♪” Her voice regained its teasing spirit. Her mouth curved up into the smile that Ayabe’s more familiar with, her posture relaxed. This was the Curren Ayabe knew more of.
Ayabe couldn’t help but snicker a bit.
“Hey! It’s not funny! Curren was just pouring her heart out to you a moment ago!” she pouted, putting the tips of her fingers together and pushing, creating a perfect picture of a sad cat. Despite her words and expression, there was not one bit of her returned mirth gone.
Ayabe breathed in a quick intake to steady herself “Thank you, Curren-san.” she said after a moment.
“Ayabe-san complimented me! I need to take a picture to remember this!” Curren exclaimed, pulling out her phone.
“Hey. Stop that. I’ll take your phone away.” Ayabe said, not that she intended on following through. Curren giggled cheerfully in response. A gentle warmth had filled Ayabe now, filling in the void she had felt tearing at her earlier. Subconsciously, the corners of her mouth began to turn upwards.
Curren pocketed her phone and stood up, making for the doorway. She picked up the bags she had dropped and turned back. As she began to set her bags down on her bed, she asked, “So, what are your plans for today? It’s rare for you to be back here before me, you know?”
“I…don’t have any.” Ayabe hesitantly said. “I’m not in the mood to do a lot today.”
“Hmm…” Curren hummed thoughtfully. She turned to look back at Ayabe, her expression having changed back to one of concern again.
“Ayabe-san, are you sure you’re alright?”
No response.
“…Do you want me to leave?”
Ayabe turned away, guilt beginning to eat at her. She’d somehow managed to bring down the mood again didn’t she?
“No, it’s just that…” Ayabe squirmed a bit, preparing herself for what she had to say next.
She decided to come clean. She owes Curren that much at least.
“I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me lately.” Ayabe confessed. Feeling a small part of the knot she was feeling untangle a little. Enough to let her breathe a bit easier.
“I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like…I’m lost in a fog almost. Too dense to see anything ahead and too uncertain to move forward.” Ayabe only now realised she was clutching her right arm.
“You’ve been through a lot lately.” Curren responded. “Maybe it’s only now starting to catch up to you?” There was something knowing about her tone. A hint of familiarity there. Ayabe didn’t dare to prod further.
“…Mm. I guess so. I hope that’s all it is.” Ayabe moved to lie down on her side. Holding her plushie, she looked like the very picture of a reticent girl.
Curren nodded in confirmation before beginning to unbutton her coat. After a short time spent putting away her winter garb in a basket to be brought to the laundry room the following day, she turned to Ayabe.
“In that case~”. Curren kneeled down before Ayabe and pulled out her phone, after a few swift swipes and taps, she turned the screen to Ayabe. She saw the image of an Alpaca with a video bar below.
“It’s time to catch up on those videos I’ve been backlogging for you~! ♪ ” Curren chirped. Her ears began to flick about happily. Her cute persona slipped on as naturally as one would slide their feet into warm slippers.
“I’ve got a whole bunch of subjects I need my local Fluff Meister to appraise!”
“...Please don’t call me that.” Ayabe smiled tiredly. “But sure, I don’t mind.”
“Yay! Today’s now an official roomie hangout day!” Curren exclaimed. She got up and made for the bathroom, only reaching halfway before Ayabe asked:
“Hey wait, didn’t you just get back from your streams? Are you sure you don’t need to rest?”
“No way!” Curren cried, turning around. She looked almost affronted. “I rarely ever get to hang out with you! So Curren’s gonna make the most of this! I’ve also got a ton of cute things I bought today that I wanna show you too~!” She swiveled back and pulled the doors aside, stepping in and shutting them behind her.
As Ayabe listened to the distant sounds of the shower running beyond the door, A lone thought came to mind:
If I was more like her, would I be happier?
She couldn’t get rid of it, the idea that she might be better off not being her. What kind of girl would feel repulsed at recalling a happy memory?
Ayabe turned and laid on her back, staring at the stark ceiling once more. She closed her eyes and let the ambience wash over her. Now with the sound of company in the room, it didn’t feel as suffocating anymore.
“...And then! Out of nowhere, a star shower really did come!”
“Now I know you’re just pulling my leg.” Ayabe sighed. She was seated on her bed now, facing Curren. “An unexpected Star Shower like that would have made the news.” They had been going through Curren’s backlog of videos earlier. Although it had been fun(Ayabe had to be snapped out of several fantasies she dreamed up on the spot involving the sheep or alpacas they had seen), the two had to leave for dinner eventually. Upon getting back, Curren decided to tell Ayabe several stories that she had been meaning to for some time now.
She agreed to it and here they found themselves, Curren taking on the role of a storyteller with naught but hot cocoa and the moonlit night sky outside her windows, the contrast making their room light that much brighter.
Ayabe took a sip of the hot chocolate now from her mug, the sweet, warm taste revitalising her. She took care not to let even a drop fall onto her sky blue pajamas. They had enough clothes to wash the next day as is.
