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Like most nights Gally, though worn out physically from manual labor all day, could not find the relief of sleep. His mind and subconscious had other plans. Something about the night, it’s calmness maybe, kept the man up. As he often did, Gally’s body decided to walk. Without a thought in his head or inkling of where he’d go he half-consciously left his house. Puttering out into the frigid night. His mind was somewhere else as he quickly found himself starting to freeze. He’d left in nothing but a t-shirt and shorts and the night was bitterly cold.
Eventually Gally found his feet on a familiar path. A place he often found himself at during this time of night. When no one was looking Gally enjoyed visiting the stone. Every inch of it covered in names. So many people were painstakingly and lovingly carved into that rock, yet it didn’t come close to holding everyone. As a builder of sorts in this new world, he’d heard chatter of bringing another stone, a larger one.
How many names would that stone hold? How quickly would it fill up? How many names wouldn’t fit and worse, how many names would not make it because they were forgotten? Why did his mind fill itself with questions?
Settling into a place of freedom was hard. Things got harder when more and more Gally found himself forgetting details about the glade and his family. So he made certain rituals. In the morning and night he listed every name of every boy in his glade. Often he tried to picture all their faces and hold onto what he could remember. Rather than connect with the survivors, Gally clung to the past and those who didn’t live to be here. He found it easier to hold onto the loss, rather than move on and try to connect with others.
Gally’s shivered and tucked his hands under his arms as the wind picked up. The air nipped as his skin, insistent on stealing his warmth. But he didn’t spend much time thinking about the cold and the pain he was experiencing. He’d been through worse.
The man was drenched in darkness, rendering the stone unreadable. But, Gally didn’t have to search for his names. He came here too often and could map every mark. The boy closed his eyes and in his mind the stone was before him. The image shone as though it was morning. Clear as day he could see the etchings. In the dead of night names flew out of Gally’s quivering lips. His words cutting the silence with the softness of velvet.
Eventually his eyes fluttered open and he moved. His eyes locked onto three names. Though it still wasn’t visible enough to read, Gally looked. Knowing where Alby, Chuck, and Newt’s names rested. He really missed the glade and those shucking shanks. The loss of Alby and Newt struck at his heart day after day. There were so many things he wished he’d said to them.
Gally missed the order they’d maintained. Why had he been such a slinthead. Why couldn’t he have told those two how much he appreciated them. He missed the solid rules they’d set. He order they created. Life was so much simpler then. So much simpler because of those two shucks. Not nicer, but simpler. Why’d they have to go?
More than the Glade inself, Gally missed his family. He trusted Alby and Newt to take care of everyone, and that included him. He knew he was safe in the Glade. While he wasn’t the most liked in the Glade, he was valued. In that place there were clear expectations and he could meet them. Everyone trusted him to be a good builder, and a great builder he was. While escaping the Glade was a blessing, he believed that, so much wase lost along the way. Gally felt his family was torn apart.
Selfishly Gally couldn’t help but wonder that maybe, maybe, if he had come along he might have been able to protect his family. If he had not been so stuck in his ways would his family be closer to whole? Could he have saved some of them? Was that a selfish thought, was am he too prideful? Thoughts poured out as tears rolled down his red-cold cheeks. The past didn’t stay past. It rolled in like fog. Pretty and harmless at first, then all of a sudden Gally was completely lost.
Suddenly he didn’t want to be at the stone. The physical reminder of where he was, and who wasn’t here struck deep. Gentle tears cascaded into a guttural sob. Rather than shivering in the cold he was shaking with a rawness. Gally didn’t want to be in the glade, not really, but he also didn’t want to be here. Isolated, by his own actions. Removed from everyone. No real relationships. His remaining family was here, but there was a distance. A ravine he’d formed. Gally betrayed everyone’s trust and he didn’t want to risk them turning away from him. So he stayed away.
There was one person who Gally had truly never gotten along with. One person who he was never close with. One person it wouldn’t hurt to be turned away by. Recent interactions had been neutral. No matter what his man couldn’t think less of Gally.
As he often did, Gally let his body drift on autopilot. Though in his mind he thought of home, he wasn’t at his house. Instead he was across the area, somewhere weird. Gally found himself sobbing on the wood planks of Thomas’ porch. What was weirder, was that Gally’s arm twitched forward.
With an abnormal gentleness hardened knuckles thumped the wooden door twice. His breath hitched and as he physically cried his mind cried out. Run. But he couldn’t. His legs were lead and he was stuck. With an impossibly loud creak Thomas’s door opened and out came the house’s resident.
Gally wanted to still himself and stop the tears, stop this moment, but that wasn’t happening. He hadn’t controlled any part of the night thus far. Why would he start now? After what felt like forever of Thomas just staring and Gally unable to move, let alone speak, the silence was broken
Thomas huffed out“What the shuck man?” His voice was thick like honey.
The quiet words made something click. The urge to run finally caught up with Gally. This was stupid. Why would Thomas be a comfort? What did he expect? Thoughts poured in as tears increased and his shaking became completely uncontrollable. His body shifted, he could finally move. He began to turn, but his motion was immediately halted.
Having not allowed himself to form relationships, and having pushed everyone away Gally hadn’t had physical contact in… Honestly Gally couldn’t even remember. When Thomas seized his wrist with such a gentleness the man let out a terribly embarrassing noise and he melted. His brain was foggy and now it was mush. Thoughts drifted away. Could they stay like this forever?
Gally felt so out of it. Like he was an observer to his life and he was behind. One moment he was outside about to leave. Now, not even a minute later he was inside Thomas’s house hugging the smaller man. Time was lost.
The embrace felt like nothing else ever had. The warmth was blissful. His form melded with Thomas’. Though tears continued rolling out—how much longer could he cry—he was unimaginably happy. For the moment. Later he’d probably go back to hating himself. But now was good. He could stay in that for a moment. They stayed still, save for Gally’s shaking, for an impossibly long amount of time.
When Thomas shifted, Gally’s heart pounded, filling his ears. For a moment he feared he was being kicked out. Instead he found an arm around his waist and another on his back, rubbing circles. They were closely intertwined now. Why did this feel so perfect? Everything went still.
The soft motion on his back really grounded him. Gally’s mind wasn’t crystal clear, but consciousness was slipping back. He no longer shook and his eyes eventually began to dry. At some point his breathing returned to normal and there was truly a peace within him.
He became a little embarrassed. His cheeks flushed and not due to the cold this time. He felt compelled to say something. Anything. Finally a word shakily fell. “M’sorry,” he whispered in the dark. If not for the pure silence his speech would’ve been missed.
Sorry for what? Sorry for being an incovience, sorry for showing up here, being a blubbering mess, being such a shank, sorry for so much. He was sorry for everything.