Work Text:
I'd lost the game, I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leaving here with what's left of my heart
…
I've got pride. I'm taking it for a ride
- Bye Bye by Jo Dee Messina
June 2018
"I think I'm going to come out to my team today," Shane said into the phone speaker. Ilya was on the other side. Shane had a few training camps in Montreal this week, so they had decided to video call in the mornings. It made his heart flutter thinking about Ilya waking up early to call him. He knew that the other man valued his sleep, so his waking up early was a big deal, especially when he was at the cottage.
"If you want to, then you should do it. You know I'll support you no matter what you decide."
"I know you will. I just think I can't get around not coming out anymore. The guys aren't really taking 'No' for an answer when I say I don't want them to set me up. It's getting harder and harder to come up with excuses and lies. I think it'll be easier just to tell the truth."
"Then, tell the truth. Just call me after. I want to know how it goes, no matter good or bad." Shane smiles at Ilya's words.
"I will, I promise. I love you."
"I love you, too." Shane hangs up the phone and starts getting ready for practice. He goes to the bedroom to change into his practice clothes and grab his duffle. His hands shake slightly with nervousness. He could feel his stomach tossing and turning as he pulled up to the Bell Centre. He got out of the car and walked into the locker room. He was the first to arrive, as always. He put on his gear as other team members started walking in. Hayden and J.J. both approached him, concern on their faces. It must've shown on his face that something was off. He didn't tell them anything other than that he had an announcement to make after practice.
✦.── 🏒── .✦
Everyone was gathered in the locker room getting ready to shower post-practice when Shane stood on the bench in front of his stall.
"Listen up! I have an announcement to make." All heads in the room turned in his direction. It was now or never.
"I- um, I just wanted to say that I'm gay." The silence that followed was nothing Shane had ever heard. No one was moving; there was not a single sound that filled the room. Eventually, Drapeau broke the silence.
"What the fuck? How long?" Shane scratched the side of his head, unsure how to answer.
"The whole time? It's not really something I decided one day. It's always been there."
"Then, what about Rose Landry?" J.J. asked from his spot beside Shane.
"My last effort to try and be straight. It didn't work, but we're still friends." Shane could see some of the players glancing and whispering to one another. That made him a little angry; if they had something to say, they should say it to his face.
"If you have something to say, then say it." Comeau stepped forward with a smirk on his face.
"We were just talking about how we can't believe we've been taking orders from a faggot all this time. How am I supposed to respect someone who likes to take it up the ass and probably watches us in the shower?" No one said anything. Not a single person on the team came to defend Shane, and that was his breaking point. He had given everything to this team for the last eight years, and this is how they treat him? These are people he thought were his family, his brothers, but he was wrong.
"Oh, fuck you, Comeau. I've been gay this whole time, and it's only a problem now because you know about it. Newsflash: I've been fucking men longer than your sorry ass has even been on this team. I have carried this team on my back for the last eight years; don't even try to deny it. I am the best player on this team." He noticed Coach Theriault walk into the room; he did not look happy.
"Our playing strategy for the last eight years has been 'get the puck to Hollander and let him score'. I think that says a lot about my abilities, but also a lot about everyone in this room. It says something about the players' skills in this room that every single play is built around me. I don't know if you know this, but that's not how most teams work. We have different lines for a reason! I think it also speaks to our coaches that they're making these plays. You guys would be nothing without me. I made this team back-to-back Stanley Cup champions. I made us one of the best teams in the league. That was all me, so if you suddenly have problems taking orders from me now, then this team is fucked."
He pointed at every single player standing in the room, some standing there with their mouths open. They weren't expecting this from him.
"If you think I would ever even spare a glance at any of you, you're wrong. Most of you are balding, overweight, and missing multiple teeth. My boyfriend, who I love very much, is a Greek God compared to you guys. Why would I look at any of you when I have Ilya Rozanov waiting for me at home?"