“I’m serious! Marvy-chan just said that it would appear and suddenly they did! That’s not even the most crazy part!” Curren exclaimed, leaning forward. She dug her palms into her bed as she did so, causing the pastel ribbon on the front of her pink pajamas to jostle slightly. The white frills tipped with black outlines on her sleeves fanned out around her hands, giving Ayabe the impression of a swan resting its wings.
“She started waving her sparklers around and then the stars started following her directions!” Curren leaned back and waved her hands about, in imitation of what she witnessed that day.
“They went away soon after though…”
“Surely you would have a photo or video of it.” Ayabe asked, the hand not gripping the handle moved to hold the base of the cup, absorbing what remained of the fading warmth.
“Well that’s another thing!” Curren cried out. She grabbed her phone, stood up and strode over to Ayabe’s bed before setting herself down beside her. She began to rapidly tap and swipe away at the screen.
“I tried to take a video of it and look!” Curren thrust her phone in front of Ayabe’s face. The video depicted a normal night sky, the dark blue dotted by distant stars. The recording picked up cheers from a certain Umamusume along with the crackle of sparkles. The recording only lasted seven seconds however, stopping soon after.
“It doesn’t show up at all!!” Curren bemoaned, her ears drooping. “I really wanted to show it you, Ayabe-san. And all my fans who weren’t there at the time…” She slackened her posture dramatically, feigning despair. “Ayabe-san, you believe me right…?” Curren raised her arms and folded them vertically, placing them close to her chest. She tilted her head sideways and began to pout, her eyes brimming with tears at the corner.
Ayabe found herself a bit unsettled at how her roommate could just do that on command.
“Alright, alright, I believe you. No need to do that with me.” Ayabe said.
Curren immediately perked up. “Teehee ♪, I knew you’d believe Curren.”
Ayabe gave a light smile at that. Being around Curren was always reassuring, a fact that she had been to become more comfortable with.
Curren’s gaze traveled downward. “Hm? Ayabe-san, have you been taking good care of your tail?”
Ayabe glanced down at her tail, set to her side in response. Even someone as normally ignorant to self-care as her could tell how thin some of the strands had gotten, the usual glossy brown matted with dirt in a few spots.
“Huh? I could have sworn I….” Ayabe said, lifting her tail to examine it, the touch coarse and brittle.
As she was inspecting her tail, Curren had moved to the drawer at the side of her bed to retrieve a brush. She turned back to Ayabe. “Here, I’ll help you out.” she said.
Ayabe shifted to her right, making sure to move her tail to the opposite way to ensure that the two of them would be positioned more comfortably for what would happen next.
Curren sat herself down next to Ayabe’s tail, gingerly picking it up and setting it over her lap, the gentle touch on her tail sending a light shiver down Ayabe’s spine. She began to brush at it gently, the bristles picking off the specks of dirt that clung to the strands, straightening out some of the curved hairs in the process. Ayabe couldn’t help but feel strangely relaxed at this, her nerves easing. Curren was a practiced hand at this kind of thing.
“I’ll have to give you some of my tail-care gel afterwards. I’ve got one bottle that I think you’ll like.” Curren commented idly. Her tone was calm, focused. She picked up the tail with one hand and peered at it closer. “You definitely need to moisturise and take care of your tail better, Ayabe-san. It’ll help with your running too, you know?” She proceeded to set it back down and continue her strokes to clear away the remaining specks she had missed.
Ayabe stared back at Curren. This was a side of her roommate that seemed to come out around Ayabe herself mostly. Otherwise, she often saw her going around being the cute, slightly mischievous, reliable sister-like figure around her friends and trainer.
It didn’t seem to be an act either. Whenever Ayabe caught sight of Curren’s smiles then, or the more focused countenance she had here. Both of them were real. Both of them were her.
Ayabe herself could only ever be one thing, couldn’t she?
“I wish I was more like you...” Ayabe muttered unknowingly.
“Huh? Did you say something? I didn’t catch that.” Curren stopped her motions to look back at Ayabe.
She jolted lightly, only now realising what she said.
“It’s nothing.” She shook her head. “I think I’d like to try that gel later.”
Curren’s eyes gleamed with delight upon hearing that. “Yippee! I’m finally getting Ayabe-san to-!” She stopped, her face falling in realization. Her ears spiked up.
“Hm? What’s wrong?” Ayabe asked.
“Oh no! It’s almost time for lights out!” Curren cried out, leaping to her feet and beginning to grab at the strewn bags, clothing and curios she had bought earlier. “I completely lost track of time! And I still need to apply the gel!” Frantically, she stuffed some of the clothes into the shopping bags as temporary storage.
“It’s fine.” Ayabe got up to her feet and knelt down to help clear up the room as much as she could before it was time to sleep. “We can do that tomorrow.” She picked up her mug, staring at the remaining hot chocolate near the bottom for a brief moment before gulping it all down in one shot.
