Chapter Text
I, Hinata Shoyo, have a massive crush on my best friend Kageyama Tobio. I think it might have first started when I first saw him in that very first game that we played against each other back in middle school. Was I jealous of his talent, confidence and the fact that he had a real team? Yes. But...there was more than that. I definitely wanted to beat him, but I also wanted to be near him–in his orbit. When I got to the volleyball club at Karasuno on the first day and saw him there, I definitely freaked out way more than I probably should have.
I didn't put together my true feelings for Kageyama until Natsu forced me to watch one of her princess movies with her when she was sick one weekend. Normally, she was just fine with me keeping her company in the living room, but this time she needed me to watch the movie with my full, undivided attention. I honestly started the movie not really enjoying myself, but by the end? I was captivated. The prince in the movie kept reminding me of Kageyama, even thought they didn't look similar at all. That thought kept nagging me in the back of my mind, until later that night, as I was about to fall asleep, when it finally clicked. I... liked Kageyama. I didn't get a second of sleep that night as I came to terms with that simple yet massive realization. We were both first years on the volleyball team and our freak quick attack was finally starting to come together. I didn't want to mess things up between us, as teammates or as friends. It may not look like it from our constant arguing, but Kageyama is one of my closest friends. I didn't want to lose him.
So, I tried my best to move on from him. I tried to avoid staying after practice with him, but, between my love of volleyball and the way he looked nervous asking me to practice some more with him, it was impossible to say no. I then tried to develop a crush on someone, anyone else, but I would always find myself comparing them to Kageyama. After about a month, I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that I had a crush on him, and that I would take it to the grave with me. Maybe it would fizzle out soon? I just needed to keep my distance from him outside of volleyball, and especially outside of school.
That plan actually worked pretty well! For about 2 months. Then as we get closer to finals, Takeda informs us that we are going to a week long training camp in Tokyo, as long as we pass our exams. I, having never even scored in the double digits on a 100 point scale, instantly start freaking out. I needed to go to Tokyo. As I'm scanning the room and planning on who to ask for help, I see that Kageyama is also freaking out. Well....I guess he doesn't get good grades either. Soon, I find myself studying with him, with Tsukishima as our "teacher". Actually, maybe teacher isn't the best way to describe Tsuki. He's more like a smart bully, with the way that he acts when we can't understand his notes or his instructions. Thankfully, Yachi, our new team manager, is amazing at studying and she's super kind!! But, because Kageyama and I are the only first years who are struggling, I soon find myself studying with Kageyama and Yachi–at any and every chance we could find. I knew that I needed to keep my distance from Kageyama outside of school and volleyball....but I needed to go to that Tokyo training camp even more. So, I sucked it up and focused my energy on studying!
At least....that's what I told myself. Don't get me wrong, I did actually study, but I also found myself gazing at Kageyama. At first, I would just try and steal a couple of glances here and there, but as our study sessions went on, I found myself staring at him more and more. Thankfully, Kageyama was too busy on studying to notice my stares, but I think Yachi noticed me starting at him a couple times. She never said anything though, which I greatly appreciated. I was finding myself more and more excited for our study sessions, just so I could look at Kageyama. The first thing that I noticed about Kageyama was his eyes–a deep, ocean blue. After a few more study sessions, I would pick up on other fascinating features, like how he would crinkle his nose when he was extra frustrated, furrow his eyebrows when he was concentrating, tap his perfectly manicured fingers when reading, and even how he doodled in the margins of his notebook absent mindedly during breaks. I never got to see what he was drawing, but it always made me curious.
As we grew closer to the exam date, we would spend more time studying together–sometimes with Yachi and sometimes by ourselves. During our study sessions where it was just the two of us, I got to see a different side of Kageyama. Instead of the harsh, argessive teammate, he was kind, thoughtful, patient and even helpful whenever we were alone. Our first one on one study session, I was so nervous to be alone with him, that I kept going to the bathroom. After my 4th "break", Kageyama said,
"Hey, Hinata. Is everything ok?"
"Um yeah. Why?"
"Well you're back to acting like how you were back during your first game when you threw up on Ta-"
"OK OK PLEASE don't bring up that memory. I get your point. I guess...I'm just scared of what happens if I can't pass this exam and miss the Tokyo training camp."
This wasn't necessary a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. Kageyama looked at me with a piercing gaze that made me feel so... exposed and vulnerable for what felt like an eternity, before he said,
"We're gonna be fine. We can pass this, and go to Tokyo. Together."
I didn't know what to say to this, so I just nodded and got back to studying. I really liked this side of Kageyama.
//
Well..... Kageyama was right about one thing. We were together. We both failed exactly one exam each, and we had to re-take them on the first day of the Tokyo training camp. During those days, we were practically inseparable and spending every extra second that we could to study. During these few days, I got to see what I now called "Gentle Kageyama" and I was so excited that I was the only one who was seeing this side of him. For some reason, when Yachi joined our study sessions to help us, he never showed "Gentle Kageyama"–it was only with me. It made me feel extra special, which only made my feelings for Kageyama grow stronger. It was like this side of Kageyama was just for me.
Thankfully Tanaka had Saeko come to meet us on the day of the make up exams so she could take us to Japan!! Kageyama and I both passed the exams on the first try, and then we were riding in the car with Saeko, who insisted that we call her Big Sis. The ride was....intense, crazy, and scary at times but we made it to the training camp alive!! On the drive down, I kept trying to sneak glances to Kageyama, who was taking a nap in the back, but it was hard to do without turning around completely, so I gave up. We may have shown up late on the first day, BUT we were still at the Tokyo training camp!! I was so relieved that I had passed my exams, so I could spend a whole week playing volleyball! I was also extra excited to spend more time with Kageyama. I'm not expecting much, but I hope that I get to see Gentle Kageyama at least one or twice on this trip, just so I know that that side of him still exists