That caused chaos to erupt. Shane put his hand over his mouth; he hadn't meant to out Ilya; it was an accident. They'll have to come out sooner rather than later because there's no way this stays in the locker room. The shouts that were let out around the room were mostly the same. They were questioning his integrity, whether he let Rozanov win, and other words he didn't want to repeat.
"I will admit, I didn't mean to out Ilya or our relationship, but what I will tell you, for the ones calling my integrity into question. I would rather die than let him win. Winning against him is my favorite thing to do. We've been involved the entire time, since before our rookie season. We've both won cups during that time, so go back and look at our stats and see if you can find any cheating involved."
He looked back at Theriault's face and saw it was as red as a tomato; for some reason, that brought Shane joy. He had one more thing to say, and then he would leave and head back to Ottawa.
"The final thing I will say, I knew when I came out today that it wouldn't go well, but I never expected it to go this bad. I thought this was my family, and I thought I would retire in Montreal. I was wrong. I will not play on a team where I am not respected or wanted."
He pointed at Coach.
"I will have my agent email you about waiving my NTC and trade negotiations. I will not stay here, so good luck in the future; you'll need it."
With that, Shane grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He turned towards Hayden and J.J. before leaving.
"I'm disappointed in both of you. I expected one of you to stand up for me, but apparently I was wrong. Think about everything I said today, and if you still want to be friends, you can call me. I'm not saying I'll forgive you immediately, but I could over time. Ilya, however, might need more time because I will tell him everything that happened today."
He walked out of the Metros locker room and into the parking lot. Before getting his car, he turned around to look at the place that had been his home for the last eight years. Shane felt bittersweet about how things had ended. He had some great years in Montreal, but if he got his way, he's sure the next eight will be even better. He opened the driver's side door and climbed inside. He immediately called Ilya and connected him to the car's Bluetooth. Ilya picked up on the first ring.
"How did it go?" Shane let out a sigh.
"Worse than I expected. I quit. Do you think Ottawa needs another center?"
"You quit?!" The shock was evident in Ilya's voice.
"Yes. Well, I didn't quit exactly, but I told Theriault that Farah would email him about waiving my NTC and trade negotiations. I'm not going to stay on a team that doesn't respect me, Ilya. As soon as I came out, it was like I was this whole different person to them. I wasn't the person who had led them to back-to-back Cups. I was just a guy who likes to take it up the ass, and they couldn't believe they ever respected me. I may have also accidentally outed you and our relationship. I'm sorry. They were accusing me of looking at them in the showers, which was just so absurd to me. I asked them why I would look at any of them when I have Ilya Rozanov waiting for me at home?"
Ilya let out a small laugh before answering.
"Sweetheart, it's fine. It was going to come out eventually, especially if you move to Ottawa. It will be much harder to keep this secret if we are on the same team. It's the same plan, just moved up a few years, yeah?"
He felt a calm wash over him at Ilya's words. He was so worried that Ilya would be mad at him for accidentally outing them. He knew Ilya wasn't planning on going back to Russia, but Shane was mad at himself for taking that chance away from him.
"What all did you say to them?"
"I told them everything I'd been feeling the last few years. I told them how they are nothing without me, that this entire team is built around me scoring goals, which says a lot about the team's skills and our coaches."
"As you should. I have been telling you this for a long time. That team is nothing without you."
"Well, they're about to find that out if they didn't believe me before."
"How were Hayden and J.J.?"
"They didn't say a word to defend me. They just stood there frozen."
"Fuck them. You deserve better friends, Shane. Also, just for research purposes, can I have their phone numbers?"
"No, you can't. Ilya, I don't think this is going to stay contained to the locker room. We should start drafting a coming-out post soon. It won't take long for it to leak."
"Once you get home, we will call Farah and Yuna and get a plan together. We will get you on the Centaurs. I know I just signed my contract, but I'm willing to renegotiate my contract to get you here if I have to."
"Let's not go that far. The Centaurs have some cap space, but I may just have to take a pay cut, which I will do if it means we get to play together."
"Okay, we can talk about it more once you get home. Now, let me tell you how I finally beat Yuna at Scrabble tonight."
