Chapter Text
Sitting in a dimly lit room—the only light being from the candle warmer on the left edge of her desk, Yooyeon takes one more look at the letter in her right hand before stuffing it inside the envelope she held in her left.
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Yooyeon mumbled with a sigh, leaning back from her desk chair while tilting her head back and staring at the ceiling. With another sigh, she moves her head back down to its original position and drops the envelope onto the desk. Running her hands through her hair, she takes one last look at the envelope before picking up her phone and leaning back.
Her eyes widen a bit as she notices the time, 03:19. She looks down and checks her notifications…
nothing.
“Everyone must be asleep.” Yooyeon concluded.
Opening up the phone, her fingers move hastily towards the app ‘Cosmo.’ After loading in, she moves over to the Cosmo Talk section and opens up her DM’s from Wavs. Scrolling through the messages, she leans forward and shifts her phone over to her right hand while placing her left elbow onto her desk and leaning her chin against the palm of her left hand.
While trying to adjust the position of her arm, a paper-like texture brushes the edge of her elbow. Confused, she looks down towards the cause and ends up looking down at the envelope again. Causing her eyes to widen with a sharp inhale.
Slowly turning her head back towards her phone—ripping her stare away from the envelope. She leans back in her chair again, holding her phone in both hands now. Looking down at the phone with a blank stare, she taps on the chatbox–her fingers moving subconsciously across the keyboard. ‘Is-‘ she had typed out.
Realizing what she was doing, Yooyeon quickly deleted it. Biting her bottom lip and tilting her head, her gaze on the phone became narrowed. Shaking her head with a sigh, she released her lip from the grasp of her teeth—only to end up biting it again. She slowly moved her fingers back towards the keyboard and with a final sigh, she hastily typed out a sentence, wincing as she quickly pressed the send button without reading the text over.
김유연♥️
Is it better to speak or to die?
03:27 AM
As soon as her fingers touched the button, she jumped back in her chair and threw her phone down.“Pull yourself together Yooyeon.” She whispers to herself. She takes a few deep breaths, slowly blinking.
Gradually sitting back up, she looks towards the direction where she threw her phone. With a huff, she picks her phone back up and glances down on it—the phone still open on Cosmo Talk. Scrolling down from the message she wrote, she starts to read the responses she got from Wavs.
“To speak ofc!!” one message reads.
“TO SPEAKK” another reads
She scrolls through the rest of the responses, all of them saying a variant of “to speak.” Yooyeon blinks slowly, twice and closes her phone. Setting it down on the desk. She looks back over to the envelope. Reaching over, she picks up the unsealed envelope and pulls out the letter she wrote.
05/01
Dear Seoyeon,
I know we’re not as close as we used to be. Most of that is due to me. I told you that the reason for my distance was due to stress and pressure, which is not the full truth. I never thought I would be the type of person to write a love letter to someone—that is if this could even pass as one. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
I thought that my feelings would pass with time and distance but I was wrong. Being away from you only made my feelings stronger. The truth is, I miss you. How close we used to be, all the signal ideas we would come up with together, the deep talks we used to have at night. I miss when you would tease me about my cooking skills and then teach me the correct way to do things, your smile, your laugh, your personality. I miss when I would challenge you to games that I knew you would win, just to see how competitive you’d get and to see how big your smile would get when you win, trying out different ice cream shops while we were on tour. I miss everything we used to be, everything we used to do. I miss you, Seoyeon.
At the beginning, I thought my feelings for you were solely platonic. Maybe they were. Over time, I started to depend on you without realizing. It was like my mood and wellbeing depended on my interactions with you and how you treated me. Does that make sense? I don’t know. When I realized how intense you made me feel, I started to pull back. I distanced myself. I regret not opening up to you then but… I figured that it’s better late than never? I can no longer keep these feelings to myself. I'm slowly destroying myself by doing so. I’m not asking you to reciprocate these feelings, I only wanted to explain myself to you.
I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,
Yooyeon
She skims through the letter, not wanting to put herself through the trouble of rereading it, tears start forming in her eyes at the thought. She didn’t want any tears to stain the paper. Taking a deep breath, she puts the letter back into the envelope–this time sealing it in.
She pushes her hands against her desk, causing her desk chair to move backwards as she stands up. Looking down as she dusts off the grey sweatpants she was wearing and straightens her plain black tank top, she closes her eyes and whispers to herself.
“Come on Yooyeon, you can do this.” She repeats this mantra aloud about five times before slipping the envelope into the left pocket of her pants.