“Ayabe-san…” Curren uttered, a sense of amazement underlying her tone. It couldn’t have been that big of a deal could it?
“It’s not that big of a deal is it?” She voiced, picking up Curren’s mug and beginning to walk to the door.
“It is! This is super rare coming from you!” Curren exclaimed! Jumping to her feet. “Did Christmas come early just for Curren?” She asked rhetorically.
Ayabe stopped. She gave thought to that. This kind of thing really was rare from her, wasn’t it? She frowned a bit, relieved that Curren couldn’t see her face right now. She couldn’t stop her ears from drooping slightly however.
“Ah.” She heard Curren let out. Dammit, she somehow kept doing this didn’t she?
“I do owe you a lot of my company right now.” Ayabe craned her head back to look at Curren. “This is the least I could do.” Her tone trailed off.
“Oooooh?” Curren cooed, an opportunistic glint shining in her eyes. She saw an opportunity here. Placing a finger on her chin, she looked upwards and began to sway gently in an exaggerated thinking pose. “Then how about a date tomorrow, Ayabe-san? You still owe Curren a loooot of your company riiiight? ♪”
“…Sure. I don’t see a problem with that.” Ayabe shrugged.
“Hee hee ♪ I don’t know what’s made Ayabe-san so agreeable today, but I wouldn’t mind seeing you like this more often!” Curren cheered.
Ayabe gave a small smile in response, before leaving the room to wash the mugs in her hands, the porcelain having gone cold now.
The room was quiet now. The lights were off, leaving the room tinted in darkness, only faint traces of moonlight spilling through the gaps in the curtains giving the place any sort of form with which one make out with their eyesight. Some of Curren’s procured goods remain packed in their bags, arranged at the foot of her bed, away from the entryway. And the air had the faint, lingering aroma of hot cocoa. Only the light snoring of Curren could be heard right now.
Ayabe remained awake, staring at the ceiling. Not even the comforting warmth provided by her heated sheets and fluffy blanket were enough to lull to sleep. A tug at her heart keeping her awake. A phantasm of a touch pulling at her, reminding her of a duty unfulfilled.
Pulling the sheet off her, she shifted, sitting on her bed and stared at the window to the room.
There was one last thing she had almost forgotten to do, wasn’t there?
Sliding off her bed and into her slippers. She gingerly approached the window. The faint moonlight slipped through the gaps.
She pulled them aside and looked through the glass. The sky was now dark outside, the midnight blue expanse dotted with a myriad of stars and the moon, ever present and illuminating the grounds below with a light that brightens but never warms.
Ayabe scanned the stars for one in particular. From where she was standing, it shouldn’t normally be possible to see it, but if she was right then…
She found it. There, glowing with an effervescent light among the distantly shining stars, was the constellation Lyra.
“…” Ayabe’s grip tightened around the curtain. She closed her eyes, stilling herself. Trying to feel the presence of another who was no longer there. She found only the void in its place.
She opened her eyes, staring back at Lyra. They seemed to blink at her. Ayabe hadn’t been keeping up with her nightly conversations for a while now. The mere idea of having to confront the reality of herself now rooting her to the spot in fear sometimes.
The guilt stabbed at her, she was a terrible sibling wasn’t she?
It was ridiculous, she thought to herself. What actually changed for her? It wasn’t as if her routine before was different before her sister had actually-
She yanked the curtains shut. Her view suddenly filled with the top of their combined drawers and refrigerator. She didn’t realise that her breathing had quickened.
Moving back to her bed, she sat down upon it to steady herself before glancing back at the window. The rays of moonlight spilling through the gaps in the partitions.
Thinking back on today, she didn’t do much. The thought of that bothered Ayabe. She knew that no one she would know would ever begrudge her for having a day spent doing almost nothing. Not her parents, her brothers, Curren, the other three. If anything they’d encourage that more for her, wouldn’t they? They would like for her to have normal days, just like this one.
She still hadn’t figured out how to properly live yet, but she supposed that she had time for that, right?
A sense of unease came over her then.
She shook it off and peered back at the window.
“Good night, ….Sis.”
Shifting back into bed, she pulled her sheets over herself and turned to her side. She took in the sight one last time.
Beams of moonlight spilling through the curtains diagonally, a lived-in side of the room, where upon the bed slept someone she knew, breathing soundlessly beneath her pastel sheets, the gentle rise and fall of the lump upon the bed telling of life.
She felt the warmth of the blanket embracing her, the gentle chill of the air caressing her face. She moved her hand up to gently set it on her pillow, just in front of her face. The touch was smooth, soft, she felt the fabrics envelop her fingers as they sunk in.
She was here. Alive, living, wasn’t she?
“I’ll keep going, for the both of us. Alright?” Ayabe muttered to her star in the sky, as the lulls of sleep finally pulled her eyes down.