Shane laughed as Ilya told him the stories from his weekly Game Night with his parents. He kept his eyes on the road and kept driving. The closer he got to Ottawa, the more at ease he felt. He was finally going to come home.
✦.── 🏒── .✦
They did call both Farah and Yuna that night. They had put the two women on a group call, so they didn't have to explain everything twice. Farah promised to reach back out with any updates on trades, while his mom started drafting a coming-out post for them.
A few days passed before Shane received an email from Farah telling him that he was officially an Ottawa Centaur once he signed the paperwork. He had to take a pay cut, as he thought, but it didn't matter to him. The money had never really mattered to him. He just wanted to play hockey with Ilya. They would both be going to the Ottawa training camp starting in September, and Shane couldn't wait.
They had decided to wait to make a coming-out post until it was official that Shane would be signing with the Centaurs; that way, he could just announce both things at once. Especially since it hadn't been announced yet that Ilya had signed with Ottawa either. Shane still had mixed feelings about what had happened in the locker room that day, but he was glad he stood up for himself. Now, he gets to play on the same team as the love of his life earlier than expected, and he couldn't be happier.
✦.── 🏒── .✦
[photo of Shane and Ilya standing side by side, both holding their new Centaurs jerseys. Ilya's has a C while Shane's has an A.]
[photo from their draft day]
[behind-the-scenes photo from the CCM photoshoot]
[photo of Shane and Ilya kissing on the couch at Yuna and David's house]
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer
I know this might come as a shock to most people, but I'm happy to announce that I will be playing for the Ottawa Centaurs starting this fall.
I would also like to announce that I'm in a relationship with Ilya Rozanov. There have been some rumors circulating over the last few days, and I'm here to clear them up.
Ilya & I have been involved since before our rookie season. There has never been a Shane Hollander who played in the NHL who wasn't already halfway in love with Ilya Rozanov. We have never let each other win or cheated during games. Both of our stats prove that we actually play better against each other. The rivalry was real on the ice, but off the ice we were just two boys dancing around the feelings we knew we had for each other.
I would love to say my decision to leave Montreal was hard, but it wasn't. I came out to my team last month, and it went worse than I ever expected it to. I was no longer the captain who led them to back-to-back Cups. Instead, I was someone who no longer deserved their respect because I was gay. There were words thrown around that I will not repeat. I'm not ashamed to be gay. I know my worth as a person and as a player. I am one of the best players in this league, and that's not cockiness; it's a fact. I could see that Montreal was never going to give me the same respect they once had, and I wasn't going to stay somewhere I wasn't wanted or respected. I decided to move to the Centaurs because Ilya had already been traded there. His trade was something we had worked out in advance so we could be closer. I'm sad about the way things ended in Montreal, but I'm happy to start this new chapter with my boyfriend and my new team.
To Ilya, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have loved you since we were 19 years old, and I plan to keep doing it for the rest of my life. There's not a single person who knows me better than you. I'm endlessly proud of you and proud to call you mine. I love you.
[comments]
@ilyarozanov81: I'm so proud of you. I love you so much. I can't wait to play by your side. <3
@yunahollander: I love you both so much. I'm excited to have both of my boys in Ottawa. Go Centaurs!
@wyatthayes: Excited for what this season is going to bring! Happy to have both of you on the Centaurs!
@boodram: Can't wait to meet you guys in September! Also, to everyone asking, I am still an alternate captain. I was more than happy to hand my C over to Ilya, and I can't wait to have Shane as my other alternate captain.
@roselandry: Shane, you're my favorite gay boyfriend I've ever had. I'm proud to know you and to call you my friend! I will be at a game next season.
@svetlanavetrova: Shane Hollander, you are a lucky man. I've known this 'Jane' was someone very special for many years, and now I can see why. I can't wait to visit you both in Ottawa. @roselandry, can I join you for that game?
@scotthunter21: This takes guts. Next time you're in New York, Kip & I would love to have you over for dinner.
[20k+ comments]